A/N: Thank you for the reviews! And thank you to my beta, CC :) I've just set up my website and official FB/Twitter pages, as well as a blog to blatantly self-publicise myself, so if you would like to Like/Follow, that would be brilliant. All relevant links are on my profile.

Enjoy the chapter!

Chapter Thirteen

"Hel, are you going to be long in there? Really need to go."

"Yup…I'm just gonna be…few…"

Lily frowned. Since when had Helena used words like 'gonna'? "Helena, seriously. Moaning Myrtle's flooded all the other toilets."

This time there was nothing but silence. Lily sighed and bumped her head gently against the door. "Seriously, Helena, I know you're drunk, but-"

The water seeping under the door suddenly looked very dark. "Lumos." Very dark…red. Oh shit. "Helena! Helena, open the door!"

Nothing.

"Alohmora!"

And of course the doors were enchanted not to open to that spell. And slamming her shoulder against the wood resulted in nothing but pain. "Reducto!"

The door exploded inward, showering Helena in splinters. Lily couldn't care less—her friend had a long and deep cut stretching the length of her inner forearm, blood pulsing from it. She was unconscious. "Helena!"

It wasn't until James and Sirius burst in she knew she'd screamed it. James, bless him, didn't hesitate. He simply pushed past Lily and picked Helena up. "Hospital wing, now. Padfoot, run ahead and tell them what to expect. Go, go!"

Lily wasn't sure how Sirius disappeared, but one second he was staring in complete horror at Helena's prone form, the next he'd vanished as though he'd disapparated. "Come on, Lily!"

They moved as fast as humanly possible, every single healing spell Lily knew just spilling out of her head. Likewise the names of any potions which could help. Thankfully Nurse Pomfrey was not as panicked. By the time they got to the hospital wing, she had her wand out and healing up the cut on Helena's arm before they put her on a bed, next uncorking a bottle of blood-replenishing potion.

"Hold her head up," she said.

Sirius, now whiter than Helena, did so, holding her head still and her mouth open while the potion was administered. It worked quickly, and soon there was more colour in her cheeks and Nurse Pomfrey directed Sirius to lie her back down on the bed. He immediately took her hand.

"Do any of you know what prompted this?"

They all shook their heads. "She- She was upset about something yesterday," Sirius said hoarsely. "But she seemed fine today. After the match we went down to Hogsmeade to celebrate."

"Ah, I thought I could smell mead."

"When we got back she went to the loo and then there was blood under the door and-" Lily cut off, tears falling down her cheeks. "I don't understand why she would harm herself."

James put an arm around her shoulders in comfort. Nurse Pomfrey spoke again. "Mr Potter, if you and Miss Evans could go and get the Professor McGongall?"

"Will- Will she be alright?" Lily demanded, not letting James pull her away.

"She will now. But Minerva needs to be made aware of this."

They both nodded and left. Without looking at him, Lily took his hand. "You were brilliant," she said softly.

"Well, I… I mean, she had to get to the hospital wing didn't she?"

"Yeah, but I mean, I panicked. You didn't. I've never seen you like that."

James didn't reply, but just grinned and held her hand more tightly. He hadn't panicked, that was true, but there hadn't been time for panicking. Though that wouldn't have stopped him if it had been Lily sitting there bleeding to death. He was pretty sure Sirius was still panicking, would until Helena woke up properly.

They walked quickly, though didn't run now that the immediate danger had passed. Halfway there, James asked, "Are you sure she hasn't said anything? I mean, it's not her exams or her parents or…"

"Or?"

"A guy?"

"No, she doesn't seem to be that interested in guys to be honest. I mean, the weird…sex-only thing she has going on with Sirius seems to be as far as it goes."

"So it's still sex-only for her then?"

Lily looked around sharply. "It isn't for him?"

"Nope. Not that he really knows that. But he's been pretty distracted lately, and not about exams or what we're doing after Hogwarts or anything else. It's good for him, to actually care about a girl."

Lily sighed. "I don't understand. What could cause her to do something like that? It's so out of character."

"You don't think she's been cursed do you? The Imperius curse I mean. There's no shortage of people in this castle waiting to use that, after all. And a blood traitor would be an obvious choice."

"She said she wasn't feeling well yesterday," Lily remarked.

By now they'd reached McGonagall's chambers, and James knocked loudly on the door. There was sounds of movement from inside, but Lily decided it wasn't fast enough for her; Helena wasn't going to die, but she still almost had—and McGonagall might be able to tell them why. Maybe. Possibly. But only if she got out of bed. She hammered on the door until it was opened.

McGonagall did not look impressed at being woken up at midnight; she wore a tartan dressing gown and a hairnet. Upon seeing their faces, though, her expression quickly changed to one of worry and concern. "Miss Evans, Mr Potter, what is it?"

"It's Helena, Professor. She's in the hospital wing and Nurse Pomfrey said we were to come and get you," James explained quickly.

McGonagall came out into the corridor immediately, setting a much faster pace than they had to her office. "What happened?"

"She- She must have tried to kill herself," Lily said, voice still thick with tears. "She just slit her wrist open."

The transfiguration mistress went almost as pale as she was. "Oh my goodness. Do either of you know why?" she added sharply.

They shook their hands, and if possible, McGonagall's pace increased. When they reached the hospital wing, she looked over Helena's prone form briefly and then spoke to Nurse Pomfrey. "Poppy, how is she?"

"She'll be fine, physically. But she needs complete rest and she cannot leave this bed for at least three days. Blood replenishing potion is a temporary measure, and it'll wear off in a few hours. She needs time to recover and for her body to replace what she's lost." She sighed, and looked back at the patient. "Mentally, however…it may be a very long time until she is fully recovered."

"Mentally?"

"Something caused her to do this, Minerva. Deep-seated depression is very difficult to cure."

"We were wondering-" James began.

"Yes, Mr Potter?" McGongall demanded.

"Well, we were wondering about the Imperius curse. I know it's a big thing to say, but this came on really suddenly over the past two days, and it's completely out of character. Almost all the signs we've been taught to look for in Defence Against the Dark Arts, she's shown."

"Are you accusing someone in this castle of using an Unforgivable Curse?"

"Yes," Sirius suddenly interjected flatly. "We just don't know which Slytherin did it yet."

McGonagall said nothing to do that, didn't nod or shake her head. "I need to speak to the headmaster. You three may stay here with Miss Malfoy until she awakes. In the meantime I want you to think carefully about anything else that could have caused this. News from home, or the pressure of her work and upcoming exams…anything."

"Yes, Professor."

She left swiftly, and immediately Sirius shook his head. "She wouldn't. She's free of those lunatics at home, which is what she wanted, and her work?" he laughed shortly. "She's smarter than any of us. This is the Imperius Curse, there's nothing else it could be. She's got her whole life ahead of her, she's got plans, she's got us- She wouldn't."

Lily and James both shook their heads. And then it was a waiting game for Helena to open her eyes. She didn't move, didn't mutter for several hours. She might have been dead except for the rise and fall of her chest. Lily fell asleep around three in the morning, her head pillowed on James' bony shoulder. James followed her about an hour later—Sirius couldn't. He had this illogical, irrational fear that if he looked away from her once, she'd stop breathing altogether. He had to give her an anchor. When she woke up, she had to know that she was safe.

The birds started singing around six, though the sky was still dark and the sun wouldn't rise for at least another hour and a half. As if she'd heard them, Helena opened her eyes. She didn't look properly conscious though. "Helena? Hellfire can you her me?"

The others jolted awake at the sound of his voice. "Helena! You're awake!"

Her blue gaze flew around the room for a few seconds, wild and disorientated. Her mouth twitched in a little spasm that looked like she was going to cry, but it was gone before Sirius was sure he'd seen it.

"How are you feeling?"

She swallowed hard. Alive. "What- What happened?" she croaked.

Lily got up and poured a glass of water from a pitcher on the bedside table, passed it to Sirius, who held it to Helena's lips. She shook her head slightly. "I don't need help drinking," she whispered.

He helped her anyway while James called Nurse Pomfrey over. The older witch came over and pushed between them, bending over Helena. "Miss Malfoy, do you know where you are?"

She nodded. "Hospital wing," she said, her voice stronger.

"Do you remember why?"

Involuntarily, she looked down at her left wrist. There was a long scab running the length of her inner forearm, dark vermillion in colour. It hurt to move her hand. "I did that," she said.

"Yes. I understand you might be distressed at waking up like this," the nurse continued gently, "but you're going to be alright. Your friends saved your life by acting as they did."

"Thank you," she managed to say, though she hoped they took hollowness for weakness in her voice.

As if on cue, the hospital wing doors opened again and the headmaster walked in. Helena wanted to be asleep again. When Dumbledore reached them, he spoke to the others, not her. "Please excuse us, Sirius, James, Lily. I'm afraid I need to speak to Helena alone. Just for a moment."

They reluctantly did as he asked, going to the other end of the ward where Nurse Pomfrey stood. Dumbledore sat on the end of the bed, fixing her in his light-blue gaze. He didn't say anything, and while Helena didn't want to either, she found that there was a bubble of words in her throat, trapped and rising. Nor could she look away. Finally it burst, and she tried to explain, though it was obvious to both of them.

"I- I tried to get it out," she whimpered, scratching at her wrist. "I tried to get it out, but it wouldn't come out and it's still in there just pumping around-" She stopped to draw breath, but it got stuck as a sob instead. She choked, even as a smile twisted her face. "And now I've got my own Dark Mark, see?"

Dumbledore's hand covered hers.

"Will it do, d'you think? If I decided I wanted to join him tomorrow? Or would I need to be branded on my right arm instead? I could do it. I could keep doing it, I could fill my skin with scars but it wouldn't help, would it, Professor? It would still be in there."

The words ran out after that, and she could only cry. She somehow ended up with her face buried in Dumbledore's robes, soaking them through with her tears. It was some time before she could stop crying, but eventually she did. "I'm sorry."

"No, it is me who should be sorry. I should never have told you."

She wiped her cheeks free from wetness. "But you did. And you can't take it back, can you?"

"No. But you must promise me, Helena, that you will not try this again, or anything like it."

She chuckled. "Why? I haven't been able to act with the full knowledge of who I am before now, Professor, if this is what I choose to do with it then surely you won't argue you've the right to stop me."

"Of course not. But I wish you to stop anyway. You are innocent in this, as innocent now as you were the day you were born. You've done nothing evil in your life." He lowered his voice, looking her in the eye. "I know what it is to want everything to stop, to end. I know how you feel—as though you can't possibly go on."

Helena couldn't help but believe him, though she couldn't say why she did. "Please, promise me that you won't try to commit suicide again," the headmaster said.

"But-"

"Helena. You have work to do, both in this castle and once you leave it. Good work which you cannot do from the grave."

Finally she nodded. "Alright. I won't try it again."

"Thank you."

With that done, he rose and gave her one more deeply regretful look, before leaving. The only one who came back inside was Sirius. "Lily and James have gone to bed. They've been up all night and I told them I'd look after you."

She nodded. "I'm sorry I've kept you all so worried."

"You're safe now. So what's happened?" he asked gently, smoothing hair back from her face.

Helena shook her head. "Nothing."

He frowned. "Hellfire, you tried to kill yourself. That is not nothing."

"It is," she protested. "I got drunk, did something ridiculous and passed out. You're telling me you've never done stupid things when you're pissed?"

"Not suicide attempts I haven't! Add that to what you said the other night—clearly something's happened. Someone's done something, or you've discovered something-"

She just kept shaking her head. "Not that I know of."

"Helena! Stop sounding so bloody calm!"

"I'll panic then shall I?" she asked acidly. "Because that's obviously the way forward. My wrist is fine, I don't know why I did it, there's nothing wrong now—so yeah, let's use your method! When you grow up, Sirius, and stop crying over split milk, do let me know, won't you?"

"Split milk I don't tend to worry too much about, Helena, the amount of blood you left all over the castle is something a bit different! And I refused to believe you don't know why you did it—even if you were drunk-"

"So you're accusing me of lying to you now? Because you're so free of that sin, aren't you, Sirius? I'm sure you've never lied to me!"

"Helena-"

"Just get out, would you? Get out."

He hadn't gone two steps before she wanted him to come back again.

Unlike the other fights, the other arguments, this division wasn't healed in a matter of hours or days. It, like the scar on her arm, remained. And it festered. Helena didn't speak to him if she could help it, or any of them. The others had questions too. Why had she done it, what was she thinking, could she remember anything? Helena couldn't answer any of it. Overnight, she became a social recluse. She either had her meals very early or very late so didn't have to chat, and if anyone offered a trip to Hogsmeade, she politely refused. Finally she was able to avoid Quidditch matches, with no one insisting that she come down and cheer with the rest of the house. She missed it.

She turned monosyllabic with everyone, even the teachers. She'd promised Dumbledore she wasn't going to kill herself, not that she wouldn't stop living. The feeling, the thought that she simply didn't deserve friends was impossible to shift. She wasn't actively vicious to anyone except the one person she cherished most. She mocked, she bullied, she spurned him wherever she could. Anything it took to make him hate her. And she knew that it probably hurt him more than it angered him. She was getting used to feeling guilty. It made the urge to throw herself off the north tower and end it all a little less prevalent—because she should be feeling guilty. She wasn't worthy of people like her friends, had never been worthy of them. The guilt was just the price she owed for years she'd not paid for.

On the plus side, now that she had no friends, her schoolwork was improving. She had nothing to do but revise after all. She even got good at potions. So good, in fact, that she was beginning to surpass even Lily. Her elixir to induce euphoria was now the best in the year. And James'…was the worst. He tracked her down in the library, where she spent most of her time these days, to ask for her help.

"Helena?"

She didn't look up, but her fingers tightened on the book she was reader. "What?"

"I need your help with my elixir to induce euphoria. I don't know what you're doing that I'm not-"

"At the second stage just before it starts emitting sparks, summon a cheerful memory and blow on the potion for ten seconds. A bit like a Patronus."

"Oh. Thanks."

She didn't reply, and he didn't move. After almost a minute she got up, closing the book and putting it back on the shelf. James was still waiting for her when she returned. She didn't sit down, but met his eyes, trying outwardly to express irritation while inwardly begging him to go before she cracked.

"Anything else?"

"Yeah," he said bluntly, "What have you done to Sirius?"

"Done to him?"

"He's been a right foul git for weeks. And when he's not been foul, he's brooding. He doesn't brood."

"Maybe he's finally maturing," she snapped.

"See, and then there's that," James said, pointing at her. "You've mocked him before; you've never been cruel. And now you're being cruel. Why?"

A cold shiver crawled over Helena's skin. Maybe this was her father's blood coming out. She was pushing Sirius away so that he wouldn't discover the truth. So that none of them would discover the truth. But in doing that...was she succumbing to what she feared most?

"I need to keep him away from me," she said truthfully.

"Why?"

"To protect him."

"Helena-"

"Don't ask me why, James, I can't tell you why. But I promise this is for his own good."

"He wants to-"

"I know what he wants," she said quietly.

James made her look at him. His eyes were harder than she'd ever seen them, and his jaw was set. "Do you want that too?"

"I can't-"

"I didn't ask what you could do, Helena, I asked you if you wanted it too."

She swallowed, refusing to let the tears escape her eyes. "Yes. But it makes itself irrelevant."

Irrational rage and confusion swarmed in his head and heart—she was so afraid. And he could only think of one thing that would make her that scared. Only one thing that made anyone afraid anymore. Acting on his suspicion, he strode forward and grabbed her left wrist.

"James, what are-"

It became obvious when he shoved her sleeve back, exposing the skin on the underside of her forearm. It was bare, apart from the pink scar that ran its length. He let go, but Helena didn't move or speak. She just stared in mingled horror and betrayal.

Then she punched him.

By the time James got back to the common room, fifteen minutes later, his eye was swollen and red, puffy and rather painful. And that wasn't the main reason he was pissed off. He was pissed off because he'd gotten no further forward with Helena whatsoever.

"What happened to you?" Sirius asked as he sat down.

"I got hit," James answered shortly.

"By who?"

"Helena."

"What did you talk to her for?" Sirius demanded harshly.

"I… I was just trying to help, Padfoot."

"What did you talk to her for?"

James sighed. "I wanted to find out what's caused this- this personality shift. It's so sudden and its so unlike her."

"I dunno about that. If she's a real Malfoy after all then maybe she's just trying to live up to the name."

"I know you don't mean that—but she didn't tell me anything anyway." A lie, but if Helena was protecting Sirius, then no way was James going to put his best friend in jeopardy. "And then I checked her arm for… Well, a Dark Mark."

Sirius stilled. "And?"

"No, Sirius. I didn't find one."

"Then what the fuck is she doing?"

James had no answer. Helena was the only one who did—and at this rate they'd need a miracle to pry it from her.

A/N: I realise that may have seemed a little rushed at the end, but I had a couple people proofread it and I was assured it didn't. Let me know who you agree with in a review!