After my outburst and me storming up to my room to see Malia. My emotions eventually got the best of me and the river of tears just burst. I had held in so many feelings for far too long and it all came crashing down in that exact moment. My sobs broke out and startled Malia causing her to become alarmed. When I looked down through my teary eyes I saw my chunky, beautiful daughter that made y heart become whole when she stared at me with those deep brown eyes her father use to look at me with. I instantly cheered up. She was absolutely gorgeous, yes that's biased coming from me but she was my blessing.
It was moments like these that made me miss Caleb more than normal days. I missed him holding me, telling me everything's going to be okay. now I had Malia to love me unconditionally and that was something I would always be grateful for.
After cuddling with my baby for a few more minutes my mom came to check up on me. She was worried because she knew what emotional battles I faced when I was younger and what i did to deal with them. I would never go back to that place again in my life. Malia was too important to me to risk my life-like that. Her needs trumped mine and that was my first act as a mother.
With everyone at college and work I had to decide what my plan was. My mother said that she wanted me to study but leaving Malia at home all day scared me so I thought of taking online classes. I would get my diploma for a P.A job just to get by and one day pursue my dream to work in the fashion industry. My head was swarming with all these adult decisions that I hadn't realised my eyes shut and i drifted off and sleep swallowed me.
Waking up the next morning, I felt as though my body was going to give in to all the stress I had to endure throughout the past year. I didn't think it was possible for me to be able to handle anything extra to weigh me down, but God was testing me on my limits to my breaking point. With my return came a lot of bad attachments, the falling out with my dad was the major one, at least i thought it was...
That morning I woke up with the feeling of having that dark, gloomy cloud just hanging over my head. I knew that a storm was to come but the question was could I survive this storm.
I got up, did my morning routine and then proceeded in getting Malia fed and ready for the day. Since half the town already knew I'm back and about my baby girl,I thought what the hell might as well embrace the fact that they are whispering about me and treat her to a day at the park. I think that's the thing I hated the most about this place, all the whispering and judgement that was cast upon one when you were just in diapers. I sometimes wonder if I want to expose Malia to that... the feeling of disappointment and shame over making innocent mistakes. I really wonder how I actually survived or am surviving this place. my demons haunt me, the last thing I need is for them to haunt my daughter too. I never ever want her to be at the hands of my mistakes.
Malia was rather fussy when we left the house and refused to be in her stroller, it was as if she was afraid to let me go, maybe a foresight into what was to come. when I finally managed to get her to settle down we decided to walk to the park near the church. It was a beautiful day with the sun shinning bright and the birds chirping. I stopped at the brew to get myself a coffee and then headed straight for Lucky Leon's for a cupcake, I guess some things just never change. arriving at the park I sat down on a bench and decided to read my new detective novel, I know hanna marin reading out of her free will was not normal but the new me found it therapeutic. About 10 minutes into my book, I started to hear the gurgles of my angel waking up. she had this cute little frown on her head, not knowing where she was. I knew that a wail was to come because of the unfamiliar surroundings. just before she could scream her little lungs out I stuck my head closer inside the stroller and she immediately smiled. I could never get over that cute little smirk she inherited from her father.
I had a feeling she was getting uncomfortable when her smirk started to turn into a frown and she wanted out of her confinements of her stroller. Just as I was unstrapping her I felt a presence approach us. It wasn't until she was in my arms and I stood up that I heard my name being mentioned behind me.
"Hanna?"
I knew that voice anywhere and I was too afraid to turn around to face him, all I could do was whisper his name out of recognition.
"Caleb"