"Daddy?"

Her voice was shaky as she touched his hand, finding it clammy. His eyes were closed but fluttering and she wondered if he was just waking up or just falling to sleep. He was on a few machines but she tried not to look at them or the readouts. She didn't even want to sneak a peek at the chart that was hanging off the foot of his bed.

"Daddy, it's Lindsay. I know you're thinking I'm a dern fool for flying all the way out here just for you."

His eyes fluttered again and opened slowly and she smiled.
"Hi daddy. I don't know if you can hear me or what. I love you. And you're going to get better, I know it. You're far too stubborn to let someone else do your job for much longer. Besides, you've got even more important things to do than that. You've got a grandson that you haven't had the chance to meet yet."

She sighed and held back a tear that wanted to fall.

"Maybe we should have tried to come out here for Christmas. It might have been doable. Sounds so dumb now, doesn't it? Worry about who is going to spend what holiday where. I'm guessing you bore the brunt of that disgruntlement, didn't you?"

One of his fingers flickered and she grinned.

"Yeah, you probably rolled your eyes a lot, didn't you? I was always more like you anyway. I know that drives her crazy. She finally gets a girl and all I want to do is roll in the dirt and work on cars. I know she loves me, you always said that, but you understood me better. You always did. You gotta get better, daddy. I still need you. We all do."

She sniffled and leaned down to rest her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and wondering if it was strong enough to keep going. She remembered being a little girl and sitting in his lap, the pens and pencils in his pocket pressing against her cheek. She would sit there late at night, listening to his stories before she went to bed. He'd carry her upstairs and tuck her in, kissing her before he left the room and she would go to sleep completely safe.

"You probably think I'm bein' silly sittin' here sniveling by your hospital bed, don't you? You always wanted us to think you were indestructible. I think I always thought you were. I maybe even thought that until yesterday. But this is just a little thing, right? It'll be over soon and you'll be back to work."

The door creaked open slowly and she turned to see who was coming in.

"Mama."

"Hi sweetheart," Anne said, leaning down to hug her. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. Are you okay?"

"I'm getting there. I've never seen him like this before."

"I know. It's not pleasant. Adam was in the hospital once and it really throws you."

"When was that?"

"Before we got engaged. I panicked when it was all over."

"I'm thinking this is gonna hit me in a few days."

"How's Taylor?"

"I don't know. She just went home to get cleaned up. She hasn't said much. I think she feels kind of guilty because she was with him."

"Maybe. What did the doctor say?"

"There's a lot of damage to his heart muscles, but not enough for a surgery. He said that he thinks your dad has been having chest pains for a while and never said anything."

"Sounds right."

"He'll be okay, but it's going to take some time," Anne answered. "You don't look like you've slept."

"I tried. I was tossing and turning too much and I kept waking Adam up so I spent the night watching TV and trying not to think."

"Why don't you let your brother take you back to the house so you can get some sleep?"

"I don't want to leave him."

"I know. But you need some sleep. Everyone else is coming around dinner time."

"The Monroe clan converges on the cardiac care unit."

"It'll make the evening news."

"We're deprived of entertainment around here."

"Go get some sleep, honey."

"Okay. I'll be back in a few hours, daddy."

She leaned down and kissed his cheek then hugged her mom and left the room. Eli was waiting outside as promised and he gave her a small smile.

"Want me to take you to the house?"

"Yes please."

"Lindsay!"

She looked up just in time to see Taylor fly down the porch steps and across the gravel driveway into her arms.

"Hey doll face."

"He just fell down," she breathed. "I looked over and he was on the ground."

"I know, sweetie. It's okay."

"I should have done more. I should have… I don't know."

"You got him back to the house, sweetie. You did your best. He's going to be okay."

"I was so scared."

"I know. Come on, let's go inside."

They walked back up the porch steps and into the house, where Eli set Lindsay's suitcase by the door.

"I gotta go pick up the kids, but I'll see you two later tonight."

He left the house and they sat down on the couch, Taylor curling herself comfortably into Lindsay's side.

"It was scary. I didn't know what to do. And he was just laying there."

"It's okay, Taylor. He's fine. I don't want you to be feeling guilty just because you were there, okay?"

"Alright. It's just… he's the only read dad I've ever had. And if something happens to him, I don't know what I'm going to do."

"I know."

"I'm glad you're here."

"Me too. Are you headed out right now or are you here for the day?"

"I have class in a little bit. I didn't want to go, but your mom said that there's no reason for me not to."

"Dad would want you to go."

"Okay. I'd better get moving then. I'll be back in a couple hours."

"I'll be here."

She grabbed her messenger bag and left the house while Lindsay sighed and kicked her shoes off. The grandfather clock ticked slowly, a sound that had been as much a part of her childhood as this house. She made her way slowly up the stairs and into her parents bedroom, smoothing her hand over the quilt on their bed, moving to her dad's night stand. The old alarm clock that he never actually used, and old family picture, his nice watch, the much read, falling apart leather covered Bible. She ran her fingers over the cover and sighed softly, thinking of Sundays past and feeling a twinge of guilt over the fact that her own Bible hadn't seen the light of day in over ten years. Shaking her head, she moved into the hallway again and opened the door at the end of the hallway, which led up to her old attic bedroom. She made her way up the wooden steps, peeking in and smirking at the little touches that made the room Taylors. The furniture was still in the same place, the double beds both covered with the same quilts. There were different pictures and posters now though, different clothes strewn on the floor and spilling out of the closet. One of the beds was a mess, so Lindsay moved to the other one and took her phone out of her coat pocket before draping that over the end of the bed. She pulled the covers back and crawled in, smelling the unmistakable scent of homemade detergent and lavender. She laid back on the bed and breathed in for a while, her eyes ranging over the wooden rafters that still held chalked drawings and "The Five Musketeers were here… and we never left!" Smiling with nostalgia she checked for service on her phone, then called Adam.

"Hey baby, how're you doing?"

"I'm… medium."

"Did you see him?"

"Yeah. He's laying there not moving. His hands are clammy and he looks gray. Like his whole skin tone is just gray. He's on all these machines and pumps and medications and I can barely look at him. He's my dad, he's always been the same, and he's never supposed to change."

"I'm sorry, honey."

"I'm scared. I don't know if he's going to be okay or if he's going to recover fully or not. I hate not knowing but when it's something like this it's so much worse."

"Honey, I think you're just going to have to accept that you can't control it. Remember what we always say, it's just one day at a time. It's the same thing right now, you've just got to worry about today."

"It's hard."

"I know. Where are you right now?"

"I'm at the house."

"You need to get some sleep. This will be a little easier when you're rested."

"I wish you were here."

"You can pretend I am."

She chuckled and pulled the blankets tighter around her.

"Tell me something good."

"Love goes on even when you stop breathing and then you pick it up again when you get to heaven."

"How do you always know exactly what I need to hear?"

"Because it's usually what I need to say. Get some rest baby. Call if you need me."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. I love you."

"I love you too. Bye."

She put the phone down and pulled the pillow under her head, closing her eyes and letting the long awaited tears fall.