Horrified, delighted, Lucy watched Zeref's magic dart into Natsu. It entered his chest and expanded throughout his whole body, blackening his skin, darkening his eyes until they were two jet stones, his lips turned blue, his chest heaved, he gasped and sputtered and clutched first at her hands, holding her close, pushing her away, then at his chest when he just couldn't get any purchase. Lucy imagined he was trying to claw his heart out; she imagined he was coaxing it to keep beating. Holding her hands against his body she felt it stutter, she felt it hiccup, she felt it grind to a halt.

She couldn't release him, yet gravity took him away. His legs buckled and he slumped like a sack of flour, limply. His mouth moved once, mouthing her name. His eyes blinked, then flicked closed. As soon as he broke gaze with her Lucy was able to move. Her hand went to her mouth to stifle the sob that overcame her. She turned away, positive he was dead, and met Loke's eyes.

"Lucy…" the lion spoke her name softly.

"Don't, Loke." She couldn't hear him tell her she was a monster; she couldn't hear him confirm that Natsu was dead.

"Are we just going to leave him?"

"Shut up, Loke." She just needed to think. She imagined walking into Fairy Tail and announcing that Natsu was gone. When they ask how, will you tell them? The scene played through her mind. Who would act first? Passionate Erza? Collected Gray? Master Makarov who played at being a thorough-thinker but was in reality just as brash as Laxus when the pressure was just right? They'll hate you. They wouldn't understand. And why should she expect them to? They didn't know what it was like.

"Lucy, you know we can't just leave him." For a moment, Loke sounded just like his old self, and wasn't that fucking unfair? Why did he get to be rational and she was just… listless?

"Go away, Loke."

"I'll help you carry him in. We don't have to say what happened, but we should—"

"GET AWAY!" She surged forward, palm outstretched. As soon as it touched his chest Loke gasped like he'd been electrocuted. Then he started to break apart, nothing but shadow.

The world fell silent, save for Lucy's erratic breathing and the dry croak of a lonely cricket. You have to get out of here. Before anyone could come out back and see…

Though she longed to turn back and catch one final look at Natsu, to push his hair back from his forehead, maybe lay a kiss against his slack mouth, she couldn't. she was too afraid to see Natsu so lifeless.

Swallowing didn't help alleviate her parched throat. It seemed there was no fix for that except movement. It was hard taking that first step away from Natsu; her body still wanted to be near him, Zeref's magic still thought there could be something more. Walk, Lucy.

She did, forcing her foot to come unstuck. Then it was easy. Almost too easy. Desperate to get away from herself, from Natsu, from Fairy Tail and everything she used to love but lost, she started to run, and while she ran she cried, large messy tears that should have felt more genuine than they did. She had to wonder if she cried just because she thought it was the right thing to do.

People looked at her oddly on the streets and continued to until she was at her apartment and nestled within the safety of it's walls. Her room was just as ruined as it was before, the floorboards broken, bruised and damaged, the bed ruined, her dresser—gods, where Natsu had pushed her up against its wooden surface—as blank and bare of her belongings as it had been the day before when Natsu swiped it clean.

Everywhere she looked he was all she saw.

Just get out. Get your stuff, go to Piper's Hold. Everything will be better there. Zeref will come to you and…

And…

Zeref. He could make her better. She reached for him, wanting comfort, and continued wanting. He didn't respond. Maybe he was angry. Maybe he was scared. Scared of the monster he'd created. Who would have thought little Lucy Heartfilia could be so beastly? More tears pressed against her eyes.

Just go. She threw things at random into a backpack. Before she left she picked up her gate keys, not because she imagined they'd be any use to her, but because she couldn't leave them behind; she needed something familiar when everything was in such turmoil. Loke's key went on a golden chain around her neck, hanging between her breasts; it was cold. I'm sorry, Loke. She felt bad for sending him away as she did, but she couldn't stand…

Tearing open the door she collided hard with Gray Fullbuster. His fist was raised high, poised to knock. When she smashed into him, he caught her around the waist and stabilized her.

"Woah."

"Oh!" Lucy, feeling Zeref's magic once more (was it always going to be this way when she was near others?) pulled roughly out of his grasp; it was too late, though, Gray had felt it. It was in the way his face had gone taut, pale, his slate coloured eyes wide. Lucy didn't stop to chat but tried to skirt around him.

Gray recovered. "Lucy, wait!"

"I can't," she said, keeping herself facing forward, keeping up her momentum as she took the stairs to the ground level.

"Lucy—hang on! I want to talk to you!"

"Well, I don't want to talk to you," she replied.

"Hang on!" He grabbed her arm and pulled her up short, almost making her fall up the stairs when he reefed her around.

Lucy's wrist burned where he grabbed her. "Let go of me."

She didn't have to ask twice; it was near impossible to keep his hold. Lucy was a pulsing black star, her energy making every part of his body sing, even the bits he wanted to keep quiet. Pulling away from her and praying that he wasn't too obvious, he met her midnight black eyes. "Where are you going?"

"Out," she said simply.

"Obviously. To where?"

Lucy turned away from him and started taking the stairs two at a time.

"Lucy," Gray hissed. "Would you just stop? I wanted to talk to you."

"What the hell is so important?" She didn't want to ask but she knew if she kept running, Gray would keep following.

"First, have you seen Natsu?"

That brought her up short. "Natsu?"

Gray caught up then got a few steps ahead, stopping so he was looking up at her. She was beautiful in a very different way than she'd ever been before. In a way that made his blood cold and his body alight with chills. Terrible. Gray cleared his throat. "Yeah, Natsu."

Lucy calmed herself. "I haven't seen him."

"You're lying."

She started to move past him again.

"Lucy," Gray said, "he told me this crazy story."

Her shoulders stiffening was the only indication Gray had that she heard. "He said that Zeref attacked Loke. Then he said he was here, in your apartment."

Hearing Zeref's name had the same effect it always did. Lucy swallowed a purr.

"Is it true?"

Every bit. Lucy put one foot in front of the other.

"Lucy, for fuck sakes, would you just answer me?"

"What do you want me to say, Gray?"

He was silent, then… "It is true?"

"Just leave me alone."

She'd been hoping that saying something would make him less curious, but her limp confession had the opposite effect. He was right by her side again. She kept her eyes up and away from where he pressed against his pants, despite the thrill it gave her to know she—Zeref's dark magic—had such a powerful appeal to everyone she came into contact with. Hadn't she taken enough?

Gray grabbed her elbow. "Where are you going, Lucy?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes. Listen, if you're in trouble, if Zeref is after you, we need to tell Gramps, we need to get Fairy Tail together, we need to—"

Lucy tore out of his grasp and walked faster. The stairs evened out; she pushed open the outside door and came into the dull grey day. Gray didn't leave her side. "Would you just fuck off?" she snapped finally, at the edge of her patience.

He didn't reply.

It didn't matter how she changed her gait, he kept pace. "Are you just going to follow me forever?" she asked finally.

"Until you tell me where you're going and what's going on," he replied, "yeah."

Lucy shook her head. "Being with me isn't a very safe place to be." There, he'd been warned.

"Whatever's going on, you're still my friend, Lucy. I want to keep you safe. If Zeref is after you, then this is where I need to be. You won't come to the guild, and you won't stay away from wherever it is you're going, so I'm coming along with you."

"You're a stubborn idiot." Hopefully not a dead one. She imagined Gray just like Natsu, blackened skin, loose mouth. It would be easy; easier than it had been with Natsu. She didn't love Gray the same way as she did the dragon slayer.

"I've been called worse things," he admitted.

Lucy let the conversation lapse. Gray allowed for it, figuring she'd open up when she was ready.

Though Piper's Hold was half a day to the east, they had started out late and the train only went to a place called Webber Valley, located three hours west of their destination.

Getting off there, they walked through the town and into the trails beyond. Normally Lucy would have wanted to stay in a hotel, but tonight she felt confined and longed for the freedom sleeping under the open sky could offer.

You just have to get to Piper's Hold, she told herself when everything seemed like too much, when she couldn't stop reliving—relishing—the feel of Natsu's chest stilling, and then Zeref will come to you and he'll help you forget everything that happened. Everything will be okay.

Gray didn't talk to her until the sun set, there was a fire roaring before them, and he was able to drop himself down onto the grass beside her. It had been difficult to be near her all day, she was like a magnet with a too-strong pull, but the longer he was around her, the more… manageable it became. It felt safe to break the silence with a piece of hard bread in his hand and a bottle of water at his side, things to root him in reality.

"You up to talking now?"

"No," Lucy said blandly.

"Come on, Lucy. Don't you trust me?" he pried. "We've been through a lot together."

She looked at him from the corner of her eye. "Why are you so bent out of shape over it?"

He laughed humorlessly. "How am I supposed to react? This morning I find Natsu hungover in the streets, his face black and blue like someone decked him, he's rambling about Zeref and shadows and Loke and you getting attacked. When we show up at your apartment, you're not there. Virgo appears all fucked up, like she's tainted or something, and says you're in the celestial realm. She won't take us to see you because she can't, she's used up too much of her power, so I suggest that while we wait for you, we go talk to Master and tell him Zeref's been lurking around, and then Natsu gives me the fucking slip. He wasn't ever really on board with the idea, and I want to know why. What the hell is happening?"

Lucy swallowed. "You should get out of here, Gray. You're not safe with me."

"What the fuck, Lucy? What the hell does that mean? Is Zeref coming for you?" He turned so he was looking at her squarely and grabbed her wrist hard. "If he's on his way then we should get out of here. You and me can't take him by ourselves, we need help—"

"He's not coming."

She said it so matter-of-factly, Gray believed her. But… "How do you know?"

"Because he's trying to avoid me." She tilted her face up and looked to the sky. It was still overcast, but in the north the clouds were breaking up. Soon the stars would be out.

"Why would he be avoiding you?"

Lucy clutched her fingers in the grass at her side. "I guess maybe he's afraid of what he's done." Or maybe he hates me, or maybe he hates that he loves me. In his own, twisted way.

"What he's done?" Gray's heart was beating too fast. "What do you mean, Lucy? What did he do?"

There wasn't much sense hiding. She turned her head so she could gaze into his eyes so there would be absolutely no question if she was telling the truth or not. "He gave me the power to destroy a demon named Shadow Father when our world was on the brink of destruction. And now…" An unwelcomed tear fell over her cheek. "Now I've done some awful things, Gray. And… I liked them."

Gray squeezed her wrist hard. "…What?"

"What about Shadow Father, or what kinds of things have I done?" She prayed for the second.

"How about both," Gray said finally. He felt like a slack-jawed imbecile but he just couldn't make his thoughts be coherent.

She leaned into him, unable to help herself, and finger walked up his leg. "I took Zeref's magic and I destroyed a demon." She said it slowly, like she was speaking to a child. "And then… I hurt people, Gray." Killed. More than she cared to name. "And then poor Loke… he just wanted to be a good spirit."

"Loke?" Breathing was done shallowly, his lungs too small. Lucy skipped over his groin, just barely touching his not-so-easy to hide erection. What the hell is wrong with you? He shouldn't be getting hot over her but he just couldn't help it. Her lips looked plump and almost black in the dull light, her eyes shone, her skin was the smoothest he'd ever seen… and her voice… like tiny glass shards that pierced his skin. Getting eviscerated had never felt so sweet.

"He's better now. It hurt, but he didn't want me to suffer alone, and for that I'm grateful."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm different now, and I'm happy to be that way." Mostly. As an afterthought she said, "I'm leaving Fairy Tail. I'm going to Piper's Hold, Gray. I don't know what's there, but… whatever it is, it's something more fitting for a girl like me."

Gray fought to sew himself in reality. "Are you fucking with me? Because if you are, this isn't funny, Lucy." He knew she wasn't joking, though.

Unashamedly she leaned her head on his shoulder and felt his body struggle for breath. "You should leave now."

He was scared for her, but hardly anyone was braver than Gray. "No. You're not going to Piper's Hold, Lucy. You're going to come back to the guild, we're going to talk to Master Makarov, and we'll make this better. Whatever Zeref's done to you—"

Lucy turned and cupped his cheek, letting a little bit of her magic flow out and brush over his skin. He shivered and quieted, his lips parted. "Stop now, okay?"

He clammed up tight.

You can send him away. She was afraid to now, though. What if she did and he went back to tell Master Makarov everything?

Then you crush Fairy Tail when they come looking for you.

That didn't make her feel better.

Then kill Gray and he won't be able to tell anyone anything. She didn't want to do that either, though. "Gray…"

He trembled under her hold.

"I didn't… I didn't want to hurt anyone, not really." Not mostly. "But everyone I care about suffers." She wondered if it was like this for Zeref, too.

"Lucy, please…" Gray's voice was as quiet as a whisper.

"I can't let you leave now," she told him, leaning in close so her forehead rested against his. "If I do, you're going to go back to Fairy Tail."

"You need—" Help.

"Everyone thinks I need something. The only thing I need right now is the one thing I can't have. Zeref won't come to me until I go to Piper's Hold, and you're not stopping me from going." She looked into his eyes as she spoke. She expected to see fear, but with every word he became more and more docile, like he was under a spell. It's you. He was a moth to the flame, just like she was with Zeref. "I'm sorry, Gray."

Being sorry didn't stop her from doing what she did next, though. Leaning in, she moved her mouth over his. The kiss was slow and would have been sweet if Gray didn't go as rigid as a stick afterwards and fall beside her.

She knew he wasn't dead; she could feel his heart even from that distance. A glance at his face told her that his eyes were still open and studying her. He was just… paralyzed, or nearly. His fingers fisted in the grass at her side, his tongue darted out and tasted her kiss on his lips. A look down his body revealed his erection. Between her legs ached. Lucy looked away from it and laid down herself.

"I need to think about what to do with you." It wasn't like with Natsu, she didn't need to treat him like this, she didn't need to taste him in the same way. She just wanted to.

An hour later, Lucy still stared up at the star-studded sky and loathed herself. Her body twisted with heat and desire. Between her legs was moist. The object of her turmoil was obvious to her: Gray's disobedience, then his quiet pining. He wanted her and she wanted to be wanted. She wanted to fill up that hole both Zeref and Natsu left in her heart. Call Loke. That seemed like the logical answer, he'd take care of her, he always did, but then she ran the risk of him lecturing her about Natsu.

Gray… he didn't know exactly what kind of monster she was, not yet.

No.

Tormented, she pulled up the hem of her skirt and slipped her fingers into her panties. They were damp. As soon as she touched herself she felt relief. Slowly, methodically, she rubbed her clit. It felt even better knowing that Gray was beside her. That he watched her, immobile. Turning, she looked into his eyes to make sure he hadn't gone to sleep yet.

No, not yet. He knew exactly what she was doing. Against the dim light of the fire he bulged in his pants, hard. Lucy smiled. She wouldn't have him, but this was closely satisfying.

Her fingers moved faster and warmth crawled up from deep inside to flush her skin. While she worked she thought about what it would have been like if he had kissed her back, what his cool hands would have felt like roving over her body, what he would have looked like if she'd pulled his erection from his pants, if she crawled on top of him if his tongue would have been fast and sure between her legs. She thought about releasing the hold she had on him; he wouldn't resist, she knew. In fact, she was fairly confident that he'd paw at her and gasp and take off her clothes himself.

Oddly enough, it was for that exact reason she kept him as he was. Gray Fullbuster didn't have to die, but if she released him, he would. The thought pushed her over the edge. Coming hard, she allowed herself to moan loudly. The grass beneath her shoulders turned black and died; she thought maybe Gray would suffer anyway, despite her best intentions, but she was able to keep the radius of that death-seeking magic small. When the last wave of pleasure seared through her she closed her eyes and breathed deeply, not really feeling better, but at least not like she was going to force Gray into being with her.

It was while sifting through the dregs of ecstasy that she felt his presence. Opening her eyes she searched the darkness but there was nothing for her to see. That was fine, she didn't have to see to find him. Rising on unsteady legs, she practically tripped to get to his side. His power was arcing through the trees, agitated and impatient and not as tightly controlled as it had been. She rushed to find the demon king, uncaring of the branches that grabbed her and pulled at her hair.

In the thicket just beyond her camp she paused and listened. A sharp breeze made her hair whip across her eyes. She pushed it back. When she was able to see again he was standing before her, silhouetted in the dark night.

"I thought you said—"

He grabbed her wrist and pushed her back against a tree. His hands were hot. Hotter than they had ever been before. Lucy squirmed and bit back a pained gasp. Power was teased out of her body and he took it in greedily.

"That hurts," she protested, but she didn't want him to stop.

He growled and leaned into her neck where he breathed her in then bit her hard. Lucy gasped and arched her spine so her body brushed against his. He was hard already and he hadn't even really begun to touch her.

His bite turned to a lick, then a kiss. He grasped one of her breasts tightly and whispered into her ear, "You're a filthy bitch."

Lucy's heart stopped.

"Natsu?"