As the holidays draw near, Kensi finds herself feeling better and better about her relationship with Marty.
She doesn't know much about his past, but she is confident she can handle any skeletons that pop up. The fact that she is seeing someone is now common knowledge at work. Eric offers (half joking, but also half serious) to run a background check. She declines. She trusts Marty and wants to learn things organically.
She knows he didn't grow up with much. He has likened his past to the clients he serves, and has mentioned being on scholarship at school. She knows he was an only child and was raised by his mother. There is a picture of the two of them in his living room, and he speaks highly of the blond woman. Kensi isn't sure if his father was ever in the picture or not, but knows he isn't anymore.
She wonders where he got his drive from. She wonders what parts of his past made him so motivated to help people, to go above and beyond, to become such a good man.
She doesn't have all the answers, but she is looking forward to piecing together the puzzle.
After a quiet week at work, Kensi finds herself having a quiet night in with Marty. Despite her easy week, he has been buried in work. They haven't seen each other since the previous weekend.
She offers to order in, but he wants to cook for her.
She sits on the counter with a glass of wine and smiles as he navigates her kitchen with ease. He is making her lasagne.
"You know, I still think you lied to me."
He pauses in his task of laying down long, thick pieces of pasta into a casserole dish. He looks up at her and raises an eyebrow.
"You said you weren't much of a cook. But so far everything you have made is amazing." She waves her hand towards him. "And you are clearly well practiced in the art of making lasagne."
He smiles and finishes his layer of pasta before standing up and reaching for the bowl of meat he has already prepared. "Well, my mother would disown me if I didn't know how to cook her prize-winning lasagne."
"Prize winning?"
He nods. "Best lasagne in the world."
She snorts a laugh. "I didn't know there was world lasagne competition."
"Oh, there is. Very prestigious in the pasta-dish circles." He finishes with the bowl and reaches for the pasta pieces again.
"You never told me your mother was famous," she jokes.
He laughs. "This was my favourite meal growing up. We couldn't really afford much, but this was something my mom could always make work."
"That's really nice."
He nods. "What was your favourite meal growing up?"
She thinks back to her childhood. "Well, we moved a lot, so I got to try a lot of local dishes. But I guess…" She recalls the many times her father came home from deployment. It makes her smile. "My dad loved to serve his country, and didn't ever complain about the accommodations when he was deployed. But he had a sweet tooth. When my dad would come home from deployment, he'd wake me up in the middle of the night a few times the first week he was home. We'd eat cake or cookies or something at three in the morning. My mom never knew."
"That's a good tradition." Marty smiles. "Also explains your sweet tooth."
She doesn't bother denying it. "I come by it honestly."
"Your dad…is he still serving?"
She sighs at his question. "No. He, uh, he died when I was fifteen."
"I'm sorry," he says immediately.
"It's okay. I have a lot of good memories. We were close."
"Are you close with your mom?"
Kensi sobers at the reminder of the woman who abandoned her family so many years ago. "No," she says softly.
He recognizes he has hit a nerve and backs off.
She watches him quietly as he finishes the layers of the lasagne just in time for the oven to announce it is up to temperature.
Marty puts the casserole dish into the oven and then moves towards her. He steps between her dangling legs. "Sorry if I brought up bad memories."
She shakes her head and then pecks him on the lips. "You didn't know."
His hands find her hips. "I know now. I'll be sensitive to it from now on."
She kisses him again. "You're pretty great, you know?"
He kisses her back. "Oh, I know."
She laughs at his bravado.
"So, this feels like a good segue into something I wanted to ask you…"
She narrows her eyes at him.
He smiles at her and cocks his head. His bangs shift at the movement, displaying more of his forehead than usual. His blue eyes sparkle. "I know we haven't been dating that long, but I'm wondering what your plans are for Christmas?"
She is surprised by his question, even though she knows she shouldn't be. Christmas has become a holiday she has gotten into the habit of ignoring.
"Uh, I don't have plans," she responds.
"Would you want to maybe come over to my place for Christmas dinner? And before you answer, know that there is no pressure. And also, know that my mother will be here."
Meeting his mother sounds like a very big step to Kensi. But the thought of spending the holiday with the man she is feeling more and more certain about by the day is quite appealing. It's been a really long time since she has had anyone special in her life to share things with.
"You really don't have to," Marty offers in her silence.
"I want to," she responds. "And thank you. Christmas with you sounds…really nice."
He smiles at her and his hands move from her hips to the small of her back in an almost hug. "It does sound really nice," he says softly.
She is momentarily overwhelmed and ducks her head forward to rest her forehead against his shoulder. Moving forward with this man scares her, but it's also something she wants to do. And for the first time in a long time, the drive to move forward outweighs the fear. "You're going to have to give me some pointers on making a good impression to your mom. It's been a long time since I've met anyone's parents."
He huffs a laugh and kisses her hair. "Consider it done."
00
A week before Christmas, Kensi finds herself on the fifth hour of stakeout with Sam. Renko is working with them again. He and Callen are undercover as cousins who run a weapon smuggling business together. They are trying to bait a long-time player the LAPD has been trying to take down for years.
Sam receives a text on his phone and sighs when he reads it.
"Everything okay?" Kensi asks.
"Yeah." He puts his phone away. "My wife and I are trying to find this Parker Pony toy for our daughter, but it's sold out everywhere. She heard they got a new shipment at the mall, but they've already all sold."
"Uh oh. You're running out of time."
He shrugs. "I'm sure I'll find it in time."
"Your daughter is lucky that you care so much."
Sam smiles at her. "I'm sure little-Kensi had her daddy wrapped around her little finger. Your dad must have gone above and beyond to make your Christmases special."
She smiles at the memory. "I may have," she hedges. "And he definitely did. Though my requests weren't exactly for popular toys."
"What did little-Kensi ask for growing up?"
"Ammunition to use at the base firing range. Knives. Camping supplies. Camo clothing…" She trails off at Sam's laughter.
"Doesn't surprise me in the least."
"I remember when I was…probably six? I found out the minimum age for enlisting was seventeen. I was pissed. For some reason, I thought it was ten." She rolls her eyes are her much-younger self and exchanges a humorous look with Sam. "Anyway, the thought of waiting another eleven years seemed awful. My dad actual caught me writing an angry letter to, and I quote, Mr. Marines."
Sam laughs.
Kensi laughs, too. "Of course, the letter was written with crayons. Not sure how legible it was. I do know my dad kept it for a long time. He always said…" She trails off as her throat suddenly feels thick.
Sam glances at her in concern.
She pushes through. "He used to tease me and threaten to read it at my wedding one day."
Sam offers her an encouraging smile before moving on. "So, little-Kensi wanted to be a marine?"
She nods. "Just like my dad."
"You got close," Sam offers.
Kensi sighs. "Well, things change." She often wonders what her life would be like now had her father not been killed. Would she have enlisted? Would she still have found her way to NCIS?
Sam pauses a moment before changing the subject. "It's nice that you wanted to be like your dad. It's also my greatest fear. I don't want my daughter doing what we do."
She smiles at Sam's sudden protective-dad mode. "Well, you know you can't stop her from doing what she wants when she's grown up."
Sam scoffs. "Tell me about it."
"But it's good that you're making things special for her now. She'll always have good memories to hold onto, no matter what she chooses to do with her life."
He nods and then lifts his phone up again. "We really need to find that pony."
Kensi laughs out loud. "Ask Eric to help you. He can find anything."
"Good idea," he comments while typing a text to Eric. When he is done, he sets his phone down and turns to her again. "So, speaking of Christmas, you spending it with that guy you've been dating?"
Kensi nods.
"Big step."
She nods again. "Yup."
"You ready for it?"
She stretches her neck side to side and then turns to Sam. "I think so. I want to be."
He offers her a smile. "Good. You need something good outside of this job."
Kensi frowns. "You sound like your partner. He said the same thing to me a couple weeks ago."
Sam laughs. "No, he sounds like me. I've been telling him that for years."
She laughs. "Well, at least you know he's listening."
He nods. "You think this guy could be the one?"
Kensi snorts a laugh. "I'm not sure if I believe in 'the one.'"
"You're avoiding my question."
She cocks her head. "I think…there's potential here. I really like him."
"We ever going to get a name?" Sam pushes. It's no secret she has kept Marty's identity a secret.
"Nope."
"Why not?"
She huffs and sends him a look. "You know why. Renko has threatened several times to have Eric run a check on him."
Sam laughs. "Your partner is just looking out for you the best way he knows how."
She smiles at the comment. She knows Renko cares. He's a good partner. "I can take care of myself."
"We know you can. But we still care. We would do this for anyone on the team."
"Callen doesn't date."
"That's a work in progress."
"And do you seriously expect me to believe you run checks on all the women Renko dates?"
Sam chuckles. "Well, no. But that's because I can't keep up with the names. But if any of them seem to become serious, I will do it then."
She eyes him warily before relenting. "His name is Marty."
"Marty," Sam tests the name. "What does he do?"
"He's a lawyer."
"Hmm, wouldn't have guessed that."
She eyes him. "What do you mean?"
"Nothing. I just thought you hated lawyers after Corby tried to kill you," he says, reminding her of the Jag lawyer from two years prior.
She surprises Sam when she smiles. "He's not a typical lawyer."
Sam leaves that part of the conversation behind. "What does he think you do?"
She clears her throat. "I handle high level administrative work for a pharmaceutical company."
He nods. "Of course."
"It's my day-to-day cover with my friends. Because a friend set us up, I have to be consistent."
"At least it's a viable cover already set up if this does last," Sam offers.
She nods as her mood shifts. "Yeah, I said I signed a confidentiality clause, so he never needs to know where I work. And I can explain any last-minute cases with work emergencies I don't have to explain…"
"You don't sound happy," he says.
"Honestly, I'm not. I know what I signed up for with this job. But hiding what I really do long term sounds exhausting."
"You just have to ask yourself if Marty is worth it."
She nods. "I think he is. But then I wonder if I'm really worth it to him? Is it fair to move forward without him knowing who I really am?"
"If he really cares about you, the lie doesn't matter."
She huffs. "Now you sound like Hetty."
"She has good advice. And you need to listen to it. If you really like this guy, and he really likes you, you can't let worrying about hiding this job from him stop you from moving forward."
00
Christmas is amazing.
For the first time since she was a child, Kensi enjoys the holidays.
She joins Marty at a soup kitchen on Christmas Eve, where he volunteers every year. (Because of course he volunteers at a soup kitchen at Christmas).
He spends Christmas morning with his mother, and she joins them early in the afternoon. Roberta Deeks is outspoken and fun, and a little unpredictable. She only makes Kensi feel welcome.
Long after dinner, Roberta retires to the guest room, leaving Kensi and Marty alone. They curl up together on the couch. Across the room, Monty is asleep in his doggy bed beside the Christmas tree. The lights from the tree glitter and twinkle in the otherwise dark room.
Kensi stifles a yawn. She's not ready for the day to be over.
"I had a really good day, today," Marty whispers.
"Me, too." She twists and stretches up to kiss him. "Thank you, for inviting me. It's really nice to have somewhere to be today."
"Thank you for coming. I'm sorry you've been alone before now."
She hears the extra meaning behind his words; the hope that maybe she will also join him next year, and every year after that. Her heart rate speeds up, but not with fear. She wants it, too.
She is reminded of Sam's advice from the week before. She's really starting to believe it's worth moving forward no matter what. She's not hiding who she is. She is just hiding her job.
That shouldn't matter.