AN: Four more chapters at most left here.
Caroline has reservations for everyone at a hotel a few blocks away from Bonnie's house. Elijah and Elena have a room together, Jeremy and Matt are sharing a room, Klaus and Caroline, and Freya and Alaric already have rooms to themselves. Elijah tells her that he'll be putting up their things if she needs anything. She must be tired of just seeing him, and she deserves time with her loved ones. She ends up in a room with Matt, Jeremy and Alaric. She clings to all of them for long hugs. Matt is so old she can't believe it. He has wrinkles and gray hair, and it hurts her heart. A long time ago, she thought she wanted to marry him and watch that process happen to both of them.
They talk and talk and talk, and they talk about Bonnie.
"The wake is tomorrow night." Matt tells them and a few tears leak out of Elena's eyes. It's all so strange, and it feels wrong. Bonnie should still be alive and breathing. Jeremy just puts his arm around her.
Elena makes Matt promise, through her teary eyes, that he can't die. He won't die, at least not for a long time. Matt nods.
"I'll try to avoid death." He jokes dryly and she laughs through her tears.
They spend a few hours talking, Jeremy discovers as he looks at his watch. Alaric gives her Caroline and Klaus's room number when she asks for it.
It was okay when she was with the guys. It was. But the slow, human pace of a walk she's doing makes her feel cold and lonely to her bones. She can't reach the room quickly enough it seems, and she ends up running. Klaus opens the door and takes in her appearance for half a second before admitting her into the room. Elena clings to Caroline who's crying on the bed. Elena steps on a few tissues that missed the trash can, but she's not in any position to judge.
She took Klaus's position in comforting Caroline and if she wants Elena in his stead, he accepts that. With her free arm that's not attached to Elena, she pats the bed and he takes his position again. He and Elena both have their arms around Caroline, and there is too much between them to necessarily forgive each other at the moment, but it's not for them. It's for the blonde in the middle who loves them both very much. They mourn, and Klaus just supports both of them. Elena doesn't leave until Caroline falls asleep, and she helps Klaus tuck Caroline in.
"Thank you." He says in a low voice. Elena nods.
"Of course. Goodnight, Klaus." She says quietly before opening the door.
"Goodnight, Elena." He says and she leaves for her own room.
He pulls her into a hug when he sees the tears that left their legacy on her cheeks, and she leans into him.
"This feels like a dream. But you're familiar." She says and he nods. She talks and he listens, he worries about Matt and Jeremy, and Damon and Alaric, how she held Caroline with Klaus, and how she wants to do something.
"Let's get something to eat and see what this town has to offer." Elijah offers and she offers a relieved smile. She can't be alone, that sounds terrifying and like the empty, lonely gaps in her mind. She might not be ready to be alone for a long time, she thinks as Elijah reminds her to wear a jacket. She cleans the tears off her cheeks and takes a deep breath before they leave their hotel room.
The night is dark, and her hand finds Elijah's as they walk. His thumb rubs against the back of her hand reassuringly and they find a bright diner to eat at. She orders more than she would have when she was human, but she missed food, and she almost smiles when a french fry burns her throat. They eat, and and she thought she could keep the words in. But then her ordered them ice cream, and she takes the first spoonful of her chocolate ice cream.
"I have something to tell you." She says. He reminds her that she can tell him anything, and so she tells him that she should have said it a long time ago, and this wasn't her first choice in location to do this.
"I love you and I am in love with you." She says and he opens his mouth.
"I am in love with you too." He says and she moves from her side of the booth to his and kisses him.
He tastes like the raspberry ice cream he ordered, and he feels familiar as she moves her arms around his neck. Kissing ELijah feels like relief and the want to keep kissing him burns through her like the fastest fire she's ever known. He presses a peck to her lips before letting go, and she senses a reason for separating, so she moves back.
"I think we should finish our ice cream before it melts and the diner closes." He says. They have twenty minutes and neither of them want to impose on the diner.
"How was your ice cream?" He inquires.
Your lips taste better, she wants to say.
"It was good. Ice cream tastes best when I have it with you." She admits and he tells her he was thinking the same thing.
"Where do we go from here?" She asks.
"We go to the wake tomorrow and the funeral the day after that. After we're done here, we can go anywhere you want." He says and his answer gets him a wide smile.
She doesn't press for more and neither does he, she doesn't want him to think she's using him to forget her grief. They watch two movies before he realizes she doesn't want to sleep.
"Elena." He murmurs.
"I can help you sleep. I'll enter your mind as soon as you fall asleep." He promises.
"Do you promise to take me with you when you leave?" She asks.
"I will take you with me." He promises and it's only with that promise that she starts to get ready for bed.
She panics for a moment when she sees her mind palace, she was stuck there for so long, she doesn't want to return. She closes her eyes and she feels a gentle hand tucking her hair behind her ear.
"Let's dream of something happy." She says.
The wake is full of people, and she told everyone before they left for it, she's with Elijah. Sure they really haven't had a first date, but she's loved him longer than she had been human, she almost can't remember what it was like to not love him. They're all wrecks in some way, and Elijah holds her hand when she asks him to, but she walks to say her last words to Bonnie alone. She can't use Elijah like a crutch because she knows it's not fair to either of them. She watches everyone make their way to Bonnie, and she sees Caroline with wet cheeks. There's a delicate silver chain visible through her fingers and she sees Caroline fasten it on Bonnie's wrist. Their friendship bracelets that Bonnie had bought when they were in middle school. Caroline had them charmed to last much longer than intended, and Elena remembers that hers is in her luggage.
The coven is always there, so Elena never has a moment truly alone with Bonnie, and judging by the looks they give her, they knew the spell used the last of her energy. They blame her for Bonnie's death. If she hadn't used that spell, she might have stayed in the land of the living. She had no idea Bonnie was going to do that and quite honestly she doesn't feel too horrible about that part. Bonnie always did what she wanted. She takes a deep breath and tells Bonnie that she misses her.
"It feels so weird to be here when you aren't." She admits. A few tears escape and she is glad that her makeup is waterproof. Caroline and Rebekah know her well.
They all go out for dinner in their group, and they celebrate Bonnie's life. They all share funny stories and good times, the way they want to remember her. They talk about their lives and problems, and Elena realizes that the vampires look aged to the humans in the town. She'll never see any of them with wrinkles, she realizes. Elijah's always going to look that perfect, and she and Caroline will always look how they did before they hit their twenties. She tries not to think about it too much. She squeezes Elijah's hand under the table and he squeezes her hand back reassuringly.
This is healing, she thinks as she looks around the table. She feels like waking up with Bonnie dead has left her with an ugly, empty and gaping hole in her. The edges of it are starting to heal up a little. It's not going to be over in a week. It's going to take time, she thinks.
They stay at the restaurant until Matt complains that unlike the rest of them, he actually looks and feels old, and he goes to bed at eight o'clock sharp. Jeremy laughs, but the rest of their laughs are a little uncomfortable. They all part ways after paying the check and she tells the table that she's going for a walk. Alone.
Nature isn't something she could have replicated in her mind, she soaks it up, all of it. From the imperfect flowers, grass bending under her feet, squirrels and bunnies to the trees younger than her, it's breathtaking. It's all so beautiful that she doesn't feel lonely. It's a good place to think, and for the first time since she's been awake, she understands the feeling of wanting solitude. She has time to think about everything, all of the possibilities and all of the things she needs to think through or mourn.
She thinks about growing old. She and Elijah will never see each other age physically. They'll never have that. Part of Elena wonders what it would have been like to fall in love with Elijah if they were both human. They could have had kids, gotten married. She'd see him get wrinkles and laughter lines and maybe gray hair. She'd still find him attractive anyway, she knows. She mourns for that too as she walks. She'll never become a grandma who spoils her grandchildren, she'll never get to drag Elijah to a class reunion or do date nights. She mourns for the possibilities and the way things turned out, but when she finds someone walking a stone's throw away, she turns around.
One of the perks of being a vampire is knowing that she can take almost anyone down. Older vampires may have speed, but she has self defense training from the Originals.
She wipes her teary eyes and gets ready for the person who's following her.
Elijah.
"How long have you been there?" She asks.
"Just a few seconds." He promises and she nods.
"I just needed some time to think." She says and he tells her that she's been walking for over four hours.
She tells him she just needs a few more minutes and that she'll see him back in their room. He nods, and walks closer. He pulls her close for a moment and presses his lips against her forehead.
"Be careful." He murmurs. She resists the urge to make a joke, he seems solemn. That's probably what he thinks she needs, and he won't know differently until she tells him. She tells him that if she doesn't return in twenty minutes, he can come get her again. He nods and disappears.
She walks and walks, and remembers that the dress she's wearing is hers technically. She sits against a tree, and Elijah finds her sitting there.
"Come sit with me?" She requests and he sits next to her. She tells him all of it, and he apologizes that he can't give her any of it. He wants to. He wants to tell her Bonnie is alive and that Matt and her brother don't have expiration dates, he wants to tell her they can grow old together. He wants to do everything.
"In another life, perhaps we'll do those things." A different universe, a different world, a different timeline.
"I think you would have liked me as a human." He tells her and she smiles ruefully.
"I like you now. I'd like you in any universe, I think." Any scenario, any order of events, she can't imagine a universe where she doesn't care for Elijah in some capacity. His lips quirk into a grin at that but his expression turns heavy and serious.
"We should return to the hotel and continue this there. I'm sure the others are worried."
She lets him help her up and they brush the dirt off of their clothes and walk back.
Elena feels lighter.