I think I might need to change the title of my other story, right now it stands as Hairy Fluffy Green Sardines and to be honest that's a bit disgusting. So can you guys do me a huge favour, read it and review to say if I should change the title and what I should change it to if you have any ideas. Thanks for the reviews, especially to the anonymous person who made me smile. Please read and review :DD

CHAPTER 28:

Valkyrie pouted and looked at the mess. Tanith Low should never cook dinner. "Should I order a pizza?" Tanith stood on the table and tried to scoop mayonnaise off the ceiling with a fly swatter and tried to clean it with leather sofa polish. "Tanith what are you doing?" Tanith looked down at Valkyrie and grinned. Fletcher walked in and gawped at the mess, Tanith giggled hysterically and tried to slap his hair flat with the fly swatter but she overbalanced and fell on the floor. They heard the Bentley return and Fletcher screamed and ran out the door. "Are we I trouble? I've got a plan, Val accidently cut you hand off with that knife and when you distract him and keep him out the kitchen, I'll tidy up then come and laugh at you." Valkyrie glared at her and Tanith shrugged. "Valkyrie do not cut your hand off and what don't you want me to see Tanith?" Tanith gulped and matched the look of horror that was on Valkyrie's face. "Girls! What have you done! Erskine is coming over for dinner and look at the mess!" Mayonnaise dripped of the ceiling and through his eye socket and into his skull.

Valkyrie suppressed a giggle and Tanith snorted. Skulduggery dismissed Valkyrie and began to yell at Tanith, who was still laughing. Valkyrie sat on the sofa next to Fletcher and saw Darrell watching her from her place in front of the coal fire. Valkyrie walked over and picked her up, she sat in front of the fire with Darrell on her lap and began to play with her. Skulduggery cane back through and wiped stuffing from inside his inside his trousers and pulled the stuffing dish out from between his ribs. "What were you doing with the stuffing dish may I ask or don't I want to know? I still feel sorry for those elephants." Skulduggery laughed and took Darrell while Valkyrie went to the toilet. Darrell giggled and stuck both of her arms inside his skull, she wiggled them around and dug her toes into his ribs. Skulduggery pulled her off himself rather roughly and she began to cry and Ashley woke and began to cry.

Valkyrie hurried back through and took Darrell out of his arms and picked Ashley up, she glared at Skulduggery and ran away again. "How nice of her to stay for a while. In fact she stayed for ages, and she didn't even make dinner while she was here." "Skulduggery, shouldn't you get started making dinner for Ravel and co coming anyway?" Skulduggery snorted and nodded his head in the direction of the kitchen. "You asphyxiated my turkey." Tanith burst out laughing and slumped down on the couch shaking with laughter. "It's not funny, you probably impaired his feelings. Or her feelings, nope he is or was a he." Tanith went red and held her breath. "It's just that you first sentence didn't sound right, or I'm just sick. Whatever." She smiled and Skulduggery had a sudden urge to blink. "Did I say the words in a wrong order? Please don't puke on my new shoes." Tanith remembered he didn't have a 'turkey' unless there were bones in one of those but she didn't think there was, otherwise Ghastly's would have been broken many times.

Tanith stood in the kitchen and taped up the windows, the door to outside and was busy taping up the door to the living room, the tape was that bright yellow police tape that said do not cross all over it and just more it more tempting to cross it. Valkyrie stood in the doorway to the living room on the living room side and Tanith was on the kitchen side with yellow tape separating them. "Ha. You're not getting out!"

"I don't need your permission to get out the kitchen Val, seriously."

"You have my permission to leave, it's just…" She decided not to tell her and to let her see the problem for herself. Tanith got finished, put the tape away and decided to leave. "Oh shit." She had blocked all of her ways out. She panicked and turned quickly, her hair swished out behind her and stuck fast to the tape. Valkyrie laughed and got the knife from the cabinet and set to work on setting Tanith free.

Tanith sighed, every time she moved the tape pulled her hair and it really hurt. It didn't help that Valkyrie was wriggling the tape about a lot. Tanith winced when Valkyrie started to detangle her hair from the tape, she hadn't ever been such a wimp before but it fucking hurt. When she was free she ran and collapsed into Ghastly's strong arms. Ghastly sighed and let her go. "Why, do you not want a hug?"

"I'm going to order some pizza for dinner since you decided the turkey wasn't good enough and you asphyxiated it."

"What is it with men! Germane skeleton said the same thing." Ghastly arched an eyebrow but said nothing. Valkyrie silently explained to him, his mouth made a 'o' shape and he walked away with Tanith admiring his swagger, Valkyrie could swear she saw her best friend drooling. She swallowed her giggles and said nothing.

Valkyrie made muffins for pudding, she was going to make a cake but decided against it remembering the last time. She shuddered at the memory…

Flashback:

Tanith and Ghastly sat on one couch, as intertwined as possible. Valkyrie came through from the kitchen very happy with a cake in her hands. "Oh my god. See how awesome it is! I'm so proud of myself!" Tanith grinned and produced a fork from Ghastly's underwear. "Let's taste it then." Valkyrie frowned and didn't object. Tanith scooped up a creamy bit on her fork, Valkyrie watched excitedly as she tested it. "Well done Val. Amazing, it's like an organism in my mouth." Everybody stared and Ghastly grinned evilly. "Want a comparison?" Tanith grinned back at him, throwing the fork away.

Tanith put lmfao's Sexy and I Know It on on her phone. Valkyrie closed her eyes, something landed on her shoulder, she opened one eye and found it to be Ghastly's underpants. She swallowed and turned slightly to throw them out the window, the caught a sight out of the corner of her eye that made her scream.

End Flashback:

She still sometimes had nightmares about it. She tested the muffins to see how cool they were, deciding they were cold enough, she iced them, making sure to put in no cream. Fletcher came in. "Oh yummy, Val muffins are the best. No cream? If you were out you could have got me to run to the shop for you. Or is the cream inside?"

"There's no cream Fletch because do you remember the last time with Tanith and Ghastly? We're not having any repeat of that, especially when the grand mage is here. He would probably arrest them." Fletcher laughed and hugged her, trying to steal a muffin and getting a slap on the back of the hand. "He wouldn't arrest them, people do it all the time. Did you see the news this morning? A guy and a girl were doing it backwards and she…"

"I really don't want to know. And I know it's not uncommon for people to… But they shouldn't do it at the dinner table." Fletcher nodded and kissed her cheek.

A knock on the front door sounded Ravel's arrival. Valkyrie wiped her hands and went to answer it. "Hello Valkyrie." She took their coats and shouted on Skulduggery and the lords of kinkiness (Tanith and Ghastly). "Hello Ravel, I'm a lord now. And hey! Sounds like Ghastly's been promoted to lord, great news all round! Though a little warning about becoming a lord would have been nice." Valkyrie elbowed her and she shut up.

The table had been set posh, frilly whit napkins and cutlery you could see you face in and other things she didn't know Skulduggery owned. The man or being in question came out holding a stack of domino's pizza boxes, he handed one out to everybody. And stepped back to admire his handiwork. "Valkyrie stop playing with the napkin, it's rude." Tanith kicked her under the table and she put the napkin down, still laughing at it.

After everyone had eaten Skulduggery collected in the pizza boxed and put a pile of Valkyrie's muffins on the middle of the table. Fletcher grabbed a muffin and was about to take a bite of it when a gunshot rang and it was blown to pieces in his hand. His face dropped like a sad puppy and the light exploded.

Sorry I took so long to update, have you heard Alvin and the chipmunks singing sexy and I know it? It's so cute and funny, my gerbil's called Alvin and he's ginger. Hope you liked it, please review

Skylair xox