A/N: Thank you for the reviews! Here's chapter 38.

Chapter Thirty Eight

"How will it be done at all?" James asked. "I mean, we have to get to Helena to tell her she needs to accept-" He was not Sirius, and only her friend, but even so his voice failed him there; the idea was too vile.

But Remus, who knew what it was like to have a monster living inside you, had no trouble completing the sentence, although his expression was set and grim. "Accept that Lady V is a representation of her darkest desires. James is right, Dumbledore. We need to get Helena out before we can even start."

"How do we do that? Won't she just … wake up eventually?"

Dumbledore opened his mouth to answer, but once again he was stopped by Lady V answering. "She'll never wake again."

"Why not?" Lily asked, refusing to show any fear or discomfort and reminding James of all the reasons he loved her.

"She's no reason to."

"Why not?"

"Her bright star no longer shines on her. The light shuns her. She's subsumed into the darkness. Into me."

"Bright star," Peter whispered from James' side.

"Pete? That mean something to you?"

Peter seemed unable to speak while locked in the scarlet gaze of Lady V, so James physically broke the connection, putting himself in Pete's line of vision. "Pete! What does that mean, 'bright star'?"

Wormtail swallowed, his watery eyes fearful. "Well, the- the brightest star in the sky is the Dog Star. Otherwise known as-"

"Sirius," Lily finished.

Wormtail nodded. "Exactly."

A lazy laugh filled the air. It made the bats clustered on the beams squeal in distress, made every hair on James' body stand to attention. Lady V thought she'd won. "And good luck getting him back."

"Solemnio," Dumbledore said, pointing his wand at Lady V. She immediately lapsed into slumber. He turned to McGonagall. "Minerva, I believe the dungeon is still in working order?"

"Yes, it should be."

"Excellent, please take Helena there and secure her. Arthur, if you would accompany Minerva?"

Together, the two of them floated Helena from the room, leaving Dumbledore with James, Lily, Remus, Peter and Moody.

"Alastor, could you draft an owl to Octavia Fantaine? Let her know that Helena will be absent from work a few weeks—perhaps some new information about her parents' deaths, or needing a healers' expertise? It's pointless expecting her to believe it, of course, but it will give her something to distribute and let Voldemort know that Helena is now sheltered by the Order. That may protect her for a little while."

"Ministry wouldn't hire Junior Healers."

"Then whatever excuse you can think of. And then, can you please work on tracking down Sirius?"

When Moody was gone, Dumbledore turned to the rest of them.

"He could be in a hundred places," Peter said, too quickly. "It could take weeks to search thoroughly, Professor."

"Then I suggest you work at finding him quickly. Mr Potter, have you any idea where he might be, where he might go?"

"Wormtail's right, Dumbledore," James said. "When Sirius decides to run … he doesn't really think about where he's going. Which is going to put him in as much danger as Helena is."

"And knowing Sirius, if Death Eaters do catch him, he'll probably try and slaughter them all singlehandedly," Remus added.

"He's hurting," Lily said. "He'd probably go wherever he felt comfortable, where he could either draw comfort or just wallow in misery."

"Home?"

"Voldemort is aware of its location," Dumbledore put in.

"Shit."

"I'll go," James said immediately.

"Well I'm coming with you," Lily said immediately.

"No. No, Lily, stay here."

"I am not about to let you wander into an ambush by yourself, James!"

"Well I'm not about to let you take our unborn child into one either!"

"Oh. Good point."

James rolled his eyes. Alright, his experience of pregnant women wasn't extensive, but he was pretty sure no one else managed to forget the bump in front of them except Lily. But then, no one could really be that brilliant all of the time without a few blind spots. He gestured to Pete. "Come on, Wormtail, you're coming with me."

"Am I?" Wormtail asked, obviously alarmed by the prospect.

James didn't give him much wiggle-room; he grabbed him by the arm and practically did a Side-Along with him just in tow. They landed in the shadows by the side of Helena's house. The door was still standing. That was a good sign. He hoped.

"Come on."

"But what if there are Death Eaters?" Wormtail asked urgently.

"That's what your wand's for, Pete!"

When they got to the door, he pressed his palm gently against it, and it swung open soundlessly. "Lumos."

There didn't seem to be anyone around, and the only noise came from the alarming amount that Pete was making. James turned around and glared at him when he managed to know a vase off the hall table, which while it didn't smash, still managed to make a loud bang. But it wasn't answered by anything, either by Sirius shouting for them to fuck off or by Death Eaters hurling curses at them.

"I don't think there's anyone here."

"Oh good. Can we go then?"

"It is not good; if Padfoot isn't here then where the hell is he? We better check each room anyway. Come on. You take the first floor, I'll look down here. Now, Wormtail."

Visibly swallowing, Pete did as ordered, and crept silently up the stairs. James checked the library. the kitchen and the garden, but all were Sirius-free. Then he went upstairs and checked the second floor, but that was the same.

"Anything?" he called to Peter.

"Nothing. He's not here. I found some … interesting stains on the wall though."

"Blood?"

"Um, no. I - I think it's something else."

"Something else like what?"

Wormtail reappeared. "Trust me, Prongs, you don't want to know."

"Oh. Come on, we have to get back to HQ."

Just before they disapparated, James headed to the cupboard under the stairs. There wasn't enough room to swing a cat, but there was room for a broomstick; Sirius's.

"What's that for?"

"Locator spell. We've got to find him somehow, Pete."

The location spell was of Lily's casting; of all of them, she seemed to be the most clearheaded about the situation. Even though arguably, she had the strongest emotional connection to Helena—apart from Sirius. James was incredibly thankful for it though. While Lily prepared the scrying potion that would aid them, he went down to the dungeons. It was just McGonagall down here now, Arthur having been sent home. He had a job to report to in the morning, after all.

"Professor?"

McGonagall looked wearily up from Helena, who still slept. "It's been almost a year since I was your professor, Mr Potter. You call Albus by his name."

"I know, but …"

"But I inspired too much terror in you while you were at Hogwarts, is that it?" she smiled wryly.

James smiled back and settled back against the wall. "Something like that."

He'd meant it as a joke, but she stopped smiling. "I knew what was waiting for you."

James shook his head swiftly. "Professor, you were the best teacher I ever had, the best. Best most of us had, actually. And if you inspired terror, so what? Most of us—especially us—were cocky little bastards who needed to be taught a lesson in respect. A little trepidation never did any harm. And it was probably the best thing you could have done."

"How touching." They both jumped; Lady V had woken up at some point during their conversation and was now regarding them with hatred and contempt. "I think I'm tearing up," she said.

"Shut up."

"Come in here and make me, blood-traitor." When neither of them made a move, she smirked. "Oh, not as idiotic as you look then. Put your wand down, old woman," she snarled at McGonagall. "You've taken mine, I cannot disapparate—what can I do but wait?"

Knowing he was going to regret it, James asked, "Wait for what?"

"Why, a saviour, one way or the other. Start praying that it's Helena's saviour, before mine arrives. Because if not, you'll all be torn apart. Except your pretty little mudblood," she added, conversationally. "Her, I think I'll feed to our dear Nagini."

McGonagall grabbed James' forearm to stop him moving, because his self-control had frayed right through, and the atmosphere was suddenly very tense. "Don't you dare talk about her like that."

"No, perhaps you're right," Lady V mused. "She's not really good enough for even the lowest serpent."

As if on cue, Lily's footsteps descended down the steps to the dungeons. Lady V smirked. "Speak of the pond scum …"

"Fuck off," Lily recommended pleasantly. "Potion's ready. It'll be more accurate if it's left to brew for a bit, but -"

"I really don't think we need to let it brew," James said, quickly taking her hand and pulling her form the dungeons.

Lady V's laughter followed them—until McGonagall's calm, "Silencio" put an end to it.

"Still not Helena then," Lily commented.

"No. How accurate is this spell going to be?"

"It should be accurate to within twenty miles. There might be some variation and I imagine it will take more than one of you to make a definitive search and track him down."

Twenty miles wasn't brilliant, but it was better than what they'd had before. When they reached the great hall, the cauldron Lily had set up was bubbling away, and on the table there was a map of Britain. Apparently they were assuming he hadn't disapparated out of the country. The potion would act as a dipping solution for the scrying crystal, helping to make it more accurate.

Lily had a simple amethyst on a silver chain, which she submerged for a minute in the emerald green potion, then took it out and held it, perfectly still, over the map. "I've made the potion with a few twigs from Padfoot's broom," she said, "so this should work. Trouven absenta."

The amethyst glowed, and then began swirling around in ever-faster circles, leading Lily's hand over the map. It left Scotland, where they were, and headed south. Then south-east. Suddenly it shot down, the point of it slamming into the map, slap-bang in the middle of London.

"But we've been to Kensington Gardens."

"Maybe he's somewhere else in London."

"Brilliant. And how many people live in London?"

"Dunno. Four and a half million, ish?"

"Fabulous."

"Okay, let's be logical about this," Moony said. "We know he isn't at home. Where else in London might he go, bearing in mind what's going on at the moment."

"King's Cross?" Peter suggested. "Like Lily said, he might go where's comforting … andit's the gateway to Hogwarts."

"Good idea."

"I'll check it out."

It was odd, Wormtail offering to go anywhere by himself, but no one paid much heed to it. After he was gone, they carried on brainstorming. "What was the name of that pub, where Hel- Lady V attacked Maggie, the barmaid?"

"Three Bells."

"We'll look there too. There's a good chance he feels guilty, for whatever reason, so he might've gone there."

"Alright, second place I think we should check is St Mungo's. If Helena has a disease in his head, then he might be looking for a cure. Everyone got that?"

They separated, and spent the rest of the night hunting for Sirius throughout London. They all met with little success, and it was a cold and bitter dawn when they made it back to Westmoreland Castle, without any clearer an idea of where Sirius might be. The urge to find him was great, but they also needed to eat and sleep themselves at some point. Sirius—and Helena—would have to wait.

It did not stop Prongs from feeling incredibly guilty though. "I feel like I've failed both of them," he confessed to Lily when they were safe at home.

"You can't think like that, love. You looked for Sirius, we've done what we can for Helena, there's nothing more than making yourself starved and sleep-deprieved will do to help."

"Yeah, maybe."

"Sit down, I'll make some breakfast."

She bustled around the kitchen, shoving toast under the grill and scrambling some eggs in a saucepan. James couldn't take his eyes from her—God, if anything ever happened to her! To the baby, either—he'd just be destroyed. It was almost enough to make him want to take them both away from this dangerous world, go somewhere where his family would be safe. He could learn to live as a muggle, he knew he could. And what was he doing, letting his pregnant wife endanger herself on a regular basis-

"James?"

"What?"

"You're staring at me …"

"Sorry. I was just thinking …"

Lily brought the scrambled eggs on toast over. "What were you thinking?"

"That we're crazy. That I'm crazy."

"Ah," she said, cutting into her food. "I wondered when our thoughts would converge on that."

"You've thought about it too?"

"About running away? Of course I have. James, you and the baby are the most important things in the world to me. There are some days when I think I could abandon everything else."

"So why haven't you ever said anything?"

"Because then I remember what that entails. Who it entails abandoning."

James let out a heavy sigh. "Well, Helena's an evil bitch queen, and Padfoot's run off somewhere … there's a good argument for stating we've been abandoned ourselves."

Lily smiled. "And I remember what kind of parents I want us to be. It's the kind that know when to fight for a good future for their child, not the kind that run away from the bad one."

"So: sticking with it then?"

"Sticking with it."

"I love you, Mrs Potter."

She grinned. "And I love you. Now eat your breakfast before it gets cold."

It was three days before any note or word arrived from Sirius, and then it was an untidy, hurried scrawl. Don't worry about me. I'm looking for a cure. Look after Helena.

"He's looking for a cure? But there isn't a cure."

"He must be in denial about it."

"Well, we can't wait weeks or months for him to come to his senses," Lily said. "I don't want to be around Lady V for that long."

James frowned at her. "What's she said to you?"

"Not much to be honest—she still just hisses at me occasionally. And the glaring, of course," Lily replied.

She'd been spending at least half of every evening at Castle Westmoreland, sat in the dungeons with a book and a thermos, watching Lady V. Sometimes she paced, but mostly she sat cross-legged in the corner of her cell and meditated. Lily was sure her meditations were all very unpleasant, but she didn't share them, and Lily didn't really want to ask. The Marauders were searching still for the missing piece of their quartet; the scrying crystal still put him somewhere in London, so they scoured as much of the metropolis as they could each night, postcode by postcode. It wasn't a very efficient way of searching, three of them against a city of considerable millions, but it was all they had.

James, for reasons he couldn't explain to her, couldn't leave the idea of St Mungo's alone. He just seemed sure that that was where Padfoot would go in search of a cure, desperate though it was. Lily felt compassion for everyone involved. It was running James ragged, Remus raggeder, and made Wormtail so jumpy he twitched every time anyone spoke to him. She felt most sorrow for Helena and Sirius though. They were meant to be together, she knew that entirely, but at the same time it seemed the fates intended them to be separate. Each time they took a step forwards, they were immediately set back. Now there was the spectre between them, the dark phantom of Lady V. She would taint everything if the bond between them cracked even slightly. There had to be something Lily could do to help. There had to be some common ground that they would both find their thoughts and feelings to be in harmony, and unshakable. There had to be-

"Ow!" she muttered, as the baby aimed a particularly hark kick at her kidney. But it had the desired effect. There was something they could share. Someone they were united in their desire to protect and care for. Smiling, Lily smoothed a hand over her bump. "You, my boy, are a genius."

"Why is our daughter a genius?" James asked, through a yawn.

"I'll tell you later. You look exhausted, love."

"Feel it. But I've got a good feeling about finding him tonight."

"You said that last night."

Dumbledore had now officially pulled the Order off finding Sirius. He had a point; Voldemort would not stop his machinations just because Lady V was missing, and they did not have the resources to hunt down both Death Eaters and a wayward one of their own. But the Marauders had refused to give up. James, Lily (honourary member), Remus and Peter still looked for Padfoot in between their day jobs and Order duties. Sirius had only been missing a few days, but Lily was right; it was exhausting. But tonight was the night, he was sure it was. He was going to Richmond Park, and he was going to wait. There were deer around, so he'd be able to blend in easily and keep an eye on St Mungo's without any muggles being any the wiser. The only real challenge was going to be avoiding the desire to lie down and fall asleep in the grass.

He arrived just after midnight, and transformed, then took shelter in the shadow of some trees. Most of the herd were the other end of the park, and James settled in to wait. His eyesight was better than his human eyes were at night, so it was no problem picking out details. Including the four-legged black form half a mile away. Heart hammering inside his chest, Prongs cantered across the park.

Sirius could hardly miss him—not with his sense of smell and hearing. He stopped and transformed. James did the same, and the two of them stood uncertainly for a moment. Then James spoke. "You alright, mate?"

Sirius didn't look brilliant; his hair needed a wash and there were dark circles under his eyes. He nodded once. "You?"

"Been better."

"Is … is Hel- I mean she's-"

"Helena's not fine, Padfoot, but then you knew he wasn't before you took off. But she can be, if you help her. She's given up, without you, totally. We need you to come back."

Sirius took a deep breath, then moved past James and started walking again, his hands deep in his pockets. "I can't."

"You what?" James asked, quite certain he had misheard.

"I can't do it."

"What do you mean you can't?" James persisted, following Sirius and pulling him around. "What are you, afraid?"

"Honestly? Yeah. I'm bloody terrified. Wouldn't you be?"

"Yes. But I'd also be back there, fighting tooth and nail to save her. Why the hell aren't you?"

"You're assuming there's anything to save. She's been completely swallowed by that thing, Prongs, and look at it, all Lady V wants to do is get back to You-Know-Who. And I refuse to believe that Helena would enjoy doing that to someone. Lady V might, but Helena? No way. And if she did do it, then there's nothing in there worth loving."

"I can't believe you'd be so selfish," James breathed. Who was this coward? "Not a week ago you wanted to marry her!"

"I still do!" Sirius yelled. "Merlin's beard, James, d'you think I'm just running away?"

"That's what it bloody looks like!"

"You idiot, I left to get my head straight. That was a complete mind-fuck for me!"

"So what are you doing now?" James asked, calming down a bit.

"Trying to find a way to get Lady V out of Helena, to evict her, like I said."

"Dumbledore said it wasn't that easy. He said-"

"Dumbledore is not the font of all knowledge, even if he thinks he is."

"I see,' James said heavily.

"What?"

"You're still running away."

"How am I?"

"You won't face the truth! This isn't something that the right spell or potion will fix, Padfoot, it's going to take time and effort, and it's going to be tough. Now you need to face that and come back with him, otherwise you'll be right, and there won't be anything left of Helena, because she'll have given up completely."

"Stop saying that like she'll die!"

"She will, unless you help her!"

"I am helping her!"

Apparently having had enough of the argument, Sirius transformed and began running off. There was no way in the world James was going to let that happen, so he changed shape too and galloped after him. It was a strain, but eventually prey caught predator, darting in front of him. Sirius put his ears back and snarled, black gums lifting away from razor-sharp teeth. Prongs refused to move, and put his head down, giving Padfoot a face full of antler. When he darted to the side, the antlers followed him. Sirius decided to make a running leap for it. James brought his head up at exactly the wrong moment though, and hit Sirius in the chest with the points of his antlers. Yelping and whining, the great black dog was thrown aside.

James immediately prepared to transform and apologise, but Sirius found his own resolution to the conflict. Scrambling back onto all four paws, he lunged for the stag, fastening his teeth into James' foreleg. The bite broke skin and went deep into muscle. Sirius only stayed latched on long enough to make sure he'd made pursuit impossible, and then loped off, leaving his best friend bleeding.

He was still bleeding when he transformed back, pulling his want out of his pocket. "Well, at least I'm right-handed …" he conjured bandages and wrapped them around his forearm. Then he disapparated back to HQ.

Everyone appeared to be pacing, and Remus was the first to notice him appear. "I take it it didn't go well. Did you find him?"

James held up his injured arm. "Oh, I found him."

Lily's green eyes widened, and she unwrapped the bandages carefully. There was no way she—or anyone—wouldn't recognise teeth marks, so she quickly worked on healing him before anyone else noticed. "I can't believe he'd attack you."

"Well I can't believe he'd run away, but I was just proven wrong," was the grim reply.

"I can understand why he'd feel unable to cope," Lily murmured.

"I can't. If he loves her-"

"Oh, sweetheart, don't be dense. He's running because he loves her."

All the males in the room looked at her quizzically. "Okay, you're going to have to explain that one to me."

"Look, at first he was scared of her (and let's face it, we all are), and then he was disgusted at the things she's done, and then Dumbledore's there saying it's all part of Helena—and probably he would have come back even then, but now we've just made it worse again."

"How have we made it worse?"

"We've told him he's Helena's only hope of survival."

"But he is Helena's only hope of survival!"

"Yes, but surely you can see what an enormous burden that is! Especially when he doesn't have enough faith in himself to believe that he can—and let's face it, Helena's given him every indication that he can't."

James shook his head. "Sorry, but it sounded like you just said Padfoot doesn't have enough confidence."

"Look, Helena's lied to him. She's concealed everything, including how terrified she's been for weeks. To Sirius, that's like saying his love isn't strong enough to support her. Now we're asking it to save her. Padfoot can be the most arrogant bugger in the world in every other instance, but there's no one anywhere who isn't a fool when it comes to love."

Her speech done, Lily closed her lips, leaving her husband and friends staring at her.

"So what do we do?" Peter asked.

"We wait. He'll come back."

"I'm not sure about that," James said. "He said that Helena did that, then there was nothing worth loving."

"Saying that and believing it are two different things. He'll come back, and until then we guard her, and we make sure that Helena knows we're here for her, all of us. So, on that note: I'm going back down there."

She'd brought with her a book and a flask of tea, as normal, and took them down to the dungeon with her. She lit candles to make it as comfy and cosy as possible—although it didn't make even a marginal difference—and settled in. Lady V's eyes were open this time, and just as red as ever, regarding Lily coldly.

"Why do you keep coming, mudblood?" the voice hissed.

"Not for you," Lily snapped back.

Lady V laughed. "I thought she needed to learn—I am her."

"You might represent an element of her, but you are not my best friend."

"She's dead."

"No."

"I'm all that's left, and shall I tell you something, mudblood?"

"I'm not listening to anything you have to say."

"When I get out of here, I'm going to enjoy killing you. But first, I'm going to slaughter that blood-traitor of yours, and then I'm going to cut open your belly, and crush that half-breed thing inside you. Then I'll kill you."

Scarlet eyes gleamed in the dark.

"Won't that be fun?"

If she had been trying to find Lily's soft spot, her tender point, she had found it. Lily tried to maintain her dignity, as she trembled and left the dungeon, but both she and Lady V full-well knew the truth. She was fleeing. She was running scared.

Maybe this was the real reason he'd never wanted to fall in love. Not because birds were too much hassle. Just because it hurt too fucking much when it all went wrong. Looking with a pessimistic eye, their entire relationship had been them hiding things from each other—his animagi ability, her parentage, their feelings for each other, and now Unforgivables? Even if she was sorry, there couldn't be enough sorry in the entire world for that. Except maybe the amount of sorry in her eyes and an offering to be whatever he wanted her to be, if he'd only forgive , they were both truly fucked up examples of human beings.

He forgave her. Of course he forgave her. He had instantly, the moment it had all come out. None of this was Helena's fault; even if Lady V turned up because Helena had forced part of herself away, then how could that have been anything but the right thing to do? She'd rejected it because it was horrific, vile. Forget whatever Dumbledore had said about needing a merging of the personalities, Sirius was still sure he'd been right. Lady V was a foreign invader in Helena's mind and body, and he was determined to get her out. But Prongs' words wouldn't stop reverberating around his head. She's given up. Which made no sense whatsoever. She couldn't give up. She was Helena, no matter what she was doing, however stupid or idiotic, she didn't give up. Ever.

But he hadn't ever really abandoned her before. Once more, he remembered the open, naked vulnerability in her eyes. He could have done anything to her. Anything at all. And she would just have taken it. Any self-respect, any dignity … gone. God, he felt like a monster. He was a monster. And the worst part was he'd let another monster take Helena.

Well, bugger that for a bunch of bats.

Twenty minutes later, he was down in the dungeons of Westmoreland Castle. It was the middle of the night, or at least very early in the morning, and the castle had been almost deserted. He'd crept down in the the shadows, and now stood in more of them. Like she'd been waiting, Lady V was on her feet, in the very centre of her cell.

"So. You've come at last. I am disappointed. You would have made a most suitable stud for future generations."

He ignored that, and said instead, "You can control fiendfyre."

"Your point?"

"How?"

"Magic is not difficult to control for the truly powerful. Much like people," she added with a smirk.

"Funny. Looks to me like you're the one locked up and under our control."

"Appearances can be deceptive. I had convinced you that I did not exist, had I not? And here I am. I wanted your fear, and your friends cower before me. I wanted you here, and in front of me your stand. And soon you're going to let me out."

"Never."

She laughed. "Then why have you come, blood-traitor?"

"For Helena."

"I am all that is left of her."

"I don't believe that."

A hand came out, flicked away his faith with a dismissive gesture. "Believe what you will, for now. I will enjoy forcing you to accept the truth later."

"There's one branch of magic you can't control," he said abruptly.

"I beg to differ."

"It's completely unknown to you, in fact."

"All magic is known to me. My father has-"

"And even if you did know it," Sirius interrupted, "you'd run scared. You wouldn't dare touch it."

"I would-"

"And neither would your father. It's too hot, too bright and too powerful. It'd burn your eyes out if you even try to look at it," he said, moving forwards a step or two.

Lady V did the same, her red eyes narrow and piercing. "What is it?"

"It belongs to me. I'm the only one in the world it will tame for, the only one in the world it will love."

"Tell me!"

Sirius stepped up to the bars. Lady V's hands shot through, nails digging into his skin and eyes boring into his. She had no wand, but he could feel her will bearing down on him. Ineffectually; he was going to tell her anyway.

"Hellfire."

A/N: Review please!