As usual, thanks to everyone who is supporting this story. I love reading your comments and thoughts. I've enjoyed reading the theories about the ongoing plot, especially the few conspiracy theories about Deeks being undercover as a lawyer. As much as I love the idea of the double twist, and this it would make an excellent storyline (hint, hint ), I will go on record to say that is not what is happening here. Deeks really is a lawyer, has never been a cop and is not undercover.
Also, for those who have been asking, the next chapter of ADLS is in the works and should be posted soon.
00
After the holidays, things between Kensi and Marty feel more solid. Although they haven't openly discussed it, they both know there is a lot of potential between them and they are both eager to see if this works out.
January is a busy time for them both. Renko joins Kensi and the team full time for the foreseeable future as they juggle multiple cases. Marty has several cases going to court in the near future, and spends a lot of their evenings together reviewing case files for at least a couple hours.
Regardless of their schedules, they find time to spend together. And when they can't see each other, they speak on the phone in the evening and often text during the day. Personal items begin to migrate between their homes. Changes of clothes. Shoes. Toothbrushes. Keys are exchanged. She finds her brand of shampoo in his shower one day, and then goes out to buy his brand to put in her shower. She stocks his favorite cereal, and he always makes sure to have ice cream.
Life is pretty good.
Kensi is reclined on her sofa one evening when Marty arrives. She's watching an old movie about dueling mob families. The special effects are lacking, but the plot is good. She pauses the movie.
"Sorry I'm so late," he says. "This case is never going to end."
She waves off his apology. "It's okay." She knows he has been working hard all week trying to secure a deal for one of his clients.
He collapses onto the couch next to her and leans in for a kiss. "I am so tired."
She snakes an arm around his waist and leans into him. "We'll order dinner, spend the evening on the couch and go to bed early. How does that sound?"
He exhales a long breath. "Amazing."
She presses a kiss to his cheek. "Preference for dinner?"
"Surprise me." He leans back and closes his eyes.
She leaves him on the couch and calls in a pizza order. When she is finished, she sits beside him. He's still reclined against the back of the couch with his eyes closed.
"Twenty to thirty minutes," she tells him.
"Sounds good."
"There's only about twenty minutes left in the movie." She motions towards the screen where the movie is paused mid-shoot out. "Do you want to watch the end with me?"
He opens his eyes and regards the screen for a moment. He shakes his head and moves to stand. "Nah, you go ahead. I do have a few things to review tonight." He moves takes his shoulder bag towards her table.
"Are you sure? I don't mind putting something else on?"
He shoots her a tired smile. "You watch the end of your movie. I don't have much to review, and it would be nice to get it done before dinner so I don't have to worry about it after."
"Okay."
Kensi watches the end of the movie while Marty sits at the table with his back to the television and gets some work done. By the time the pizza arrives, the movie is over. Marty packs up his file while she gets plates out of the cupboards.
"Perfect timing for everything," she comments.
He snags an arm around her as she moves to step past him. He presses a kiss to her temple. "Perfect timing," he echoes.
00
By the end of January, his caseload starts to calm down. They get out to dinner one night, and an art exhibit another.
On a Friday night, they are both (miraculously) free. They have dinner at a nice restaurant and then wander down the street hand-in-hand to the local movie theatre.
While they peruse their choices on the automated ticket machine, Marty points out an animated comedy.
Kensi agrees that it looks good, but a war movie catches her attention.
"How about this one?" She points to the description on the screen.
His expression darkens, though he tries to hide it with a smile. "I don't really like those kinds of movies."
"Okay," she says quickly. She honestly doesn't care what they see, but his reaction unsettles her. Normally, even if he voices his disinterest in something, he combines it with telling her that if she wants to he'll do it anyway. "Animated jungle animals, here we come."
Nothing more is said about Marty's strange reaction. He makes fun of her ability to eat a large bag of popcorn right after eating dinner. She pretends to be annoyed, but shares her red vines when he kisses her. The movie is funny, as expected.
00
The next day, they spend the evening at his house. She cuddles with Monty while Marty peruses NetFlix.
"Ah, how about this?" He asks for her opinion.
Kensi glances at the screen and is confused when she sees a zombie-apocalypse movie selected. It's totally the kind of fake, overacted movie she enjoys, but after the previous day, she thinks he won't.
"Are you sure you'll like it?" She asks carefully. She knows he's prone to making concessions for her and she doesn't want him to do so.
He shoots her a genuine smile. "Of course. These movies are great."
She nods her agreement.
They watch the movie together, laughing at the fake parts and cringing when characters they were rooting for get 'turned.'
It's midnight when the movie ends. Kensi ponders bringing up Marty's movie choices to better understand what he does and does not like. She considers how to bring it up as she carries their dirty plates to the kitchen and puts them in the sink.
Before she can say anything to him, he wraps an arm around her waist and presses his lips to hers. Her thoughts disappear as her own hands find purchase on his shoulders. He moves them back to the living room where they make out on the couch for a while, before moving to the bedroom. All thoughts of movie preferences are gone from her mind.
00
On Sunday morning, they sleep in and then share a late breakfast. Sitting across from Marty, eating the bacon and eggs they had prepared together, Kensi almost doesn't say anything. She wants to let it go, but she can't. She still recalls the darkened expression on his face at the movie theatre. She doesn't want to pry, but she needs to better understand Marty's movie preferences.
"That was a good movie last night," she comments.
He nods. "It was fun."
"For the future, what types of movies do you not like?" She cringes internally, wishing she could be more tactful.
He regards her carefully for a moment.
She bites her lip at his hesitation and then continues. "I thought, you know, you didn't like violent movies, because you didn't want to see the war movie Friday night. But the movie last night was pretty graphic. Is it the more realistic graphic movies you don't like?"
He sets his fork down on his plate and sighs. His eyes darken as his expression changes. It's the same expression he had at the movie theatre, only this time he is not trying to hide it from her.
Kensi is quick to shake her head. "We don't have to talk about it."
He takes a breath and then slowly releases it with his cheeks puffed out. It is a move that Kensi has learned means he is calming himself.
"No, it's okay," he tells her. "You deserve to know."
His words surprise her. The back of her neck begins to tingle as she is suddenly aware that whatever it is they are about to discuss is about a lot more than movie preferences.
"It's not the violence," he admits. "It's the guns."
Kensi swallows hard as she absorbs her surprise. Whatever she had expected to get out of him, this is not it. The tingle on the back of her neck starts to feel a bit like dread.
Marty takes another breath. And then he tells her about his dad.
"My father was a really bad guy. He pushed my mom and me around. When I was eleven, he almost killed us with a shotgun. And he would have killed us, but I shot him first."
Her breath catches. "Marty…"
"He lived, but not by much." He shakes his head. "I did what I had to do to protect my mom and me. But it still… It haunts me. Having that much control over someone else's life. It doesn't matter how much time has passed. I can still remember him lying there, bleeding and struggling to breathe." He pauses and swallows hard. She can see his Adam's apple working hard in his throat. She wants to tell him he can stop talking, but she can't find the words.
His voice is timid, but he continues. "There was blood everywhere and it was…warm. It was on my clothes…and my hands…" He wrings his hands in his lap and then lifts his eyes to meet hers. "I did that to him. You have no idea what it feels like to know you've aimed a gun at someone and pulled the trigger. That's more power than one person should have. It…stays with you."
Kensi fights against her surprise to keep her face a careful mask. Because she does know what it is like to aim a gun at another person and pull the trigger. It's her job to carry a gun and use it when necessary. She's taken lives when the situation required it, and she knows she'll probably take more. It's what she needs to do to keep people safe. Marty just doesn't know that. He's a normal guy who was traumatized by the experience at the tender age of eleven. She doesn't know how to approach this situation.
"It's not that I can't watch those movies," he continues. I don't have flashbacks or panic attacks or anything like that. I just don't want the reminder, you know? I don't ever want to feel like that again. I spent a lot of time getting past that part of my life. And I'm happy where I am now."
She clears her throat, still thrown off. "That makes sense."
"I'm a lawyer and I believe in the second amendment. But, personally, I don't like guns and I don't want to see them." He pauses and meets her eyes. He looks vulnerable and worried. "So, that's me. That's what I had to do. I understand if this changes things for you."
His words are honest and open. They are also well practiced. He has clearly given this speech before. And his expression tells her it hasn't gone well in the past.
Her heart aches for him.
She reaches across the table and waits for him to place his hand in hers. It gives her an extra few seconds to figure out what she is going to say.
His past doesn't concern her, but it makes her suddenly wonder if he would still choose her if he knew the truth about her job.
"I'm so sorry that happened to you," she offers quietly. "I'm sorry you were forced to do that. No child should have to protect themselves in that way, especially from a parent."
She wants to talk about his statement about guns. She wants to discuss his thoughts. But she has no idea where to start.
She had let herself believe the lie wouldn't matter. But it clearly does matter. Because she is a federal agent who carries a gun (usually two) and uses it regularly. She has shot people and she has killed people. And he doesn't like guns.
She isn't concerned with his views, but she doubts his acceptance of her if he knew the truth. She thinks her job is probably a deal breaker.
She has no idea how they move forward now.
With a cleansing breath, Kensi offers him a supportive smile. "No movies with guns for the future," she assures him, though she suddenly doubts they can share much of a future.