Chapter Two

I lounged on the couch, my head on Sam's lap, my feet across JJ's. I took a long drag on my cigarette, holding it in for a few moments before releasing it in a puff of smoke towards the ceiling. There was a stupid sit-com on the TV, but nobody was watching it. I felt JJ bend down around me, and I heard her inhale sharply through her nose.

She sat back with a sigh, the rolled-up dollar bill in her hand falling to the floor. "Jesus, that's good," she said. Her head fell back against the couch cushions and she giggled. Sam took a sip of his beer and grinned down at me. I don't know what she took- probably Vicodin. She always said it worked faster if she snorted instead of swallowed.

"Baby, you want to go upstairs?" he asked, slurring slightly. I wrinkled my nose at the wave of beer-breath that hit me in the face, and shook my head.

"Go to hell Sam," I said, rolling my eyes and taking another pull off my cigarette.

"C'mon, sugar. You can't just use me for my sweet place and cable." He ran his hands through my long hair, and I swatted at him.

"I don't give a shit about cable. I'm only here for your connections, honey." I laughed and poked JJ in the leg. Her eyes were closed; she was out cold. I put my cigarette out in the ashtray on the coffee table and yawned, stretching.

"Look, she's passed out. She won't even notice if we fool around." He pulled me up so that I was now sitting in his lap and nuzzled my neck.

"I said I wasn't in the mood." I pushed against his chest and stood up, glaring down at him angrily before moving around the couch and into the kitchen. There were dirty dishes piled on the counter by the sink and dozens of unopened letters cluttering the table. I opened the fridge and pulled a bottle of water out, uncapping it and taking a long sip. I heard footsteps, and then Sam's arms were around my waist.

"I'm sorry, baby. Don't be mad." He pressed a kiss to my shoulder. Normally, I would've let up and forgiven him, but I wasn't having it today. He tried shit like this way too often, and I just wasn't in a very forgiving mood.

"Yeah, whatever." I shrugged out of his grip and headed for the front door. I bent down to pick up my sneakers, and when I stood back up, he was right in front of me.

"Where do you think you're going?" he grabbed my wrist, his tone suddenly angry. His fingers pressed into my skin hard enough that I knew there would be a bruise. Fury spiked in my gut.

"I'm leaving. See you tomorrow." I yanked my wrist out of his grasp and moved towards the door again. He gripped my shoulder and whirled me around, pinning me to the wall. I cracked my head against it and groaned, seeing stars.

His mouth was moving on my neck, and I was just so damn angry all of a sudden. "Dammit, Samuel. Let me go." I shoved his shoulder, hard. He stumbled backwards, and I watched his face form into a mask of rage.

He hauled back and punched me in the face, over my eyebrow. I gasped, slamming back into the wall again. Pain exploded over my skin, and I saw red. Literally- there was blood dripping into my eye, hot and thick.

"Jesus, see what you made me do?" His face got very close to mine, and I flinched away. "If only you hadn't struggled. Just stay still, bitch."

My breathing hitched and my heart raced as I pressed myself against the wall, trying to get as far away from him as possible.

His hands tugged at my clothes, and I squirmed away from him. He pulled me back, pinning me to the wall again with his body weight, his knee between my thighs. He ripped my hoodie and t-shirt over my head.

"Sam, stop it. Come on, don't do this," I begged, breath starting to come faster. The cool air assaulted my skin- the heater had been broken for months. It was like a refrigerator in here.

"Shut up. If you had just done what I asked, this wouldn't have had to happen." His fingers fumbled with the button on my jeans, and I struggled, jerking my hips away. I fought and thrashed, until a sharp smack across the face sent me stumbling. I fell, sprawling across the floor. I planted my hands wide, face almost touching the hardwood, and panted. Fear was hot in my veins, thrumming my pulse faster and faster.

"I said, stay still." He sank down next to me and flipped me over, pressing my bones into the wood.

His body settled over mine, and I shut my eyes. I let my head hit the floor as he took what he wanted and left me broken.

My eyes flew open and I gasped. I lay as still as I could until the nightmare released its hold on my body. It had been three days, and the dream had only gotten more vivid.

It was dark still, and the soft sounds of breathing from the other side of the room told me that Nudge was still sleeping. Cold sweat beaded up around my hairline and dripped into the neckline of my tank top, slithering down my spine.

I pushed my covers back, and, ignoring the chill that crept up my bare legs as soon as my feet touched the floor, tiptoed across the room and hovered for a second over Nudge's peaceful form. I hated to wake her, but I couldn't lay alone. My skin was itching again.

I lifted her blankets up and carefully got into bed with her. She shifted, and I could see her eyes open in the faint moonlight coming in through the dirty windows. "Max?" she whispered, her voice thick with sleep. "What are you doing?"

"Nightmare," I replied simply. She scooted over, against the wall, and wrapped her arm around my waist. I settled into her warmth and let sleep take me again.

couple friends are hanging out tomorrow. my house. wanna come?

I rolled my eyes and scribbled a response. No.

Fang obviously couldn't take a hint. Every day in math, he would write me notes. And every day, I would be short, rude, cold. And he continued to make an effort. It was okay, though. He would give up eventually. They all did.

Why not?

I bit my lip as I studied his scratchy handwriting, debating whether I should tell the truth.

I have to pack.

"Why?" he whispered, his cool breath rushing over the back of my neck. I held my hand out behind my back, and he put the paper into it. A shudder ran through me when his fingertips brushed against my palm, and I fought back a wave of nausea. Nightmare images ran through my mind- dead weight over my whole body. Silver moonlight. Hardwood floor pressed against- before I could stop them, and I jerked away as if I had been burned.

I scribbled furiously- Don't touch me.

His reply came quickly- okay, okay. sorry, didn't know.

Of course. Of course he didn't know. How could he? He couldn't. Don't touch me.

My brain short circuited- my spine. Vomit in sink, clothes on. Kill him. No, don't-

I wrote- I have to move out of my house. I turn eighteen next Monday, Nov. 30th- my time in the system is up.

you have a place to go?

I fingered the tender spot over my eyebrow as I tried to think of a lie he would believe. I came up short and, eventually, turned to look at him over my shoulder and just barely shook my head.

I crumpled the note in my hand without passing it back. My eyes caught on the faded word scrawled across my wrist. I retraced it carefully and did what it said as panic threatened to drown me- Breathe.

I shoved clothing into my duffel bag mechanically. If I refused to think about it, it wouldn't hurt. At least, that was what I kept telling myself. If I didn't think about it, I wouldn't want to kill myself. In theory.

"I don't want you to go," Nudge whispered. She was sitting on her bed watching me. I could hear tears in her voice.

"I know." Shove, shove, shove. "But I have to. I'll still see you at school." (A lie.) "It will be okay. And your sixteenth birthday is next week- I won't miss that. Anne can't stop me." (Another lie). "And Christmas is in a month- I'll come around then."

(Liar. Bitch. Pathetic.)

"I know, but it won't be the same."

I pushed the last of my t-shirts into the bag and zipped it up. All of the clothing I owned was in one duffel bag. Everything else, like knick-knacks and things, I folded up in old newspaper in my backpack, along with a couple paperbacks and a faded Polaroid of me and Nudge. I was leaving now, before Anne could kick me out.

(Can't face the rejection again.)

(Would send you over the edge.)

I pushed myself to my feet and, with a deep breath, turned around to face Nudge. She had tears streaming down her face, and she was staring down at her dangling feet, her hands loosely clasped in her lap. I walked over to her and put my finger under her chin, pulling it up and forcing her to look at me.

"Hey," I said fiercely. "You. Will. Be. Fine."

She sniffled and threw her arms around my waist, burying her face in my stomach. I winced as she pressed against a couple bruises, but still wrapped my arms around her and hugged her back.

"You stay in school, okay? You're brilliant. You're ten times smarter than me."

"Okay." Her voice was muffled against my t-shirt. "Will you be okay? Where will you go?"

"I'll be fine."

(The biggest lie of all.)

"Seriously."

"Seriously, Fang. I'm not interested."

"Can't sleep at night knowing you're living on the streets."

I rolled my eyes, pulling a wad of crumpled up papers out of my locker and throwing them into the trash at my side. "Then don't sleep."

(God knows you won't.)

"Max."

I sighed and looked at him. It was after class on Monday- my last day at this stupid school. There were a couple of students milling about the halls, but being in such close proximity to this boy made my palms sweat in fear. I couldn't let it show; if you show weakness, the predator will pounce.

"Why do you even care?" I pulled out some more trash and tossed it. "I don't need your help."

"Yeah you do. It's freezing outside, and I know you have nowhere to go. Nudge hangs out with my friends. She's worried about you."

How did I not know Nudge hung out with these people? At least she has better taste in friends than I do. "She's wrong. I'm fine."

He laughed, and I turned my head sharply to look at him. "You're not."

"Yes I am."

"Then tell me what happened to your face."

My heart stopped beating for a moment, then kicked into hyper-drive- they'd find out. Can't have any more blood on your hands; that would be bad. Lace-

(He'll never believe you.)

(It was your fault anyways.)

(You deserved it.)

I closed my locker door and leaned against it, letting the cool metal clear my thoughts. "Go to hell." I closed my eyes.

"Let me help you."

I slammed my fist against the lockers, the sound echoing and startling him. "Why? Why do you feel the need to help me? I don't need your help, and I certainly don't need to owe you anything."

"Owe me? Y-You wouldn't owe me anything, Max. Sometimes people just do nice things because they're decent human beings." He was mad. I could tell by the tight way he was holding himself. I was beginning to get frustrated.

"Jesus, just leave me alone." I lifted my backpack and stalked off down the hall, intending to go to the girl's restroom on the first floor, where I had hidden my duffel bag. Nobody used that restroom. The hand dryers were much nicer on the second floor.

"Max," he called after me, voice echoing. "If you change your mind, you know where I live."

"Whatever."

My boots thumped down the staircase, the buckles rattling and the sound echoing around against the concrete walls. I stared at the scuffed toes and counted the steps in my head to keep the voices away. One, two, three. One, two three. One, two, thr-

"Max?"

My head snapped up and I stopped three steps from the bottom. JJ was standing there, one foot on the bottom step. Her blonde streaked hair was greasy and there were dark, dark circles under her wide blue eyes. She looked too thin and too pale, but that was normal. Her face looked as if she had seen a ghost. I was sure mine probably looked similar.

"JJ?" I asked, my voice breathless. I stumbled down the last few steps and reached out to touch the mottled purple bruise on her jawline and stopped just before my fingers brushed her skin. "What happened?"

She grabbed my hand and held it in both of hers. "Don't worry about me, just my step dad being an asshole again. What happened to you?" she countered. She thumbed my still swollen lip and swept her fingers over my cut up cheekbone.

"I-I um, got mugged. Walking home the other day."

"Oh, shit." She pulled me away from the staircase and to the wall, leaning against it. I tried to mimic her laid back pose, but my bones and muscles still creaked and ached when I moved the wrong way.

"Yeah, no big deal. Not like I have any money. Are you okay, though? Honestly? You took a lot of whatever it was you took the other day."

She waved her hands in my face, shaking her head and laughing. "It's fine, I just misjudged the dose. Vicodin always fucks with me. It's okay, swears." She smiled. "When I woke up, though, you were gone and Sam was upstairs breaking shit. Did you guys have another fight?"

My palms started to sweat and I felt my eyes widen just the smallest amount before I clenched them shut. "Yeah, kind of. I don't want to talk about it. I actually need to go now, Nudge is waiting on me. I'm glad you're okay." I wrapped my arms around her neck in a quick, fierce hug, before pushing past her and practically running down the hallway, ignoring the questions that she hurled at my back.

It was snowing.

Of course it was snowing. Because this was my life we were talking about, and this shitty day wouldn't be complete without a freaking blizzard.

I huddled into my hoodie, fingers turning to claws in my pockets, and squeezed my eyes shut. The park bench was like ice under my legs, even through the denim of my jeans. The playground was empty, and I watched the green soccer field rapidly disappear under a blanket of white.

"Going to freeze out here."

My head snapped up to see Fang, standing out starkly in his black attire against the snow. He tossed something in my lap, and it landed with a dull thud. I looked down and pawed through the pile with numb fingers; it was a thick jacket, and gloves. He watched me with his careful eyes.

"I-I'm fine," I said through chattering teeth. I shoved my fingers into the gloves anyways.

"You're not." He studied me for a moment. "You'll die."

"Don't be so dramatic."

"Not. Lips are blue. Fingers were too." He nodded at my face, and I bit down on the inside of my cheek.

"I'm. Fine." My hands were trembling. In fear? In cold? Who knew? Not me.

"You're not."

He stood there, hands in his pockets, staring down at me. I sat there, hands in my pockets, staring right back up at him. Neither of us moved or blinked or even breathed.

"I'm not going home with you."

"'Kay."

He sat down on the bench next to me and settled in. I watched him, my mouth falling open slightly.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"You die, I die."

Anger and frustration made my face hot, and it stung against the cold air. "That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard."

"Nudge needs you. Can't die on her."

"She'll be fine without me." I looked away from him and turned my gaze back on the empty playground. The air was quiet except for the gentle whoosh of snowflakes. This park was in the middle of a residential neighborhood. "She'll be better without me."

(Happier. Safer.)

(Everyone would be.)

(You should just disappear.)

"Maybe I want you here too."

I laughed, the sound rubbing like sand against my throat. "Whatever."

I used to bring him here, Before. The swings creaked in the wind, just like in my memories. His blond hair blew across his face as he went higher, higher, almost punching holes in the clouds with his tennis shoes. His laughter was wild and free, and the grin on his face was like nothing I'd ever seen before. It was like sunsets after thunderstorms and the smell of a fresh-cut Christmas tree. It was clean laundry and the feeling of spring. It was true and pure and happy. It hit me- in that moment- that I would do anything to protect his innocence, his smile. I wouldn't let him be broken, like I was. He would always be happy, as long as I was alive.

I broke my promise. I broke him.

I blinked, my breath flowing from my lungs as if by force.

"Where'd you go?" Fang asked, his voice softer than the fresh snow at our feet. "Just now?"

I shut my eyes, turning off the thoughts slicing up my head like razor blades. "Nowhere. I'm fine."

He hummed and looked at me. "Come with me. Just tonight. And I'll leave you alone."

My toes were ice in my shoes, and I couldn't feel my nose. "Fine. But just for tonight. Until the storm is over." I was so tired. Too tired to keep fighting him. Tired enough to lay down in the white and let it wrap around me like a blanket, numbing my brain, and sleep forever.

I followed him through the snow to his car and let him drive me away.