A/N: Thank you for the reviews!

Chapter Fifty One

Helena spent the next fortnight at Westmoreland Castle. There was nowhere else for her to go - home was an impossibility while Sirius remained missing, and she didn't have friends anymore. There wasn't a need for the Order now, and Dumbledore was always away, refusing to answer any of her messages, refusing to acknowledge that the entire world had collapsed. McGonagall never asked her to leave, and Helena tried to be as useful as she could. The transfiguration mistresses was back at Hogwarts now, so Helena acted as a human message board for the various disparate members of the Order. Moody had a trail to follow regarding Dolohov. Remus had just abandoned a trail to try to find the remaining Marauders. Arthur Weasley was called as a witness at McNair's trial. She had no idea where Peter was, nor did she much care. Alice and Frank Longbottom came by when they could, with Helena sometimes babysitting Neville if they were both needed mopping up the scraps of Death Eaters. He reminded her painfully of Harry, even though the two boys looked so dissimilar.

Her anger with Sirius grew. Where was he? What did he think he was doing? Did he think his grief was more than hers? Merlin's beard she'd show him how raw and powerful her grief was! How dare he abandon her without a word, without a thought to Harry? If he'd been with her, perhaps they would have been able to persuade their case to Dumbledore, keep Harry and honour James and Lily! But no - Helena would likely never see her godson again, all because of Sirius' irresponsibility.

She drank Lily's potion that night.

When Helena suddenly found herself surrounded by Hagrid, Remus, McGonagall, Alice, Frank and Dumbledore, she sat down before her legs gave out. "They found him." She felt her head swim. "Is he dead?" she heard herself ask.

Hagrid let out a low, nasty laugh she'd never heard before. It didn't belong to him, and it sounded awful. "What?"

"He's not dead. Pete is."

"What?"

"Yeah. 'im, and thirteen other innocent buggers."

"What does that mean?" Everyone carried on staring; Hagrid carried on snarling at no one in the room. Finally she got it. "You're not suggesting Sirius-"

"He confessed, Helena. He didn't put up a fight, he just let them lead him away. Laughing."

She stood. "I have to see him."

"Too late," McGonagall said, shaking her head. "He's in Azkaban by now. And it looks… Well, you must know how it looks. How it is. He was the Secret-Keeper-"

"No. I don't know how, but- No! He wouldn't-"

"He has."

Helena went deaf to everything else that they might have said, or accused her husband of. It wasn't true, any of it. Finally, Remus broke in, tone shocked and beyond weary. "Slowly. What- What are they saying happened?"

"He betrayed them to Voldemort, obviously. He's responsible for Lily and James' death. Then Peter tracked him down-"

Helena snorted, to many glares from everyone else in the room.

"-and Sirius destroyed him. Blew up the street and killed thirteen muggles with him."

"No. No."

Remus put his hand on her shoulder and crouched down, looking her in the face. "Helena… If you're so convinced he didn't do it, then do you know something? Have you seen him, did he tell you anything—in a letter or face to face-"

She stared at him. It's all taken care of. It's all going to be alright.

Even while her brain was putting things together though, making the obvious connections and coming up with the screaming word of guilty, she couldn't believe it. It was like throwing herself into a brick wall; it wouldn't budge. He wasn't guilty. He was incapable of it. As physically incapable of it as she was believing he might have done it. If love was blind, then…Helena's eyes had been ripped out, and she didn't want them back.

She shook her head. "He didn't tell me anything."

"Then-"

"No."

"If you'd just listen to reason-"

"I don't want to."

"Helena-"

"No."

Silence. They all kept staring at her, and whether it was the pressure of their gazes or the incredible stress of the situation, she felt her head go, and started to fall backwards. It could only have been a few seconds before she came to again, hearing Alice speaking distantly.

"… overwhelmed."

"She's hardly the type to be easily overcome, Alice," was McGonagall's crisp reply. "Besides, she must have expected something like this. Helena," she said, seeing her awake.

Helena struggled to sit up, the expression on her face giving the professor her answer. "Sirius is not a Death Eater."

Everyone heaved a sigh. "I understand why it would be very hard to accept-"

"It's not hard at all, actually, you just have to believe me."

But none of the faces looking back at her did, and the ones not looking at her – Hagrid, Remus – looked stubborn all the same. "Alright, fine. I'll go to the Ministry myself and appeal. A trial would clear him instantly."

"How?" Frank asked simply. "There's no evidence."

"There is the evidence in all of your consciousnesses!" Helena yelled. "There is the evidence that he was absolutely devoted to Lily and James!"

They all looked away, sad and embarrassed like she couldn't accept a very simple truth. Furious, Helena got up, only to feel her head swim and nearly collapse again. Alice caught her. "Maybe we should get you to the hospital," she said.

"I'm fine."

"That's the second time you've fainted in two minutes, Helena, you can't be fine."

"Well I don't know, maybe it's something to do my husband being wrongly accused of murder!"

"It probably is, but if you're in shock-"

"Shock? Shock? I'm leaving," she decided. "If not one of you is going to see sense, I'm leaving."

Remus tried again. "Helena, you can't just leave without any idea of where you're going-"

"Oh, I know exactly where I'm going!"

"Alice is right, you can't faint twice in ten minutes and expect your friends to just-"

"I said I'm fine!"

The sharp edge in her voice seemed to be enough to at least a few of them to remember Lady V, and she suddenly had a clear path to the fireplace. She'd floo to the ministry immediately and demand to see her husband. There was a lot she didn't understand, a lot that had clearly happened in Sirius' world the time he'd been gone, and she would get the truth out of him if it killed her.

She had thrown the pinch of glittering floo into the fireplace when Dumbledore spoke. It was a simple spell, not one that would harm her, but one that changed her entire life anyway. Again.

"Verifica gestatio."

She stared at the golden glow which bloomed from her abdomen in total bewilderment. "That's not- I'm not-"

Alice took her arm and drew her back from the emerald flames. "Explains the fainting..." she murmured.

Helena looked at her blankly. "I'm not pregnant. I can't be. After we got married I was careful to keep casting the charm. I remembered because that's why Lil- That's how Harry was conceived."

"What about this month?" Alice asked.

"Of course I-" Shit. Had she though? Because Sirius was in hiding and there was no need to cast it - he could be gone weeks, months, and there was no way she'd be sleeping with anyone else... When he turned up she'd just been so happy to see him, so relieved he was safe it just had never occurred to her. "Merlin's beard."

"It's OK, Helena. It'll be OK," Alice soothed.

"How will it? No, really, how will it?"

"You're not alone, is what I mean."

Frank came forward, putting an arm around his wife's shoulders with an encouraging expression. "That's right. However you might feel-"

"Oh, would you just stop?" she demanded. "All of you, for God's sake! Just stop it!" When silence had fallen again, she continued in a voice much calmer than she felt. "Right, am I to understand that none of you admit the slightest possibility that Sirius is innocent?"

When the others gave her nothing but uncomfortable silence (and Dumbledore an implacable stare), she looked at Remus. Surely after everything the Marauders had been through together, after all the proofs and tests of their friendship, Moony would not turn his back on Padfoot. But he did. He shrugged and he spread his hands and he looked helpless and said, "I'm sorry, Helena, I just don't see how he can be."

"This is insane! Sirius is an innocent man, he can't be locked up for the rest of his life because of something he didn't do!" There was more silence, and she shook her head. "Except he isn't to you is he? He's a war criminal. Insane. You're all fucking insane."

"We're only looking at the evidence, Helena," McGonagall said sharply.

"Circumstantial evidence – not permissable under UK law, magical or not! There has to be another explanation, why am I the only person looking for it?! Forget this, I'm going to the Ministry!"

"And tell them what?" Remus asked.

"Well, oddly enough I thought I'd try the truth!"

"Helena, sit down."

The look she gave him was answer enough.

Alice's turn. "Look – everyone in the Auror Office was told Sirius was on a deep-cover mission for months when you were in Ireland. It wouldn't be the first time someone's been sucked in to the organisation they're investigating."

"But he wasn't on a bloody mission, he was trying to get the Death Eater out of me!"

"Being married to the Death Eater daughter of Voldemort himself isn't exactly going to make Sirius look less suspicious."

Helena let out a disbelieving noise. "You're not even not even trying …"

"We are trying to make you see the truth."

"Then stop it! I am going to the Ministry, I am going to see Sirius and not one of you is going to stop me. Unless you'd like to try?" she asked, when Remus looked like he was going to step in front of her. She didn't bother to hide the anger, the pain or the betrayal she felt. It all played out across her face. "Right then." So it was the two of them against the world. Not the first time.

"Helena, I would like a word," Dumbledore said softly. "Privately, if you don't mind."

"Fine," she said shortly. "But make it quick."

Surprisingly, he walked to the fireplace and put more floor in the fireplace. "Hogwarts. After you."

Frowning, she did as requested and stepped into the fireplace. She emerged a few seconds later in the headmaster's office, Dumbledore following a few seconds later. He took a seat behind his desk and gestured for her to sit down also. "I'm so sorry you've been placed in this situation, Helena."

"Oh please, Dumbledore, you didn't bring me here to commiserate with me," she snapped. "And I have a lot to do, so if you wouldn't mind getting to the point?"

"Very well – as you say, I'm not going to commiserate or condole with you. I am, however, going to attempt to speak for one in this room who cannot speak for itself."

It was obvious he meant the baby. "I- What?"

"The pregnancy alters the situation, Helena, you surely can see that. Getting Sirius released will be even harder now, perhaps by orders of magnitude."

"Why should this get in the way? I have the legal right to terminate this pregnancy if I choose to, Dumbledore. I'm young, we can have children together later in life."

"Do you intend to have an abortion?" Dumbledore asked, no judgement in his tone.

She believed she had the right to. That any woman did, as long as her conscience was easy with it. But she also knew her conscience wouldn't be easy. If this had been the result of a one night stand, if she and Padfoot were still invested in nothing more than friendship and sex … but things had moved on. They were married, and this child had been conceived out of love, if unintentionally. She couldn't destroy it. "No," she said finally.

"Then I'm afraid you cannot afford to draw attention to yourself."

"You don't mean- No, you can't."

"What can't I mean?"

"I am not abandoning Sirius, I am not leaving him to rot in Azkaban for a crime he didn't commit! Especially not since of the two of us, I am the one who-"

"Exactly," Dumbledore cut in quietly.

"What?"

"Barty Crouch is not a merciful man. And when he becomes Minister – which he almost certainly well – he will not be inclined to see the world in shades of grey. What do you imagine will happen, if you go to the Ministry now? You are already a person of interest, you must be aware of that."

"A person of interest to who, I don't-"

"Everyone. The Ministry, the remnants of the Death Eaters, Voldemort himself, possibly."

Helena's blood ran cold. "He's dead."

"Is he? Does it strike you as likely that something as simple as a killing curse could destroy him?"

"It has to have done!"

"Why?"

"Because-" Because if he wasn't dead, Lily and James had died for nothing. Because it he wasn't dead, Sirius was surrounded by Death Eaters. Because he wasn't dead, Helena suddenly had every reason to fear for her child and a few more. Because if he wasn't dead, fanatics like Bellatrix would find and restore him. Because if he wasn't dead, then they all were. "Then what are we doing, bothering to hunt down random Death Eaters instead of hunting Voldemort?"

"It would be like finding a sylvan in a forest, as you well know. Without greater intelligence we have no chance. We do have a chance of tracking down Voldemort's more dangerous followers and bringing them to justice. At the very least, we can drastically reduce his support base. What I am trying to do now, however, is convince you not to reduce the size of the force opposing him."

"By leaving Sirius in prison?" she asked sceptically.

"By preventing you from joining him."

"I'll offer myself in trade then, a fake Death Eater for a real one. And even if Sirius argues against it as much as I am doing now, no one can say I'm not guilty. At the very least, of being a Death Eater," she said, feeling the Dark Mark tingle for the first time since Voldemort's 'death'.

"And the child? When it's born under armed guard?"

"Sirius will be free to raise the baby."

"I see. Well, I will admit that is the best case scenario."

It wasn't hope that she felt. A lifetime in prison, a lifetime of never seeing her son or daughter wasn't something she looked forward to. But if Sirius were free, then at least it would be fair. But Dumbledore wasn't finished.

"It's not the most likely scenario though. As I said, Barty Crouch is not a man to view the world as anything other than black or white. And he will not accept that Sirius is innocent merely because you claim to be guilty. Instead he will lock you both up. The baby will be taken from you, to be raised in the care of strangers. Perhaps muggles, so he or she will be in ignorance until a letter from Hogwarts arrives through the post."

"Dumbledore-" she gasped out. If he didn't stop now, she was going to royally lose all her composure, and sob like a child.

"But if they were to discover the truth about you – if Bellatrix were to divulge your parentage, for example – then you child is no longer an unfortunate waif."

Listening, Helena could and did believe every word he said. She could practically see it too, see her baby being poked and prodded by cold-fingered clinicians, pulling him or her apart for study, seeking out shreds and signs of Voldemort. The tears had started rolling down her cheeks now. She didn't sob, but neither could she speak right away. When she finally did manage words, they were choked with emotion. "I can't, I can't do it, I can't ..."

"If I could alleviate this burden, I would," Dumbledore said, his tone now lapsing into compassion and sadness. "But it is a choice you have to make. And you must do it quickly."

"Quickly?"

"More and more Death Eaters are being captured every day. If one of them gives up your name then the decision is made for you."

"So, what, I have to disappear?"

His silence was all the assent that was given, or needed. It was not matched by any such calm in Helena. First was the storm of tears. Then came the shouting and the swearing and the general losing of her temper. She made no effort to rein in anything. Pregnant women were supposed to be irrational rage monsters weren't they? And rage was what she felt, black and poisonous. Impotent. She had power, she could go to Azkaban right now and bust Sirius out, she could kill anyone in her way ... and then probably get killed herself. Except if she did that, then it would in no way benefit Sirius and their unborn child would be gone too. So she lost her temper at Dumbledore because there was nothing else to do. He didn't even blink through most of the things she called him. Finally she ran out of words.

"Alright," she croaked. "I'll- I'll disappear."

"Do you have a plan?"

"Yes."

He didn't ask what the plan was. She didn't tell him.

Somewhere, in the midst of all the shouting and ranting and raving, she had come up with a plan. She had to get away. She had to leave everyone, everything, and go into hiding until she figured out a way to either clear Sirius' name or plan his escape. And she had to be where she could protect Harry. If Voldemort was alive, his offspring and grandchild would be rivals. Would be targets. But before Helena, before this tiny, unformed foetus, would be Harry. Would be this innocent, impossible toddler who'd dared not to simply die. Dumbedore had explained the magic that had saved Harry's life, but she still wasn't sure she understood it. It seemed to hang on Lily's sacrifice, and if that was true, well ... Lily wasn't around to die for him again. So someone had to be. And godmother wasn't mother, but right now she was the only thing close to a parent Harry had.

She used the fireplace to go back home. No, not home. Once there, she stood in the middle of her library and wondered just what the hell one was supposed to pack when one was running away from one's entire life. Clothes – but muggle ones. Her wand, naturally. Everything else ... everything else would have to lie in storage, or be sold when someone cared enough to declare her legally dead. Though that would be Lucius. Without Sirius he was her next of kin. And the thought of that slimy, slippery, should-be-dead bastard getting his hands on this beautiful house was enough to decide immediately she was going to burn it down. Even if not for Lucius, it was safest. Their most well-read books were things on animal transformation, on animagi and the like. It would only take a clever witch or wizard (though she was beginning to doubt there were such people at the Ministry) to spot the pattern, and maybe accuse Sirius of being an illegal animagus. And Helena really didn't want to give the Ministry any legitimate ammunition to fire at her husband. So, first things first.

She took her wand out. "Protego impervius," she muttered. She drew a shield around the outside perimeter of the house. She would burn it, every splendid Georgian square foot of it, but not at the expense of the innocent muggles who lived either side of her. This way, the fire would look suspicious, but at least no one would get hurt.

That done, she threw some things into a suitcase without really caring what they were, and floated it down to the library. It was as this process was finished that the front door opened. Not with a crash or splintering of wood, quite noiselessly. Which meant that friend, not foe, had entered. And she knew it was stupid, but she couldn't help squeezing her eyes shut and praying to hear the world 'Hellfire'.

"Helena?"

Moony. Not someone who could be forgiven for not being Sirius. Not someone who could be forgiven for anything, at the moment. She went to stand at the top of the stairs, looking down on him. "What do you want?"

"I want to talk you out of whatever suicidal plan you've concocted to get Sirius out."

"Well I haven't got one, so there you go. You can leave."

"Helena, you need to-"

"I don't want to hear it, Remus."

"You think I do? You think I want to see the evidence laid out in black and white?" When he got silence in reply, he took Helena's sudden stillness as permission to continue. "Helena, I don't know if he was under the Imperius Curse - at the moment it's the best we can hope for – but we have to face the fact that it is unlikely. And it ... it sort of makes sense that you couldn't see it, of all of us."

"What? Why, because I love him?"

"No, because of Lady V."

"What?"

"Well look at it logically. You tried so hard to avoid seeing darkness in your own nature that your brain had to create a completely new character – is it so surprising that you can't cope with the idea of Sirius' true nature?"

She was staring at him now, slowly shaking her head in utter amazement.

"And if that's the case, then-"

"So this is loyalty?" she asked. Her voice was low and trembling. "This is what your friendship is worth, in the end? This is what more than a decade of support and acceptance is worth to you? And the rest of us, this is what we get for pretending an animal has the same feelings as a man?" It was a sneeringly cruel thing to say, but right now she felt like being cruel.

It shut Remus up long enough for her to move. She turned and went back into the library, trying to decide which of her books were too precious to let burn. She picked the history of St Mungo's, which had been from Lily, and the map of Atlantis Sirius had given her. Maybe she would rebuild the city after all. Nothing else to do with her time now. She put both in the suitcase.

"Where- Where are you going?" Remus asked from behind her. He sounded on the verge of tears.

"Leaving. I have Harry to think of."

"But Dumbledore said-"

"Dumbledore said he had to live with Lily's sister, he didn't say anything about me watching over him from a distance. I'm his godmother. I have a duty."

"No one will think less of you," Remus said, to which the reply was silence. "Just making sure he's safe is enough. Especially with what's happened. Sirius is his godfather and it didn't stop him from-"

Suddenly Helena's wand was inches from his face. "Unless that sentence is going to end with 'protecting that boy with his life', I think you should get the fuck out of my house, Remus."

He didn't move, and kept his voice low and steady. "Helena, I understand why it's hard for you to accept, but all the evidence-"

"Do I honestly look like I care about the evidence?" she spat. "It's wrong, alright? He would never, he could never bring them to harm. Or Harry."

"But he did! Look, Helena, we were all fooled, okay? You, me, Dumbledore-"

"Stupify!"

Remus was blasted off his feet and into the wall, where he crumpled, unconscious, onto the floor. Helena did not spare him another glance as she stepped over him to get her trunk and apparated out.

The next week, a woman named Ellie Elms bought number sixteen Privet Drive.

A/N: I'm proud of this chapter. I hope you liked reading it. Review please!