Author's note: Doing this now since there are a few things I need to address before you read the chapter. I've tried to have the same timeline for both of the points of view, but this was not possible in this chapter. To get to the same point I arrived with Samara would have required a longer chapter, but that would have meant a shorter final chapter, so I preferred to cut in two. So I'm sorry for the shorter chapter.
Marmoreck, I told you through PM that I've already said the reason why Paige left, but that I would have made it more clear in this chapter. It didn't go as planned, I had to split the chapter in two, so it's not directly said but it's there, in the flashback. Guest, I am sorry I confuse you, but yes, they are married (n̶o̶t̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶d̶e̶a̶t̶h̶ ̶w̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶t̶e̶a̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶m̶ ̶a̶p̶a̶r̶t̶).
One last thing, as chapter X, the first song referes to the time in the flashback, the second to the following years.

It is so weird to do this at the beginning… Anyway.

Part Two

Better In Time

Chapter XIV

Your heart is in a place I no longer wanna be,
I knew there'd come a day I'd set you free
'cause I'm sick and tired
of always being sick and tired

Your love isn't fair
You live in a world where you didn't listen
and you didn't care
So I'm floating, floating on air

(Sick and Tired, Anastacia)

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
to build me up and tear me down,
like an old abandoned house

What you said when you left
just left me cold and out of breath
I fell too far, was in way too deep
Guess I let you get the best of me

I'm slowly getting closure,
I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
and now I'm picking up the pieces

(Over You, Daughtry)

The ceremony is a blur. You don't listen to anything, you don't want to, you only focus on the feeling of Ashley's hand in yours. It's a hot day and they're sweaty, but neither of you lets go. You cling to her hand like that's the only think that can keep you up, you're afraid that if you let go the storm will take you away, so you just squeeze harder every time you feel the grip loosening and you can hear Emily's voice. It's a distant sound, a soft whisper in your ears, an ache pressuring the back of your head that you want silenced. You won't let it enter your mind, you'll keep on pushing it away. She doesn't flinch, the expression on her face stoic, she simply strokes the back of your hand with her thumb and squeezes back. You look at her, you stare at her, you don't look away, you don't think you could do that even if you wanted.

But the protection Ashley is providing you with isn't enough when cries of happiness erupt. You could, and you did, block single voices out, but you can't ignore so many. And this is when you make a mistake that breaks your heart, and it doesn't matter how hard Ashley squeezes your hand to give you some kind of comfort, it doesn't soothe your pain. You can't unsee it. The enormous smile on Emily's lips as she looks at Samara just hurts, it hurts so much. You remember when you were the one she blessed with that kind of smile, the one that made you feel so loved, like you were the only person in her world, the only person who could make her feel so happy, and seeing her giving that smile, the one who you thought was going always going to be yours and only yours, to someone else is heartbreaking.

You don't join the celebration, and neither does Ashley, but you know she wants to, you can see it in her eyes, she is happy for Emily because she knows that she's happy, but she doesn't dare to join because of you, so you let go of her hand and smile at her when she looks at you confused, encouraging her to do it and assuring her it's okay. Because it is, it is okay for her do that. She should do that. They're friends, close friends, and she should celebrate her friend's happiness without worrying about you, this has nothing to do with you. Her hand finds yours again a few moments after and you smile again as you squeeze it. She doesn't attempt to move, to follow the rest of the crowd inside and you're glad she understands that, right now, you can't do that. You feel your friends' sad stares on you, but you ignore them, just nodding when Ashley tells them you're going to meet them inside. You simply stay there, your head on the crook of her neck, her arms engulfing you in a gentle and soothing embrace, her fingers slowly and softly grazing your upper arm making your skin tickle. You enjoy the silence, it helps you to distinguish the billion of voices at war with each other inside of your head and to systematically silence them.

It takes awhile, but you manage to do that, and you smile at Ashley as you thank her, earning a simple shake of head from her. As you stand up and make your way inside, you can't help but wonder how much you've missed. You look towards the dance floor and you refuse to look at Emily, so your gaze quickly shifts to Samara. Father-daughter's dance. You smile sadly as you think of your own father, of how lucky they both are to have fathers like them, who love them unconditionally. Love has always been something that had to be earned in your family and, most of the time, that wasn't even enough. You did all you could to make your parents love you, but they never did, it was never enough. All of your accomplishments meant nothing, nothing compared to your sister's. Still, you tried and tried and tried, over and over again – despite everything, you loved them and you only wanted them to love you. Then you stopped, realizing and accepting that would never happen, but still to this day, sometimes you can't help but think of how you'll never get to dance with your father, of how you'll never get to see your mother crying of happiness just like you've seen Pam do that, of how you'll never have that kind of relationship that parents and children are supposed to have, and still feel hurt by it.

"Drink?"

You nod as you try to push those thoughts out of your mind and you follow Ashley to the bar, smiling when you see your old teammates together. You join them as Ashley orders for the both of you and you laugh when they start to bring up some funny stories of your college years together. You've never been that close with your teammates, with the exception of Ashley, Emily and, in some way, Sydney, but there was a deep bond that connected the whole team. You've never been in the middle of those stories, always preferring to watch them unfold from the sidelines, always watching over your teammates in case they went too far, but remembering those moments always brings a smile to your lips. It's nice to see them again, it's been years since you last saw some of them and you are glad to catch up. The turns some of them have taken in their lives surprise you, you perfectly remember how hard Megan swore she would have never married, but here is she, married and with a kid in her arms. You're happy for them.

You avoid eye contact when they ask about you and you simply continue to make funny faces at Megan's baby, smiling every time you make him laugh, as you give them vague answers, you don't want to lie to them, but you have to. Sometimes you are so used to lying that it becomes your first instinct, no matter what. Before they can inquire further, Ashley arrives and the attention moves to her, making you sigh in relief. She hands you a beer and you smile, watching her as she talks about her daughter Jane. It's beautiful to see her eyes lighting up every time she mentions her, how proud she is and how impressed she is by the similarity between her and the baby's father. You are glad that the mood doesn't change when she mentions John, in the past it always did and it always bothered Ashley to no end. She wants to remember him, to always remember the years they've spent together with a smile on her lips. You admire her strength, she grieves him greatly, but she didn't let her pain destroy her. It's beautiful to see her smile.

The next song starts and everyone gets asked to dance by their respective partners. Ashley looks at you and you stare back confused as to why she's doing that, coughing awkwardly and hoping that Sidney would get the hint. Luckily, she does. She asks the two of you to join her for a drink and you immediately nod, giving her a grateful smile to which she responds with a simply shrug. You make small talk and you quietly apologize to Sidney, but again she shrugs it off, saying not to worry, that she understands she overstepped. You smile brightly at her and you all cheer together, then you simply listen as she tells you about her trip to Paris in great detail. You are interrupted a few minutes later when a man approaches and asks Ashley to dance. You are surprised when she hugs him and you try to remember if you know him, to no avail. She turns towards you, she gives you that same look from before, the one you didn't and still don't understand, but this time you avoid her eyes and focus on your beer, clenching your jaw when she agrees and leaves. Sidney goes on like nothing happened, but you don't listen to her, your eyes trained on Ashley.

"Who's that?"

She doesn't seem bothered you cut her off, "Toby, he is one of Emily's closest friends, he and Ashley get along pretty well. Don't worry, he's a good guy."

"She never mentioned him…"

You whisper that, but she's too close not to hear it and while she stares at you, you ask for another beer. You don't like the way she's looking at you, it seems she's studying you and you bite your lip, not wanting to be rude to her again. It's something you always go back to when people get too close for comfort, it's your defence mechanism. There are things you don't want to fully acknowledge, to deeply explore. Sometimes it's better this way, keeping things vague so you aren't able to think about all the implications that acknowledging them brings. It had been that way with Emily and it's now with Ashley. Understanding your feelings for Emily had led to a disaster, you don't want the same thing to happen between you and Ashley. You couldn't handle losing her, too. It'd hurt too much.

"Oh my! You and Ashley?"

You pretend not to hear her as you see Hanna and Spencer approaching the bar, sitting a few stools away. You wave at Hanna and she smiles back at you, she raises her glass into your direction and you slowly do the same. Your eyes meet Spencer's for a brief moment, but you immediately shift your gaze to the bottle between your hands. You can't even look at her.

"Now I understand why you reacted that way in the car, I'm sorry. If I had known about the two of you, I would have never said anything."

"I think you're reading too much into things."

"Am I? Maybe… Pretend I didn't say anything, it's none of my business. I just wanted to apologize, too."

You nod appreciatively and smile at her, you really don't want to talk about what is going on between you and Ashley, that's something that concerns only the two of you – also, nothing is going on, there wouldn't be anything to talk about. You ask her to come with you to get some fresh air and, to your relief, she politely declines, sometimes Sidney can be a little too overwhelming. You part ways and you look around you, your eyes stopping for a second on Ashley before you quickly look away snorting, until you spot the balcony. You quickly walk over there and you sigh in relief when you see no one is there, you need to be alone.

You take a few deep breaths as you lay your hands on the railing and you simply stare at the ocean in front of you. You don't think about anything, you need to clear your mind, so you focus on that. Your thoughts, they push and pull and they drive you crazy. A part of you regrets opening the envelope Hanna gave you, a part of you regrets coming here, you wouldn't have to suppress these thoughts if you didn't. It is nice not to have a war raging into your mind again.

It all shatters when Emily comes and you just know that the conversation you're about to have is going to break you again, one way or another. You hear someone clearing their throat behind you and you slowly turn your head, your entire being simply freezing at the sight of her. This is not what you were expecting, at all. You try not to seem affected and you really have no idea if you are succeeding – you doubt that, it's hard not to be affected by Emily. Still, you keep up the façade. You can pretend, you're pretty good at lying to yourself, you're a master at that. So you simply nod at her and she slightly dips her head, both waiting for the other to talk. Quiet moments were never awkward with Emily – that's what five years apart will do, you think bitterly. You're relieved when she finally speaks, understanding that you were never going to.

"We didn't have time to talk much yesterday… How are you?"

The question catches you off guard, but you try not to show it. You don't look at her as you say that you're fine and she nods thoughtfully before continuing. Technically, it's not a lie. You are fine, you truly are. Happy, that's what you aren't, but that's not what she asked.

"Are you not going to ask how I am?"

"I can see how you are, there's no need to ask."

"It hasn't been easy reaching this point."

"I know. I didn't meant to imply anything."

"You did."

You bow in your head in shame, as if you're hiding yourself from her angry look and her harsh words. You didn't mean the words to come out, you actually wanted to ask her the same thing, even if only for courtesy, those words were supposed to be only in your head. You know, you really know, it hasn't been easy for her, but, in the end, she has reached this point and you can't help but be bitter because you haven't. How did she do that? That's not what you ask.

"Why are you talking to me, Emily?"

"I wanted to ask you if…", she bites her lip, searching for the right words, and you nod at her, your eyes softening when you see she's having troubles at expressing what she wants, "Seeing you brought me back to a bad place."

You weren't expecting that and you harden again, not even trying to hide the hurt covering all your face, "And you wanted to ask me if I could leave?"

"What? No!", she rushes to say and you visibly relax, "I just… You asked me not to let you be my chain and for a long time I let you be exactly that and you've seen that, you know that as you know what was the moment I stopped."

She doesn't look at you when she buttons her jeans, when she adjusts her hair, when she speaks. It's like you're not here, even though just a few moments ago you were kissing, you were making love – no, that isn't what you were doing. That wasn't making love. It was nails and teeth, bites and marks, pleasure and pain, healing and hurting. It was rough and desperate, harsh and sad. There was no love, just raw hopelessness.

"Nothing has changed, I presume."

Her voice is cold and that's how you feel, too. It's strange how quickly things change, how the wrong move, the wrong word or the wrong moment to be silent can suddenly change everything. That morning you were still with Emily, the afternoon of the same day you were leaving. That night you spent with Robert, the feeling you had in that moment that you reached the point of no return, the same feeling you had when two months later you took that pregnancy test and another, and another, and you knew that you had to end things with Emily. The moment you said "goodbye", instead of "I love you". The moment she finally lets you go, because yeah, she's right, nothing has changed – everything has, she is letting you go. It's sad to notice how all the wrong things come down to Emily, how you made mistake after mistake while you were together and how you continued to do so even when you weren't anymore. When it comes to Emily, you can only fail.

"I understand."

Does she? You doubt it. Emily is heart. That's who she is. She is her feelings. But not you. You're head, you're duty. You don't act on how you feel, but on what you think it's right. The only time you let your heart have control over your head it has been with Emily and it was a disaster. You broke your own heart. You broke Robert's heart. You broke her heart. Had you chose your head that time as you always did, then none of this would have happened. The only good thing that came out of that mess was a new beating heart, one you would never want to break. She doesn't understand – she can't. If you explained, she could, but you're not going to. Even now, when she doesn't look at you the way she used to until a few moments ago, you can't do that. So you stay silent again, and again you fail. This is the moment to say 'I love you' and not to stay silent, but you notice that too late. Emily is already walking away.

"I do. Just ask, Emily."

"Am I still that for you?"

You look up at the sky as you chuckle. Is she still that for you? Absolutely. She lays her hand on yours and you look down at them, sighing deeply at the familiar feeling, losing yourself in its warmth as she gently strokes your hand at a painfully slow pace. You raise your thumb, just enough for it to be over hers, and you reciprocate the gesture as you slowly look up to meet her eyes, but she's not looking at you, her gaze is still fixed on your hands. Only when she looks at you, a ghost of a smile plays sadly on her lips, but it disappears as quickly as it appeared and, for a moment, you think it was only your imagination, but she smiles again, briefly again, sadly again, before she speaks. You didn't imagine it.

"I remember that feeling, Paige, I really do and it's in the past for me, but I feel like it is not for you. We can't go back, but if there's something that I can do to just lift a weight from your shoulders, I will do that."

"Would you? Go back, I mean. Would you?"

It's a stupid question and you know the answer even before she gently shakes her head and slowly retreats her hand, as if letting you down gently would make it hurt less. It doesn't. The pained look in her eyes and her gentle shake of her head do nothing to lessen your pain, and she knows it. She knows it, otherwise she wouldn't look at you this way. Her eyes doesn't hold pity or compassion, but simply hurt. Her answer hurts her, too. It also pains her that she wouldn't go back and you can't stand it, you have to look away. You curse yourself for asking, you shouldn't have, you don't even know why you did. Were you really expecting a positive answer? You've seen the way she looks at Samara, the way her eyes light up at the simple mention of her, it reminds you of the way she used to look at you – it's the same, but different at the same time. You've seen all that, so why were you hoping for a positive answer? Hope is a horrible thing to have, you've always known that, that's why you never dared to hope. Every time you deluded yourself into thinking that maybe, maybe it could go differently, just this once, you were proven wrong. Hope, what a terrible thing to have.

"Is it about the reason you left? Is that why you're still stuck? You can tell me."

"I can't. Also, you – that's not the only reason I still feel this way."

"But I", she bites her lip and corrects herself like you just did, "But it is one of them and if telling me, if telling me why you left will help you get rid of this one single reason, then, please, do it, tell me."

You shake your head and stay silent, the conversation is over. There's nothing more to add, you're not going to tell her, there's no point into doing that, not anymore. It's not a matter of what Emily deserves or not, but of what she needs and she doesn't need it. She's already free, even if you told her she still would be free. You were worried, a part of you, that small part of you wished, that it could somewhat bring her down again, but you know this wouldn't be the case. It's not an attempt to spare her the pain or the sadness, it simply isn't an information she needs. It wouldn't affect her, not now, not anymore. And a part of you wishes it still would, because it would mean that she still feels something as you do, but you know how much pain you've caused her and you are happy she's free. It's a bittersweet feeling, you've always wanted her to move on, but you never wanted to be left behind, to be forgotten and you have no idea about how you are supposed to feel, you don't even know what you're feeling right now. You don't exactly care which feeling it could be, you simply want for the confusion in your mind to end. Happiness? Sadness? You'd take both, just to feel something. Anything but this confusion would be good.

"I'm done trying to read into the words you don't say. Just remember that you don't owe me anything."

Her tone of voice is quite neutral, but you can hear the anger and the disappointment in her words. She waits again for an answer, but she's not going to have one and it doesn't take her long to understand that. She sighs defeated before slightly bowing her head, as to bid you goodbye, and you do the same. You watch her go, a sad smile on your lips, and only when she's out of earshot you answer.

"You're wrong. I owe you everything."

You owe her everything, that's why you can't move on. Emily has saved your life, in more ways than one, and she'll never know – but you do, you know that and you can't forget about that, you won't. It doesn't matter she doesn't know, you know and you'll always keep the memory close to your heart. You'll never let go. Maybe Robert is right, you don't know who you are without the pain, but you can't forget your past, no matter how hard you wish that sometimes, no matter how hard you wish that right now. You can try, though. Right now you can try to forget, just for awhile. You can try, and you will.

You want to forget and there's only one way to do it, there's only one person who can make you forget – and that's Ashley. You make your way back inside and quickly scan the entire room, searching for her. You find her at the bar and you're surprised to see she's alone, but you're also relieved, nobody will notice you are gone – if she agrees to it, that is. You take a deep breathe as you slowly approach her, all the rush you were feeling until a few seconds ago suddenly gone. You briefly wonder if you should actually ask her, it's something you've been both pretending it's not there, but you are both aware of your feelings, no matter how hard you try to deny them. You don't want her to feel obligated. You'll make sure she really wants to do this. You sigh as you lay your hand on her back, making her turn, and she smiles widely at you before noticing the look on your eyes. That gets her smile to fade, worry completely taking over.

"I want to forget, I know we said it wouldn't happen again and we don't have to do it if you don't want to, but I need to forget. Please, help me forget."

She sighs and you give her a sad smile as she raises her hand to softly stroke your cheek and nods. You stare intensely at her, to really make sure she wants this, and she simply nods again, taking your hand. You'll forget, she'll make you forget. You can stop pretending, just for awhile. It'll only be you and her and the words you'll never say, the words you'll leave unspoken – words that someday, in a near future, you'll regret not saying. But maybe they don't matter, she doesn't need those words out in the open to know, you don't. She knows the words you don't say and that's all that matters. Ashley knows.

"Come with me."

Author's note: I'm floating on aaair.

Oh, while for some characters is obvious from where I've borrowed them, the same can't be said for Ashley Williams, so here it is, she comes from Mass Effect, a videogame. Just thought to point it out since y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶g̶o̶i̶n̶g I've previously forgotten.