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Prompted by Alana- Jason feels like all his brothers are better than him and like he's the spare part. He thinks Sandy loves them all more than him and can't match up with them. Then Holly breaks up with him it's the final straw. Jason sinks into deep depression and tries to commit suicide. Joe finds him and they manage to get him to hospital in time. Each of the Roscoe brothers go in and talk with Jason and he starts to open up about how worthless he's been feeling and finally gets help. When he's discharged they're all shaken up so they won't leave Jason's side and all sleep together with him in the living room to comfort him
TRIGGER: this chapter contains depression and attempting suicide, if you feel you may be affected please don't feel like you have to read.
Chapter 33- you're one of us:
Jason sat on the bench in the gym and stopped to watch his brothers. Joe was lifting weights as heavy as 50kg, Freddie was on the treadmill and running topless, Ziggy was doing pull ups making them look easy and Robbie was lifting the hand weights, a 20kg one in each hand.
Why couldn't Jason do any of that? Why did he have to be the weak one, why did he have to be the let down. No wonder they don't like working out with him; he's an embarrassment. All of the photo shoots his brothers wanted to do, they were just to embarrass him.
"Oi, Jase!" Robbie called over to him. Jason's head snapped up, breaking him from his thoughts. "What?" Jason asked, he couldn't be bothered for one of Robbie's stupid jokes. "What you sitting over there for?" Robbie asked.
"Becuase I can!" Jason called back, hoping this wasn't a Robbie joke. "Well why don't you come and work out, you are in a gym. Plus Holly will like you better with muscles" Robbie, causing Freddie and Ziggy to laugh.
Jason felt so exposed, it was like Robbie could read his mind. It was his greatest fear, he already knew that he wasn't good enough so why did Robbie have to go and confirm it. He just wanted to curl up in a ball right there and then.
"Right, right, that's enough boys leave the kid alone" Joe said, noticing the look on Jason's face. "Maybe Holly's the kind of girl that likes what's on the inside better than the outside."
Robbie and Freddie both laughed, muttering comments about how Jason wouldn't live up to the outside or the inside. Jason sighed and turned his head to look out the window.
Robbie and Freddie were right, he wasn't good enough for a girl like Holly. He needed to be good enough, but how? He could workout more but then his brothers would probably just tewse him for it. He could spend more time with her, take her out places. Yeah, that's what Jason decided he was going to do.
He stood up from where he was sitting, went into the changing rooms to grab his bag, before walking out the door. He could hear the faint shouting of Robbie as he walked away, probably shouting something about Holly.
As he was walking Jason pulled out his phone to text Holly:
"Are you busy tonight? J x"
He carried on walking while he waited for a reply, thinking about what he was going to do. Tonight he could take her to the cinema, then in a few days time he would take her to a bar in town, then after that he would take her out somewhere else in the next few days. Only a later he felt his phone buzz, he pulled it out answering the text.
"No, why? H x"
Jason read this and smiled, before typing his reply.
"Was wondering if you wanted to go to the cinema? J x"
Jason put his phone back in his pocket and waited for a reply. Jason let his mind drift as he walked home, unfortunately it drifted to the thing he didn't want to think about. He knew that this was his last chance to impress Holly, he wasn't good enough to be with his brothers and he knew that his Mum was soon going to be sick of him.
His train of thought ended when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He pulled it out, grateful for the distraction, and answered the text.
"Yeah, alright. What time? H x"
"I'll come to yours for 7. J x"
"Okay. H x"
Jason smiled and put his phone back in his pocket, that was everything sorted for tonight. He didn't really have to tell his brothers, all they would do would be take the mick out of him. He didn't see the point in talking to his brothers anymore.
Once upon a time he would have been able to ask them for help and advice, now he couldn't. All they did was make him feel worhtless, like he wasn't worth the effort. It wasn't his body image that was playing on his mind, it was what he was worth.
Jason finally got home and went into the house, kicking his shoes off by the door. "Jason, you can pick those shoes up right now!" Sandy shouted from the kitchen. "No girl's ever gonna want you if you can't pull your weight" he heard her mutter. Jason sighed and picked up his shoes before walking up the stairs. Why did everyone have it in for him?
A few hours later Jason was ready to go out. He'd decided not to tell anyone, knowing that his brothers would just take the mick out of him. He'd dressed himself up in jeans and a smart polo shirt along with a pair of converse.
He'd rang Holly to tell her that he would be round soon, she'd sounded happy so Jason took that as a positive. He looked at the clock and it read 6:30 meaning Jason would have to leave in 15 minutes to make it to Holly's on time.
He thought about what his brothers would do in this situation because no matter what his brothers said, he still in some ways looked up to them. Woukd they go for it? Or would they go slow? Jason knew he had to be with Holly more to impress her but he didn't really know anything else.
Before Jason had a chance to think more, his phone buzzed revealing a message from Holly saying that she was ready. Jason smiled and decided that he might as well go to her house now.
He grabbed his keys, before walking out of his bedroom and closing the door. Jason tried to make his way down the stairs slowly and quietly in the hopes that his family wouldn't hear him; although his plans were soon crushed when Ziggy walked out of the living room.
"Where you off to looking like that?" Ziggy questioned, almost as if he was insulting Jason. "I'm off to Holly's" Jason said, ignoring Ziggy's questioning looks. "Not like that you're not" Ziggy said and Jason frowned.
"What?" He asked, looking down at what he was wearing. "You look a mess!" Ziggy exclaimed. He ran his hand through Jason's hair, straightened up his jacket and checked his jeans. "There we go, you look, acceptable" Ziggy said.
Jason just pushed past his brother and walked out the door, not wanting to hear anymore from Ziggy. Why did his brothers always have to shoot him down? Now even his Mum was getting involved. Why did they do it?
Jason carried on walking down the path, while he was asking himself questions. Had he done something wrong? Well, for starters he was born. He just didn't fit in with his brothers. He didn't fit in with his looks, with his personality or his job.
Come on, he wanted to be a police officer. His brothers were on the wrong side of the law more than they were on the right. It would never work with his family. His Mum might agree, but then she'd always comment on how Jason wouldn't be fit enough or how he was too lazy.
Jason turned the corner into the village and walked past the Hutch, reminding himself to take Holly there one day. He walked past the Loft and then to the flats. He went in and then walked up to Holly's door. He knocked and waited for an answer.
Only a few seconds later Holly answered the door and there was only one word that Jason could use to describe her: beautiful. "Hey Jase, come in" Holly said as she invited Jason inside.
"So what we going to see?" Holly asked as she closed the door. "That's for me to know for you to find out" Jason said as he and Holly kissed. "Should we get going then?" Jason asked as he pulled away. "We should" Holly said, grabbing her bag and walking out the door with Jason.
The young couple had a good night. They'd gone to the cinema to see a rom-com, Jason's choice, then the young couple went back to Holly's. They stayed there together just the two of them, until Cindy came back and kicked Jason out so he had no choice but to go home.
The next few weeks went on like that, with Jason getting closer to Holly ans taking her out places. Unfortunately though, this meant that his brothers had started to notice something suspicious. Jason just ignored them, well he tried to ignore them although what they said always stuck in his mind.
It was a Friday morning when Jason got the dreaded text. He and Holly were supposed to be going to a party that night, although that plan quickly came to a halt.
Jason has just got of the shower when he walked back into his room and his phone. He picked it up and smiled when saw that it was from Holly. He opened the message and his smile soon faded away.
"Jason,
I still love you, I always have and I always will but I can't do this anymore. I just need my own time and space and that doesn't involve you. What I'm trying to say is that I can't be with you anymore, I'm sorry.
Holly"
Jason's world stopped. Holly had just broke up with him. What? She couldn't have. Jason had tried everything to keep her happy. What if he had tried too hard? Jason felt his eyes brim with tears, but he didn't let them fall.
He threw his phone down at the floor and started to pace. How had this happened? Was it because he tried too hard? Did he not pay her enough attention? Was it the clothes he was wearing? Was the way his hair was styled? His brothers were right, they were always right.
He stormed out of his room and thundered downstairs. "What's rocked your boat?" Freddie asked as he and Joe walked in. "Holly broke up with me" Jason said with gritted teeth. Freddie sighed. "We did try and warn you" Freddie said. Jason just pushed past him and Joe and walked out the door.
Jason walked down the street, he didn't know where he was going or what he was doing to do. He just kept replaying the text message in his over and over again. He carried on walking down the street, trying to ignore the voices in his head.
They got louder, and more intense. He kept walking and walking until he didn't even know. That was until he had an idea. His life was awful, he was never going to be anything or meet anyone, so Jason took the drastic step.
He went the chemist and bought a big pack of paracetamol, then he went to the shop bought some vodka, obviously having to show his ID, another thing made Jason feel even worse.
He took his purchases and went for a walk to pass the time. He looked at his watch and it was 2pm, his brothers wouldn't care how long how he was gone. He kept on walking, letting the thoughts and voices take over in his head.
Eventually, Jason ended up at the folley. He sat down and just let the world go by; he had nothing better to do.
"Boys, you haven't seen Jase have you?" Sandy asked as she walked into the living room where four of her son's where. "No Mum, why?" Ziggy asked. "What's happened to him? Is he alright?" Robbie questioned, his protective twin instinct coming out.
"I don't know, I haven't seen him since this morning. Have any of you seen him since then?" Sandy asked. "Me and Joe saw him when we got back, he was upset cos Holly had broke up with him" Freddie said. "When was that and where did he go?" Sandy questioned, her heart starting to beat faster.
"A few hours ago, but we don't know where he went" Joe said, starting to feel a bit guilty. He should have noticed something was a bit off with Jason. "You mean you didn't go after him?" Sandy asked, the panic inside her rising by the minute.
Joe and Freddie both shared a look with each other before shaking their heads. Sandy sighed and rubbed a hair across her face. "You have to go and look for him" Sandy said. The four Roscoes looked at Sandy, then looked at each other, silently deciding who was going to go.
Joe decided that because he was the eldest (and also because he felt guilty) that he would go and look for Jason. Robbie had tried to join in but Sandy has soon stopped him. "Right it's 6pm now, if I haven't found him by 10pm, I'll come home" Joe said as he put on his jacket.
"Are you sure you don't want Freddie or someone to come with you?" Sandy asked, not hiding the fact that she was terrified. "I'll be fine Mum; I have to do this" Joe said. He kissed Sandy on the cheek and then left the house.
Joe set off walking down the street, wondering where Jason could be. He felt guilty, he was the eldest and should have been looking out for and protecting Jason; he was the youngest. Joe decided that the best he could do now was find Jason and bring him back home safe.
Jason sat in the folley and let his mind take over. Nothing was going right for him. Nothing. He didn't see the point; in fact there was no point. He looked down at the pills and then to the bottle of vodka. This was his time.
Joe had been looking for Jason for over an hour and he was beginning to lose hope. There was only place left that Joe had yet to check, the folley. Joe made his way through the village checking every corner and shop window; he still had yet to find Jason.
Jason took a swig of vodka to wash down the 4 pills he had just taken. It taste disgusting. But Jason carried on; he had to carry on. Jason took a few more swigs and then he started to feel a bit sick and dizzy. Jason dropped the bottle and let it smash on the floor, before leaning back against the wall.
Joe started to hurry towards the folley, knowing that he didn't have long to find his brother. He ran along the path just outside the folley, although when he turned the corner nothing could have prepared him for what he saw.
Jason sitting against the wall, semi conscious, with a box of pills next to him and a smashed vodka bottle on the floor. It didn't take a genius to work out what had happened.
"Jason!" Joe exclaimed as he ran towards his baby brother. Joe sat down next to him and grabbed Jason's cheeks between his fingers. "Jason? Jase can you hear me?" Joe asked, trying to hide the panic in his voice.
Jason just made noises and Joe could tell he was about to pass out. Joe shifted himself so that Jason was leaning against him and pulled out his phone to dial 999. Joe put the phone to his ear, trying to stop his trembling hands.
"Ambulance please, it's my brother. I think he's tried to kill himself" Joe said, his voice breaking as he said the last part.
"What the hell happened?" Sandy asked as she and the remaining Roscoes hurried down the hospital corridor. "I don't know" Joe said, his voice thick. "What do you mean you don't know?" Robbie asked. "When I found him..." Joe started but he couldn't finish; how was he supposed to tell his family what he had saw.
"When you found him what?" Ziggy asked this time. "There's no easy way of saying this, I found him at the folley, semi conscious, a box of pills next to him and vodka on the floor" Joe said, avoiding his family's gaze.
Sandy gasped, she couldn't believe what Joe had just told her. Jason had tried to take his own life? Her baby had tried to kill himself? How? Why? Sandy had so many questions swirling through her head she didn't even notice the doctor come and speak to them.
"Mum" Freddie whispered, snapping Sandy away from her thoughts. "As I was saying I'm Dr. Criss and I'm overseeing Jason's care. Now as it seems Jason has tried to overdose using paracetamol and vodka."
Sandy felt tears brimming in her eyes, she just couldn't believe what she was hearing. "When can I see him?" Sandy asked, her voice breaking. "He's currently on suicide watch and we have had to pump out his stomach" Dr. Criss explained further.
"Okay, so still when can we see him?" Freddie asked. "You can however, he isn't awake at moment and a nurse will be in there the whole time" Dr..Criss said, trying to make it clear to the Roscoes.
"So what's gonna happen now?" Joe asked. "When Jason wakes up, our on call psychologist will speak to him and assess him. This will then determine whether Jason can receive out patient treatment or in patient treatment."
"I don't care", Sandy sat to the doctor. "I just want to see my son." She pushed past the doctor and made her way to Jason's room, leaving the rest of her sons out in the waiting room. Robbie and Ziggy sat down on either side of Joe while Freddie preferred to stand.
"Why did he you know?" Robbie asked, her couldn't quite bring himself to say the words. "I don't know", Joe replied honestly, "there's a lot going on in his head at the moment." No one said anything after that, it was like deep down they all new somewhere that they were to blame.
Only 15 minutes later, Sandy arrived back and the tear lines down her face were obvious. "Can we go in now?" Robbie asked. "Yes, only one at a time and he's awake" Sandy said as she sat down. "Okay, I'm going in" Joe said as he stood up and left.
Joe walked into Jason's room and the lump in his throat only got bigger. He said hello to the nurse would was sitting in the corner and sat down next to Jason's bed. "Hey Jase" Joe said softly. Jason turned to look at him and Joe could see the hurt in his eyes. "What's going on with you?" Joe asked as he ran his hand through Jason's hair.
"You were supposed to protect me" Jason whispered and Joe's heart broke; this was everything he feared. "I know and I'm sorry" Joe said, fighting back the tears. "Why?" Joe asked. Jason didn't need to ask him why what; he already knew what Joe meant.
"I couldn't take it anymore, everything just got too much" Jason whispered again. "What got too much?" Joe asked. "Everything" Jason replied. Joe decided that that was enough for Jason, he could already tell that he was pushing it. "Okay then, I'll see you later" Joe said before standing up and leaving.
The next to go into the room was Freddie, he sat down next to Jason. He felt so awkward. "How you doing then?" Freddie asked, instantly regretting the question. "Okay I guess" Jason replied. "Why?" Jason asked.
Freddie frowned. "Why what?" Jason turned to look at Freddie. "Why did you say all those things?" Jason asked. Now Freddie knew what Jason meant. "I'm sorry" Freddie said. "Your sorry for what?" Jason asked.
"I'm sorry for making you feel that way" Freddie said, looking down at the floor. "Why did you say those? Do you have any idea how bad it made me feel?" Jason questioned. "I do now" Freddie muttered as Jason glared at him.
"Look Jase, I'm sorry and I promise that this never happen again. I never thought you'd be so affected by it" Freddie said, honestly. "Just go" Jason said. "Alright" Freddie said standing up. "I do love you Jase."
After Freddie it was Ziggy next to go in; he just wanted to see his brother. "Hey Jase, how's it going" Ziggy said as he sat down to Jason's bed. "Why did you do it?" Ziggy asked straight away.
"Because I couldn't take it. All of teasing and comments, it really started to get to me" Jason said, he found it easier to open up to Ziggy. "Why didn't you tell us?" Ziggy asked. "Because I knew that you'd all just tease me more" Jason said. Ziggy's heart broke; is that really how his brother felt?
"I'm sorry, for everything that we have put you through" Ziggy said, trying to hide his cracking voice. "I love you okay" Ziggy said and Jason nodded before Ziggy got up and left.
Robbie was the last brother to go in and see Jason; he was also the most reluctant. Robbie walked into Jason's room and sat down next to his brother. "What happened Jase?" Robbie asked, rubbing a hand over his face. "What?" Jason asked. "When did everything go wrong for us?" Robbie asked. "The minute we moved to Hollyoaks" Jason replied, causing Robbie to chuckle.
"I'm sorry" Robbie said. "Sorry for what?" Jason asked. "Everything we put you through; everything I put you through. Your my twin brother and I let you down" Robbie said now looking Jason in the eyes.
"Well at least it didn't work" Jason said and Robbie smiled again; Jason always knew how to make Robbie smile. "I am really sorry" Robbie said. "I know" Jason replied, smiling at his twin brother.
"I promise you, that we've learnt from what we did and we will never to do it again" Robbie assured. "You can come and speak to us about anything" he added. "I know" Jason said. "I love Jase" Robbie said. "I love you too Rob" Jason replied.
"Now listen, I have to go now but you have to promise me something" Robbie said. "What?" Jason asked. "That you let them help you" Robbie said seriously. "I will" Jason promised.
The next few days were hard for all the family not just Jason. He'd been assessed and luckily he could receive treatment while still living at home. It was understatement to say that the incident had scared the Roscoes; it had terrified them.
"Now Jason's coming home tonight and I know that all of use are a bit shaken up about what happened, so I had an idea" Joe said as he walked into the living room where Freddie, Robbie and Ziggy were.
"What?" Robbie asked. "We have a movie night and sleep downstairs in here. That's if you want to" Joe said. The three brothers looked at each other, all hiding a smile. "Yeah we want to" Freddie said. "Well let's get started then."
A few hours later Sandy arrived home with Jason. They walked into the living room and were confused when they saw that the whole living room has been transformed into one massive bed with pillows, blankets and quilts everywhere.
"We were wondering what time you would get back" Ziggy said as he walked into the living room. "What are you boys planning?" Sandy asked. "We were planning a movie night as brothers, that's if Jason wants to" Freddie said, walking in behind Ziggy.
Behind him, Robbie and Joe walked in. Before anyone could say anything Robbie walked up to his twin brother and hugged him. Everyone stood in silence, too shocked by Robbie showing affection towards someone. As the hug ended, Jason took step back and looked at his brothers. "Yeah, I want a movie night."
The five Roscoe brothers settled down in the living room, with Iron Man playing on the tv. Jason had decided that he wanted to re-watch all the Iron Man films so that's what they watching. The boys also has snacks seeming as Robbie just couldn't keep his fingers off crisps.
At the end of the first film Joe got up and put the second one in; as he sat back down he realised that Jason was nearly asleep.
A few hours later Sandy came downstairs to check on her boys and the sight that met her, made her heart melt. The brothers were asleep with Jason in the middle, his head resting on Robbie's shoulder next to him, Joe was on the other side of Jason with his arm over his youngest brother's shoulder. Ziggy and Freddie were then both on outside, their heads resting together as they slept.
Sandy smiled. She truly had the best family.
Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed, this took forever to write. Please review, let me know what you think, also leave any suggestions that you may have as I use all of them :)
Next chapter prompted by Matt- all the boys get locked in the garage overnight and Jason doesn't have his insulin pen on him. His blood sugars drop and his brothers try to comfort him and help him as he gets sicker.