Sorry for the delay. Had a minor hand injury which significantly slowed down my typing ability. And for some reason this chapter kicked my ass. It's been re-written a few times. I think I'm on schedule to update again next weekend, and I'm hoping to have the next chapter of ADLS up as well.
The team is given the rest of the week off after Renko's funeral. Kensi spends most of her time re-settling into a life that includes Marty.
As the hours and days go by, Kensi's amazement that Marty has chosen to stay with her settles into a general sense of awe. She is grateful for the amazing man who has chosen to love her despite everything.
She feels fortunate that she has him in her life, and she wants nothing more. On Friday, they go out to a movie and she refuses to pick, wanting him to choose. On Saturday, they go out for lunch and, again, she has him pick the restaurant. On Sunday, she has him choose what they do that day.
She spends Sunday night at Marty's house, and then heads straight to work Monday morning.
Monty sits beside her, staring happily up at her as he wags his tail. She smiles at the dog and checks her purse again to make sure she has everything she needs for work. She has checked three times already, but she is stalling. Marty is still getting ready, and she doesn't want to leave without him.
Footsteps sound down the hall and Marty appears in the living room. He's dressed for work in dark pants and a blue dress shirt.
Monty chuffs and leaves Kensi's side. He greets Marty and then returns to Kensi.
Marty laughs. "He missed you."
Kensi smiles sadly. "I missed him, too."
Marty stares at her for a long moment before nodding. He understands the true meaning behind her words.
"You ready to go?" He asks.
She nods.
He glances at her purse and then back at her. He clears his throat. "Is your gun…in your purse?"
She shakes her head. "It's locked in my car. I wouldn't bring it in here. I know how you feel."
He stares at her again and then nods. "I appreciate that."
Kensi looks downward. She's not sure how to respond. The last few days have been a combination of amazing and amazingly awkward.
He clears his throat again. "But you have your badge with you?"
She looks up and nods. "Yes."
He smirks at her. "It's kind of cool that you have a badge."
It's not the first time he has mentioned her job. But it's the first time he has tried to joke about it.
She laughs before she can help it.
His smile widens. He holds his hand up like he is holding a badge. "Are you all like; Blye, Kensi Blye when you pull your badge?"
She laughs again. "Not exactly."
He leans in to peck her on the cheek. "Still cool. And a little hot."
She feels her heart swell. She knows how hard he is trying to make this work.
"Thank you."
He straightens. "We should get going." He turns to Monty and pats the dog on the head. "You be a good boy today. See you tonight."
Monty follows them to the door, but makes no attempt to join them. He sits and watches patiently as the door is shut.
Kensi waits while Marty locks the door. She is surprised when he reaches for her hand. She threads her fingers through his and holds tight.
They walk in silence to the road where their cars are both parked. They stop at Kensi's SRX.
Marty glances towards the dark windows and then back to Kensi.
She cocks her head. "What?"
He hesitates before asking, "Is your gun in the glovebox?"
She feels her brow furrow, wondering about his sudden preoccupation with her firearm. "No, why?"
He looks down for a long moment, before looking up and meeting her eyes. "I know that you carry a gun at work. And I'm okay with that. It's just a little more…real when you're here."
"I don't have to bring it here anymore," she says quickly. "I can leave it at work-"
He cuts her off by shaking his head. "I'm not explaining myself well." He runs a hand through his hair. "I'm okay with it. It's just…weird. I want to get used to it. I don't want you to feel like you have to hide things from me."
His words aren't meant to cut into her heart, but they do.
"I'm sorry," she says quietly.
He runs his hand through his hair again. "I don't want you to be sorry, Kens," he says softly. "I want us to move past this. I want you to be comfortable telling me things. Anything. Even if it makes me uncomfortable."
"I don't want to make you uncomfortable," she says.
He reaches his hand forward to brush her hair back behind her ear. "I don't want you walking on egg shells around me."
She stares up at him for a long moment. She doesn't want to make him uncomfortable, but she also doesn't want to hide anything from him.
"I want us to be able to talk," he continues. "About anything. Even guns."
She is once again immeasurable grateful for this wonderful man. She knows what it means for him to be willing to talk about guns. The least she can do is follow his wishes. She nods. "Okay."
He glances at the car again. "Where do you keep it?"
"It's in a secure box hidden under the liner in the back of the car." She points towards trunk of the SRX.
"Is there a key?"
She shakes her head. "A multi-digit code on a keypad."
"Smart."
She nods her agreement. "You don't…do you want to see it?"
He swallows hard. "The box or the gun?"
"Either."
He takes a breath and then shakes his head. "No."
"Okay," she says easily.
He offers her a smile. "I'm just happy knowing where it is."
There is an awkward moment where she doesn't know what to say to him. But then he wraps his arms around her in a tight hug. "You'll be safe today, right?" He asks.
His words remind her that this is the first time she has left him to go to work since he found out what she really does. He hesitation to let her leave suddenly makes more sense.
"Yes," she tells him.
"I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you," he whispers.
She grips tightly to him and closes her eyes. She hears what he is saying behind his words. He is still focused on what could have happened if she had been shot instead of Renko.
"I'm okay, Marty," she assures him.
He holds her a little tighter.
"I can't promise you nothing bad will ever happen to me," she whispers. "But I have a good team who have my back. We're as careful as we can be."
"Okay," he responds, still holding her tight.
"And today will probably be an easy day in the office," she adds. "Paperwork and stuff."
He releases her and meets her eyes. "That makes me feel a little better."
She almost-laughs at his tone. "Glad I could help."
He chuckles. "This is all going to take some getting used to."
"Do you think you can? Get used to it?"
He stares at her for a long moment. There is hope in his eyes, but no certainty. "I want to," he finally tells her.
She nods, knowing she cannot ask for more. "I'm glad."
00
By the time Kensi makes her way into the office, she is a few minutes late. Callen and Sam are already there, working away on paperwork. They don't mention her tardiness and she says nothing about it.
She sits at her desk and reaches for her laptop. She pauses before lifting the screen to stare across the small bullpen at her late partner's desk. It is empty and untouched, like Renko could show up at any moment. She closes her eyes and takes a moment to miss her partner. Then she lifts the screen and gets to work.
The next few hours pass in near-silence. The small team work their way through several reports, only speaking up to ask quick questions about cases. Callen and Sam banter a bit between themselves, but take care not to joke with Kensi.
By lunch time, they take a break.
Kensi stretches her arms above her head, stretching out her back. She is not used to spending hours on her computer. She catches Sam glancing uncertainly at her. He notices her noticing him and offers her a warm smile.
She smiles back and contemplates her best move. She doesn't want Callen and Sam hesitant with her. She decides the best approach is the most direct.
"How was drinks after the funeral?"
If Sam is surprised by her forwardness, he doesn't show it. "Good. Somewhat depressing, but good."
"Got Eric drunk," Callen adds.
Kenso doesn't miss the twitch on Sam's face as he bites back a smirk.
"Again?" She recalls the technical operator's drinking after Dom's funeral.
"What can we say?" Callen speaks up. "He's a light weight."
Sam nods his agreement. "But Nell can hold her own," he adds. "For a small person, she can certainly drink her fair share."
Callen chuckles. "If we drank in relation to body weight, she could out drink us," he says.
"Easily," Sam agrees.
Kensi smiles at the thought of the young analyst out-drinking Callen and Sam. "Girl power."
Callen and Sam exchange a look.
"How was your weekend?" Callen asks.
"It was good."
The senior partners exchange another look.
"So, Marty seems like a good guy," Sam ventures.
"He is."
"And everything is…okay?"
She considers Callen and Sam for a long moment. She knows they care. "As okay as it can be considering he doesn't like guns, found out what I really do for a living last week, and still wants to stick around."
Callen considers her for a long moment. He is clearly unsure what to say to her.
Sam, however, offers her a smile. "It's a lot for anyone to get used to. But if he's still here now, that's a good sign."
Kensi smiles back. "I hope you're right."
"Give it time," Sam says.
She takes a breath.
"But in the meantime," Sam starts. He's smirking, and Kensi holds her breath, knowing he's gearing up to make her laugh. "Can we talk about the hair?"
She laughs out loud, and then crosses her arms. "What about the hair?"
"Wouldn't have pegged it as your type, that's all."
Kensi crossed her arms and bites back a smile, trying to look stern. She knows Callen and Sam are just trying to joke with her to take her mind off Renko. "And just what do you think is my type?"
Callen holds up his hands. "Not touching that one."
Sam laughs. "You're sure he's a lawyer, right?"
"And not a singer in a boyband?" Callen adds.
Kensi rolls her eyes, but she's grateful for her team and their attempts to make her laugh. "You two are really funny, you know?" She says dryly.
"Well, I'm funny," Callen says. "Big guy's working hard to be like me."
Sam huffs. "I'm the funny one. You didn't know what a joke was before you met me."
Kensi shakes her head as Callen and Sam banter back and forth between them. She misses her partner, but she still has her team.
And she still, despite everything, has Marty.
She smiles.