His feet crunched through the frozen snow as he walked, the wind whipping around him. The pancake breakfast sat like a brick in his stomach and he breathed deeply to keep it from coming back up. He hadn't planned on breakfast with his brother going in the direction it had, but after almost a year of knowing each other it felt like time to tell Tim the truth about their father. It had been hard to say it all and Tim had sat there, listening to the entire story, and for a moment Adam thought it would be alright. But then Tim hadn't believed him. Or maybe it wasn't disbelief so much as it was the inability to come to terms with it. Either way, Tim had shook his head, crossed his arms and said it didn't jive with the father he knew. Sure, his father had been distant emotionally, they rarely spoke even now, but he'd never been violent. Adam could understand how hard it was to hear, but at the same time, he had vaguely hoped that his brother would get it, that his brother would see it.

He jammed his hands deeper into his coat pockets, anger flashing through him as he thought of that day so many years ago. He'd finally plucked up the courage to tell someone. He still remembered the sound of the clock ticking on the wall, the cool veneer of his teacher's desk under his hands as he had waited for her to finish grading a paper. The classroom was quiet, he had stayed in during recess because he needed to say something and he couldn't keep it in anymore. He was doing it partly for himself, but also for his mother. Last night he'd seen his father push her. In fright, he had run back upstairs and hid under his bed, closing his eyes and reciting episode titles of Superfriends: The Legendary Super Powers Show until the yelling had stopped.

He remembered the gentle way his teacher had spoken, asking him what was wrong, giving him her undivided attention. He'd stumbled over his words, nearly choking on them until they finally burbled forth. A sigh of relief had escaped him and for a moment he managed to cling to the hope that it was all over.

But instead of being his defender, his teacher had dismissed him. Told him he was making too much of a normal argument between his parents. Discounted his claims of his own abuse. He'd been too betrayed at that point to show her the bruises, and he wondered if he was weak like his father said, if he was making too much of something that wasn't a problem. Maybe every family was like this. And if they weren't maybe his father was right and he didn't deserve better.

He'd never spoken to anyone about it again, not his mother, his grandparents, even when the truth came out, he didn't say a word. Not until Lindsay, until he was entirely able to place his trust in her. She'd believed him without a second thought, without pity, without distancing herself.

But it didn't take away the doubts in himself. He remembered the way his father was, talking his way out of speeding tickets, charming everyone around him to the point where no one could believe such a man would ever treat his family that way. He told people that his son was trouble, impossible to discipline, how he was rebellious and always doing something wrong. Adam had always thought that was false, he was a good kid, he never did anything he wasn't supposed to. But on the other hand, he was always getting in trouble. He tried so hard to please his father, do whatever he could to make him happy, no matter how large the fire of hatred inside him had grown.

He'd been lied about and lied to so much that by the time he was nine years old he didn't trust anyone or anything. Not even his mother when it came down to it. She told him she loved him, but if that was true why did she let him get hurt? His grandparents said they loved him, but if that was true why didn't they rescue him? The truth, the only truth he could find in the midst of all the lies was that something was wrong with him, he wasn't worth anything, and that is why he was stuck in such a nightmare. The irony of it was that his father was the one to tell him that truth. Over and over and over again.

Now as an adult he knew the complexities of the situation, he understood that his mother loved him, even if she hadn't necessarily shown it the way he wanted her to. He knew he wasn't unlovable, he knew that he was a good man, he even had a little pride in himself for rising above what had befallen him.

But the human mind is hypocritical, and lets one believe two opposing things at the same time, truth or not. The logical side told him the truth, that he was not like his father, that he wasn't the things his father said, that he was worthy of love and home and family. The emotional side of his brain was still that child standing in the classroom all alone, with no one to rescue him or to even believe he needed rescuing.

He knew how unfair it was to listen to that side, but it was so much more comfortable to believe the worst. He knew that it bothered Lindsay, that she could spend so many years loving him, telling him how wonderful he was, showing him in so many ways that he was worthy, and yet that small part of him could take over and make him doubt it all. And that meant he had disappointed her, failed her, and he felt worthless again.

He trudged into work, leaning against the wall of the elevator and sighing, trying to clear his mind of the doubts he was having, trying not to go to the place where he started questioning the things Lindsay told him, questioning her word and throwing away trust in her because of his own discomforts. He was ruined and he was angry and he needed to be somewhere that truth was truth, things were black and white and there was no changing it.

He stepped off the elevator and entered the lab, quickly getting updated on cases and throwing himself into work, blocking out everything around him and focusing only on that which cannot lie. He barely spoke all morning unless he had to and even then he couldn't make more come out of his mouth than what was absolutely required. It was noticed but he didn't care.

It was after lunch when Austin came into the lab, crossing her arms and leaning against the table. She narrowed her eyes at him and cleared her throat until he looked up from what he was doing and sighed.

Austin was the one person in the world he had never distrusted, not even for a split second. He knew that honor should have gone to Lindsay, and it wasn't her fault that it didn't. Austin just had a way about her, never sugar coating, never putting on rose colored glasses. She would tell you the truth no matter how much it hurt, but she never did it in a way that was harmful. She understood, possibly more than anyone, how the things his father said stuck with him. He'd found a sister in her, someone who had been through it all and had come out on the other side stronger. They didn't discuss it much, but there was always that understanding.

"Dude," she started, raising an eyebrow. "What's your deal?"

He sighed and shook his head and she knew immediately what he was thinking about. The look in his eyes spoke volumes, volumes that she knew backwards and forwards.

"Most of the time it's okay. Sometimes it sucks."

"What happened?"

"I told my brother. He didn't really… he didn't believe me. Not entirely. I don't blame him you know, because it's so far out of line with what he knows. I get that. But it's just another person that doesn't believe me. Another person that thinks I'm a liar."

"You're not a liar, Adam. What happened really happened."

"I need to know the truth right now. What does Lindsay say about me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean the things she says to me, the good stuff… does she tell you those things about me too?"

"Are you asking me if your wife is a liar?"

"No. I mean, not really. I mean… I just want to know if she says things to placate me or not."

"She's never said a bad word about you. Never. Not even when you've been upset with each other. She thinks you're the most amazing man on the planet and that has never wavered. She doesn't just think it, she knows it. Adam, she knows you better than anyone and if she says all those things about you, then they're true. And it's not like she's just blinded by love. The rest of us see it too. We all know that you're as good as she says you are."

"But what about… he always said… I always believed…"

"Let me ask you a question. Do you think should never have been born?"

"No!"

"Do you think I'll never amount to anything?"

"Of course not!"

"Do you think that no one will ever love me?"

"Austin, you know that's not right."

"Do you think that the things your father said to you hold any more water than the things mine said to me?"

"Well…"

"Remember what we said about our fathers being cut from the same cloth? The one that came from the inner circles of hell?"

"We were being poetic that day."

"That cloth, Adam, it's full of liars. They lied to us. They manipulated us. They were weak and mean and full of anger and spite and they had nothing better to do than terrorize their children. They're nothing."

"I know that. I know it as well as I know anything, but I still can't get over it."

"Stop making the excuse that you can't get over it and just do it. Don't let him have that power over you."

"It's hard."

"Well duh! Do you think it's easy for Lindsay when she has to deal with the depression and the nightmares and the flashbacks?"

"No, it's not."

"But she does it because she wants to be better. She knows that it's not who she is. But she never knew that until she listened to you. You saved her from that, and if you never have believed anything good about yourself, if you never believed you were worth anything, that right there changes it all. Do you get what I'm saying?'

"Yeah. I get it. I really do."

"I'm not yelling at you, but I really hate to see you like this."

"I know."

"I get it, Adam, You know I do. I know it's hard, I know you hear it in your head when you least expect it, but you can't let yourself believe it anymore."

"I won't."

"Good. Now, where can I find this brother of yours and tell him a little truth?"

He chuckled.

"I think he'll come around. He just never thought about it before. My father never hit him."

"And once again, we're kindred spirits."

"Bad circumstances but I'll take it."

She smiled a little and pushed off of the table, giving his shoulder a squeeze.

"No more of this nonsense, Adam Ross, do you understand?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Daddy's home!" Colton shouted, running across the room and grabbing onto Adam's leg. Ben followed suit, screaming happily and raising his arms to be picked up.

"Dada!"

He crouched down and pulled them both into his arms, getting in hugs and kisses where he could, while Colton jabbered on and on about his day and Ben echoed in grunts and shrieks. The joy they had in seeing him was completely unbridled, and he let himself revel in it instead of wondering why it existed.

"Where's your mama?" he asked, once their volume had lowered.

"In 'nere," Colton said, while Ben pointed to the bedroom. "Gettin' ready for work."

"I forgot she had to work today."

"Yup, in the afternoon after daddy gets home. That what she says."

"I guess we're just going to have a boys night then. What should we do?"

"Eat dinner and play in my room. I teachin' Ben all my cars. He cannot say Ferrari."

"I guess we'll just have to try again."

"Okay boys, mama's gotta go," Lindsay said, sliding into her coat.

Adam stood up and pulled her into his arms, feeling awful that she had to leave.

"Be safe baby."

"I will. I love you."

"I love you too. Boys, give mama kisses."

She knelt down and giggled as they both showered her with wet, sloppy kisses and fierce hugs. Adam watched the way her eyes closed as she drank it all in, accepting it and cherishing it instead of letting herself feel unworthy of such a gift.

"Bye mama. I love you."

"I love you too. I'll see you in the morning. Be good for daddy."

"I do my best."

She smiled and ruffled his hair, then stood up and kissed Adam once more before she was gone.

"Well what do you think? Should I make dinner or order pizza?"

"What is you gonna make?"

"I can heat up leftovers."

"Then I think we need pizza. Lotsa olives."

"Okay."

"And daddy?"

"Yes?"

"I will do the dishes."

"There won't be any."

"I know!" Colton laughed, clapping his hands at his own joke. Adam chuckled and stood up, taking his coat off and hanging it by the door.

"Um, by the way, daddy… you could… if you want you could also pick me up too sometimes."

Adam chuckled and lifted him up, then carried both boys into the kitchen. Colton was at the age where he thought he was too old to be held all the time, but he still really wanted to be. Adam knew that the "daddy's" would soon turn to just "dad" and there wouldn't be as much hero worship as there was now. He had to remind himself to cherish the time while he could.

They spent the rest of the night playing together, wrestling on the floor, reading books and learning about dinosaurs and cars. The boys both crashed earlier than normal, leaving Adam with a feeling of accomplishment that they had really played hard. He tucked them both into Colton's bed- it was safer than the crib if Ben decided to escape- and went into the living room to drop on the couch.

He was feeling much better than he had this morning, and he stretched out on the couch and turned the TV on, finding it on the History channel. Lindsay must have been watching it last. He let it play for a while, then channel surfed until he landed on something mind numbing.

When it was quiet like this, when he'd spent so much time with the boys and life seemed wonderful, it was easy for him to dismiss the words of his father. It was even laughable that he ever believed them. The bad times were few and far between and it really didn't come to mind very often. Nights like this, he was just himself, adored daddy and beloved husband, something that his own father would never know. The thought gave him pause and for just a moment he felt pity on the man, but it passed soon enough. He had brought such a life on himself, could have turned it around at any point, but he hadn't. His decision, his outcome.

The next few hours passed fairly fast, right until the last hour before Lindsay would be home. He was craving the feel of her in his arms, the way her head would rest on his shoulder, how she so perfectly fit into his lap, how she would run her fingers through his hair and kiss him deeply, the way no one ever had before. If he really thought about it, everything had been a first with her. No other kiss had counted the first time his lips pressed to hers. The whispers in the night had been something completely new. Even their wedding night had been totally different, as if they had waited their entire lives instead of taking detours that they later regretted. He supposed that it was because his heart had never been in it before. He'd never loved anyone else this much, never to the point where it was almost unbearable.

Every little noise made his eyes drift to the door and he would sigh every time it was just the building settling or a figment of his imagination. He was actually getting a little disappointed by the time she actually did come home, and it took everything in him not to jump up and tackle her.

"Hey baby," she yawned, hanging her coat next to his and kicking her shoes off.

"Hey. How was work?"

She sighed and sat gently in his lap, snuggling in while he wrapped his arms securely around her.

"Same old, same old. I'm all squinty."

"Stuck with microscopes all day huh?"

"Yeah."

He crooked his finger under her chin and tipped her face up so he could kiss her. It was gentle and lazy and they both melted into it for several minutes, making up for regular kissing they had missed during the hours they were apart. It wasn't until they spent the entire day apart that they realized how much time they really spent being affectionate. It was more than even a handful of kisses and hugs and I love you's during the day, probably more like a handful an hour.

They pulled away after a moment, but only long enough to half catch their breath before she stretched up and captured his lips again. She smoothed her hands over his chest then ran them through his hair while he ran a finger up and down her spine until she shivered.

"I missed you today."

"Gee Linds. Couldn't tell."

She smiled and leaned into him, closing her eyes against his neck and just breathing for a while. She always felt so safe with him, so secure and she was sure he could protect her from anything, even harmful silences like cancer or heart attacks.

"How was breakfast this morning?"

"Eh."

"Just eh? What happened?"

"I told him."

"Didn't go so well I'm guessing," she sighed, sitting up a little so she could look at him.

"He didn't yell, he didn't really call me a liar, but I could tell he didn't believe me. Not entirely."

"Oh sweetie," she sighed, running her hand up and down his arm, the best calming technique she knew. "Are you alright?"

"I wasn't earlier, but I'm fine now. Everything always comes back I guess. I have to spend a lot of time convincing myself… I know it's hard for you to understand how I can still let those things get to me, but I don't understand it either. You can tell me things a hundred times and I still don't see them. I still have those days where I wonder why in the world you would love me so much. It's not so much that I doubt you love me, I just don't understand how you could."

"Adam, look in my eyes. Don't you see it? Can you not tell that the things I say to you, the things I think about you are right there in my eyes? It's all right there. And you have to let yourself believe it because if you don't then the boys are never going to believe it either. What your father did and said shouldn't dictate who you are. Because if it does, then you're not giving me everything that you are. And I know that's hard, I still struggle with it too. But we can't let any of it get in the way of us. We're more important than our fears and our doubts. That's part of the reason I fell in love with you, Adam. You've always been able to chase those things away. Tell me what I need to do to be that for you."

"Nothing, Linds. You do that already. You do it so well, but there's days when it just doesn't all connect. I have to be reminded."

"Are you going to let me remind you then?" she whispered, letting her breath tickle his ear. It had the desired affect and he grabbed her tiny hips, pulling her into a more intimate position.

"You can remind me all you want."

"I love you, Adam," she said, her eyes growing dark. "Trust me."

"I trust you, Lindsay. I love you."

The phone rang early the next morning and Adam groaned and rolled over to grab it. Lindsay whimpered and chased him, snuggling into his back and pressing a kiss to his shoulder while he answered.

"Hello?"

"Adam. It's Tim."

"Oh. Hi. Gimme a second."

He put the phone on hold and sat up, looking for something to cover up with.

"Linds."

"Hmm?"

"This isn't funny."

"I have no idea what you mean."

"Give me them."

"What incentive do I have?"

"Linds, my brother is on the phone. Give me my boxers."

She made doe eyes at him and he sighed, reaching under the covers to pry the boxers from her hand. She made a face and he put them on quickly, then kissed her before taking the phone and heading out to the other room.

"Hey, sorry about that."

"It's okay. I just wanted to call because… I felt bad about yesterday. I wasn't really receptive to the while thing and I'm sorry about that."

"It's okay. I wasn't really expecting much reception."

"I called dad."

Adam didn't know what to say about that, just stayed silent and waited for an explanation.

"He denied it. Not that I believe his denial, in fact it only made me believe you more. He got really mad, mad like I've never heard him before."

"Yeah, he does that."

"I guess he was never like that with me, so it was hard to… I don't know, I'm not good at this talking stuff."

"Me neither," Adam agreed. They were on the same page now. It didn't take much.

"So um… I'm testing out a new game this weekend. Wanna come?"

"Lindsay's working so I'll have to find someone to watch the boys but I think I can swing it."

"Sweet. Saturday afternoon. I'll call you later when I found out what time."

"Okay. Thanks man."

"Talk to you later."

He turned the phone off and went back into the bedroom and climbed back under the covers.

"Short conversation."

"Yeah, we're guys."

She chuckled as he wrapped himself around her and kissed her hair.

"Thanks for being there Linds."

"Right back at you."

"We're both going to be just fine, aren't we?"

"Now and always."