See, told you I'd update more often during the summer! This chapter is longer than most, so enjoy!
If it takes me a while to update this one again, it'll probably be because I'm writing in my other Niff fanfic again, too, and I may be uploading another new one in the near future.
Senior year was finally here. All his life, Nick had longed for senior year to come and go, to get him out of the school system once and for all. But now, he was sad. Dalton Academy had changed his perspective of school. Before Dalton, he was constantly bullied and harassed and he'd wanted nothing more than to leave school and never return. The end couldn't have come quick enough back in his Middle School days.
But High School had been completely different, thanks to Dalton. No one bullied him here. In fact, violence was unheard of for most students. He'd made loads of friends.
180 days was all he had left of Dalton Academy.
Nick shook the thoughts away. He had all year still. He could reminisce when school was over. Right now, he still had 9 months of school to get through.
Nick got ready for school in his usual fashion; shower, uniform, breakfast, go. His parents had left for Breadstix by this point, and his mother had left a sticky note on the front door that read, "Have a fantastic day at school, Nick! We love you!"
He took the note as he headed out the door and stuck it in his pocket. He locked the door behind him and hopped off the porch and made his way through the backyard to Jeff's house. The blonde Warbler was making his way out the back door just as Nick reached the driveway. He had his Dalton blazer slung over his shoulder along with his messenger school bag and he carried a piece of toast in his mouth so as he could close the door behind him. His hair was still a little ruffled and his white dress shirt wasn't tucked in.
"You look like you woke up 10 minutes ago," Nick pointed out teasingly.
Jeff laughed sheepishly as he stepped off the back porch. "I think it was more like 5 minutes ago."
Nick rolled his eyes. "Want me to drive?" he offered.
"No, I'm good. I'll drive. I just slept in a little, it's not like I'm intoxicated or anything," Jeff said. He headed to the driver's side of his car and threw his bag inside so he could put on his blazer.
Nick didn't argue and got into the passenger seat. It took Jeff a little longer to finally get settled into the driver's side. "If we're late, I'm blaming you," Nick teased.
Jeff smiled half-heartedly at that as he started up the car. "I had a long night," he said vaguely. He immediately changed the subject before Nick could respond. "Tyler's leaving tomorrow. You know, back to college." He pulled the car out of the driveway and out onto the road.
Nick stared at Jeff for a moment, trying to decide if this was good news or not. His blonde-haired boyfriend tended to complain about his older brother more than anything else. "So you'll be getting your room all to yourself again," Nick remarked carefully.
"Yeah," Jeff said. "But I don't know. I think I was getting used to having Tyler around."
"Really?"
Jeff shrugged. "I guess," he said. "I think I might actually miss him when he leaves."
Nick smiled good-naturedly. "Wow. What happened while I was away in Italy?"
Jeff smiled in turn, but it didn't seem too sincere. Nick could sense that Jeff's mood this morning wasn't as bright as he was letting on. Was he really that sad to see Tyler leave again? He couldn't remember the two brothers being all that particularly close, but who knows. Maybe they'd bonded more this summer?
The drive to school was subdued for the most part. Nick had no trouble keeping up a conversation, but Jeff didn't seem very attentive or responsive. His excuse was that he was "still tired."
Nick was forced to accept this excuse since he had no other reason to believe anything different. Once they arrived at Dalton, they parted to their first class of the day. Unfortunately, their schedules were very different—the only time they'd see one another in a school day this year would be at Warblers practice and perhaps lunch.
Nick especially dreaded Calculus, which was his first class of the day. How he was expected to do this kind of math so early in the morning was beyond him. He'd struggled enough as it was with Pre-calculus, which was the math class he'd taken in junior year. Jeff, who was taking Advanced Placement (AP) Calculus this year, promised tutor Nick in it if he struggled, which was inevitable.
The day went by as the first day back to school normally went—rules, requirements, school supplies needed, and teacher's threatening failure if students neglected their homework.
The last period of the day was show choir, more commonly referred to as Warblers practice. Nick entered the choir room, but was stopped by Thad before he could find a seat.
"You sit at the council table now, Nick," Thad reminded him. He was sitting in the middle council chair where Wes once sat, and he motioned to a chair beside him.
"Oh, yeah." Nick changed direction and took his place at Thad's left. "I completely forgot, actually," he said with a small laugh.
Thad smiled. 'Yeah, I did the same thing last year when I first made the council," he said reminiscently.
The bell sounded. The room was filled with Warblers, new and old, all trying to find a seat somewhere in the room. As the sofas filled, some blazer-clad Warblers were forced to stand.
Nick glanced to the empty council chair. Where was Jeff? He usually wasn't late for a Warbler meeting. . .
Thad sighed and shook his head. "He just better be glad I'm not Wes. If David and I were ever late, he would have kicked us off the council with no regrets." He said it almost nostalgically.
Nick frowned. "He probably just got held up by a teacher or something," he decided. "I'm sure he'll be here in a moment."
As if on cue, in came Jeff, bursting into the room at a run. Once inside the room, he halted so suddenly that you'd think he'd run into an invisible wall. "Sorry I'm late," he said breathlessly to Thad. "I got my schedule mixed up."
Thad sighed but smiled kindly. "It's fine. It is the first day back to school, after all."
"Thank you," Jeff breathed thankfully. "It won't happen again."
In the few moments it had taken Jeff to arrive, the Warblers in the room had begun to speak to one another so the room was filled with the buzz of conversation. As Jeff took his place on Thad's right side, Thad picked up his new shiny gavel to call for order.
Almost immediately, the room fell silent. Thad cleared his throat. "I call this first meeting of the Warblers' council to order." He looked around the room. "It's good to see so many familiar faces returning here for this new school year. It's even better to see so many new faces. Welcome, all, to the Warblers."
The meeting went by with a lot of talking done by Thad. It was customary for the Head of Council to conduct each meeting, as Wes had done the year before. The first meeting was always the most important, and Nick had to admire Thad's newfound leadership abilities. Last year, Nick never would have guessed that Thad would make such a great speaker. Wes hadn't been wrong in electing Thad to take his place.
The first Warblers meeting of the year went without a hitch. Thad went over the rules and expectations all Warblers were to go by, and at the end, pet canaries were distributed to newcomers.
Nick remembered his own canary. As a new warbler, it was pretty much an unbroken law that you had to accept the bird. Unfortunately, Nick was not allowed to keep his own canary. He accepted his canary just to appease the council. After school, he was forced to return it to a local pet store.
Still, that was much better than what had happened to Jeff's canary. He left the cage too close to the ground one day and his dog, Zeus, had gotten to it. The poor yellow songbird was eaten whole.
Was it any wonder that Nick didn't like dogs?
After practice, Jeff and Nick met up in the hallway. "Nice going," Nick teased, "being late to the first meeting of the year. Lucky Wes isn't the head of the council anymore."
"True," Jeff said. "If it were up to Wes, tardiness would be punishable by death."
Nick laughed. "I don't know about that," he said fairly. "Now a few years in prison, maybe. . ."
Their playful conversation was cut short by another voice. "Hey, Jeff!"
Jeff and Nick turned simultaneously to see one of the newer Warblers. He was a tall brunette with a long face and handsome features carrying a canary cage.
"Sebastian!" Jeff greeted in surprise. "Er, I didn't know you went to Dalton."
"I can say the same thing about you," Sebastian said smoothly.
Nick frowned. "You two know each other?"
"Totally," Sebastian said. "We met at Scandals. Speaking of which, my good friend Jonah was sure you would call him, Jeff. Don't tell me you lost his number?"
Nick sent a scorching look at Jeff. When they talked about this, names and numbers surely weren't mentioned. . . The way Jeff spoke, Nick had assumed he had just seen an attractive guy in passing. He didn't even imagine they'd been on a first name basis, let alone exchanged numbers.
Jeff frowned uncomfortably, avoiding Nick's gaze. "Yes," he mumbled in response to Sebastian. "I lost it."
"Oh, well," Sebastian said. "Just give me your phone and I'll add his number to your contacts." He held out his hand to take Jeff's phone.
"I don't have a phone," Jeff said.
Sebastian dropped his hand. "No?" he said. "Well, then, just stay here for a moment and I'll go fetch some paper to write it down for you." He disappeared back into the classroom.
Nick crossed his arms. "So, this 'Jonah' gave you his number?"
Jeff grimaced. "I was only trying to be nice when he gave it to me," he explained. "I was never going to call him."
"Then you were just leading him on," Nick pointed out. "Which, in my opinion, isn't very 'nice.' You should have told him you weren't interested."
"I know." Jeff didn't even attempt to argue.
Nick frowned, this time out of concern. Jeff seemed so lifeless today. "Are you feeling alright?"
Jeff looked quickly at Nick with narrowed eyes as if the question was the most random thing he'd ever heard. "Of course," he answered. "Why wouldn't I be?"
Of course that would be his answer. Jeff never talked about his feelings. Nick just sighed. "If you need to talk about anything, I'm always here to listen, Jeff," Nick assured. There was no point trying to force Jeff to talk.
"I'm fine," Jeff insisted.
"Alright," Nick said, holding up his hands in defeat. "I believe you," he lied.
Sebastian came back out of the classroom, a folded sheet of paper held in his hand. "I'll make sure Jonah knows to expect a call from you soon," he said as he placed the paper in Jeff's hand. He walked off and waved goodbye to them coolly. "See you in Warbler practice tomorrow."
Jeff stared at the paper in his hand for a moment and then glanced at Nick. "What should I do?"
"Call him and make sure he knows you already have a boyfriend," Nick said matter-of-factly.
Jeff nodded and stuffed the paper in the pocket of his blazer.
. . .
Jeff's mother was working late again.
Not in the mood for homework or company, Jeff spent much of his time after school in his room with his dog, a chocolate lab named Zeus. They'd had him for seven years since he was just a puppy, and he'd taken an instant liking to Jeff. His mom used to joke that they were inseparable, but lately, Jeff hadn't been spending as much time with his dog as he would like to. There had been so much wrong with his life lately that he was starting to neglect Zeus.
Jeff promised to take the chocolate lab on a walk next chance he got. With the way Zeus wagged his tail in response, it was almost as though he'd understood.
It was nearly 9 pm when Jeff was alerted by a crash downstairs and the sound of the house alarm going off. Zeus scrambled down the stairs, howling furiously, ready to face the source of this racket. Jeff followed closely behind Zeus to the living room.
The window beside the door was smashed and Jeff's father was trying to crawl through the opening, arms flailing with a large bottle of some sort of alcohol clutched in one hand. When he spotted Jeff, he quit flailing. "Jsheff!" he slurred almost incoherently. "Open the goddamn door!"
Jeff almost wanted to push him back out the window and hope he didn't get back up, but settled for obediently opening the door. Zeus seemed rather confused and sat down by the staircase, realizing that there was no intruder.
Tyler came down the stairs as their father staggered in the doorway, halting at the last few steps. He exchanged a look with Jeff which very plainly said what they both were thinking: "Not again. . . "
Tyler went to assist their father. "Here, let me help." He reached for the beer bottle, but their father shoved him back with unnecessary roughness.
"I don't need no one'sh goddamn help," he muttered. He stumbled against the wall and took a swig from the bottle.
Tyler glanced at Jeff uncertainly.
"Dad, you're drunk," Jeff said.
"No I'm not."
"Yes, you are," Tyler insisted. "Give me the bottle."
"Don't you dare tell me what to do, boy," their father snarled at Tyler, who had reached out to take the bottle once more.
They watched soundlessly as their father staggered across the room to the kitchen. He anchored himself against the counter and took another swig from the bottle. "I ain't drunk," he repeated. "I would know it if I wush drunk."
Maybe he'd pass out and hit his head and never wake up?
Jeff shook away that awful thought. He couldn't wish such a thing on his own father. "Dad, maybe you should go lie down now," Jeff suggested.
"I'm not drunk!" his father retorted in a shout.
"I didn't say you were," Jeff assured.
"Don't patronize me, boy!" he shouted. "I lose my goddamn job, I'm allowed a few fucking beers, but I'm not drunk, you mark my words."
"You lost your job?" Jeff echoed.
""I just said that, are you fucking deaf?" his father snapped. "Now leave me the hell alone."
Jeff looked to Tyler anxiously. Could they really leave him alone in this state? Jeff didn't think he'd ever seen his dad so drunk. He turned back to his dad and stepped toward him cautiously. "Just give me the bottle," Jeff said carefully. "You've had enough."
"Get away from me!" his father snapped furiously, as if Jeff was contaminated with some horribly repulsive disease that he was afraid to catch. He shoved Jeff away so forcefully that he was thrown to the ground feet away. At once, Zeus sprang to Jeff's aid. Snarling, he lunged at Jeff's father and fastened his teeth into his leg. Their father howled in pain and, clutching the beer bottle by the neck, swung it down on the dog. It smashed into Zeus's head with a sickening crack. Zeus's shrill yelp of pain was cut short as he dropped to the ground like a deadweight.
"Zeus!" Jeff cried. The dog lay limply on the ground. Still, their father continued to thrust the bottle down on the already disabled canine, over and over in an almost mechanical motion, grunting each time he made contact. "Stop it! You're going to kill him! Please! STOP IT!" Jeff begged. He threw his hands over his face to shield his eyes from the horrific sight.
"Dad!" Tyler snapped. Jeff heard his brother's footsteps rush across the room and the sickening pounding sound ceased. Jeff snuck a look through his fingers to see Tyler had forced the bottle from their father's hands and was holding him away from Zeus's limp figure on the ground. "That's enough!" Jeff caught a glimpse of the bottle to see it was coated in a thin layer of blood.
Their father cursed under his breath and shoved passed Tyler without another word blundered down the hallway, either to his office or the bathroom.
Jeff couldn't bring himself to examine at the damage. "He's dead, isn't he?" he barely whispered to Tyler. He covered his eyes again just in case he accidentally looked. "How bad is it?" His voice was quavering almost to incoherence.
Tyler was silent for a very long minute. When he finally spoke, it was very close by. "I'm sorry, Jeff."
Jeff uncovered his eyes to see for himself, but Tyler was in the way, kneeling in front of Jeff. "It's bad, isn't it?" He tried to look around his brother, but Tyler made sure to keep his view blocked.
"You don't want to see that, Jeff," Tyler said softly. "I'm sorry," he repeated.
Jeff willed the tears to stay back. "I can handle it," he insisted.
"No, you can't," Tyler said bluntly. "Trust me."
Jeff almost protested again, but he couldn't get another word out even if he wanted to.
Zeus was dead.
He knew he wouldn't be able to hold back the tears for long, and he didn't want to break down in front of Tyler. Silently, he pulled himself to his feet and pushed open the front door.
"Jeff—?" Tyler called weakly after him, but he didn't follow his little brother out the door. How could he? He couldn't very well leave this mess in the kitchen for one of their innocent little sisters to see if they happened to wake up in need of a late night glass of water.
Jeff shut the door behind him and absentmindedly walked around the side of the house to the wooden back porch. There, he sat on the stairs and hunched over his knees and let the tears fall.
. . .
The telephone rang.
Nick quickly placed his toothbrush back on the sink counter and grabbed the hallway phone. The caller ID read Jeff's home telephone number. Nick pressed the 'talk' button and brought the phone to his ear.
"Hello"
"Is this Nick?"
Nick recognized Tyler's voice. "Tyler? Er, yes, this is Nick," he answered. "What's up? Is something wrong with Jeff?" he guessed. Why else would Tyler be calling him so late? Why else would Tyler be calling him at all?
"Sort of. I mean yes. Probably," Tyler answered, sounding flustered. "Something happened over here, and I think he might need some company, and wel you know me, I'm not the comforting type."
"What happened?" Nick asked, feeling a sense of dread.
The other line was silent for a long moment. "Something happened to Zeus," he answered at last. "Jeff's out on our back porch. You should talk to him or something. . ."
Nick subconsciously went to look out one of the back windows to Jeff's house. The back porch-light was off but he could just barely see a figure huddled on the stairs of the Griffin back porch. Nick could only assume it was Jeff. "Alright, I will," Nick answered Tyler on the other line. He hung up the phone and dashed downstairs to pull on a pair of sneakers. He went out the front door and jogged around the side of the house to the backyard.
Nick quietly approached the Griffin's back porch until it became obvious that the 'figure' was, indeed, Jeff. His upper body was folded over his knees, head bowed, and face buried in his arms. His shoulders quivered and he was sobbing softly, the sound muffled by his shirt sleeves.
It actually hurt to see Jeff like this.
Nick stopped at the foot of the porch stairs. "Jeff?" he said softly.
Jeff didn't look up but his shoulders went rigid.
"Are you okay?" Nick went on, placing himself beside Jeff on the stairs. "Tyler told me something happened to Zeus."
Jeff wiped the tears from his face vigorously with one sleeve and sat upright, but still avoided meeting Nick's eye. "He's dead," Jeff said quietly in a hoarse voice. He stared at the ground and swallowed hard. ". . . Hit by a car."
"I'm so sorry," Nick murmured. He couldn't help but think, with the way Tyler had worded it, something worse than that had happened. Not to say that Jeff losing his pet dog wasn't bad, but he'd gotten the impression that 'something happened to Zeus' was too vague to imply that he'd simply been hit by a car. It sounded like Tyler had been trying to hide the whole truth from Nick by being purposely elusive about the details.
The circumstances were beside the point right now, though. Jeff was upset, and that's all Nick should be focused on. He seemed to have forced himself to quit crying and was staring intently at the ground. "I'm here, Jeff," Nick said softly. "You don't have to act strong around me. I know you loved Zeus, you shouldn't bottle this up."
For a long moment, Jeff was silent and unmoving, as if he hadn't heard a word Nick had said. Then, without warning, he flung himself into Nick's arms and broke down sobbing. For a moment, Nick was stunned at this uncharacteristic act, but he quickly recovered and folded his arms around Jeff as soothingly close as possible. Jeff burrowed his face into the front of Nick's shirt, which muffled the sobs that shook his core but effectively soaked it in tears.
For a long time, no words were exchanged. Nick just held Jeff and let him cry it out all over the front of his shirt.
Not too long ago, the roles had been reversed. Jeff had been there to hold Nick while he cried once, when he needed it the most. Nick didn't imagine he'd ever be on the emotionally sound end of this sort of thing. Jeff never let go of his feelings like this.
Eventually, Jeff's uncontrollable sobbing died down to just sniffles.
"We had him for almost 8 years," Jeff murmured hoarsely after a long, dragging silence. "He was 16 weeks old when we adopted him."
Nick was absent-mindedly stroking Jeff's hair. "That's a long time," he said softly. "I'm sorry you had to lose him so suddenly."
Jeff was silent for nearly a minute before whispering, "It was all my fault."
Nick frowned. "No, I'm sure it wasn't," he said gently.
"Yes, it was."
"It was completely out of your control. You can't blame yourself."
Yet again, Jeff fell silent. Nick, still idly stroking Jeff's hair, listened to the sound of crickets chirping as the night grew darker and darker. Stars speckled the sky at this point and fireflies danced through the air. Nick wondered what time it was now.
Jeff suddenly pulled out of Nick's embrace and rubbed his eyes with one sleeve. "It's late," he said quickly. "We have school tomorrow. You should go home."
They stood up at the same time. "Are you going to be alright?" Nick asked anxiously.
Jeff simply nodded. "I'm sorry for keeping you up."
"Don't apologize," Nick told him. "I'll always be here when you need me, Jeff."
Jeff didn't look at him. "I'll see you at school tomorrow."
"Jeff," Nick said sharply. He waited until Jeff finally looked at him before continuing. "You know you can always talk to me, right? No matter what?"
"Yes, I know," Jeff said quietly.
"Whenever you need me and forever long you need me," Nick added sincerely. He pulled Jeff close for a new embrace. "I love you."
Jeff didn't struggle and instead drew his arms around Nick to return the hug. "I love you, too," he murmured. He pulled away just enough to look Nick in the eyes. "I'm sorry I'm so distant can't help it," he admitted. "It isn't that I don't trust you. I trust you more than anyone in the world. I just. . . I'm no good at talking about how I feel. It has nothing to do with you." There was a ghost of a smile on his face as he added, "This is hard enough for me as it is."
Nick managed a smile. "I know," he said. "I just can't help but worry about you. I need to know that you'll be alright. . ."
"I'll be okay," Jeff answered. "I promise. I'm not going to do anything drastic."
Nick was somewhat reassured by this response, yet still uneasy. "Alright," Nick sighed. "You'll come to me if things ever get that bad, though, won't you?" He knew firsthand what depression was like, and he also knew firsthand what it felt like to want to end it all. And while he was pretty certain Jeff would never kill himself over the death of his pet dog, Nick had a feeling there was something else going on with him, but he wasn't sure exactly what.
"Of course," Jeff said. "I would never leave you like that."
"Good."
"So, I'll see you tomorrow at school," Jeff said again. "I promise." He hugged Nick one last time before heading back inside through the backdoor. Nick didn't move from the porch until the door closed. With a heavy sigh, he headed back for home.
Remember to review!
Also, I apologize for the sadness and angst of this chapter. Hope I didn't overdo it!