Part Two

Better in Time

Chapter XV

And all of the things that we once said
are not in my heart, they're in my head
That was the time to say goodbye,
let's put it to rest, yeah, let it die

'Cause we don't, we don't need to talk about this now,
we've been down that road before
That was then and this is now

(Talk, Kodaline)

"I'm so sorry, my son and I were… Emily?"

Her smile fades at the sound of his voice, at the sight of the little kid hidden behind his leg and it doesn't take you long to do the math. Still, you look at Emily, you wait for her to say something, hoping you are wrong, that they aren't the people you think they are. She is staring at the kid, eyes wide open and face pale, she can't look away. It seems like an eternity before she speaks, when it's actually just a few dreadful moments, and in the moment she says his name, that name, the one you didn't want to hear, you decide that fate simply sucks. It isn't fair, it gives and gives but it always takes back more than it ever gave and there's no hiding, no escaping, it will hunt you down and just take, take and take. You can't control things, no matter how you may want it or how hard you may try, you can't. Fate is the master and you all are its puppets.

"Well, I think congratulations are in order. I am happy for the two of you."

He isn't, his words are only out of courtesy, you can recognize a fake smile when you see it – you didn't study body language for nothing and you are good at your job, but you and Emily slightly nod anyway. His eyes land on the bottle and he apologizes again, saying he is going to repay it, but, when it becomes clear that Emily isn't going to say anything, you shake your head gently, he doesn't need to do that. He gives you a small smile and he looks at you as if he's asking you to break this awkward moment and you do the only thing you can think of right now. You offer your hand and present yourself, you both know who the other is, but this is the first time you ever met each other and you want him to have the chance to say whatever he wants to say – he obviously wants to speak, otherwise he would have left after apologizing. It's probably something you don't want to hear, but that you'll have to. He shakes your hand, his grip softer than you expected, and then he moves to the side, kneeling beside the kid, his son, her son, with a forced smile on his lips. You don't understand him. He is uncomfortable, you all are, but he is the one who chose to stay.

"These are Emily and Samara, they are…", he clears his throat, uncertain about how to call the two of you, then he settles for a half truth, "Emily is one of your mother's old friends and this is Samara, her wife. They got married today, actually."

"You know my mom?"

His voice is barely a whisper, unsure and tentative, and Emily's face finally breaks out of its apathy and you can't stand to see the tears building up in her eyes and her lips quivering, you have to look away. You bite your lip when she speaks slowly, her voice low, a broken and cracked whisper.

"Yes. You look like her."

She's right, he really looks like her. Apart from his eyes, those clear and bright green eyes that he took from his father, everything about him, from his dark hair to his crooked smile, screams Paige. The boy smiles, obviously proud of looking like his mother, and you don't have to look at Emily to know she's smiling, too. She invites them to sit with the two of you and Robert looks at you, as to ask you if that's okay with you, but you simply look away as you move closer to her, giving them more space. You turn and take the ball behind you and you hand it to the kid, who smiles widely as he thanks you.

"You are really pretty, you look like a princess."

"Oh, thank you", you smile as Emily and Robert chuckle, "You're really handsome yourself, little one."

"I'm not little, I am four!"

He holds up four fingers to prove his point and you apologize, amused. Robert reminds him to introduce himself and he nods eagerly before doing so. You feel Emily's hand stroking against yours and you look up at her, intertwining your fingers together and giving a light squeeze when your eyes meet. She seems almost lost, fear and uncertainty in her brown eyes. You manage a little encouraging smile and she nods gratefully at you, taking a deep breath.

"I am Alan Jose Ortega-McCullers, nice to meet you."

You don't miss the warm and proud smile on Robert's lips or the way Emily's breath hitches as the kid speaks and you can't help but wonder which fantasy is playing in her head right now. She never said it out loud, but you've always been good at reading between the lines, in the words people, and Emily specifically, don't say: once upon a time, Emily planned a whole life with Paige. Is she imaging that life now? A life where they're still together and all their dreams come true? A life where they're married and that kid would be named Fields instead of Ortega? You can't tell by simply looking at her and she refuses to meet your eyes, she refuses to look away from him. Maybe it's better this way, sometimes it's better not to know – you're sure of that, you wouldn't have these thoughts if you didn't now know about Alan.

You shake the hand the boy politely offers to the two of you with a serious look on his face, so similar to that of her mother but different at the same time. Appearances can often be deceiving and you're not one to judge too quickly, always waiting to have more information before forming some kind of thought on someone or something, but eyes… Eyes can't lie. Though the look in his eyes is similar to Paige's, his eyes are different. Her eyes are old and dark, they tell a story of pain and heartbreak with that hint of light, of hope somewhere along the way. His, however, tell a totally different story, one where those feelings his mother has experienced are still unknown to him. His eyes are so young and bright, they shine and their light is almost blinding. The sweet innocence of childhood, you think bitterly.

"Do you want some cake?"

He smiles and nods quickly, but then he stops to look at his father who simply nods and gives you a grateful smile, you can't seem to smile back, not at him, so you simply shake your head slightly. You slowly turn to take it as Emily and Robert finally start speaking. They make small talk and you fight the urge of rolling your eyes in front of Alan. You can understand Emily not wanting to talk about it, but not Robert. Why dancing around the subject? What's the point of it?

You've already handed Alan the piece of cake and watched him eating it slowly for a few minutes when Robert finally approaches the subject by asking Emily if she is going to ask something, but her only response is a small shrug. You search for her eyes and this time she meets them, slightly shaking her head at the question in your eyes and taking your hand in hers. You weren't sure she wanted you to stay, but now you are and you'll stay right where you are, by her side.

"It's not been easy for her."

"I know that."

There's something in the way she says those words that rubs you off the wrong way, but you don't ask, not now, and just stroke her hand gently. Robert goes to speak again, but in that moment Alan stands up and he watches him carefully as to see what he is going to do. He calls out after him, telling him not to go too far and the boy doesn't give any sign he actually heard him, but he stops a moment later, dropping to his knees, and he starts playing with the fresh sand, building what you quickly realize is a castle. Only then you all smile and you don't look away from the kid as you listen to Robert speaking.

"When she found out, she freaked out. I don't think I've ever seen her so terrified. She was that way during the whole pregnancy and for a while she considered giving him up and coming back to – no, not that", he quickly says when he notices the look on both of your faces, "She never… That was a option we've never considered."

You and Emily sigh, somehow in understanding, somehow in relief, and you see her gaze shifting to Alan with the corner of your eye. You force yourself to stop your mind from wandering, from wondering about what she is thinking about. You don't want to do that, you'll simply listen and be there for Emily. This isn't about you, you won't make it so. The questions in your head shouldn't be there in the first place, you hate them just as you hate your insecurities. It's useless to hide them, Emily always knows, but this is not the moment to voice them.

"In her head, she couldn't have you both. It was either you or him, and she chose him. She called him her fresh start, her chance to do something right for once."

"She could have, I wouldn't have called it quits if she had told me", she says, not looking away from the boy, "I would have stayed, I would have stood beside her all the way."

"I know, Emily, and she knows it, too", he offers a kind but sad smile, "But you know how she is, how she sees the world. It's all black or white, there's no space for compromise. She used to say that you saw her, that you were the first person to actually see who she is at her core after Valerie and she didn't want that to change, but when AJ was born and she held him, she knew that there was no way she could ever give him up."

"I wouldn't never asked her to…"

"The world is cruel, Emily, people are cruel", he cuts her off, not unkindly, "It wasn't about you, she trusted you would understand and, with time, accept it, she knew you would have loved him anyway, it was never about you. To be with you, to return to you, she had to give him up because people would have given him a hard time growing up if you were still together. You know her history with her parents, she doesn't want to become like them, she didn't want him to suffer for who she is, for her choices. Knowing she couldn't give him up, choosing him, meant that she couldn't have you."

"She could have still told me, we could have been friends."

She shakes her head as she says that, already knowing that they couldn't have been. From what Emily told you Paige isn't one to leave it to fate, she thinks and thinks, she considers and reconsiders, again and again, and there's no way she didn't consider the option to be friends. She must have, and she had to think it wouldn't have been enough. You can understand that, you don't think being just Emily's friend would ever be enough. Despite what Emily thinks, it's really easy to fall for her. It's all in her soft, kind and compassionate eyes – the sharp edges, they cut but they make you feel more alive than ever.

"She should have, but she was scared and realized her mistake she made only years later", he doesn't say anything about the second part of her statement, a sympathetic smile on his lips, "She came here today to fix that mistake, but decided against it last night. She thought you didn't need to know anymore, having made sure you were really happy."

He finally looks at you, after avoiding looking at you for the whole conversation, maybe for wanting to constantly shift his gaze between Emily and Alan, maybe worried of what impact his words would have on you, and you feel uncomfortable under his gaze, but it's just one quick moment before he stares at Emily again as she retreats her hand as if your touch burns her and you try not to flinch at the sudden lack of contact, as if you aren't hurt by her abrupt gesture.

"I need you to set her free, Emily. She won't forgive herself and let herself move on, otherwise."

You don't succeed at it, she sees it and she gives you an apologetic look, slowly placing her hand next to yours, your pinkies touching, but she doesn't move it further, waiting for your next move. You sigh deeply as you intertwine your pinkies and the corners of her mouth turn into a grateful little smile, only then she answers, choosing her words carefully. You understand why she did it, sometimes her first instinct is to put some distance from people when they get accused of something. You're not really sure what Robert really meant by those words, if he wanted to actually accuse you of something or if he was simply stating a fact. You don't know, but you don't like him, just as you don't like what he asked Emily to do. Paige doesn't want anybody's help, he should know that better than anyone. Maybe Emily is his last hope, you rationalize, you can understand that. You still don't like him though, or how he asked – there are nicer ways.

"She has built a cage of her own, this time she's trapped inside herself. There's nothing I can do. If I could, I would. I mean, I've tried, but she refused to tell me. I'm sorry."

His face falls and something inside of him breaks as he nods, defeated. You look away, you have to, you can't look at him as he takes his face between his hands and sighs deeply, and you look at Alan, who is finishing up his castle. Paige sacrificed everything for him. A life with Emily and everything that could have been, for him. All she ever wanted, for him. He's the reason why Paige had to give up her spot on the Olympic team, spot that Leah then took. Emily has always thought she gave it up just not to face her again, she's always thought another dream of Paige's was broken because of her. But Emily has never been the reason, all along Alan was. Does she ever regret it? Choosing him and giving up on everything else? No, she doesn't, she would have come back otherwise. But what if she was afraid to do so? No, that doesn't match with what Emily told you about her. She chose him, she would always choose him. He is her fresh start, the only thing that's right, her chance to do something right. She would never go back.

"You're still in love with her."

You know the answer even before he speaks, the sad and tired look in his eyes giving it away. You wonder how that is like, being in love with someone that could never love you back and being forced to live with them for the sake of a kid that neither of them wanted, but embraced with everything that they have, with everything that they are. Back then, neither of them had come out somewhat victorious. All the three of them had lost something, who their best friends, who their only hope and desire, who the only reason for which they had finally reached a state of mind where peace was at home. All the three of them had lost a lover, the person they loved the most.

"I've spent every day of these past five years with her, I didn't have the time to fall out of love. In that department, you are the lucky one."

You don't miss the way she scrunches her nose, obviously not agreeing with him, but she nods and stays quiet. You glare at him, he doesn't know what Emily has been through before she got lucky, as he just put it, but he doesn't seem to notice, focused on getting the attention of his son. Emily is the one who lost the most, they had each other and then Alan came. It wasn't what they wanted, but it was Emily who was left alone. You're about to say something about it, but Emily squeezes your hand causing your eyes to move to her and she simply shakes her head. You clench your jaw and nod, biting your bottom lip. He needs to believe that and she is going to let him – you don't agree, but it's her choice.

"Paige will be here in a few, we'd better go and get ready. Do you need help cleaning up?"

"No, thank you. We'll handle it", you nod at that, "And Robert, if you can… She didn't want me to know, don't tell her that I do."

"She'd kill me if she knew."

He chuckles bitterly as you all get up, just standing there awkwardly looking everywhere but at each other until Alan comes smiling and asks what you all think about his castle, breaking the silence. You all congratulate him and his smile just grows, very proud of his work – you must say this, it's pretty impressive for a kid his age.

"I made that for you, all princesses have their castle."

Emily and Robert laugh and you smile widely as you thank him and you crouch in front of him to kiss his cheek, making him giggle. Robert tells him they are about to go and Emily kneels besides you, putting her hands on his shoulders, a somber expression on her face.

"Be good with your mommy, okay? She deserve to be happy and you make her happy."

As you watch him nodding with that serious look on his eyes, the same as the one before, you wonder how much he knows, kids can be so perceptive, you've learned that working with kids, and how long that will be enough. Robert didn't say it directly, he didn't need to, his words already implied that Paige is giving everything to her son, that she's pouring everything that she is into him. But for how long that will be enough? One day he'll go and start his own life, what about then? What will she have left?

Emily smiles, somewhat sadly, probably thinking the same thing you are, and ruffles his hair, making him laugh. You press another kiss to his cheek and then simply watch as Emily gives him a last, and also a first, soft caress. Robert thanks the two of you and bows his head in goodbye, giving you little time to do the same, taking the ball from where Alan left it in one hand and his son's hand in the other before leaving. It is clear that he couldn't wait to leave after Emily denied his request, there were no more reason for him to stay.

You stare at them until they're out of sight, until they disappear into the darkness, then you turn to Emily and your eyes meet, you simply nod at each other and start to clean up. You do that in silence, Emily lost in her thoughts and you wanting to respect that. You can't imagine what's going on in her mind and you're glad when, after a few minutes of silence, she speaks.

"Would have you done the same?"

That isn't what you were expecting and you take your time to answer, slowly folding one of the towels, then the other. You already know she's not going to like your answer, so you choose your words carefully even if you are not sure it will be useful in any capacity. It's not an answer, not really, but you don't have one. You and Paige are different people.

"Paige and I have been raised differently, we have different values and we think differently. I cannot answer your question."

There is it, the snort. You suppress a sigh as she nods nonetheless, as if she already knew what your answer was going to be. Truth is you can understand why Paige did what she did, even if you don't agree with it, and Emily too can, but it's not what Emily asked nor what she needs to hear right now. Maybe you'll talk about it in a near future, if she wants to, but not now. Right now she needs to think and honestly you do, too.

You get all wrapped up, you put the towels over your shoulder, the glasses between your fingers, a tight grasp around them, and she takes the trash in one hand, offering you the other which you tale with no hesitation, and then you start walking towards the chalet, in complete silence. You don't push Emily to talk, but it doesn't take her long to do that on her own. You were half expecting her shutting you out and you're glad she isn't going to do it. Then you remember, Emily doesn't hide from you, she doesn't need to.

"Whatever you were thinking before, you were wrong", you look at her unsure about what she's talking about, confused about how she knows and she simply smiles as she explains, "You often forget that I know you, too. And that I'm yours."

You nod, you often do that, you are aware of it. No matter how confident you are, sometimes insecurities creep in and it's really hard to push them away. Still, you don't know what she's referring to exactly so you shoot her a questioning look, before it wasn't the right moment to talk about it, but now it is.

"Paige asked me if I would go back, given the chance. That's what I was thinking about", you clench your jaw at those words, she didn't tell you this before, but she's telling you now, that what matters, "I knew the truth even before Robert told us, I knew from the moment I saw the kid. Once, a few days before I noticed that something was wrong with Paige, my father made a joke about wanting grandkids", she chuckles, shaking her head, "and I felt her freeze beside me. At the time I thought it was because it was way too early, I mean, we were only twenty-two and we hadn't actually been dating for that long, so I brushed it off. But in the moment I saw Alan, in the moment I recognized Paige in him, I remember all the times she had that same reaction every time kids were mentioned."

You stop near a trashcan and you wait as she slowly throws the bag in, as if she's buying a few more seconds just to breathe. You stroke her fingers, whispering that she doesn't need to do this now, but she shakes her head, smiling softly, and says no more. You don't look at her, wanting to give her time without her feeling like she's being crowded, your eyes on the castle that Alan made, you can't really see it, you're too distant to see the actual shape, all you can see is the blurry image of what you know it to be Alan's castle. When Emily finally speaks again, you give one last look at it and smile sadly before giving your full attention to her.

"I've always thought that she and I didn't work because of some bad choices we've made, but it's not that. It's who we were, who we are. It was never meant to work, even we made different choices, even if we made all the right choices from the very start."

"Maybe right or bad choices don't exist", you offer in attempt to fill the silence when she stops talking again and stares ahead, a thoughtful look in her eyes.

"Maybe", she concedes, turning and giving you a half smile, "I admit it kind of hurts, but not in the way you may think. It hurts that it hurt in the past, if that makes sense. If I had known what I know now, I wouldn't have felt so confused and so hurt, I wouldn't have felt like it was somehow my fault, that there was something wrong with me. If she had done things differently, if she had told me, I would have understood and accepted it sooner and it wouldn't have hurt that much", she shrugs, "I guess she chose the wrong moment to be selfish."

"It does, it makes sense."

"But I suppose that's the way it had to go and, in the end, I wouldn't change a thing. What happened brought me to you and I wouldn't trade you for anything, ever. I want you to know that."

You nod, smiling, and she leans in, it's a chaste and soft kiss, lips barely touching, but not less meaningful, and you can feel her smile into it. You bump your noses together, making them stroke gently, and you smile at each other, kissing softly once more before entering into the reception hall, ready to go back to your guests. That's where you meet Paige, on her way out. This is when you know that after this there's no coming back to the party, not immediately, that you and Emily will need to be alone for a while, if her freezing beside you tells you something. Paige is somewhat surprised to see you, the smile on her lips seems genuine but after a long moment of awkward silence it's just teeth. She speaks first, rubbing the back of her head, and her voice is unsure, her smile tentative.

"I've been looking for you. I was about to go, but I wanted to say goodbye first."

"I'll leave you to it", you say, then turn to Emily, "Meet me in your room?"

Emily nods as Paige quietly thanks you and you simply smile at her, giving a last squeeze to Emily's hand, feeling her finally relax, before leaving. You make your way to the room, leaving the glasses on a table in the way and stopping for a moment to speak with your brother to make sure nothing happened while you were away. He quickly assures that nothing has and you sigh in relief, you are already worn out, you don't need other things to worry about.

"So, little sis, has today been the amazing day you were dreaming about?"

You want to laugh, because no, it hasn't been, not in the slightest, but you force a smile on your lips and nod. This day was so much different in your imagination, but it could have been worse – at least, you prefer to think this way. Also, he doesn't need to know. Steve can't keep his mouth shut and will probably tell your parents and they must think the day has been perfect and smooth, they would probably find a way to blame themselves for it, thinking they could have done more, when it's actually nobody's fault. You sigh and let go, there's no point into thinking and thinking about it, looking for your sister without finding her.

"Where's Shannon?"

"I have no idea, but she's probably with that girl, they've been attached to the hips all day. I've talked with her, she is cool and Shannon seems to be really into her."

"Have you already gave her the over-protective sibling speech?"

He laughs and you smile, "No, I wanted to team up with you like Shannon and I did when we had to give that speech to Emily. But don't worry, I've already sent a few threatening looks her way."

At the time you had been wary about leaving Emily alone with your siblings, knowing them really well, but you knew they wouldn't have really accepted her if they didn't give her that speech and their approval always meant a lot to you. You're not the type to let other people influence your decisions, that never happened, but family is important to you and, when it's possible, you always prefer to have their support. You remember how much Emily laughed at your nervousness when you asked her how their talk went and how sweet she was when she reassured that it couldn't have gone better. That's one of your fondest memory, one that Emily always brings up when she wants to embarrass you.

"I had no doubt", you chuckle, "I have to go now, but I'll see you later."

"I count on it, you still have to dance with your handsome and amazing brother."

"Who are you talking about?", you mock surprise, "I didn't know I had another brother."

"Good one, you ass. I'll see you later."

You smile at each other and then you take your leave, this time going straight to the room without stopping in the way. Once you enter, you throw the towels on a chair and sit on the couch, immediately doing what you were dying to do: remove your heels. You sigh in relief as you start massaging one of them.

Emily arrives soon after and laughs at the sight of you, shaking her head slightly, and you glare at her. She's so used to heels, she says, that her feet don't hurt anymore – you doubt it, there's no way someone would ever get used to that kind of pain, she simply must have a higher tolerance to pain than you have, you refuse to believe otherwise. She smiles and sits next to you, pointing to her lap with her hands, and you adjust your position so you can put your feet on her lap. You let another sigh escape your lips as soon she starts massaging them.

"Your hands are a gift from heaven."

She hums with a smile on her lips and winks suggestively and you laugh as you shake your head – she gets so cheeky sometimes. You stay this way for a while, just enjoying the moment of quiet, then you ask her how her talk with Paige went and she simply shrugs, telling you it went better than she expected, but not offering any detail. She doesn't want to talk about her anymore, you understand that when she speaks again.

"I'm sorry for how the day went, it isn't how you and I had exactly imagined it."

"You don't need to apologize, it's not like it's your fault. And then, I like the unexpected!"

"You hate the unexpected."

"Yeah, well", you laugh nervously and she smiles, pulling your legs towards her so you are now sitting in her lap, "Not with you. If there's something that today proved is that we can handle…"

She brings your lips together, cutting you off, and you both try to bring the other closer, your hands on both of her cheeks, her fingers in your hair. Closer. Closer. Closer. It's like you're becoming one, melting in a single being. It's not enough, it'll never be enough. Closer. Closer. Her mouth soon moves to your neck and her hands moves to your hips, keeping you steady as you wrap your legs around her waist and push against her. Closer. You gently bite her earlobe and her breathing shortens as she swears quietly, digging her nails into your skin, you feel them through the fabric of your dress making you arch your back as you release a breath you didn't know you were holding in her ear.

"You know, I really love this dress", you hum, not really hearing what she is saying, too focused on the feeling of her lips on your neck, "But it needs to go, now."

Only when her hands find the zipper of the dress and just stay there, gently and patiently stroking your naked shoulders, you register what she has just said and you nod furiously, bringing your lips together again, feeling her smiling into the kiss, goosebumps all over your back as her fingers graze your skin teasingly as she lowers the zipper. Later she is going to whisper that she's yours and you'll smile, thinking that fate can be also kind. Later she is going to lay her head on your chest, her fingers slowly grazing your skin, and your smile will grow wider, being now sure that fate can be so kind. Because it is, sometimes. It brought you and Emily together and nothing, nothing that brings so much happiness and love can be entirely cruel. Fate brought the two of you together and you'll be eternally grateful to fate for it.

'You, me and a happy ending'.

Author's note: last line is Emily's, what she is thinking. And yes, she uses her and Paige's line on Samara, like she and Paige couldn't complete that sentence because the 'you' they meant wasn't the "correct" one. Emily was able to complete it with Samara, Paige only has to open her eyes and realize the same thing Emily did.

I'm like super late and I don't even know when I can update again, I have a crazy exam session coming, I'm sorry. Anyway Samara's journey ends here, next chapter will wrap things up for Paige. Just a reminder.

To the guest of the last chapter: I wouldn't say Paige is being a coward, not exactly. She's just being 'stubborn' and that's not even the right word. She is just sure that telling Emily wouldn't affect her anymore since she's happy with Samara, fact that got kinda refuted in this chapter since knowing about Alan affected Emily somehow, and she's also sure that this time she's doing the right thing. That's the thing with Paige, she always thinks she's doing the right thing. But these are just my two cents, so take them as you may.