Chapter Five
Anna stood still as stone while she watched Elsa and Kristoff ride away. The rattle of shod hooves on cobblestone bounced off the walls and pummeled her ears. Her heart thudded painfully in her chest. Breathing had become the most difficult thing in the world to do, and her fingers were knotted in her skirts. There was no doubt in her mind that had she her sister's powers, the entire expedition would have been frozen to the ground to prevent them leaving.
A twiggy hand came to rest over one of her trembling fists as the last set of hooves faded away. "It'll be okay," Olaf reassured her as he peered up at her. "They'll come back, you'll see."
"I know," Anna immediately replied, then began babbling, "at least I hope so. I know I hope they will. Oh, they better! Ah, I wish I was going with them!"
"Oh, me too, me too," nodded the sentient snowman, "Then we could all go see Marshmallow and my little brothers and sisters, and then maybe we could all go an adventure together! Even though Kristoff did say adventure happens far away… oh! Maybe we could go on a really long journey together!"
Smilingly weakly down at the snowman, Anna sniffed, "Maybe, Olaf, maybe." She rubbed a sleeve across her eyes. "At least we'll have some time together, huh? Haven't gotten to see much of you lately."
"Oh, I know! I've been making friends with the local children and horses but not the chickens, they keep trying to pluck off my buttons! That and you and Elsa have been so busy with castle stuff recently…"
"And I'm afraid," interrupted Kai's steady tone, "Princess Anna is going to be kept even busier in Queen Elsa's absence." He eyed the snowman with an odd mix of amusement and unease.
"Oh," Olaf said sadly, his stance sloping. Just as quickly he bounced back up. "Maybe I can come along?"
Anna brightened at the idea, then dimmed as she saw Kai shaking his head. "Looks like not today, Olaf," she said, kneeling to give the snowman a hug.
"Oh, okay. Well maybe later, then," he replied, embracing Anna back.
"Definitely later!" she promised. Standing, she looked to Kai. "Castle business already?" she half-groaned.
"Regretfully so, Your Highness," he answered. "I would have preferred to give you a little more time after Queen Elsa's departure, but…" He shrugged and gestured back to the castle. "Our… guests… are becoming incredibly… insistent… that you reassure them personally that you will be attending to this afternoon's meeting."
"What?" exclaimed Anna. "Of course I will! Wasn't that the whole point of last night's meeting?"
Olaf blinked several times, then gestured towards another part of the courtyard. "Okay, so I'm gonna be heading over that way. If anyone wants me, they can just yell. Like, really loud. 'Cause I'm not sure where I'll be."
Anna opened her mouth to respond, but Kai's smooth voice preceded her. "Please refrain from wandering into others' homes randomly this time?"
"Most definitely! I'll be sure to pick exactly which ones to go into this time!" Even as he said that, Olaf was merrily ambling away. It really was surprising how quickly he could waddle.
Anna blinked several times. "Wandering…?" she echoed, turning back to Kai.
The castle steward grimaced. "Please do not ask for details, Your Highness. It was… addressed."
"O-ookay…"
Kai stepped back and gestured for the castle's main doors. "Shall we?" he asked, dismissing wayward snowmen from his mind for as long as the snowman allowed it.
Princess Anna heaved a sigh. "Oh, alright. Let's go reassure them that even though Elsa… the Queen is gone, the Princess is still quite capable. I hope."
The steward allowed himself a small smile. "Welcome to politics, Your Highness."
"Grrreat," groaned the Princess.
Men old enough to be her father hastened to stand as Kai announced her in the dining hall. Princess Anna's eyes widened even though she kept her back straight. She was used to seeing them nearly panic in showing respect to Elsa, but never to herself. Usually what she got were polite bows or even just head nods. It was a strange feeling that simultaneously struck both her head and stomach to see people scrambling because of her presence. She moved to sit at her customary seat to the right of the head of the table. Kai's polite clearing of his throat stopped her.
"What? Oh. Oh of course," she muttered, awkwardly bouncing to the seat she thought of as Elsa's. It took an effort of will to make her body fold into the chair. Her hands gripped the edge of the table as Kai tucked the seat closer to it.
Her discomfort was not lost on the dignitaries gathered there. Puzzled, worried glances were exchanged back and forth, even between delegations. Some narrowed their eyes and plucked at their fingers in thought. A couple smiled slyly. Most of them coughed or fidgeted to cover their observations.
For one heart-stopping moment Anna had no idea what to do or say. Elsa had always led any official business, while Anna had been more or less moral support. Not even Kai could offer suggestions, since he was being the shadow he was supposed to be. She found herself staring down a table that wasn't even half full yet. If she couldn't address these few delegates, what would she do when the rest of them arrived?
What would Elsa do?
The thought triggered memories of observing Elsa at court. Pulling on those memories, as well as pulling in a very deep breath, Anna cleared her throat and straightened her spine. She schooled her face into an approximate expression of aloofness and was gratified to see many of the men relax as they saw something familiar.
"Greetings, gentleman," she said, lifting her chin just a little. I apologize for the delay. I was just seeing my sis-ah, the Queen, off. I understand you had some concerns you wish for me to address?"
The elderly dignitary from the Southern Isles spoke first. "We are just wondering about the wisdom of the Queen's departure just prior to some very serious trade negotiations."
Anna couldn't quite stop the sigh that escaped her lips. "I believe we discussed this – in great detail – last night?"
"Well, yes, but…"
"But what?" she snapped, brittle patience already wearing thin. From the corner of her eye, she saw Kai wince. Her own shoulders hunched briefly before she reestablished control over herself.
The Southern Isles' dignitary sat bolt upright, offense in every line of his mustache. Many men glanced among each other, then about the room as though expecting to see frost. When none occurred, they returned their attention to the redhead perched at the head of the table.
Weselton's young man suddenly spoke up, "Well if no one else will say it, then I shall. The Queen seems to have a habit of… how shall we say this… running off?"
All semblance of coolness fell from Anna. She glared at him and declared, "Queen Elsa did not run off! She's attending a situation in our outlying villages that concerns Arendelle. Nor does she have a 'habit' of 'running off'."
She failed to notice the calm smile of the Spanish dignitary, so focused was she.
"Ah, I beg to differ," Weselton's man continued, "but on her very coronation day..."
Anna's hands curled into fists on the table. At a cough from Kai, she suddenly jerked them underneath, resting knuckles painfully on her knees. Struggling to keep her temper, she said, "If you recall, there were some exceptional circumstances that night. And she came back!"
"In chains..."
"Because she tried to defend herself from soldiers. From Weselton thugs, if memory serves me correctly!"
The young dignitary choked on his next words. The elderly man from the Southern Isles coughed and stroked his mustache. Spain's dignitary merely sat there, hands over his broad belly, as content as one who has just eaten a great meal.
Princess Anna took a deep breath to compose herself. She closed her eyes a moment, then opened them to glare across the table. "Gentleman, I understand your concerns, but we're going to be talking more this afternoon, and even more once the rest of the delegations arrive. Is there anything that can't wait until then? I do have some landowner issues to deal with in the meantime."
Kai winced again.
Many of each of the delegations puffed indignantly. Others grumbled and glanced among themselves. A few were already starting to push away from the table. Finally, a scattering of them gave her a direct answer.
"No, Your Majesty."
"Very well, then," Princess Anna huffed, "I promise we will address matters in more detail later. Until then, good day. Gentlemen." She pushed back her chair before Kai had a chance to assist. Stalking past the men fast enough to make her short cloak float, she shoved her way through one of the sets of stone doors that flanked the dining hall.
On the other side, as soon as she was a safe distance from the doors, she collapsed against the nearest wall. Gulping air, she looked to Kai. The steward had quickly followed her swift exit, and now stood staring at the Princess.
"Ah," he hesitated, "perhaps… not the most convincing display… of Arendelle's stability.
The gentle reproach made Anna jerk away from the wall, hands thrown into the air. "What else was I supposed to say? They were there last night!"
Kai coughed quietly. When he had Anna's attention, he advised, "All they know is what was told to them, Your Majesty – that the outlying villages are having a crisis of supplies due to unseasonable storms. Not something that would normally require a Queen's direct presence."
"So what, her being there," she sharply gestured to the dining hall, "has more importance than people starving or even dying?"
"Many of the men in that room belong to noble houses. They have other men that tend to those concerns, while they themselves meet with other nobles in order to ensure that the goods and funds are available for such operations."
"Uh..." Anna knew herself to be clever, but Kai's love of words sometimes got the better of him. Especially after such an emotional upheaval, her brain wasn't quite ready to sort the flood.
"They're used to dealing with the people that can provide the supplies to help such a crisis, not being the people that actually delivery those supplies. To their way of thinking, Queen Elsa's actions are very much like cutting one's nose off to spite one's face."
"Oh." She ran a hand over the tight braids covering her head. "Well then. Uhm. Maybe we can smooth things over this afternoon. I still think she's right in what she's doing, though!"
"As do I," Kai assured her. "But since we dare not tell the delegations the full story of our concerns… at least, not until we know more..."
"Ah. Good point… good point." She pressed knuckles to her eyelids and sighed.
"If you have composed yourself well enough, Your Highness," the steward said, his sudden offhandedness oddly proving a stabilizing anchor to the rattled Princess, "I do believe there are some landowners and a magistrate awaiting your attention in the throne room."
"Grrreat..."
Anna learned a great deal before lunch. She learned more detail about laws governing ownership of land and of livestock than she had originally known through the Royal Tutor. In this case, the livestock were goats, and the dispute was the ownership of kids produced when one trip (or was it tribe? Flock? Herd? She couldn't remember.) of goats wandered into the land of another trip's owners. She learned the magistrate knew the laws far more thoroughly than she probably ever would. She learned that even though that was the case, sometimes people demanded to hear a verdict from someone higher than the local magistrate. They wanted a royal stamp of approval, even if it ended up being the exact same thing the magistrate recommended.
She learned that pointing this out to the people in question was perhaps not the wisest action to take.
She also learned that goats (for the landowners had brought the kids in question) found royal garb quite delectable.
Since the issue with the landowners had taken longer than Kai expected thanks to Anna's multiple lessons, she only had enough time for a fast wardrobe change and an even faster lunch. Eating without Elsa's presence hurt with an unexpected ferocity. It made it difficult to choke down a simple meat-and-onion pastry, but luckily the need for speed also meant she wasn't given long to dwell on it.
Unluckily, the pastry tried to stage a reappearance at the delegation meeting.
She had taken Elsa's seat again at Kai's quiet insistence. Once again she found herself providing assurances that she was as knowledgeable as Elsa over concerns of the trade negotiations. Once again she found herself forestalling discussion of the actual trade itself.
"Not until the rest of the delegations arrive," she declared for what seemed the hundredth time. Possibly the twelve-hundredth. She had lost count somewhere in there.
"Our apologies," intoned the Southern Isles' dignitary. His elderly voice was soothing, but Princess Anna was learning to watch the sharp cut of his eyes behind his spectacles. "We were simply wanting to ensure the Queen has versed you in our concerns before she… left."
"Very thoroughly," Anna groaned, thinking of all the coaching sessions before Elsa departed.
"Hah!" scoffed the young man from Weselton. "You mean you wanted to take advantage before the rest of the delegations arrived. France especially, am I right?"
"We've no love of France, true, but-"
"And it doesn't hurt you may be dealing with an inexperienced Princess, right?"
"Sir!" exclaimed the Spanish dignitary, his voice startlingly loud after his prolonged silence. "Surely you could show better respect to our hostess than that!" He turned to nod graciously to Princess Anna, who nodded graciously back in reflex. "As I have stated before, it is Spain's pleasure to treat with either of the royal sisters. We are also quite content to wait until the rest of delegations arrive before discussing business. There will be plenty of time for that."
The relaxing drop of Anna's shoulders halted with the sharp tone of Weselton's young dignitary. Really, he was beginning to annoy her to no end.
"Guess it doesn't matter to you whether the French delegation is present, huh?" he all but sneered at the Spaniard. "Last I heard, you basically have a French king on the throne as it is."
For the first time, the Spanish dignitary showed some true fury on his face. His voice, however, remained tightly controlled. "Our king," he stated stiffly, "has purely Spanish concerns to his mind. He has renounced all titles and land ownership he once held in France. He will only serve Spain's best interests from now on."
"And by 'best interests' you mean expanding your once-great Spanish empire again, am I right?" the Southern Isle's dignitary cut into the conversation.
Without missing a beat, the Weselton dignitary turned on the elderly man. "That's rich coming from a country with thirteen princes and barely enough land for one. Excuse me, twelve princes."
Anna stared wide-eyed as the meeting swiftly degenerated into a yelling match. Part of her mind was occupied with calculating exactly at which point everything went awry. The other part of her was suddenly craving some of the snacks typically served at children's puppet plays. The thought of food was unfortunate, however, as it and the yelling combined to drive her lunch back into her throat. It lodged painfully there, making it difficult to speak.
Eventually she took in a great, deep breath and expelled it with a single word: "GENTLEMEN!"
Silence fell with the subtlety of a hammer. Heads turned to face her. Anna's heart apparently decided that her lunch was lonely and needed company in her throat. She swallowed hard, then swallowed again.
"Gentlemen," she squeaked. A pause to clear her throat, then she was able to continue in a more normal tone of voice. "Gentlemen. Please. Let's… let's adjourn… yes, adjourn for the evening." She swallowed a third time, since her lunch still seemed determined to crawl its way out of her throat. "The… the other delegates should be arriving in the next… next couple of days. Let's… let's wait until they're here for fur-further negotiations. Okay? Okay. We'll rec… reco… reconvene then. Okay? Okay. Goodnight then."
Leaving behind a room of very confused dignitaries, Anna walked as quickly as her stiff back would allow. Her cheeks were puffed with the effort of keeping that lump from climbing higher. She darted along hallways, heading for the nearest lavatory. She made it before she lost her lunch, but it was a very near thing indeed.
Supper was the plainest bread that could be managed. Gerda hovered nearby, but even her maternal presence couldn't coax Anna to eat more. She waved off the worried Royal Housekeeper and trudged along the hallway leading to the bedchambers. Stopping at Elsa's door, she raised a hand as though to knock. She hesitated from habit, then lowered her hand to the door frame as she remembered no one was on the other side.
"Elsa," she sighed, resting her head against the heavy door, "it's been a day. How was yours, I wonder?" She lifted her head just enough to gaze at the snowflakes and stylized crocuses that adorned her sister's door. Open flowers for Elsa, and flowers just beginning to bloom for Anna. What would it have been for a third child, Anna briefly wondered. A seed?
She realized she was stalling. If she didn't continue on to her room, she wouldn't have to face the fact another day would be starting soon. If she didn't open Elsa's door, she could continue pretending that her sister was just on the other side, rather than in a village a day's travel from the castle and due to travel even farther away. So hard to believe it had just been one day so far. Thirteen years apart, one would think a day wouldn't seem so much.
Suddenly two weeks seemed unbearable.
Standing outside the door was no longer enough. Daring a repeat appearance of the dreaded pastry, Anna pushed the door open. She had only been in her sister's room twice since the coronation, and both times she had only stayed as long as it took for Elsa to retrieve whatever she needed and leave the room. Any time the sisters wished to talk, they either did so in Anna's room or in the private gardens.
Never Elsa's room.
It was somehow sacrosanct, both as a prison and as a haven.
Anna stepped inside, letting the door shut behind her.
The first impression she had of Elsa's room still held: it was a strange place of contradictions. Stark walls seemed to encourage the natural stone chill. Even the decorative cloth and paint that adorned it seemed oddly cold. An intimidating painting of their parents hung above the dresser. It was there, on the dresser, that the first signs of warmth could be seen. A colorful assortment of curios had been tumbled across its surface. Anna recognized a bit of ribbon that had been used on both sisters' dresses, as well as some fabric patches. With a loving, pleased smile she noted that there was a collection of little things she had given Elsa: a colorful stone, a dried flower, a clumsy bit of embroidered cloth.
She let her fingers bump over the tiny things, reminding herself of her sister's laugh and wondering what Elsa would have thought of the goats. Remembering the goats, and the dignitary meeting after, made her stomach lurch.
With a tiny sigh she slowly, reluctantly turned her gaze to the shut door.
Even after four years, scars of severe cold still radiated from a low central point on the door.
"Oh, Elsa," she breathed, much as she had the first time she saw the evidence of how their parents' deaths had affected her sister. Her eyes traced the radiating spikes of damage, even as her fingers reached to trace the vicious lines. To this day she could not imagine the severe cold it would take to damage stone. This, more than anything, brought home how they had both suffered alone, unable to support each other even though nothing but a door separated them.
Then, while Anna had grown to be something of a wild child, with only perfunctory teaching and raising, Elsa had continued preparing herself to eventually bear the weight of a crown.
Anna stroked the scarred stone. So much pain and fear, yet her sister had carried on.
Meanwhile Anna…
Anna flashed back to the fiasco with the dignitaries. Her stomach swished in sympathy with her stomach of the recent past. Without mercy her mind added the ridiculousness of the situation with the goats. Kai's repeated pained winces added unhappy punctuation. Not content with such recent fare, her memory threw in a handful of older examples when some one of her antics caused castle staff and court to grimace, stare, or look away.
There were so many to choose from.
Her head rested against the door even as her fist banged against it once, weakly. She was a clever person, she knew. Yet how was it one day, just a single day…
Her sister had endured so much.
This was so little. Heck, she had journeyed to North Mountain and back on her own, right? Well, mostly on her own. Sort of on her own. Well, she had started on her own...
So why…
Anna twisted until her back was to the door, then sank to the floor. She had no awareness of how similarly Elsa had sat on that awful night so long ago. She only knew she wanted her sister now as much as she had then, and being in Elsa's room, sitting where Elsa had sat, was as close as she could get right now.
Two weeks.
This was only one day. So little.
Elsa had borne so much. Alone.
For years.
Why couldn't she…
"Elsa," Anna whispered, her voice choking on unshed tears. "How did you do it?" She looked about her sister's bedroom, knowing there would be no answer, but wishing for it anyway. "I know… I know you said I'd do fine… but..." Her legs pulled tight to her chest, arms wrapping about her knees. Resting her head on them, she mumbled, "How did you do it? Because… because I don't think I can."
She stayed in her sisters room for some time before dragging herself to her own bed. Sleep was both heavy and deeply uneasy.