AN: I have a rough estimate of how many chapters are left, but this won't go over 100 chapters. Dedicated to Caitlin.
"I feel like I'm always going to miss her. I don't think I'll ever "get over" this. I don't want to "get over" Bonnie." Elena confesses as he sits next to her on the couch of the recently renovated Gilbert house.
"You might not. You might miss her every day for the rest of your life and you might feel exactly how you do now. You might not." He says carefully, there are people he thinks of everyday. Some of them still hurt, some of them are still painful. There are deaths he's made peace with and there are others he will always feel at war with. It's just part of living.
"How do I go through this? How do you keep living? I feel like my life has been a funeral procession since day one. I don't want to lose Jeremy, I don't want to lose Matt, or you, or Caroline or anyone. I want Bonnie." She says and he nods as tears gather in her eyes. She's already lost so many people, she doesn't want to lose anyone else. She's mourned everyone who she's lost but Bonnie is different. Losing Bonnie is like losing Caroline, it's like losing part of herself. Elena mourns the lost potential and the should haves, the plans they made when they were giggling too hard at sleepovers and the world was still completely bright.
"You go through it one day at a time. Everyone goes through it differently." He says.
"I don't even know what day it is." Tears escape and she's tired of crying but she also feels like she hasn't cried enough. Bonnie deserves extensive mourning, she deserves so much better. She curls into herself, and he doesn't touch her, but he murmurs that it's Tuesday. That's a start, she thinks distantly, but then she remembers Bonnie will never smile at her again. She'll never get to watch another movie with her or talk to her. Elena implodes a little. It's been too long since she's been able to feel this much, to mourn properly.
It's not an easy process, and Elena grieves fully. It's the first significant loss she's been awake for in decades. They're open and honest with each other, he tells her of his most significant loss. She's never guessed at his past, but he tells her his secrets as she leans against him.
They travel, and the gaping hole gets a little smaller with each day, but Elena still feels the loss. There are things to live for, and Elijah shows her new things and places every day.
"We're supposed to be in New Orleans in three days." Elijah says one day, and she looks away from the historical site to ask when they need to return.
"Knowing Caroline, we should probably leave today or tomorrow." He admits and she nods.
"I just want another hour before we have to think about it." Elena says and he agrees to it. Neither of them are quite ready to leave this yet.
"I'm sure. I just called him. He and Elena will be leaving in an hour." Klaus defends his older brother.
"Good. I'm just worried." Caroline admits as he watches her pace around their room.
"Stay in that pose." He requests as he begins to sketch her again. She stays still, but they continue to discuss everything as he carefully shades the drawing. It's going to be okay, Klaus knows. He just has to convince Caroline of that.