Nick was back at school on Monday, as he'd promised. It was a bit of a relief for Jeff, even if he still seemed a little duller than usual. Attending school again was a good start, though.

Nick was greeted by his fellow Warblers with smiles and "welcome backs", and some sympathy. Most of them, however, had the sense to not bring up the breakup.

It seemed like the day went smoothly, except towards the end when Lewis approached Nick and Jeff. His eyes were apologetic and pleading, but even so, Jeff kept his guard up.

"What do you want, Lewis?" Jeff demanded. Beside him, Nick crossed his arms—more of an uncomfortable gesture than hostile one.

"Okay, I know that I'm probably no better than a rat to you guys now…But I really am sorry for what I did," Lewis began. "I hate myself for it. I didn't mean to hurt you, Nick. That was never my intention."

"Really? I guess I had the wrong idea, then," Nick said. "You know, after you used me. But if you didn't mean to… then that makes it all okay." His voice was dripping with bitter sarcasm.

"I know that there's no excuse for what I did," Lewis mumbled. "I don't expect you to forgive me."

"Then why are you standing here apologizing?"

"I just hoped…that maybe you could forgive me…"

"Oh. Then you're wasting your time," Nick said stonily. "Now I suggest you leave me alone and stop wasting mine."

Oh, ouch! That was a burn if Jeff ever saw one. He almost smirked, but managed to keep his expression passive.

Lewis's face fell. "Oh, um…okay… I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I'll just go, then…Sorry for bothering you." He trudged off, looking very crestfallen and dejected.

Once he was gone, Jeff breathed a slight laugh. "Whoa, Nick, you sure showed him," he said jokingly.

Nick frowned vaguely. "It's not like I wanted to," he mumbled. "I just can't deal with him right now."

"Right now?" Jeff echoed. "You don't plan on forgiving him, do you?"

"I'm not the grudge-holding type," Nick said. "You know that."

Jeff sighed. "Yeah, sure. But I really don't think he deserves to be forgiven at all."

"And you think I do?" Nick questioned. "Believe me, Jeff. I'm probably just as ticked off at him as you are, if not more."

Considering that Nick was the one who had been used and humiliated, it was possible that he was angrier at Lewis. But Jeff was absolutely furious at his fellow Warbler. How could anyone knowingly do such a thing to Nick? Lewis had been beyond lucky to have Nick, and he didn't even think twice before using him.

Jeff had already decided on avoiding lone confrontation with Lewis. He would most likely end up spilling everything that he'd taken care to bottle up and lock away in his heart in one angry outburst. He did sometimes have trouble controlling his emotions…

…

After school, Jeff went with Nick to Breadstix to help with some kitchen work. They did this often when Nick's parents needed a few extra helping hands around the joint, and they both got paid for their work. It was like a job that they only had to do a few times a month without worrying about losing it.

Nick helped with the actual cooking of meals, since he was an excellent Italian chef already, while Jeff usually did the more lowly tasks such as dishes and—occasionally—waiting tables.

At one point, while bringing a stack of plates and glasses to the washroom for washing, Jeff accidentally bumped into the cart, and knocked a single plate off. It shattered on the stone floor and he cursed under his breath.

He poked his head into the kitchen where Nick was adding spices to a simmering pot of sauce. "Hey, Nick," he called.

Nick glanced his way. "Hmm?"

"Um, do you know where the broom is? I can't find it…"

Nick rolled his eyes. "What did you break?" he asked as though it were a typical occurrence. Which it kind of was. Jeff could be a bit clumsy at times.

"Just a plate," he said defensively. "So, where's the broom? I want to get it cleaned up before one of your parents sees it!"

Nick chuckled at that. "So the fact that broken glass is hazardous doesn't even cross your mind?" he teased. "Oh, well. I think the broom is in the break room."

"Alright, awesome," Jeff said. "I'll get the hazardous problem cleaned up right away, then!" He moved away from the kitchen and walked down the hall to where the break room was. The door was half opened, but he hesitated before going in when he heard a voice.

"No…He actually seems to be feeling better now," said the female voice. Jeff recognized it as Mrs. Romano's voice—Nick's mother. He peered inside to see she was standing by the counter, holding her cell phone to her ear. "I know. I'll call again if he gets worse…Part of me feels like he might be pretending to feel better, just to get me off his case, though."

Huh. It sounded like she must be talking about Nick. Probably to his therapist or something. Jeff suddenly felt like he had been eavesdropping. He was about to step inside to grab the broom before she spoke again.

"I just feel like I can't be too careful. I don't want him to cut himself again. I almost lost him the first time…"

Jeff froze. What? Nick had…cut himself? When the hell did this happen? Why didn't Jeff know about any of this? His mind was suddenly reeling and he felt sick. Nick couldn't stand the sight of blood. Had he really taken a knife to himself? Had he really physically hurt himself enough to be 'almost lost,' as his mother had put it?

Jeff drew in a deep breath and reasoned with himself. Maybe she wasn't talking about Nick? He couldn't think of anyone else she could possibly be talking about, but it would be best to not jump to conclusions. Especially when it came to a subject like self-mutilation.

He must have missed the rest of the conversation in his daze, for she suddenly clicked her cell phone off. He forced himself to compose as best he could before he straightened up and strolled into the break room as nonchalantly as possible. He calmly waved over at Mrs. Romano before he snatched up the broom and quickly made his getaway.

The rest of the work day was a blur. He only half paid attention to everything he did, which made for a lot of mistakes. His mind was too distracted by what he'd heard in the break room. He broke two more glasses, he got a few of the tables he was waiting on mixed up, and he took a couple wrong orders.

Nick eventually stopped him to ask about it. "Jeff, there's been at least 4 complaints in the past hour," he told him. "They all mentioned 'the blonde kid.' Are you feeling alright?"

Jeff hesitated before replying. "Um…yeah. I'm just, er…I think I'm just tired or something," he stammered.

Nick nodded as though he accepted that response. "Then maybe we should take a break…?" he suggested.

"Y-yeah. That sounds good," Jeff agreed. His eyes drifted to Nick's wrists, which were both covered by the sleeves of his jacket. Were there scars hidden under there, or was Jeff totally mistaken? He prayed for the latter.

They went to the break room where Nick made some coffee for Jeff. He handed it to him and said, "Here. This might help."

I doubt it, Jeff thought. Still, he accepted the steaming mug and the two of them sat at the break table.

"You seemed perfectly fine all day, up until a little while ago," Nick pointed out. "What happened?"

"It's nothing," he tried to assure. He couldn't very well ask Nick about the cutting. How insensitive and uncalled for would that be? And what if he was all wrong about the whole thing to begin with? Then it would just be plain awkward.

"Are you sure?" Nick obviously wasn't buying it.

Jeff's eyes drifted once again to Nick's wrists, which were resting on the tabletop. The only thing in the way was the sleeves to his stupid jacket…Without even thinking, Jeff reached over to take one of his hands.

"Hey—what're you doing?" Nick demanded, trying to pull his hand away. Jeff held on, though, and pushed up the sleeve slightly to expose his wrist. He turned Nick's hand over, palm up, and he saw exactly what he'd been looking for—to his absolute dismay.

There it was, a long, jagged white scar, travelling along the veins on his wrist, extending at least half the length of his forearm.

Nick froze, his eyes growing wide as he realized what Jeff was staring at. He bit his lip and leaned away uncomfortably, green eyes filling with regret and remorse.

Jeff frowned sadly, touching the scar gently with his fingertips. His worst fears were confirmed with the cold touch of the healed wound. Nick had done this to himself. "I'm guessing that you have a matching scar on the other wrist," he said in a quiet, dead voice.

Nick couldn't seem to find his voice, so he just nodded stiffly.

"…When?" Jeff asked next. He could hardly think rationally, but he needed to know.

Nick drew a shaky breath. "S-seventh grade…"

Jeff blinked a few times. In seventh grade, they'd been friends for at least a year. How had Jeff not known about this? "Why did you do this to yourself?"

"Someone told me to," he mumbled. "Tommy Baker…he told me to kill myself and that no one would miss me. I…I believed him. And so…I did this." He motioned to the scar.

Jeff had to swallow back the lump rising in his throat. "And you never told me…"

"I'm sorry," Nick whispered. "I didn't want you to know…I didn't want anyone to know. It's the biggest regret of my whole life. I never wanted to look back at it. I'm sorry…"

Jeff bit his quivering lip. "You meant to kill yourself?"

"…Y-yes…That was my plan at the time," Nick admitted.

The tears spilled over before he even felt them coming. Jeff quickly wiped them away. "I could have lost you," he realized out loud. "In seventh grade, I could have lost you and I never even knew it…" More tears broke through the dam and he doubled over the table to cry into his arms.

"J-Jeff," Nick said with surprise. "D-don't cry, please…I'm okay, and I'll never do that again. It was a stupid, careless, thoughtless mistake." He placed a hesitant hand on Jeff's shoulder. "Don't cry because of me…"

Despite Nick's plea, Jeff couldn't hold back the tears. Besides, he wasn't crying because of Nick, per se…he just couldn't handle the guilt. Nick had been so miserable that he'd actually attempted suicide, and Jeff was only finding out about it several years later. What kind of friend was he? He'd let Nick suffer that way, for who knows how long, all alone…

And he could have lost the one he loved forever that day. That was the worst part.

"I wasn't there for you like I should have been," Jeff blubbered.

"Don't you dare even try to turn this thing on yourself," Nick said in a soft yet stern tone. "This was all me, okay? I let the bullies get to me. It had nothing to do with you."

"But you thought no one would miss you," Jeff reminded him.

"I wasn't thinking straight at the time," Nick said. "I was an emotional wreck. In psychological terms, I was clinically depressed. All my thoughts were completely irrational… Basically, therapy and medication were the only outlets that even worked."

"But I never even knew about any of this!" Jeff cried. "That proves how careless and oblivious I was…"

"I didn't want anyone to know about this," Nick murmured. "Especially not you. I'm so ashamed of these scars. I never wanted anyone to find out how weak and vulnerable I was. I didn't think you'd look at me the same way ever again if you found out."

Jeff blinked away the tears in his eyes to look at Nick. "Why wouldn't I? Everyone goes through hard times…I would have understood," he told Nick.

Nick was quiet for a long moment. "I know…you always do," he said finally. "But…I didn't expect you to…cry like that…"

Jeff didn't think he'd ever cried in front of Nick before. So no wonder he was surprised. It's only because I think I'm in love with you, and now I'm finding out that I could have lost you forever a few years ago. How was he supposed to explain the sudden breakdown to Nick, though?

"I just…couldn't handle the thought of losing you that way," Jeff explained. It felt ridiculous to hide his feelings after learning this new information. Nick could have died all those years ago, never knowing how Jeff felt about him. Did he really want that to happen now? Because that would be exactly what would end up happening if he just bottled it up forever.

"You won't," Nick promised. "That was the first and last time I'll ever do something like that again."

Jeff nodded at that, though it brought little solace.

"…How did you find out about it, anyway?" Nick asked.

"I overheard your mom on the phone. I think she was talking to your therapist or something…"

"Oh," Nick mumbled. He lowered his eyes to the table. "I should have guessed as much. She's been pestering me for days now. But I guess that's my own fault." He looked back over at Jeff with sincere eyes. "I really am sorry for never telling you, you know."

Jeff found himself drawn to the deep emerald depths of Nick's eyes, as usual. Only, right now, he appreciated them so much more, knowing what he knew now. If Nick had succeeded in his attempted suicide, Jeff would never have the chance to stare into his eyes again…or even get to see Nick's smile, or hear his laugh, or touch his skin, or… Jeff's eyes drifted to Nick's mouth.

…or taste his lips…

Every other thought in his mind vanished. He wanted so badly to just kiss Nick, even if only once. Without thinking, Jeff leaned over, closing the space between him and Nick in a second. Their lips met with a jolt of intensity and Nick breathed in sharply, eyes widening. Jeff, on the other hand, closed his eyes and melted into the brief kiss, raising his hand caress the back of Nick's neck.

It ended too soon with Nick pushing Jeff away, breaking the kiss. He staggered to his feet and backed away, eyes filled with bewilderment and confusion. He glanced at Jeff, blinking as he comprehended what just happened. He grabbed his bag abruptly. "I-I've gotta go," he stammered. He was out the door before Jeff could say a word.