"We goin' see my Crampa, we goin' see my Crampa!" Colton sang happily, his feet kicking against the seat as he looked out the window. "Daddy, what's those silly naked trees with just hair on the top?"

"Those are palm trees, bud," Adam answered, turning the air conditioner up. "Are you excited to go see Grandpa?"

"Yep, I love my Crampa! Ben, you love Crampa too?"

"Yay!"

"Daddy, where is us?"

"Arizona, remember?"

"Yeah. I telled Isa last night that we was going to here and she say if it's another planet."

"No, not another planet. Montana is another planet."

"Hey!" Lindsay chuckled, reaching over to smack his arm. He shot her a grin and took her hand, running his thumb over her knuckles. She'd told him before she left that she loved going to Montana to visit her family, but when they went to Arizona it felt like a real vacation. Everything was a little more laid back, they could sleep until ten and not feel guilty about it. He wanted to make sure that she got a good vacation, a good rest. She'd needed it for a while. They both had.

"Hey, you know who else we get to see?"

"Gigi!" Colton shouted, using his name for his grandmother. "My Gigi. She makes me cookies."

"Yep. And who else?"

Colton thought for a minute, tapping his chin before clapping his hands and answering.

"Auntie Hannah, we getta see Auntie Hannah! Are we 'most there? I wanna get out of the car. It is not our car. It smells funny."

"What do you think Ben?" Lindsay asked, turning around to look at him. He grinned at her and gripped the bill of his Yankees cap before patting the window.

"Out, mama."

"We'll get out in a while. Is it too hot back there?"

"Nope, it's just right, like the baby bear's porridge!" Colton said. "Hey, what the heck in the world is porridge anyway?"

"It's like oatmeal. Or grits. Or something kind of like that."

"Like hot cereal?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. Well why you not just say that, daddy?"

"I have no idea."

Colton was quiet then, staring out the window and humming to himself, lost in his own world where everything made sense.

"You tired?" Adam asked softly, glancing over at Lindsay.

"Nope. Just right."

"You're cute."

"I try."

"So what do you think about maybe day after tomorrow we can leave the boys with my mom and go have a date?"

"Really?"

"Yeah. I kind of planned something."

"An anniversary something?"

"I wouldn't be a good man if I didn't."

"You know, you don't have to always plan the dates."

"You went through pregnancy and labor twice. The least I can do is plan the dates."

"You're wonderful and I really want to kiss you right now but I don't want you to wreck the car because of hormones."

"So I can wreck it for other reasons?"

"As long as it's not embarrassing. I don't want to tell the cops that you wrecked the car because we were making out."

"Yeah, that might be a little awkward."

"Hey, I'm not going to be meeting any of your ex-girlfriends on this trip, am I?"

"I highly doubt it. Why?"

"Because I don't know if I would be able to refrain from going "neener neener neener!" And no one wants that."

"Would be a boost to my ego."

"Very true."

He squeezed her hand twice and gave her the little smile that he had only ever given her. She returned one of her own and they drove on.

The sun was hot and the wind was still and even though it was the middle of fall, Lindsay knew they were going to need sunscreen and lots of water. The boys were chattering happily with their grandparents, telling them all about their plane ride and whatever else came to mind. They were all sitting on the front porch where the air was cooler but still fresh and they weren't cooped up inside. It was early afternoon and the neighborhood was quiet and it was the perfect moment of summer captured months later.

"Gigi, where is my Hannah?"

"She's still at school. She doesn't know you're here."

"Oh wow! We is gonna be a surprise. A surprise like mama says I was!"

Lindsay snickered and shook her head. Even when she had been saying that, she was sure he was going to repeat it.

"Colton, do you think we could go for a walk down to Hannah's school? We could meet her there when school is over."

"Oh, okay! Can we go now?"

"Let's wait a little while. She won't be done for an hour or so."

"What we gonna do until it's time?"

"I don't know, what do you think we should do?"

"Um… do you gots any toys from when you was a little boy, daddy?"

"Oh, I don't think so."

"I might have some still," Sharon said. "Pretty sure they're in the attic."

"I'll go help you find them," Dave offered, holding out his hand.

Colton hopped up from the floor and took his hand excitedly, as if he was taking him to the toy store. Ben stared after them then looked up at Lindsay.

"Mama, Budder go?"

"No, why don't you stay here. They'll be back soon."

His bottom lip jutted out slowly and he blinked several times before tipping his head back and letting out a wail. His arms fell slack at his side and tears dribbled down his cheeks, even though his eyes remained open to make sure everyone was watching and feeling bad for the pain he was going through.

"Benjamin, that's enough," Lindsay said sternly, leaning down to speak to him. "You don't need to be carrying on like that."

He continued his weeping, falling to his knees and hiding his face in his hands, knowing he was really in trouble now. He and Colton both knew better than to throw fits like this, especially in public. It was one thing to cry if you were sad, but to keep up this play for attention was something that was not tolerated, and he was very aware of that.

"Benjamin, do you need to have a time out?"

"No!" he hollered, shaking his head before collapsing completely onto the porch, pounding it with his fists and kicking his legs.

"Guess that's my cue," Adam said, standing up and reaching down for his son. Usually whichever parent doled out the first warning was off the hook as far as carrying out the punishment. It showed that they were united in the discipline process and the boys had never tried to pit one parent against the other.

Adam slung Ben over his shoulder, despite the screaming and took him inside. He'd wait until Ben calmed down, then give him a short time-out, and then they would discuss what had happened. Not that Ben could fully comprehend it all, but it was never too young to start being consistent. It would end with a hug and a promise that no matter what, they would always love him. And then it would be over and everyone would be happy again.

"Does that happen often?" Sharon asked, rocking the porch swing slowly with her foot.

"Not too often, but both of the boys are really good at it."

"Adam doesn't like it, does he?"

"He hates it, but he knows it has to be done."

"I'm surprised he does it at all."

"He knows he's not like his father," Lindsay said softly. "He does most of the punishing because he needs to know that he can, but when it gets bad or he's really upset, I do it instead. Luckily that's only happened once or twice."

Sharon was quiet for a while, watching the sprinkler move slowly across the yard.

"Does he talk to you about it very much? What happened?"

"He's told me."

"Everything?"

"Yes."

"I know how much you love Adam, and I know you think I wasn't good enough for him."

"I don't think that," she sighed, remembering a similar conversation with Austin's mother. "There's always going to be a part of me that doesn't understand, and a part of me that may always resent you, and always believe that you could have protected him better."

"I believe that too."

"I just don't get it. I don't know how you can see your child in pain like that and just… not do anything. I mean, if someone was hurting Ben or Colton, they wouldn't see another day. I would do everything I could to protect them. I would kill for them. And I know it's not because you didn't love Adam. I know you loved him, I really do. I just don't understand why you didn't protect him. I don't know why you let him grow up in a nightmare."

"I don't know either, Lindsay. I've been over and over and over it in my head, so many times for so many years. I grew up like that too. I thought it was normal, but I never wanted that life for my son. I don't know why I never got out. I really don't."

"You know, sometimes when the subject comes up, or I see that scar on his head or the one on his knee or when he tells me he feels worthless, I get so mad at you. Sometimes I even hate you. Because I know that if you had gotten out earlier, he wouldn't have those scars and he wouldn't think those things. And I want to blame you as much as I blame his father. But I hate being mad at you because I really do love you. I just… I love Adam more than anything in the world and it kills me that he went through that. I'm so proud of the man he is and how he's overcome what happened, but I still wish more than anything that it wasn't a part of his life. Because he's perfect and wonderful and he didn't deserve that. He didn't do anything to deserve that."

She took a deep breath to fight the tears and the pain that shot through her heart at the thought of Adam being hurt in any way.

"I know he didn't. And he's done nothing since to deserve it either."

"I know," Lindsay echoed, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm sorry I hurt him that much and I'm sorry that it hurts you too."

Lindsay sighed and looked down at her hands, spinning her ring halfway around her finger and back again.

"Is this something you can forgive me for? For not protecting him enough?"

"Yes."

Sharon stood up and moved over to the wicker loveseat, pulling Lindsay into her arms.

"Thank you for loving him so much. Thank you for showing him what that really is."

"I'll always love him. He's never going to get hurt again."

"I know."

"Geez, look at us sitting here blubbering like a bunch of girls," Lindsay chuckled, wiping her eyes again.

"We don't normally do this," Sharon added with a wry chuckle.

"I know, we usually just shop."

They laughed a little together and managed to cover up the heavy conversation before the boys came back through the door.

"Mama, Gigi, lookit all daddy's old toys!" Colton shouted happily. "I gots so much to play with, okay folks? I be here all night."

"What are you going to play with first?" Adam asked, settling a calmer Ben back on the porch next to the large cardboard box.

"Well, I don't know," Colton sighed, looking through the box. "Hey lookit, you had one of them cabbage dolls like mama had too."

"Yeah, I think everyone had one of these."

"This is not very cute, daddy."

"Hey, that's mean. It was my first son."

"You are crazy. I was your first son! This just a doll. You played with a doll, daddy?"

"He was a learning tool and his name was Anthony!"

Lindsay snickered as Ben took the doll and cradled it gently.

"Honey, you do realize that everyone is going to hear about this, right?"

"I don't care. It's why I'm a good father."

"I can't argue with that, can I?" Lindsay asked.

"Nope, I don't think you can," Sharon answered. "Besides, the thing lost its novelty in a week but he would never let me throw it out. I don't think he ever paid as much attention to it as Ben is."

They looked over to see Ben sitting on the ground, holding the doll and singing softly to it, the way he had watched everyone do with the twins. He'd never shown an interest in real babies, but this hadn't just come out of nowhere.

"Daddy, how 'bout this game?" Colton asked, pulling out a box of Slot Cars. "You play with me?"

"Sure. I bet I'm going to win."

"Why are you so nutso, daddy? 'Course, I'm gonna win. I always win!"

The wind had picked up a little by the time they went to meet Hannah, so the six block journey there wasn't as bad as it could have been. The boys ran ahead, then stopped a few houses away to wait for Lindsay and Adam to catch up. Then they would run off again, Colton jumping over cracks in the sidewalk as he ran, while Ben would slow down and step carefully over them. They both fell a few times, but never cried, just got back up and kept running.

"Ben runs like he's drunk."

"With one arm tucked in and the other out for balance. He kind of looks like the Heisman trophy, but with a diaper on."

Adam chuckled and called out a warning for the boys to stop at the corner and wait. Colton crouched down and grabbed something off the ground, then handed it to Ben who studied it carefully, his mouth hanging open.

"What did you find?"

"It's a rolly-polly bug, mama! She how it is in a circle now?"

"Yeah, I see."

"That's to 'tect itself from predators," he reported. "When it know that Ben not gonna hurt it, it will stretch out to normal. And then it will crawl on his hand."

"No," Ben said, handing the insect back over. "No do that."

"See lookit! It's crawlin' on me now! See Ben, it's not hurtin'. I was just showin' now we put him back and he go on his merry way. Bye rolly-polly!"

He dumped the insect into the grass, then took Adam's hand so they could cross the street. The school bell was just ringing and they waited for a moment while the big wave of kids scattered across the playing field and into the neighborhoods. Colton jumped up and down, looking for Hannah, shrieking suddenly when he spotted her.

"Daddy, it's her, it's my Hannah!"

"I know, I see her."

"Hannah!" he hollered. "Auntie Hannah, it's me!"

She finally spotted them and her face broke into a huge smile as she ran across the grass. Adam caught her in a hug and she giggled as he lifted her off the ground, kissing her cheek.

"What are you doing here?"

"Surprisin' you," Colton reported. "Was it a good surprise? Huh?"

"It was a really good surprise bud," Hannah said, crouching down to hug him. He giggled and wrapped his arms around her neck, holding on even when she stood up.

"Gimme a piggy back ride! Like you did when you come and visit us a'fore?"

"Maybe later. I'm kind of tired right now."

"Well okay. I will just hold your hand instead," he decided, slipping his hand into hers.

Adam took her backpack from her and held Colton's other hand while they headed home.

"Hey Hannah, guess what? Mama got me water wings so I could play in the pool! Also I can almost swim in the deep end now. I don't like going under the water though. And I can't swim real fast."

"That's okay. I don't swim very fast either."

"Could we go swimming when we get back to the house?"

"Maybe. I have to do some homework, but I could swim for a little while."

"I really like this vacation," Colton said, turning to look at Lindsay. "Let's stay here for a long time."