Chapter 7
'Am I dead?' Severus asked himself. 'But I didn't feel dead. In fact, I felt much alive. That's odd. I've never felt much alive before. Then, why I felt these?'
Severus opened his eyes slowly, feeling disoriented. He accesses his physical injuries and let a sighed escaping his lips. His right hand reached his neck where the snake bit. It was covered with bandages. Then, he looked around the room. The room is luxurious like one of the Malfoy's guest rooms but instead of the elegant exterior, the room is so comfy like home. Its design although it's not likeable for him but deep inside his occlude mind he always dreams that if he is married and had a family, he would have this kind of comfy home.
Thinking about it makes him ache. He closed his eyes, concentrating to occlude the outrageous imagination. He could not have it. The love of his life had die because of him. But is Lily is truly the love of your life? She makes it clearly that she never loves you, she could not love you the way you love her. Severus snapped his eyes open. Wait where did that come from? Why is it I doubt my love for Lily? No, I love Lily and that's it. Nothing would change that. But is it true that you really truly love her sincerely? Or is it just your obsession? And jealousy towards one name James Potter? Suddenly in his mindscape, a man, no it was himself looking at him sorrowfully. The man is wearing a Greek style white robe with a mental on his shoulder. His left arm covered with a snake tattoo. It's not the Dark Mark but a snake spiraling the whole arm. He also wears a strange head circlet that he knew he would never wear it. Not in a life time! On his right hand, he's holding a staff with a snake spiraling around it. Severus had a feeling he had seen the staff before.
Admit it you know that Lily had fancied him for so long but you always see what you want to see. The sign is always there but you ignored it. 'No, it's not true. I love her. Who are you saying things like these?' Severus snapped at the man. The man chuckled; not worrying that Severus is in the edge of cursing the man. Well, I am you Severus, I am the true you. Sort of, it's more to your subconscious. The truth is I am you that you haven't achieved… yet. You are much more powerful than you think. Even more powerful than Dumbledore and Voldermort combined. At this, Severus flinched. Oh come on. If you know your own strength you wouldn't even flinched. Hell you could beat the crap out of that psychopath drama queen in a matter of minutes. 'What did you mean?' he asked curiously and confuse. You will know sooner than you think. Now, back to the topic. In a conclusion, you never love Lily, Severus. You obsess her. Accept it for the sake of yourself.
Severus felt angered like he never felt before. How dare him! 'Don't you ever say that! I love her! I love Lily with all my heart.' Then, tell me Severus, why you didn't let her go? Severus stunned. If you truly love her, you would let her go and wished that she will always happy even if it with James Potter. At the mention of Potter's name Severus simmered. The other Severus sighed, seeing Severus didn't see some sense. Severus, the man slowly talks to Severus like a small child need some sense, love doesn't mean that you own her but you would do anything to make her happy. But what you did before, when she still alive is only gives her more sadness. If you truly love her you would banished the idea being a death eater for her sake, you would have abandoned the death eaters even before her family was target by Voldermort not when they were targeted. Now Severus, you selfishly become a death eater that would gleefully kill people like her, you know it but you didn't leave for her sake. However, James Potter would do anything for her. He changed, Severus for her sake. People could change for better, Severus especially for the one they love. Only you didn't want to see it. He even gave up his life for her. But I gave my life for her too! I died for her! I threw away everything for her! The man sighed and muttered something like 'stupid Anchor being a dunderhead'. No, Severus. Yes, you did sacrifice everything for her. But it's not out of love. It's more to ease your guilt and all about your rants about 'if you did this etcetera…'. Yes, you could blame everyone. You could blame the Marauders for giving you hell in Hogwarts, you could blame the headmaster for using you, you could blame your piers for laughing at your expenses, you could blame your parents for making your childhood misery, you could blame James Potter for taking away Lily from you. But Severus, in the end, you are the one that make your own choice. Open your eyes, your mind and your heart, Severus. Severus was stunned at the man's speeches. He felt he was kicked in the gut. Severus kneeled in defeat, shocked in realization. He felt his eyes moisten but still he holds up.
Now, Severus this is not the end. You still alive. But there's nothing to live. There's no one. I'm alone. You never alone Severus. No one is alone especially you. She had always been by your side even if you never realised her existance. Who are you talking about? Severus asked, confused. Your own true love, your other half. In fact, she had been searching for you for the past 30 years. Before Severus could ask, he felt the strange sensation of returning to the real world. Well, it's time for you to wake up, Rus.