Author's Note: The chapter is a little shorter than the last one but I decided to split up and add the the rest to ch 3.

For a moment I didn't think it was real.

There's a point I think in everyone's life where you realize you are completely lost.

That's how I feel.

Two letters from both my parents came in, never a good sign, and one I was dreading for a while. The first one I opened was my father telling me my goal was done with. That the whole "American dream" was dead and would have none of it.

As he quoted "a whimsical notion from a naive mind".

Nothing shocked me about the letter or how he called me naive on many things. What did shock me was the letter my mother wrote me. Telling me the same thing.

I was being naive.

I knew my father didn't support anything I did for a while now, but my mother I couldn't believe it. Though she said it much nicer than my father she write how it would be impossible for me to ever live the muggle life I so desperately wanted.

You have no evidence to them of your birth or that you are even alive.

The wording to that, that I was so unknown and nonexistent to a whole world made be frighten and hopeless. That my birth in a wizard hospital wouldn't even count to them.

Because they didn't know any of this is real.

I had this idea, this goal that once I was done with Hogwarts I would leave to America, get a job being some low level typewriter but work my way up. That I would achieve my goal and leave all this behind me.

But you can't leave something others don't even know exist.

Trapment isn't enough to describe how I feel.

Getting up slowing, losing all appetite I left in a haze. I left my half eaten food behind and I could hear my name being called from Ilya. I didn't even bother to look at her.

What would I do with my life now?

Thinking that even though I am free and didn't follow the rules like everyone else, I also had no plan.

My sister is going to get married in 2 months now. The Malfoys and the Lestranges are all together ready for my sisters big deal if a pure blood wedding. Voldemort could even show up at this point with the whole inner circle and it would a perfect planned ceremony.

Even the crazies have their life together.

At this point Draco's aunt Bellatrix is more put together than me at the moment. Even if his father is now in prison his family is still functional.

"What am I supposed to do?" Sitting down on a outside bench not sure where to really go. I had this plan, this idea for myself, and now it was all gone. Everyone had some plan that they could follow, some role they wanted to play in the wizarding society and here I am with nothing.

OWL and NEWTS on everyone's mind but for me there non existent because they hadn't mattered to me. None of my classes had mattered because I had a goal.

Now I'm screwed.

In a week our exams will start for us to move to our sixth year and here I am not knowing what I want to even take. Where I want to go with my life or field.

There only other thing I'm good at is the Dark Arts.

Rolling my eyes at the idea of taking that up with my stereotypical of a pureblood to follow, especially on my father's side. "At least that's one thing that makes him proud of me." Mumbling to myself knowing it was true.

While Ilya focused on womanly duties to be wanted by a man, I spent my time studying darker more cryptic things that rather than focusing what was correct for society. The one thing my dad and I seem to have the same interest in that my mother never understood.

"What happen with you Spears?" Hearing his voice, the condescending attitude, and the arrogance that came without it. I was so lost in my thought I didn't even hear someone walking towards me. I didn't even bother look at him but handing him the letters to for him to read. He sat next to me reading them quickly, skimming to the parts that where the more interesting of my parents rejection.

"Where's your pug at? She's usually scurrying behind you." His blonde head didn't turn to look at me, but kept it down reading my father's letter.

"She's talking to your sister, you being the center of conversation. Just always being the disappoint huh?" Frowning at his words while he handed me back the letters. "Do you really think you could have made it? Living with those muggles." He said it with anger and a mix of disgust, as if the name left a bad taste in his mouth.

"Not like I'm going to make it here either." Crumbling up the papers and throwing them into my bag. "And why are they talking about me? Especially Pansy, when do I ever interest her."Turning to look at him. "What because I don't want a controlling husband who picks my friends!"

Ilya's lovable fiance sent her a great letter of explaining her duties of being a pureblood and one of them was cutting of members that didn't seem to fit in. The example of the family member was me. "He acts like I'm some type of disease that's going to affect her." Scoffing, thinking back to how he portrayed me in the letter as if I was manipulating her. "Just because I want out doesn't mean I'm going to marry one. I'm not going to have kids or a husband so what's the big deal?"

I have been called a blood traitor plenty of times, but the reasons for more not following their rules wasn't because of muggle rights,. It was because woman in this culture barely have rights of their own and muggle woman seem to have more of them. There's marches and speeches while here a word is never spoken.

A woman becomes part of her husband's family and leaves behind her own.

"That's because you act like a Weasley sometimes." Shaking my head from the lack of his understanding and uncaring attitude. But honestly my problems are small compared to his.

"But even she is a home wife." A lot of woman I have noticed are home wives and barely view who work for the ministry are married. Many men are seem to get the higher up jobs. Even Umbridge, who I despise greatly, unmarried and rose to the ranks. What would happen if she did marry?

"Where's Nott? Usually he's the one who would come after me not you." From the beginning Theodore Nott and I where close from the understanding that neither of us followed the rules. Neither one of joined a group or even wanted to follow the life that was already created for us by birth. He was the only one I knew who got it.

Even though I knew he would follow through of what was expected of him.

"I couldn't handle the wedding talk anymore." I knew what he was referring too. His father now in gone, his family now known for supporting Voldemort (though it was never hidden it was never proved either), and now they are being forced to stay in society.

"Well you got to hear small bits of it. I get to hear it all the damn time." Taking the letter and stuffing it back into my bag. "Well I'm off to go and live my disappoint life and try and figure out how I can make it worst." Draco actually smirking at my words, something that was so rare. "Weigh the pros and cons." Waving him a small goodbye and heading back to my dorm.

And that's what I will do. Keep living my life regardless of the disappoint may happen, I refuse to live amongst anyone else's rules.

MaybeWack

XOXO