Three Months Later
"You guys have got to see this show!" Olivia giggles as she puts a tape into the DVD player.
"What is it?" Ty asks as the rest of the children of SG-1 assemble themselves on the furniture in the O'Neill's basement rec room. The parents are playing cards upstairs, and the kids went downstairs to "play".
Olivia presses play and four people are ducking around giant fake rocks as cheesy special effects go off.
"What show is this?" Becky Lynn asks.
"Some cheesy sci fi," Cassie says, rolling her eyes. She is really wishing she would have stayed upstairs now. Maybe they would have let her. Or maybe she could have just sat in the kitchen and read a book or something, pretty much anything would be better than hanging out with these children.
"No, you guys, have to watch this. You're going to see it! I swear!" Olivia says, practically bouncing up and down.
The opening credits are over by this point, and Colonel Danning says, "As a matter of fact, it DOES say Colonel on my uniform," proudly.
"Oh my God!" Cassie says, with her eyes bulging.
"What?" Hannah asks.
"It's dad!" Ty exclaims.
"It is not," Hannah says, confused.
Cassie grabs the remote out of her sister's hand, and says, "Where did you find this?"
"In our basement," Olivia says, as if it was completely obvious.
"Ok, they either have to stop letting you down there, or stop bringing home classified crap. We can't let them watch this!" Cassie says.
"Duh, it's not classified. It's going to be on TV," Olivia snarks at her sister.
"Yeah, I've seen commercials advertising this. It's supposed to be the 'most x-tream' adventure," Tammy says.
"No way is the Air Force actually going to let it air," Cassie says.
"Well, we have our own private viewing," Olivia says with a wicked grin.
"I'm not sure everyone in this room is exactly privy to this classified information," Cassie says looking around the room.
"Well, if it's going to be on TV, what's the harm?" Olivia says.
"The harm is most of the viewing audience isn't about to see their parents on the TV," Cassie argues.
"This is a show about our parents?" Becky Lynn asks, confused.
"Well, like, your brother-in-law, or whatever," Olivia says with a shrug.
"Livy," Cassie warns in her best 'big sister' voice.
"Loosen up, it's a comedy," Olivia says, as on-screen Colonel Danning grabs onto the women, and says, "Hey! It's what I do," and kisses her.
"I don't think it's meant to be comedy," Cassie comments, sitting back on the couch as soon as she realizes how badly she wants to see the rest of the show herself.
"Really? Well, that just makes it a whole lot more funny," Olivia comments.
"The positronic field emitters are off-line, but I can compensate by generating a feedback loop," Monroe announces from the TV.
"They sure got Mom's technobabble right," Emma comments.
"Naw, when Mommy talks, it make sense," Ty argues.
"Damn it, Colonel! Just because they're aliens and their skulls are transparent doesn't mean that they don't have rights!" Levant says, sounding completely exhausted by his own speech.
All three of the Jackson children double over laughing, although Will was young enough that he might have been imitating his sisters.
As Grell appears on screen, Becky Lynn and Tammy stare at him. He raises an eyebrow, and Becky Lynn says, "Teal'c makes that face."
"And he has a weird shape on his forehead," Tammy points out.
"But he's not a robot," Becky Lynn says.
"Now, but he is all metally," Emma points out helpfully.
-0-0-0-
"Those kids have been awfully quiet," Sam says, looking at the basement door suspiciously.
"We'd probably better go check on them," her husband agrees, putting down the cards.
"I believe you are saying these things because you do not like the cards that you were dealt," Teal'c says.
"Whose idea was it to play poker with stoneface anyway?" Janet asks, "I fold, and am going down to check on the kids."
"Me, too," Sam says.
"I'm with them," Daniel says.
Jack lays his cards down without saying a word. Teal'c raises his eyebrow at his wife by way of challenge. She puts her cards down, and follows the others out of the room.
Janet knows there is trouble as soon as they enter the stairway. She hears the voice of Levant, the actor who mocked her husband on a television show say, "What? What? I haven't finished translating the alien text. Grell, what-what do you think?"
There is a pause and then the voice of Reese says, "What the hell is that?"
"What are you watching?" Janet says, running down the last couple of stairs and startling the children. All of them, from the toddler to the teenager, look up at her with startled and guilty expressions on their faces.
"We were watching Wormhole X-Tream," Olivia says proudly.
"Wormhole X-Tream? That thing actually made it on to television?" Sam asks in shock.
Daniel flinches, "Ah… I might have had something to do with the kids getting their hands on that. See… I, ah… kept a copy of it. Down in the basement."
"And why would you do that?" Jack asks, taking on the role of commanding officer in a way that he very rarely did during team nights.
"Well, it was funny," Daniel says with a shrug.
"Science fiction is an existential metaphor that allows us to tell stories about the human condition. Isaac Asimov once said, 'Individual science fiction stories may seem as trivial as ever to the blinded critics and philosophers of today, but the core of science fiction, its essence, has become crucial to our salvation, if we are to be saved at all'." Teal'c says.
"That was a very Grell thing to say," Tammy says with a giggle.
"Olivia, we talked about not sharing classified things with other people," Janet says with a sigh.
"Nothing in this was classified," Cassie says in a rush to defend her sister. She's already sensed that if her sister gets in trouble, she as the oldest one there, is probably going to get in trouble for it as well.
"Right, well, it's about as close to classified as it's going to get," Janet says.
"How could any of that be classified? I mean, it's about aliens," Tammy says with a roll of her eyes.
"Yeah, it's not like it's true-to-life. Daddy doesn't go around kissing a bunch of aliens," Ty points out.
Shelby just barely stops herself from making a comment about how she is the only one of the group who regularly kisses aliens. Well, one alien in particular, but still. She can't make that comment though, because her sisters have no idea what either of them do in Cheyanne Mountain. She didn't really plan on telling them either, partly because she isn't sure they would believe her, and partly because she doesn't want them to worry. She really wishes that Janet would downplay the whole thing, because it's going to be harder to laugh at the show and the similarities to their friends if Olivia is getting in trouble for showing it to them.
"Right, it's just a silly little show," Shelby says with a smile.
"But the people in the show are like the ones in real life," Becky Lynn points out, her eyes wide as she stares the at the TV screen.
"Well, that's because we met the guy who was making the show. They needed an Air force consultant, so they came and talked to all of us, and I guess they liked us so much that they put little bits of who we were into the show," Jack says, smiling at the girl.
The kids seem to buy it, and just then Ty jumps up on the back of a couch to do an impression of Colonel Danning, "It's what I do!" He then jumps down, and chases after Olivia trying to give her a kiss.
"I'm not an alien!" she protests.
"That's true," Ty says, turning to chase after Cassie.
"Ew!" she says, running out of the way of the small boy.
"Let's all play Dannings and aliens," Emma suggests.
Will reaches his hands up to his mother, indicating that he wants her to pick him up. She obeys the summons, and he plants a wet sloppy kiss on her cheek. "Aein," he informs her.
"Well, they're not quiet anymore, Janet," Sam says.
"I think our work is done, you want to go play another game?" she asks.
"Maybe something where the robot doesn't have an unfair advantage?" Jack suggests.
The Next Day
Becky Lynn stares at Teal'c over the breakfast table.
"Are you not pleased with your tart?" he asks.
"Shelby says we're 'posed to call them pop tarts," Becky Lynn says, taking a bite.
"They do not resemble soda," Teal'c replies, glaring at the offending treat in his hand as he takes a bite.
"So are you a robot?"
"I am not," Teal'c replies.
"No, your skin is metally, but it's not that metally enough to be made of metal," Becky Lynn says.
"Your powers of observation are very astute," he replies.
"But you're not human," Becky Lynn says.
Teal'c doesn't deny it.
Becky Lynn tilts her head at him in surprise, "And you do go to other planets, don't you?" She stares at him for a little longer, thinking seriously, "In fact, you're from another planet, aren't you?"
Teal'c just looks at her.
"That's why your stomach is all funky. It's your alien part. And your forehead, it's all alieny as well."
Teal'c just blinks and takes another bite of strawberry pop tart.
Becky Lynn bites her lip, "Teal'c, you're not going to go home like ET, are you?"
"If I ever returned to my home, I would take my family with me," he says gravely.
"And I'm part of your family?" Becky Lynn asks, bouncing on her seat.
"Indeed," he says.
"So will I get to live on Mars when you go home?"
"The atmosphere of the planet you call Mars is uninhabitable."
"So Venus?"
"It is too warm."
"I'm not going to trick you into telling me anything you don't already know, am I?"
"You are correct," Teal'c says.
"That's ok, I'll find another way to figure out where you are from."