Oh my! I'm really really really sorry for not updating for a longs time :"(
Anyway, I want to thank you those people who reviewed! thank you for the love, guys! :D
so, here's e very long chapter for my long absence. :)
Benjamin goes back to the parlor, where his wife and Mrs. Lovett are, after talking to the doctor. The man said that he needs to take good care of Nellie, not allowing her to do strenuous activities. As much as possible, it would be for the better if she would just lie in bed. Knowing how hardworking she is, he will ask her not to open her shop at least for a couple of weeks, just to make sure that she will get the rest that she needs.
And, since Lucy will be working again tomorrow, he will be able to monitor Nellie. He does not know if she has already forgiven him of what he did to her, but he guesses that maybe they can put aside their problems for the sake of their unborn child. She needs him now, and he has to be there by her side.
"Ben! I was just telling Mrs. Lovett to rest." Lucy greets, the moment he enters the parlor.
He does not show his surprise when his wife said this. He remembers just a while ago how she insisted that they do not check on Nellie- which he is glad that he did. But, after he's gone from the doctor, Lucy took care of her, and she seems to be concerned of her wellbeing. He does not know of his wife's sudden change of mood towards his best friend, but he is happy knowing that they have a chance to get along.
Turning to the baker, who is still looking sickly pale, he smiles at her then concedes with his wife. "Yes, she's right. Maybe you should get some sleep. If you need anything, you can call for us."
He wishes that he can just stay at Nellie's side, and not leave her. He has done so many things to hurt her, and this is the least that he could do, to take care of her. But, he knows that his wife will not allow him to spend time with her. Lucy may have shown her concern to Nellie a while ago, but he knows that she still doesn't want him around her.
Sighing, he places his hand at the small of Lucy's back and guides her outside. "Come, dear. Let's leave Mrs. Lovett alone so she can rest."
Entering their house, Ben immediately places himself on the barber chair, plopping down. He can already feel the tiredness from running about a while ago when calling the doctor. Heaving a sigh, he closes his eyes and rubs his temples, feeling a headache coming in.
"Ben, can we talk?" he hears Lucy says. Frowning, he opens his eyes to see her standing in front of him. It seems like the rest that he will not get the rest that he wants.
Standing upright, he reaches up and grabs her hands, holding them with his own. "What is it? Is there something wrong?"
Pulling away, Lucy turns around and crosses her arms. She then asks him, her voice full of contempt. "How long have you known about Mrs. Lovett's pregnancy?"
He doesn't know why his wife is asking him this. She seems angry; is it because of him not telling her of Nellie's pregnancy right away? But that reason is too petty. Besides, it's not like she really cares. It's only now that he has seen her show concern to his friend. "Why are you asking me this, Lucy? Does it matter?"
Although she has her back on him, he can still imagine her rolling her eyes. She huffs in annoyance, throwing her hands up in the air and turning to face him. "Just answer me, Ben."
"No, I want to know why, first." he says, shaking his head. Sometimes, his wife can be overbearing.
He receives a glare with that response. Sighing in defeat, and not wanting the conversation to turn into a fight, which where he thinks that it is leading, he answers her. "I've known right from the start."
Lucy approaches him, grabbing hold of his face with both of her hands. She is looking at him straight in the eyes, and he can see all her suspicions reflecting in them, making him uncomfortable. After a short pause, she asks, her voice soft. "…and did you ask her of the child's father?"
He swallows the lump in his throat, and turns his head to the side. He thinks he now has a clue on where is the conversation is going. Does her wife already know that he is the father of the child? Is this just some cruel trick that she's playing on him to test him if he will deny it or not? What is he supposed to say? What if she doesn't really know? Is this the right time to tell her?
Not knowing what to say, he just answers her question with another question. "wha-what? Why?"
"Do you know who the father of that child is!?" her voice is getting louder, now. Yet, he still doesn't know what to say. It seems like she already knows on who the father is, she will not ask him this if she doesn't have a suspicion. And, she will not get suspicious unless someone has implanted that idea on her mind. So, it's safe to say that she already knows.
His lack of response causes his wife to forcefully make him look at her. She yanks him by the face and forcefully turns his head to face her. "Answer me, Ben! Do you? do yo-"
"Yes, yes! It's me! I am the father of that child!" he doesn't want to shout at her, but the pressure she is putting her on him is too much. The only reason he hasn't told tell her is because he loves her; he doesn't want to hurt her. He knows how she badly wants a child of her own, and telling her that he has managed to get his best friend pregnant first, before her, will be painful for her. Also, he doesn't want to make her hate him more.
"How could you not tell me, Ben? How could you?" the hurt in his wife's voice is evident, and it breaks his heart. He cannot accept the fact that, once again, he has managed to cause her pain. Their relationship has just started to get better, and now it has to be ruined again.
He grabs his wife by the waist and buries his face on her stomach, not letting go of her even though he's prying his arms apart. "I can't let you know… I can't… I can't let you know."
He keeps repeating what he is saying over and over, until Lucy stops getting away from him. When he knows that she is ready to listen to him, he lets go of her and looks her straight in the eye. "Because I know that it will hurt you. I cannot tell you, I can't. I cannot allow you to get hurt because of my mistakes. I cannot let you suffer."
He is expecting another outburst from his wife, and for her not to understand him. But, he is surprised when he sees her expression softens. She kneels in front of him and cups his face. Giving him a light kiss on the lips, she smiles at him. "I… understand. I know it must be hard for you, seeing that you really don't want to have a child with that woman. I'm guessing she's using that child over you, for you not to leave her? Oh! I remembered! Is that what she's really going to tell me at the party, that you two have a child, if you didn't come with her? Oh, don't worry Ben; I'm not angry anymore. I understand now, I do."
He does not know how his wife comes up with these things, but he just let her believe that they are true. Sometimes, it's better if he just agrees with her, rather than contradict her. In their entire marriage, he has learned that Lucy is always right, even if she's not.
The sun has come up; its rays are already glaring at the still sleeping baker, who stirs from her sleep as bright lights suddenly hits her on the face, effectively waking her up. Her hand instinctively goes to rub her swollen belly, believing that this gesture is the same as caressing her child. She does not know if there's still life inside her, but she is hoping that the babe is still alive.
If something bad happens to her child, then Lucy better run and hide. She has realized of how much of her fault it is that her child is now in danger. If only she has fought back to her, then she will not be in this situation. She has allowed that bitch far too many times to degrade her, but this will be the end of it. She does not care if she will get thrown in Bedlam, if ever she tries to hurt her again, she'll make sure that her face will be the only part of her body that will be left unscathed.
Also, how dare that bitch use Ben to scare her!? It might have worked yesterday, when she has been a little disoriented because of what has happened, but not anymore. Lucy and Benjamin have managed to turn her life upside down. Since she has known them, all they bring to her is trouble and heartache. This time, she will stand her ground, and completely cut those two off from her life. And she thinks that she could do that by staying away from them.
She has always wanted to live by the sea, and considering that she has enough money stashed away in some secret hiding place of hers, she guesses that she can use that to start anew. She will ask David if he will be coming with her; there's a big chance though that he will easily agree to go with her. He has always been there for her, and he promised her that he will not leave her. So far, he has not broken his promise yet.
It will be better if she will leave as soon as possible, so once she finds out of her child's condition, she'll flee from London. There will be no more Barkers to ruin her life; she will be away from them.
Feeling determined, Mrs. Lovett stands up from the bed and changes into her working clothes. Although she is still feeling drained, she has decided to open her shop. The extra money that she will earn will be helpful for her trip. Squaring her shoulders and holding her head up high, she exits her bedroom and goes directly to the kitchen.
David will be arriving in her shop in a couple of minutes to have breakfast with her, so she has prepared something that they could eat. She will talk to him immediately of her plans. Also, she would like to ask him on why he has talked to Ben about her. Although she has said that she is not angry with him, she still needs to know why he did it.
The bell in her shop rings, making her to hurry up with preparing the food. Once everything is set, she puts the plates on the tray and proceeds to go to her shop. Instead of David being there, it is Ben who is standing there, with a smile on his face. She casually puts the tray down on one of the booths, while also asking the barber. "Why are you here?"
She sees him approach her, and she walks away from him, not wanting him to get any closer. It is only now that she has managed to properly take a good look at him. He still looks the same as he did before, still handsome as ever. She cannot deny the fact of how much she has missed him and she hates herself for it. When will she ever stop torturing herself? When will she learn to stop loving the man that she cannot have?
"Nellie… a-are you feeling better?" He asks, looking a bit hurt when she has walked away from him.
Putting her hands or her hips, she puts on a saccharine smile and answers. "Let me ask you this, if you know that your child is possibly dead inside you, will you feel any better?"
Ben looks away and fidgets with the button of his shirt. "Sorry."
She ignores him. Taking a seat on the bench where she has placed hers and David's food; she begins eating. She is actually quite hungry to wait for David who seems to be late as usual. After a moment, Benjamin takes the seat across from her, staring at her silently. Rolling her eyes, she continues to not pay any attention to him, trying to enjoy her eating as much as she can.
"Nellie, I know you're still mad at me for what I did to you at the ball. I- I'm sorry, Nellie. I was a fool for doing that. I will understand if you will not be able to forgive me, but can you at least try?" He is now leaning forward, both hands on the table, looking desperate. He pauses for a minute, looking like he is gauging her reaction. When she still does not speak to him, or even look at him, he adds in a whisper. "I- I've missed you, Nell. So much."
Although she wants to tell him how much she has also missed him, she prevents herself from doing so. She doesn't want to reunite with him; she doesn't want to go back to the way they were before. This way, it will be easier for her to forget about him, easier for her to move on. And the matter about forgiving him, she has already done so, the moment he says that he is sorry. That's all she has been waiting for really, for him to apologize, and now that he has done so, then he's forgiven.
Looking at him, and putting the spoon down that she is holding, she pushes her plate to the side. She shall tell him of her plans, he deserves to know them. "I will be leaving in six days."
He looks confused for a moment, then his face morphs into worry. "Wha- where are you going?"
Heaving a sigh, Mrs. Lovett averts her gaze from him, suddenly finding the floor interesting. How will she explain this to Ben? She knows that he will not agree with her plan, seeing that he won't be able to see his child forever. Also, she can't tell him that part of why she is leaving is because of him, because she wants to forget him; and then there's also his wife, as long as Lucy is around her life will not be peaceful.
"Somewhere far away from here." She answers vaguely. Well, she has not really thought about where she will go. She has just planned leaving today; maybe she will work out the details of her plan later.
Ben suddenly stands up, causing the stool that he is sitting on to fall back, making a loud crashing sound which startles the baker. He slams his palms down the wooden table, and leans so close to Mrs. Lovett's face. When he is face to face with her, he hisses. "And what of my child?"
Mrs. Lovett matches Ben's mood equally. She stands up from her seat, and puts her hands on her waist. "This child will be raised without you. I will raise it on my own."
"I will not allow that!" shouts Ben, pointing a finger at her.
She suddenly laughs mockingly, looking at the barber with a smirk on her face. Crossing her arms, she raises an eyebrow then says: "How will you take care of your child with your wife around? I will not have it growing up thinking that he or she was some drunken mistake."
She can see Ben physically relax, his shoulders slumping and his head hanging low. She knows what she will be doing is hard for him, seeing that she is going to take his son or his daughter away from him. But, what he will not understand, is how is wife is a big threat to their child. "My decision won't change, Ben."
Just when she thinks that he will be calm now, he suddenly looks up to her, his eyes full of rage and contempt. "How will I know that you will be able to properly take care of it?! You just put its life in danger yesterday, and we're not actually sure if it is okay!"
She feels her hand lifting up and connecting with his face. Everything has happened so fast, that she is not sure if it really has happened. Although the stinging pain she is feeling on her hand is her proof that, she has just slapped Ben. She is in shock at first, but after recovering, she shots back at him: "You know nothing, Ben! Nothing!
"Then let me know! Tell me! Tell me what happened!" he shouts at her, half pleading and half angry.
She has recalled again yesterday's events. She drops back down on the chair, covering her face with her hands and starts crying. She hates how she has let that bitch do this to her. She has not done anything to protect her child; she's not a good mother! She will not be a good mother!
She feels an arm wrapping around her shoulder. She looks up to see Ben, sitting beside her, murmuring soothing things in her ear. "Shh… Nell, it's alright, it's alright."
Realizing that she is, once again, letting him get close to her, she yanks his hand away from her and stands up. "Let go of me!"
Ben looks in shock for a moment, but as soon as he recovers, he also stands up, equally shouting at the baker. "Why won't you tell me!?"
"Would you believe me if I told you that it was your wife who put my child's life in danger?" she says; if looks could kill, then Ben will l probably be dead by now, by the way Mrs. Lovett is glaring at him. "That it was her who attacked me after knowing that you're its father?!"
"You-you're the one who told her?" Benjamin answers in a whisper. That's the only thing that he can say after everything that she has said.
She looks away from him, turning her back, feeling guilty even though she shouldn't. She doesn't know why she feels like she has betrayed Ben for telling Lucy. They have both agreed not to tell her, but she has. Maybe this is really all her fault; if she has been able to only stop herself from saying that, then Lucy wouldn't have attack her. "Yes."
Ben grabs her by the shoulders and turns her around so that she is facing him. The look on his face makes her cringe. His eyes convey so many emotions, but only one is prevalent and that is sadness. He is searching her face, maybe looking for an answer as to why she has done this. He closes his eyes tightly, inhaling large amount of air. "Why, Nellie?"
"It doesn't matter. But if you are worried that what I did may cause you your marriage then I'd gladly talk to your wife and tell her that it was my entire fault. Besides, that's only your concern, right? Your marriage." She laughs humorlessly, throwing her hands up in the air. She wants to appear strong in front of him, even though deep inside, the things that she is saying hurt her so bad.
"Let Nellie suffer, just so your dearest Lucy won't get mad at you. Blame everything to Nellie, she will always understand." Her tears are once again stubbornly keep pouring out of her eyes, and she hastily wipes them away.
Ben stares at her open mouthed, eyes fast blinking. "I-I... I didn't know you feel that way."
Looking down and trying to shield her face so that he will not see her crying she shakes her head as she says: "You would have known had you only cared."
"Don't say that; I care for you." he answers quickly. Putting two fingers under her chin, he lifts it up forcing her to look at him.
She wants to laugh at him and his foolishness. If he truly cares, then he wouldn't have hurt her so many times. If he truly cares, then he would have stayed away from her long time ago, knowing that their friendship will be a problem to his wife. If he truly cares, then he would have known that she loves him so much more than her own life.
Biting the inside of her cheeks, she looks at him defiantly wanting to show him that she does not believe him. She chooses not to say anything, because she's afraid that she may say things that she will soon regret- like telling him that she loves him.
After a few minutes of staring at each other, Ben sighs in defeat. He goes back to sitting, propping his elbow on the desk and supporting his head with his hand. She just stands there, looking at him, waiting for his next move.
"David talked to me yesterday. He said… things. He told me that you- that you… love Me." With that, he turns his head to look at her. She doesn't know if his eyes are telling her to answer yes or no. "Is it true, Nellie?"
"What would you do if I do?" she says, answering his question with another question.
She doesn't know if she's prepared to hear his answer. It hurts enough to know that she doesn't love him, but she is sure that it will hurt the more if she hears him say it to her. Why is has she allowed herself to fall deep in love with him? Why him, when there are of plenty of men out there that will return her love?
The question unsettles him. It brings feelings that he has been trying to hide and deny from himself; feelings that he should be feeling for his wife, but instead feels it with his best friend. It has started a long time ago, from when he has always been spending his time with Nellie. He has noticed that he likes talking to her, likes making her laugh and he likes her company. The way she fusses over him makes his heart leap with joy, having not experience it from his wife.
When they are not together, she is always on his mind, making him go crazy. Parting with her leaves him feeling empty, being she has slowly become his source of happiness. Spending his time with his wife has become obligatory for him, given that he only does it to fool himself that he still enjoys being with her.
At first, he has thought that the reason he feels that way is because Lucy has been distant from him and that Nellie is always there for her. He has though that it is something that will pass and be gone the moment he and his wife are once again in good terms. Oh, but how wrong he has been.
His feelings for his best friend have started to become stronger and stronger, until he can't fool himself anymore. Even so, when they have started not talking due to what he has done in the ball. He badly wants to go and talk to her, but he can't bring himself to do so because of embarrassment. Every single day that they are not talking is a cruel reminder to him of his stupidity.
The only thing that is stopping him from really admitting his feelings to her and to himself is his wife. Guilt is something that consumes him every time he as much as thinks of his best friend. It manages to always make him feel like a worthless person for not loving Lucy the way he used to. But, he also understands how there are certain things that you cannot control, like what he feels for his best friend.
He hates how it is only when he has lost her that he has found out that he loves her. And there's no more of denying what he feels for her; he is very certain that he loves her, maybe even more than he ever does his wife. And now it is the perfect time to tell her, before he ever loses her again. He just hopes that what David has said is true, that she also loves him, too.
He smiles softly at Mrs. Lovett and then says: "If you have told me that you love me, then I would have said that I love you, too."
Hey all! so, what do you think of the ending? Was it too soon for the two of them to admit their feelings for each other? :))
Reviews are L.O.V.E. :)))