Oh my! I cannot say sorry enough for taking too long to update this. I just didn't know on how will I continue this, but now, all is well. I hope you guys are still reading this!
Again, I really am sorry.
Thaaank You very much to those who reviewed, followed and to those who put this story and me on their favorites. Also, to those who pushed me to update this! Hugs to you guuuys!
His heart is still beating fast from their kiss that has ended abruptly. The happiness that he has been feeling just a while ago has been replaced by a great amount of pain- loss. It's like someone has torn open his chest, took his heart and stabbed it with a knife. All his energy has been drained, and he can sense his body is ready to collapse from the stress.
He does not know what to do. Should he go after Nellie or should he leave her be for a while? Why, only now, that he has been able to admit to himself and to her of his feelings, does she have to go? Is this her form of punishment for all those times that he has unintentionally hurt her? Does he really deserve this?
Deciding that he will not waste a moment of making Nellie change her mind, and that he will get answers for his questions, he goes towards her bedroom. Once he is in front of the door of her chambers, he can hear her muffled sobs. Not wanting to scare her, he softly knocks but he receives no answer. Thinking that she has not heard him, he knocks again and this time a little louder. From the other side of the door, he hears the baker shout for him to go away.
A little bit disheartened, but one to never give up easily, especially on the person he loves most, he tries a different approach. If she will not talk to him face to face, then he will have to just say whatever is on his mind and just hopes that she will listen.
He takes a seat on the floor, making himself comfortable. He stays close to the door, just so the things that he will say will be clearly heard by her. There is no guarantee that she will listen to him, but it will make him feel a little better if he will be able to speak his mind. Taking a deep breath, he brushes a stray of his hair that has fallen on his face, and tucks it behind his ear. Gathering up his thoughts, he launches with his speech.
"I remember when I started seeing you as more than just my friend. I thought I was just confused because you were- you are- always there for me, and Lucy wasn't. I- I thought that I was just missing my wife. So I tried to avoid you and I tried to fix things with Lucy; I was both successful at doing those."
He takes a pause, noticing that Mrs. Lovett has now stopped crying. Knowing full well that she is now listening, he continues. "At first, I was glad that my marriage was back to how it was before, but then something inside me was not contented. And that's when I knew… that's when I knew that it was you who was missing."
"It's a shame how it took me to losing you before I realized that I love you." A tear escapes his eye, and he hastily wipes it away, but another one soon follows; before he knows it, he is freely crying. He bows his head and covers his eyes, hiding as if someone will see him. Right now, even if he wants to, he cannot stop the tears from flowing. Just the thought of not seeing Nellie and not being able to just at least get a glimpse of his child, is like he is being tortured to death.
His voice cracks as he carries on with what he is saying. "Now… now I'm going to lose you again. Is this my punishment, Nell, for all those times that I've hurt you?"
Before he can utter one more word, he hears the lock click and the door slowly opens. He hurriedly stands up and turns his back to wipe his face with the sleeve of his shirt. He does not want the baker to know that he has been crying; it's embarrassing. Taking a lung full of air, he turns around thinking that he already looks presentable.
He does not know what reaction he is expecting to see of Nellie, but he is surely not expecting her to be giggling at him. He furrows his brows and crosses his arms over his chest, wondering what seems to amuse her. Sometimes, women can be really hard to understand. Their mood changes constantly that it gets very difficult to keep up. Well, he just hopes that now that she seems to be back to her normal self again, he can persuade her not to leave.
"What's funny?" he asks, after she finally stops giggling.
Shrugging, she pokes his nose with her finger and gives him a sweet smile. "You did not have to hide that you were crying. Your nose is red as an apple!"
He immediately covers his nose with his hand and bows his head, feeling himself blushing. "No, it's not!"
"Yes, it is, Ben." The baker replies, chuckling.
Knowing that there is no point in denying it anymore for he has already been caught, he sighs in defeat. Instead, averts his gaze from the floor and back to Nellie. She is looking at him with a smirk on her face, and for a moment, he is mesmerized by her beauty, but then he realizes that he needs to talk to her if he ever wants to see her face again. Before he even gets the chance to open his mouth, she beats her to it.
She puts her hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "About what you said a while ago, I want you to know that I am not punishing you. But you have to understand me, Ben. I cannot live in fear of what your wife will do to me next or worse to our child. I know that you've told me that you will protect us, but you can't always do that."
"Nell, I want you to understand me, too. Imagine if I were to take it away from you, what would you do? How would you feel? Will you let me?" He interjects, grabbing her hand that's on his shoulder and putting his other hand on her swollen belly. "Any decision you make about our child will also have to involve me."
She takes his hands away from her stomach and covers it protectively with her own. Shaking her head and looking down, she replies: "My decision is made; there's nothing you can do to stop me from leaving. And… David, he can be the father to-"
"No!" He bellows, slamming his fist on the wall, which causes the baker to flinch. "Can you hear yourself, Nellie? You won't allow me to be the father of my own child, and yet you will allow that man?"
He does not know if it is even possible, yet he can feel his blood boiling in rage. His fists are clenched so hard that his knuckles are turning white. His palms are starting to hurt from his nails that are digging in, although he ignores the pain. He wants to lash out, to scream, to do something that he thinks will somehow lessen his anger. However, he does not want to scare Nellie from doing such things.
"Why are you doing this to me?" He asks, laughing humorlessly at how absurd the baker is being. There is no way that he will let his child recognize David as its father.
Mrs. Lovett steps close to him, grabbing his chin with her thumb and fore finger. She shuts her eyes tightly, biting the bottom of her lips as it starts to tremble. Tears have begun streaming down her face, and he goes to wipe each of them away, not wanting to see her cry. "Please… this is for the best."
He yanks his face away from her, throwing his hands up in the air. He flops down the floor, leaning his back on the wall and closing his eyes. He is very tired and worn out. He does not know what to do anymore to convince Nellie not to leave. Their conversation is going nowhere; he does not want to fight anymore with her, yet he also cannot give in easily. After all, they are talking about his child.
He crosses his legs together, resting his elbows at the top of his thighs and holding his head. How will he explain to her that taking your baby away from you, and having it grow with some man that you will introduce as its father, is not for the best? How can she think of these as such a good idea? Clearly, when she has thought of these, she has not considered what he will feel.
He slowly looks up at her, peering between his fingers, he asks in a whisper. "Do you… love me, too?"
She goes to kneel in front of him, taking away his hand from his face and cupping his cheek. With a sad smile plastered on her face, she asks him, sounding hurt. "After everything I've done for you and you ask me that?"
He leans into her touch, and kisses the palm of her hand. "Please, Nell. I promise nothing will ever happen to you again…" touching her stomach, he adds. "…and to this little one."
Sighing in exasperation, Mrs. Lovett takes a seat next to him, mindful of her swollen belly. Once she is settled, she leans her head on his shoulder as she hooks her arm with his. "You know, I just want a simple life, by the sea, with my own family; just like what I've always dreamt of."
He sighs in defeat. It is hard, knowing that you cannot give the person that you love the only thing that she wants most in life. She is only asking for a happy family, yet he knows that he cannot give that to her, for he is a married man; and he cannot leave his wife just like that.
"I'm sorry, Nellie." he says, feeling ashamed of himself.
Mrs. Lovett frowns at him, her lips pouting just a little bit, which he finds adorable. "What for?"
"Because I cannot give you what you want." He says, as he intertwines his fingers with hers. "But, I know that David can. And although it is painful for me, I guess, with time, I could soon accept that you chose him over me."
She's right, she deserves her happiness; and the only way that he can give that to her is by letting her go, even if it means losing everything. Maybe just this once, he will be unselfish and think of what she wants instead of what he wants.
She squeezes his hands, looking at him pleadingly. "Please don't do this, Ben."
"No, I mean it, Nell. Besides, why would someone choose the man who always did nothing but hurt them, right?" he says, jealousy clearly evident in his voice.
Without waiting for her reply, he stands up from the floor and walks away. Before he can completely get out of the shop, he hears the baker calling for him. He stops on his tracks, his back on her, wanting to hear what she will say.
"Would you… would you choose me? Would you leave Lucy for me?" she asks; her voice in a whisper.
He slowly faces her, his head hanging low. He does not know how he will answer her without hurting her feelings. He does not know how he will explain to her that he has already chosen her, that he is hers- heart and soul. But that he cannot leave his wife, because he still has a responsibility to her.
"I'm sorry." There are a lot of things that he wants to tell her, that he wants to explain to her, but that's all he can say right now. With that, he walks away, but not without hearing the last thing that Nellie has said to him.
"I love you, anyway."
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