A/N: This chapter is dedicated to ImsebastianstanButter, for the inspiration. Thank you!

Chapter Forty Seven

There was still the body of a Death Eater at the bottom of the stairs. Another one on the landing. Sirius ignored both of them and slid down the wall of the hallway, coming to a crumpled heap at the bottom. His head was in his hands, so his voice was muffled when he spoke. It was easy enough to distinguish the word though.

"Oh shit ..."

"It'll be ok. It'll be ok," Helena could hear herself repeating.

Sirius barked out a laugh. "Good, that's a relief."

She slid down to join him, her backside hitting the hardwood floor painfully. She leaned her head into his shoulder, feeling hollow with dread. Eventually his hand came up around her shoulders, fingers nestled in her hair. As the day faded towards dusk, basic instincts like hunger asserted themselves. Unsurprisingly, she didn't feel like cooking, so they dined on bread, cheese, fruit and a bit of Victoria sponge that had left over.

As she idly picked up stray crumbs on her plate with the tip of her index finger, Helena took a deep breath. "So. What can we do?"

Sirius straightened up. "Depends on Lily and Prongs. There was clearly a reason Dumbledore didn't want the rest of us to know anything, maybe they'll agree with him. But at the very least we can look into defensive spells for their house. And try to talk Dumbledore into properly interrogating any prisoners we might take."

Helena felt a shock of unease. It was the first time she could remember Sirius even indirectly advocating anything like torture, but he was right. This was Harry they were talking about. As his godparents, they had a duty to do everything they could. She nodded in agreement. "Well, one thing's for certain: Dumbledore better have a master plan he's going to share with the Order soon. Otherwise we're fucked."

Except they weren't fucked. Nothing happened, nothing at all, for days. And days passed into weeks and weeks into months and still nothing happened. No Death Eater attacks. The defensive spells that lay thick as gorse on the Potters' cottage remained, apparently, untested. No one relaxed however. It was impossible. Every time Helena and Sirius saw Lily and James – which was very rarely, considering they had been virtually living in and out of each other's pockets – they both looked incredibly tired and drawn. Both states were completely understandable. What new parent couldn't be tired, and drawn was exactly how Helena felt. Drawn with tension, like a violin with strings pulled too tight to play. This unnatural stillness couldn't be good. There had to be things brewing in the background, plans being plotted, all manner of not-good-really-bad things going on.

Shortly after they'd settled on the date of Harry's first birthday party, it all went south. Knowing that James' mum would be being watched as soon as she stepped out of the house, Lily and James had decided that Harry would have to make do with muggle birthday presents, bought by her parents. They were muggles, and no one on Voldemort's side knew anything about them. Or so they'd thought. That turned out to be not the case. The reports came through muggle news, but they weren't accurate. They blamed what had happened on a 'bomb', some kind of exploding device designed to kill multiple people. In reality, the Death Eaters had attacked, and murdered Mr and Mrs Evans, along with a dozen other innocent muggles.

"They died instantly, as far as anyone can tell," James told the members of the Order. His voice was hollow with sadness.

He and Lily were safely ensconced in Order HQ. Harry was on his lap, currently squirming. Now that he was (just about) walking, he wanted to be exploring everything and everywhere. And this place was new and therefore interesting. Understandably though, James did not want to let go of him. He looked at Lily. She was sat, staring at the table top and looking numb, her eyes dry and her face pale. Helena was worried. Lily's hand was in hers, but her fingers were limp.

"They must be trying to draw you out," Moony said. "Make you angry enough to get reckless."

"Yeah, well, it's taking an awful lot of self-control not to, to be honest," James replied. "Bastards."

"What are you going to do?" Wormtail asked.

"Do? What can I do, Pete? Really, I'm open to all ideas here!"

"No, I- I didn't mean."

"There's nothing we can do," Lily said faintly. "Mum and Dad would say Harry is the most important thing. They'd be right."

Helena could almost hear the ticking down in Lily's head until she burst into tears, and when she'd counted to five mentally, she did just that. She threw herself into Helena's arms. "Oh God, oh God, he's- he's never going to know his grandparents …"

All Helena could do was hug her and stroke her hair, try and make soothing noises.

"We need to update your security arrangements," Mad-Eye stated into the silence. "Can't guarantee you're safe now. The muggles might not have known much, but if somehow they were tortured for information first-"

James shot to his feet and more or less dumped Harry into Sirius' arms, advancing on Moody. Helena was glad he was. If she didn't have Lily to care for she would have been doing the same thing. "Those 'muggles' were my wife's parents, Moody, and I can guarantee you that even if they were tortured they wouldn't have told the Death Eaters a bloody thing!"

Moony got up, getting in James' way. "We know that, Prongs. We know that."

"He doesn't seem to!"

"Ignore him. It'll be alright. It's alright."

Everyone else around the table glared at Mad-Eye. He seemed impervious. "We need to practice constant vigilance!" he persisted. "Surely this has demonstrated that!"

"Thank you, Alastor," Dumbledore said quietly. "Perhaps you should investigate which Death Eaters might be responsible."

Moody cluncked off to the fireplace and flooed away.

"In the meantime," Dumbledore said, "we need to make additional arrangements for your mother's protection, James. As muggles, it's likely Lily's parents made easier targets, but we know there are few witches or wizards the Death Eaters will not target."

"A-Alright. Yeah, good."

The meeting ended in a very sad and sober mood, the Potters going home to their increasingly isolated existance, and everyone else feeling powerless to help them.

At Lily's insistence, Harry still had a kind of birthday, though for the adults it was a somewhat subdued affair. They mostly sat in the Potters' living room and watched as Harry played with his new toys. The only thing that really raised a genuine smile from James was watching Harry get on his toy broomstick, his present from his godparents. As soon as he straddled it, it rose just off the ground slightly and began circling the room slowly. Harry's little face was a picture. He looked first scared, but then exhilaration began to shine through, and within a minute or two he was whizzing around the living room like he'd been born to it.

"Brilliant," James grinned. "Brilliant present, thanks guys."

"Thank Sirius, it was his idea."

"Well … if he's going to be the youngest Quidditch player ever then he's got to start somewhere, right?" Sirius grinned.

"Let's hope he can get outside and practice on a real broom soon enough," Lily smiled. Then the smile slid from her face. Harry wouldn't be flying anywhere any time soon. "Excuse me," she said, abruptly getting up and heading towards the kitchen.

"I'll go," Helena said, waving James back to his seat.

In the kitchen, Lily was stood by the sink, determinedly washing up the plates from lunch despite there being a plethora of household spells that could do the job for her.

"It's shit," Lily said, hearing her come in and shut the door.

"I know."

"I finally managed to persuade my sister to talk to me, did James tell you that?"

"No."

"She told me it was my fault. She told me I was a freak and it was freaks like me that had got Mum and Dad killed. She wouldn't listen to anything else I had to say. She told me she'd be happy if she never saw me again."

"I'm sorry, Lily."

"She's right though."

"No, she isn't!" Helena crossed to the redhead's side, turned the tap off and pulled Lily around to face her. Tears were tracking down from green eyes. "Lily, you are not to blame here! This is no one's fault but Voldemort's and whatever Death Eaters he ordered to carry out the deed!"

"But if I hadn't involved Mum and Dad in our war-"

"It became their war the moment their grandson was threatened. Tell me I'm wrong."

"No … You're not wrong. That's pretty much word for word what Dad said to me once," Lily sniffed.

"And he was right."

"Didn't know it was going to get him killed though, did he?"

"Lily, look at me." She did so. "I'm not a parent. I doubt I'll ever be a parent, so you have to tell me now: what would you do to protect Harry?"

"Anything," came the instant answer.

"If he came to you asking you to help protect his children, what would you answer?"

"I see where you're going with this," Lily smiled ruefully.

"Then you have your answer. Your sister might think you're a freak, but you're not a freak here. I'm sorry she doesn't want to see you again, but the rest of your lives is a long time, and she might change her mind. Even if she doesn't, frankly, I can't see that you'd be losing a lot." She bit her lip, wondering if she'd said too much, but Lily was continuing to smile.

"No. No, me neither. You know, I learned what the name 'Helena' means the other day."

Caught off guard by the change of direction, Helena blinked. "Something to do with Helen of Troy, I'm guessing? So … beauty?"

"No, it means 'ray of light'," Lily told her. She wiped her cheeks free of tears. "That's what you've been to me, you know."

Embarrassed at the open sincerity in her friend's tone, Helena quipped, "In between turning into a psycho and trying to kill you?"

"Oh, on that note!" Further surprising Helena, Lily turned around and conjured a low stool, standing on it to reach the top of one of the kitchen cupboards. She took down a parchment-wrapped bottle. It was full of a light blue potion. "This is for you."

"What is it?"

"My own recipe—a Unification Potion. I've been working on it since you left for Ireland. The instructions and recipe are included."

Helena unfolded the piece of parchment and found it covered in Lily's neat handwriting. "Thank you, Lily. But what does it do?"

"Well, if I'm right, it heals mental illness of the kind you have."

"Really?"

"I think so. Maybe heals isn't the right word though, it's not a cure. More like a stop-gap. If ever you feel like you're losing control, this potion should enable you to … well, hold yourself together. I've been working on a similar sort of thing for Remus."

"You think you can prevent his lycanthropy? Lily, if you could do that, they'd be lining up to give you the Order of Merlin!"

"I don't know if I can prevent it. Improve it though, maybe? Make it less debilitating. I hope so anyway."

"Lily, you are … a remarkable witch."

Lily's turn to blush at receving a compliment now. "I'm not really anything special, Helena, really I'm not. I just try to help my friends."

"No, I try to help my friends. I can't think of one instance where I've succeeded."

"I don't know I have yet," Lily reminded her. "It's an unlicensed potion, Hel, impossible to test and for all I know you'll end up with two heads!"

"I won't. I'll end up with my own head not screaming at me."

"Is that what it's like?" Lily asked.

"No. More like … there are impulses or thoughts I want to push away because they seem too horrible to acknowledge. But instead I have to accept them, look at at why I've come up with them in the first place. Reason them out. I can still deny them. I just can't ignore them."

"Well, if I've worked the potion out right, then it should stop them to begin with. Should be useful when you don't have time to psycho-analyse yourself."

Helena closed her hand around the bottle. "Thanks, Lily."

"There's something else I wanted to ask you. James said he'd talk to Padfoot about it at some point today too—you're Harry's godparents, so legally the law would be on your side anyway, but …" She paused, looking anxious.

"Lily, spit it out. Has to do with Harry, I'm guessing."

"Yes. We want you and Sirius to be his guardians, as well. If James and I are suddenly killed-"

"Don't say that."

"We're still in a war, Helena, and I've had a pretty strong bloody reminder that it could easily happen at any time. We could well be next. And if we are, we want Harry to go to you."

"You want us to raise him?"

"If James and I can't, then yes."

"Lily, I- Of course I'd do anything to make sure he was taken care of, but what about James' mum, or-"

"Helena, shut up a minute. You why I told you what your name meant? It wasn't just a nice little titbit, I meant it. And it's what you have to be, do you understand that? If I can't be Harry's mother, if he's orphaned and left alone in the world, his life is going to be bloody dark."

Helena stood silent, unable to disagree.

"And that's not going to happen to my son, do you understand? I need you to be that ray of light, Harry will need you to be his ray of light. Will you do it? Will you be that for him?" Lily talked about Helena being a ray of light, but it was Lily's face which was alright now, with grief and love and determination.

It took Helena a moment to find her voice, and when she did, it was rough and throaty. "I'll- I'll try my damndest, Lily. I promise."

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