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Prompted by Anon- Jason slits his wrists

TRIGGER: this chapter contains the theme of self harm, if you feel you may be affected please don't feel like you have to read.

Chapter 29- why?:

"Come on Jase, we're gonna be late!" Ziggy shouted up the stairs. They had to meet Joe and Freddie at the garage to talk about the next advertisement campaign; Robbie was ready but Jason wasn't.

Jason sat in his room, he didn't want to go. He hadn't wanted to do anything lately; he just hadn't felt like himself. Everything was going wrong and he was just losing control. Him and Holly were on the the rocks; what was he supposed to do.

And now his brothers were making him do this stupid campaign for garage that would almost certainly involve taking his top off; as if he didn't feel self conscious already. What was going on with his life?

He felt his breath rise in his chest and then he couldn't breath. He could faintly hear Ziggy or was it Robbie shouting up the stairs, he didn't know. He couldn't breath, his hands started to shake. How was he supposed to stop this?

He looked around his room, as if he would find someone. Except he didn't find someone, he found something. Robbie had recently bought a new pack of razors that he had yet to put in the bathroom. He couldn't could he? What would he tell Robbie? He'd just tell him that he borrowed it, yeah that would work.

He stumbled over to the desk and ripped open the packet. He out one of the razors and held it in his trembling hand. He brought it up to his wrist and squeezed his eyes shut. He pressed it to his skin; he felt the pain shoot through his arm, except it didn't hurt; in fact the pain was soothing in a weird way.

"Jase, I swear if you don't get down here right now I'm gonna up there and drag you out!" Jason heard Robbie shouted. It took a few seconds for Jason to regulate his breathing before he shouted back. "One minute!" He quickly wiped away the blood with tissue and put on a hoodie, knowing that if his brothers were to find then he was a dead man.

As he was leaving his room, Jason put the razor in his pocket and closed his bedroom door; satisfied with what he had just done. The only problem was that Jason couldn't use this coping method forever; one day he would have fo stop.

"What took you so long?" Robbie asked, always concerned for his brother whenever he was late for something and today Robbie could tell that there was something off with him. "Nothing" Jason replied but Robbie just frowned. "Right well come on then boys, we don't want to keep them waiting any longer!" Ziggy exclaimed, ushering the boys out of the house.

"What took you so long?" Freddie asked, as the three walked into the garage. "Him" Ziggy said pointing at Jason. "What did you do?" Joe asked. "Nothing" Jason said, slightly offended it felt like he was being accused.

Robbie eyed his brother suspiciously but then tried to move the conversation on. "So why did you want us here?" Robbie asked. "To talk about our new advertising campaign" Joe said, clapping his hands.

"So I was thinking, we could either do a topless car wash or a calendar" Ziggy suggested. "Or maybe we shoot our own advert!" Ziggy exclaimed, proud that he'd been able to come up with something like that. "And obviously it will involve being topless" he added.

"Does everything you even think about have to be topless?" Jason asked, trying to hide his irritation. He failed thought, Joe, Freddie and Robbie all noticed his frustration. "Yeah" Ziggy replied as if it was obvious.

"So what do you boys want to then?" Ziggy asked, eager to get started. "I like the idea of a calendar", Joe said, "what do you think boys?" Freddie shrugged and agreed with Ziggy, saying that he could show off his tattoos. Robbie agreed, saying he'd show Ziggy up with his 'perfect' body. Jason just shrugged.

Did he want to do a topless calendar? No of course he didn't. "What do you think then Jase?" Ziggy asked, patting a hand down on Jason's shoulder. "I don't really know" Jason replied. Except his brothers just ignored his comment. "So when do you wanna do it then?" Freddie asked, much to Jason's annoyance.

The Roscoe bays spent the rest of the day back at the house in the kitchen, planning what they were going to do for their calendar. Well four of them planned, Jason just sat there, not liking how uncomfortable he felt.

"What about this one for Jase" Joe suggested, holding up a background that looked a beach; obviously for August. "I don't really like that one" Jason said. "Are you sure?" Joe asked, sensing that his youngest brother wasn't feeling hismelf; he also noticed that Jason kept running his fingers along his wrist, it was probably nothing.

"I'm gonna go upstairs" Jason announced, standing up from where he was sitting and walking out of the kitchen. "What about the calendar, I think you'd make a great March!" Ziggy shouted as he left. "I don't really care!" Jason called back as he made his way upstairs, fully intending to go up to his room, lock the door and just forget about everything. Except that didn't happen.

Jason got in his room and his head immediately filled with thoughts about the calendar. Were his brothers deliberately trying to embarrass him? No they wouldn't, well Freddie might but he was sure he wouldn't. Then he started to think about the photo shoot.

He'd have to get in shape; he couldn't go in front of a camera looking the way he did. But he wouldn't have enough time. Jason felt himself start to panic and he didn't know how to control it. It was in that moment when Jason felt the razor in his pocket. The razor?

He pulled it out and looked at it. He rolled up his sleeve and looked at his wrist; the cut was still there from this morning; that angry red cut. Without thinking, Jason brought the blade to his wrist and made three more angry red cuts.

He breathed a sigh of relief as he watched some of the blood leave the cut on his arm. It was then realised what he had done. What would his brothers think? What would they say? However Jason couldn't really care what they said, for that moment he was in control.

He went into the bathroom, rinsed his cuts off under the tap before wrapping some tissue round it. He then went back to his room and cleaned off the blade, before he put it back in his pocket to hide. Jason slightly smiled, he felt relaxed, more relaxed than before anyways. Maybe this coping method would work.

Three days later and it was the day of the photo shoot for the calendar. In past three days Jason had formed a collection of red, angry lines on his wrists; both wrists. He always wore long sleeves, even when he was in bed; his brothers had begun to notice, well Ziggy hadn't, he believed Jason's lie about him being cold.

"Right then, are we all ready?" Ziggy asked as the boys gathered in the garage. All of them but Jason already had their tops off. "Come on Jase, take it off, you must be boiling" Ziggy said cheerfully. Jason played with the cuffs of his hoodie knowing that if he took it off, he was a dead man.

Ziggy handed the rest of the boys their costumes, while Joe kept his eye on Jason. He knew there was something up with him, he was distant, he would get angry at them then be calm a few minutes later and not to mention he was always keeping his arms covered no matter how he was feeling.

"Right, who's January?" Ziggy asked. "I am" Freddie said, he'd already changed into his costume which meant on less person to pester. "Jase, come on, take your hoodie off" Ziggy said, starting to annoyed.

Jason didn't want to do this, he'd said it for last three days but they didn't listen. He ran his hand along the cuts on both his wrists, digging his fingernails into them. He could feel the pain shooting through his wrist, it was helping. But there was no way he could take his hoodie off, never mind take his top off.

Robbie and Joe were watching Jason and it didn't take a genius to work out what Jason was doing. Robbie and Joe just hoped that it wasn't what they suspected. "Jason, show us your arm" Joe said.

Jason's head snapped up, his eyes wide, Joe and Robbie knew that their suspicions were correct. "Why?" Jason tugging on the cuff of his hoodie, as if by doing that he would be hiding something. "Jase, just show us your arms" Robbie said softly; he wasn't mad just worried.

By now all four brothers were looking at Jason, all of them expecting him to show them his arms. "Jase just them your arms" Ziggy said, desperate to get on with the photo shoot. "Jase, were not mad" Freddie said, he too had noticed that something was going on with Jason.

Jason stood there, he had no escape. His brothers were going to find out. He felt tears form in his eyes and he was trying so desperately not to let them fall. He was tugging at his sleeve; he desperately wanted to self harm.

"Jason" Robbie said, walking over to his twin. He put his hand on Jason's shoulder and watched as he flinched. "Jase just show us your arms, we know what's going on" Robbie said looking into Jason's eyes, except Jason looked down at the floor. Robbie watched a single tear rolled down Jason's eye.

"Rob, let's get him home first" Joe said, knowing that they weren't getting anywhere and that Jason would rather be at home. Robbie turned round to protest at Joe he was too late as Joe already had his arm around Jason and was leading him out of the garage. Robbie looked at Freddie for back up but Freddie just shrugged; he wasn't the best in these kind of situations.

Joe and Jason walked silently back to the house, the only sound Joe could hear was Jason rubbing his sleeve against his wrist. Joe moved his other hand and stopped Jason from rubbing his sleeve.

"Right then, you sit down there" Joe said as he walked Jason into the living room and sat him down on the sofa. Not even a minute later Robbie and Freddie burst through the door, Ziggy following closely behind. They gestured for Joe to follow them into the kitchen.

"Has he said anything?" Robbie asked. "No" Joe replied, trying to think of what they could do next. "I could speak to him" Robbie suggested, Jason was his twin after all. "No, I think Freddie and Ziggy should speak to him" Joe said.

"What?" Ziggy asked. "You know we ain't good at this kind of thing" Freddie pointed out. "Well it's about you got good at it" Joe said, he motioned for Freddie and Ziggy to make their way into the living room.

Freddie and Ziggy walked into the living room to find Jason sitting on the sofa, staring into space. Freddie looked at Ziggy expecting him to do something; Ziggy looked at Freddie expecting the same thing. They both decided to sit down on the sofa with Jason. Freddie sat next to Jason while Ziggy sat across from him on the other sofa.

"Not a good day then" Freddie commented. "Yeah" Jason replied quietly, almost like a whisper. Freddie and Ziggy looked at each other, both surprised that Jason had reasoned to him. "What's going on with you eh?" Ziggy asked. Jason just shrugged. He subconsciously traced his fingers up and down his wrist; this didn't go unnoticed by Freddie and Ziggy.

"Can you show us your arm?" Freddie asked. "We're not mad' Ziggy added. Jason traced his fingers faster and pressed harder on to his wrist, Freddie noticed and gently put his hand on top of Jason's stopping the movement.

Freddie looked to Ziggy and Ziggy nodded, understanding what Freddie was silently asking. Freddie cautiously took his other hand and eased down Jason's sleeve. He and Ziggy gasped but they didn't have to say anything as Jason burst into tears.

Freddie immediately pulled Jason into his embrace and let him cry into his jacket. "Oh Jase" Freddie whispered. Ziggy watched on with a sympathetic look on his face, while Robbie and Joe listened from the kitchen; it broke their hearts that Jason was struggling.

"Jase it's alright" Freddie said as Jason clung to his jacket. Freddie looked at Ziggy expecting him to say something. Except Ziggy didn't, Jason did. "Sorry" Jason said as he choked on a sob.

"Right you listen to me" Freddie said, getting Jason's attention. "We're gonna get those cuts cleaned up, then we're gonna go down to hospital and get you some help and I promise that we will all be there for you" Freddie said and Jason nodded.

"I love you Jase" Freddie said as he pressed his face into Jason's hair.

Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed and please review to let me know what you think, also it have any suggestions I'd love to hear them :)

Prompted by Anon- Jason and Robbie have a heart to heart