Before reading this chapter, please make sure you read Chapter 15. I posted it last week, but I'm not sure alerts went out to everyone.
A month after Special Agent Mike Renko is buried, a new agent is assigned to the Los Angeles office of Special Projects.
A friend of a friend of Sam's, Special Agent Frederick Cole is a typical former marine. He's tall, clean cut, and slim, but muscular.
No one specifically says to Kensi that he is her new partner, but the implication is clear. If Agent Cole is a good fit, they will be partners.
She likes Cole. He's been with NCIS for five years, after a few tours with the marines. He's a little too focussed on protocol, but he's quick to smile when the team is joking. She knows from experience that the team and the work they do takes some getting used to.
A week into Cole's tenure with OSP, they wind up in a firefight with some wannabe terrorists, and are pinned down as they wait for Sam and Callen to arrive for backup. Cole is calm and collected. He uses his ammo sparingly, and is excellent backup. He definitely has the experience for the field work required in the job.
When Callen and Sam show up, and joke about saving their asses, Cole is quick to respond. "We had everything under control," he says, shooting a look to Kensi.
Kensi smiles and nods. "Yeah, we did."
He offers her a fist bump, and she obliges.
It's their first true interaction as potential partners, and it doesn't go by unnoticed by either of them.
When they make it back to the office, Cole takes his seat at Renko's old desk. Kensi swallows down the grief she still feels, and smiles. She knows Renko would want her safe and backed up by a new partner.
"Been in a few firefights before?" She questions.
Cole shrugs. "Oh, just a few."
"Just another day at the office."
He smiles and then nods towards her. "You're good with a handgun; good aim."
She cocks her head, testing him. "For a woman?"
He huffs a laugh. "No. For anyone."
She considers him for a moment before nodding. "Thank you. My dad taught me to shoot."
Cole smiles. "Me, too. Lifelong marine."
"Ah, a fellow navy brat."
"Yes, I am." He pauses. "Your dad still serving?"
She shakes her head. "No, he died when I was fifteen."
"Sorry."
The pain of losing her father isn't less since she solved his murder, but it's duller. No longer does the reminder of her father's death highlight the lack of answers. It does, however, remind her that she still hasn't been able to summon the courage to see her mother. "Thank you."
They continue to share information until Callen and Sam join them in the bullpen. She thinks Cole is someone she could learn to trust.
When the day is finished, she goes home for a shower. Then she heads to Marty's house. It's Friday and she's looking forward to a quiet weekend. She's exhausted after a long week.
Monty greets her at the door, his tail wagging like usual. Marty is across the room, sitting at the table with an open file in front of him.
"Hey," she calls.
He stands. "I'm so glad you're here. You're a good excuse to step away from this file."
She laughs and accepts a kiss as he meets her in the living room. "Glad to be useful."
He chuckles. "I meant it in the nicest way possible."
She cups her hand along his cheek and smiles. "I know." She tugs him lower and kisses him again. In the last month, things have slowly settled back towards normal for them. Marty is more and more confident every day that she will make it home. And Kensi thinks she is doing a good job making the stress she causes up to him.
He obliges her with a long kiss, before standing upright. "What do you want to do tonight? Go out for dinner?"
Her exhaustion hums within her body, but she smiles and nods. "Sure. Where do you want to go?"
He cocks his head. "You pick."
She clicks her tongue. "Seriously, what are you in the mood for?" She doesn't want to pick. She honestly doesn't care. She just wants him to be happy wherever they go.
"Whatever you are," he responds.
"I really don't want to choose," she says.
He deflates and runs his hand through his hair. "How was work?" He asks.
His question takes her by surprise. But her answer is easy. It's what she always tells him. "It was fine."
"Just fine?"
She feels her brow furrow, not sure what kind of point he is trying to make. "It was a pretty normal day."
"It's always a normal day," he says, taking a step back. He's frustrated. "Just like you never want to choose anything we do."
"I don't need to choose," she tries. "I'm happy going anywhere with you."
He is silent as he turns and walks across the living room. He sits on the couch and looks up at her. She can't decipher his expression. "I think…we need to talk."
Kensi feels her heart pound in her chest. She's been so careful this last month to be the best girlfriend she can. She's urged him to choose where they go and what they do. She's been careful to keep her work talk minimal, and not mention the close calls. She thought she was doing well.
"I…" She trails off before she's really had a chance to form a thought.
Then he surprises her. He laughs.
The sound takes her by surprise and she pauses, mid-thought and mid-action.
"Of all the things not to say in this situation," he chides himself. "I guess we're back to the clichés…"
He is smiling at her, but she can't smile back. She doesn't want this to end, and she struggles to find the words to fight for them.
His eyes pinch and he cocks his head. He pats the spot next to him on the couch. "Please come and sit with me, Kens."
She does as he asks, still uncertain as to what is going on. She wants to fight for them, but if he wants to end things, she doesn't think she has the right to argue. Not after everything.
He reaches for her hand and squeezes. "I love you, Kensi."
His words, once again, surprise her. She feels tears stinging her eyes, and she blinks them back. "I love you, too," she whispers.
"We can't keep going on this way," he says softly.
"I'm doing everything I can to make this work," she says. She feels defeated. She's exhausted and she doesn't know what else she can do.
He huffs a laugh. "Yeah. You're agreeing with everything I say. You let me pick everything. You keep coming over here because it's easier for me with Monty. You never talk about work."
"That's not fair," she counters. "You're putting up with so much from me, the least I can do is-"
He cuts her off. "Please don't finish that sentence." He takes a breath. "Would things be simpler if you really did work for a pharmaceutical company? Yes. But I'm not looking for simple. I love you, Kensi. Not what you do for a living. And I know I didn't take the news well when I found out, but I'm sorry for that." He pauses and shakes his head. "I want to make this work."
"I want this to work, too. Which is why I don't talk about work. I don't want to complicate things."
"I'm not looking for simple," he repeats. "I'm looking for a partner. I'm looking for an equal. Not this person you've become with me. I want the real Kensi back. The Kensi who shared with me, the Kensi who voiced opinions and preferences. The Kensi I could debate with and who challenged me. The Kensi who would bargain and banter with me to go get ice cream at 10PM."
"That Kensi was lying to you," she says.
"Not about who she was," he counters. "Not about her likes, and dislikes, and opinions."
Kensi takes a breath. She's not sure how to do this. She's not sure how to make amends while flaunting her real job. She has, however, learned that honesty is the best policy. "I feel guilty," she admits.
He surprises her again when he smiles. "Sorry," he says quickly. "I just didn't think that would be so easy." He takes a breath and sobers. "I know you feel guilty. And I wish I could say that I'm okay with everything that happened. It still hurts that you kept so much from me." He pauses. "But I also get it. I know you couldn't say anything sooner." He shrugs. "I don't want you to feel guilty." He offers her a smile. "I forgive you, Kensi."
She exhales sharply. His words surprise her and tug at her heart. "Thank you."
"That means you can forgive yourself."
She feels tears well in her eyes. "I'm trying."
He squeezes her hand. "I want to help you with that. I want to be okay with your job. And that means you need to talk about it with me. Let's be equals again."
She exhales slowly, an action she learned from him. "I'll try."
He nods encouragingly. "Alright. Let's start with something easy. What do you really want to do tonight?"
She hesitates. She stares into his eyes as she struggles for an answer. She knows he wanted to go out.
He cocks his head and narrows his eyes. "Stop trying to decide what I want to do, and tell me what you want to do. Whatever it is, it will be okay."
She deflates. "I'm exhausted," she admits. "I don't really want to go out. I'd love to order in and spend the night here with you and Monty."
He leans in to kiss her cheek. "That sounds wonderful."
It's a small step, but it makes her feel good.
"What do you want to order in?" He asks.
She hesitates, and then laughs when he raises an eyebrow. "Pizza?"
"Pizza sounds perfect." He says.
He places the order, and then re-joins her on the couch.
"Should be here in an hour. While we're waiting, you want to tell me how work was today?"
She does want to tell him, she finds. His earlier words are still fresh in her head, and she feels stronger. "I got a new partner this week. Well, sort of."
"A sort-of new partner?"
"No one has specifically said Cole is my new partner, but everyone knows he will be if he works out."
"Is it hard? To have a new partner?"
"I miss Renko," she says. "But I know he would want me to have a good partner to have my back."
Marty smiles softly. "He's not the only one."
She smiles back. "He's good. Calm. Level-headed." She pauses before continuing. "We had a little shootout this morning." On Marty's look, she is quick to continue. "Everyone is fine. No close calls, even. It's just the first time with Cole. And he was good in the situation."
He takes a moment to absorb the info. "And you're okay?"
She nods. "Perfectly fine."
He hesitates before continuing.
She cocks her head. "If I have to be open, you can't hesitate to ask me anything."
He huffs a laugh, and then runs his hand through his hair. "Did you have to shoot anyone?"
His question takes her by surprise, but on retrospect, it shouldn't have. "No," she answers openly. "No one got shot today. We held them down until backup arrived, and then they all surrendered without incident." She is grateful that today's shootout ended so easily. It allows her to ease into these kinds of conversations.
He exhales slowly. "That's good."
She nods. "Other than that, work was uneventful."
He leans close and presses a kiss to her cheek. "Thank you for telling me."
She closes her eyes and leans into him. "Thank you for wanting to know things."
His arm snakes around her middle and he sighs into her hair. "I want to know everything."
"You're a good man, Marty," she whispers.
He breathes against her and says nothing.
She reaches to squeeze his knee, knowing he still struggles with compliments. "Your turn," she says, changing the subject. "How was work?"
He chuckles at her turning the tables on him, but obliges. He tells her about his day.
Hours later, after sharing about their days, after pizza for dinner and ice cream for dessert, and after a watching an old movie on Netflix, Kensi finds herself struggling to stay awake. Marty is warm beside her. Monty has long since fallen asleep on his doggy bed across the room.
She realizes she feels the most at peace since first meeting him. For half a year she struggled with keeping parts of herself from him. And then she faced the possibility of losing him forever. And then she had struggled with how to balance the new dynamic in their relationship.
Knowing how much he wants her to be honest and open with him makes her feel stronger. She no longer has to carry the weight of her job alone. He really does want to know everything.
It's been a good day.
She's told him before about her father's case and her mother's re-emergence into her life. She hasn't shared with him that seeing her mother still niggles at the back of her mind.
Today has been a good day. It feels good to share with Marty. It feels even better knowing he wants to hear about things from her. It makes her want to share more. She decides that tonight she will rest with Marty, but then tomorrow she will bring it up and ask for his advice.
Beside her, Marty's breath begins to deepen and she knows he is starting to fall asleep. She leans into him and clears her throat. "Bed?"
He mumbles something indecipherable. He leans forward and then groans as he stands from the couch. "Bed," he echoes.
She smiles as he offers her a hand. She accepts and lets him pull her to her feet.
They bump into each other in their tiredness as they go through their bedtime routines. Then they fall into bed together.
With Marty's warm presence beside her, Kensi begins to drift off to sleep. She smiles at the nice, normal evening.
She could get used to this.