Just to address a few comments/questions;
To Guest (French Fan) from chapter 9 – This is still to come.
To Guest (Cheryl) from chapter 9 – I definitely know being shot with a sniper round in the vest is not a little thing. This is something that happened to Kensi in the Blye, K episodes. I included it because it demonstrates the difference in her partnership with Renko. She works well with Renko, but he's not Deeks. She didn't let Renko help with her injury. In both the show and this story, she did let Deeks help.
To all readers who may not be aware of this – the comment about 'the lie won't matter' is actually a Hetty comment. It was said very earlier in the Kensi/Deeks partnership on the show.
To several readers who have addressed concerns about Kensi continuing to keep a secret, especially after Deeks has opened up (especially justareader07, who left a very nice review of constructive criticism) – Yes, Kensi is keeping a really big secret. And yes, there will be certain issues when Deeks finds out. But Kensi is doing the best she can right now. She didn't go on the blind date expecting to fall in love. But she has, and she's trying to juggling her new relationship with her work responsibilities. As I said upfront in the first chapter, the story is about the struggle to keep secrets. It's also tagged as 'angst' for a reason. I'm trying to write a realistic interaction between our two favourite characters in this different world.
Should Kensi tell him right away? Yes, probably. She seriously debated breaking up with him because she knows it isn't fair to him. But she doesn't want to lose him. She's human.
Will Deeks find out, immediately be fine, and they'll ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after? No. Because they're human. But they're both attached.
I enjoy the reviews/PMs of readers who are invested in the story, I really do. And I ALWAYS welcome constructive criticism. Before I started posting, I had written to a 'certain' point. Once we get to that point, I will definitely be able to incorporate suggestions about what you want to see next.
Kensi sits back from her computer and stretches her back. Then she bends her neck side to side, stretching out the tension of the day.
She's been partnerless for almost three weeks now; since Renko was recalled to work an undercover assignment. As much as she and Renko joke with each other, she enjoys having him as a partner when he is working with the team. She can trust and count of him. After he'd been working with them for so long, she'd really hoped he'd be assigned permanently. On days like today, she is reminded just how much she relies on her partner.
"How is the report going, my dear?" Hetty asks.
Kensi is surprised at her boss's sudden appearance beside her desk, but stifles any reaction. She has grown accustomed to being surprised.
"Almost finished," she says.
"That's good. I know the last few weeks have been even busier than usual. But you have handled the added strain admirably."
Kensi allows herself a small smile. "Thanks, Hetty."
"I had hoped we would find you a permanent partner by now."
"Me, too." She pauses before continuing, "It's nice when Renko is here."
"Mr. Renko is a good agent," Hetty says. "You two work well as partners. If I could have him here all the time, I would. And I thought I had a good chance of keeping him here. The request to have him off on assignment came from above my head."
"Maybe one day," Kensi offers.
"I like to think it's a strong possibility." Hetty smiles. "This job is stressful. Having someone to count on is important."
"If you're worried about me, I'm okay. Callen and Sam make sure I'm backed up."
"I was referring to your mental wellbeing, someone to help with the stress of this job," Hetty tells her. "But I guess you have that with your lawyer friend."
Kensi smiles at the reminder of the man she is spending so much of her time with. Her life feels so different than it had before she met him. He does help with the stress of her job.
"I guess I do," Kensi answers.
"You've been seeing him for quite some time now."
"Little more than five months," Kensi responds. She's not keeping track, but she's also not not keeping track.
"I'm happy for you, Kensi," Hetty tells her. "Mr. Deeks seems to be a wonderful young man."
"He is," she answers, before furrowing her brow. She cocks her head as she meets Hetty's eyes. "I've never told anyone here his last name."
Hetty smiles. "I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't keep track of my agents."
"You ran a background check?" She asks, though it's not really a question.
"Of course." Hetty nods. When Kensi does not respond, she continues. "Do you want to know what I found?"
Kensi shakes her head. She doesn't hesitate when she says, "I trust him."
"I'm glad you have found someone to trust, Kensi. I know how difficult trust can be for you." She offers Kensi a moment to process. "For the record, I am impressed with your Mr. Deeks. He could have made an excellent agent."
Kensi laughs, but sobers quickly. Knowing Hetty, Kensi is sure the older women knows about Marty's past with his father. "He doesn't like guns," she says quietly.
Hetty offers only a nod and a, "hmm."
Kensi sighs before continuing. "He doesn't like the reminder of his childhood. I've told him my views, told him about my own childhood on base…" She trails off for a moment. "We're good, you know? He says he can accept me if I can accept him. But he doesn't really know what he's accepting. I know you always say if someone loves you then the lie doesn't matter, but it feels like it might matter. It might matter a lot."
Things have been amazing with Marty lately. They are moving forward together and their relationship feels strong. She wants a future with him, but every time she thinks forward to the future, she feels dread that either she'll have to lie forever or he'll find out the truth and he won't be part of her future. "It might matter too much," she adds.
Hetty considers her for a moment. "What are you going to do about that?"
It's a question Kensi has asked herself a thousand times. And she thinks she's come to an answer. She loves Marty, and he deserves to know everything about her. He's opened himself up to her, and she hasn't been able to do the same. The last thing she wants is to lose him, but she knows this isn't fair to him, and she can't keep moving forward knowing that.
Kensi takes a breath and meets Hetty's eyes.
Hetty considers her for a long moment before responding. "You are a good judge of character, Ms. Blye. I like to think the lie won't matter, but who am I to give out relationship advice?" Hetty offers her a smile. "I will leave it up to you to rely on that good judgment of yours."
00
The next day, Kensi stares at herself in the mirror as she gets ready to go out.
Her forehead is creased, and it makes her frown even more. Now that she has Hetty's go-ahead to tell Marty the truth, she feels both relief and more anxiety.
Because how do you tell the man you've been with nearly half a year that you're a special agent who carries and uses the guns he despises?
She doesn't have any answer yet, but it's weighing heavily on her mind. She knows she needs to do it right. She needs to plan it well.
And she knows she needs to be okay if he walks away.
She sighs and runs a hand through her hair. She doesn't like thinking about a life that doesn't have Marty in it.
There is movement in the hallway, and her eyes flicker away from herself in the mirror. They catch on the reflection of Marty walking into her bedroom.
"You just about ready?" He asks as he shuffles up behind her.
His arms snake around her waist and his chin comes to rest on her shoulder. He smiles at her through the mirror.
Kensi leans back with a smile. "I think so."
"You look beautiful," he says, waggling his eyebrows at her in the mirror.
She laughs at his antics. "Thank you." She turns in his arms and meets his eyes directly. Her hands rest on his shoulders. "You look pretty good yourself, mister."
"Yeah?"
She nods. "Yeah. So good, in fact, that maybe we should just stay here…" She makes a show of running her hands down his chest to the waistband of his jeans. She tugs at the material of his blue button down.
He plays along for a moment, allowing her to untuck his shirt. "As much as I love the idea of staying here, don't you think Mindy will miss us?"
She shakes her head at the mention of the friend who had set them up. "Nope. Not at all. There will be so many people at her party that she won't even notice we're not there."
He nods, pretending to consider her answer. "It's funny that you say that, because wasn't it you complaining all week that she was going to parade us around?"
She scrunches her nose. "She's so smug."
He chuckles and pecks her on the lips. "She's just happy for us."
She raises an eyebrow.
"Okay," he concedes. "She's like ninety percent happy, and ten percent smug."
She continues to stare him down.
He laughs. "Okay, more like sixty-forty."
"Yeah, sixty percent smug," she mutters.
He kisses her again. "She's allowed to be smug. I'm happy she has reason to be smug."
She feels her heart tug. "Me, too." This time she reaches up to kiss him. "Speaking of being happy, I'm happy you came to pick me up, but you know you didn't have to. Mindy lives closer to you. This was out of your way. I could have just met you there."
He presses close to her, his hands on her hips. "Yes, but if we showed up in separate cars, how would I convince you to come home with me?"
She laughs and shakes her head, but smiles. "Excellent point."
He pecks her on the lips one more time before releasing her. He moves to re-tuck in his shirt.
Kensi stares at him for a moment, overwhelmed with how happy and comfortable she is with this wonderful man her friend set her up with almost half a year earlier. He's brought so much joy and laughter to her life.
He catches her eyes and offers a questioning look.
"I really love you, you know that?"
His expression softens. When he speaks, his voice is thick with emotion. "I really do know," he tells her.
She watches him swallow hard, and says nothing. She knows to let him process his feelings. She knows how lonely and hurt he has been before.
She knows he's as invested in her and she is in him.
She knows just how important it is she tell him the truth, and tell him well. Because she has the power to make or break both of them.
AN: A little shorter than normal. Next chapter is mostly ready to go. I could probably be convinced to hurry up and post it sooner.