Nick couldn't breathe. It was like a pair of invisible hands were clasped around his throat, choking him. He instinctively gasped for breathe, but somewhere in his mind he knew that he was only hyperventilating. He clutched at his chest and backed up into the stone wall of Dalton Academy, sliding down into a sitting position on the ground.

He tried to calm himself down, but his head was reeling. He felt like throwing up. The sobs tearing from his throat didn't make it any easier to breathe normally and tears streamed down his face, drenching his cheeks. He buried his face in his hands and tried to shut out the world around him.

This can't be happening. This can't be happening. God, please, this can't be happening…!

He never imagined Jeff would ever break up with him. He considered everything else. Everything else. But not this.

But why not? He was selfish, really, for hurting Jeff just to save himself. But even now, he couldn't imagine disobeying Sebastian. He couldn't let anyone know what was in his journal.

If he told Jeff about the blackmail, would he understand? Would Nick really rather keep the contents of his journal a secret and be without Jeff altogether? If he told Jeff about the blackmail, Sebastian might find out and spill everything to everyone. Nick didn't know if he could handle that.

Nick took deep breaths and closed his eyes, trying desperately to calm down before he let this panic attack take over completely. "You're okay," he told himself shakily. "You're okay… Breathe…" Maybe it wasn't over? Maybe Jeff didn't really mean it, maybe his anger had just gotten the better of him? It was a soothing thought. Jeff only needed to cool down, then they could work this through.

It was wishful thinking, but Nick had to think positively or the panic might overwhelm him. There was always a chance.

The door beside him opened and Thad stepped out.

"Nick?" Thad greeted with surprise. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Nick drew in a deep breath before speaking. "I'm fine." His voice came out nearly incoherent it was shaking so badly. He covered his eyes with the palms of his hands. "Panic attack," he explained simply.

"Did you talk to Jeff…?"

Nick nodded into his hands, his chest tightening as he fought back more sobs. "I think we broke up." His voice broke.

We can still work it out, he told himself mentally, willing himself not to breakdown in front of Thad. It's not over yet…

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Nick," Thad breathed regretfully. He knelt to the ground beside Nick and touched his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Nick shook his head honestly and wiped the tears from his face, but more tears quickly replaced them.

"I can give you a ride home," Thad offered sympathetically. He stood and offered out his hand, which Nick gratefully took. Thad helped him to his feet and brushed dirt from the shoulder of Nick's blazer thoughtfully. "My car is over here." He led Nick across the parking lot to a modest, blue, four-door car and he opened the passenger door for Nick. "Do you have all your things?"

Nick nodded. "Thanks," he said softly. He couldn't speak without fear of crumbling, but he didn't want to come off as rude or ungrateful. Clutching the strap of his satchel, he climbed in the passenger seat. He knew he probably wasn't in the best shape to be driving right now, and he was thankful for Thad's friendship.

Right now, he really needed it.

Thad dropped him off at home where he tried to pull himself together before his parents came home. He didn't want them worrying about him, and he didn't want to break the news of his and Jeff's breakup unless he knew it was really over. If worse came to worst, Nick might end up spilling everything about his journal, however unlikely it seemed right now.

He couldn't imagine life without Jeff. He'd been Nick's best friend since 6th grade. He was part of the reason Nick was even alive to this day. He was Nick's first true love. And for all of that to be thrown away because of some blackmail?

He would have gone over to Jeff's house to explain, or try to, or come up with an excuse, or beg for forgiveness—whichever happened first—but Jeff wasn't even home yet. His car had yet to pull into the Griffin driveway.

But what could he say to justify this? He put his own wellbeing before Jeff's. He'd been selfish. Did he really deserve Jeff?

...

Jeff stopped his car around the corner from his house. He couldn't go home right now—his father was always there.

Things never could seem to work out for him lately.

His emotions were at war. On the one hand, he was furious and upset. He never imagined Nick was capable of something like this. He never thought, of all people, his boyfriend and best friend would stab him in the back. On the other hand, he was already regretting their argument and thought, maybe somehow, he really didn't deserve to be on the council.

But couldn't Nick have warned him before dropping the bomb on him? Couldn't he have talked to Jeff about it? It came out of nowhere. And Nick had no excuses. He didn't even make one up, aside from he "wasn't thinking."

There had to be another reason. Nick had never done anything to hurt Jeff before. Their relationship had been nothing short of perfect until now.

And I just ended it.

He dropped his head against the steering wheel and closed his eyes tightly. Did he overreact? Did he let his anger get the better of him?

He couldn't forget the humiliation. Called out in front of everyone, labeled as incompetent…useless…And everyone seemed to agree, for there wasn't a single Warbler who wasn't in favor of removing Jeff from the council. Maybe he was disillusioned to think he had any talent in the first place. What other reason could there be for his own boyfriend to turn on him? Nick hadn't been able to come up with one.

But did that mean he deserved what had happened?

Part of him wished he hadn't broken up with Nick—he never would have done it if he hadn't let his anger get the best of him—but on the other hand, he felt wronged. How could he work things out with Nick if he couldn't even tell Jeff the truth?

Jeff wasn't sure exactly how long he sat there in his car, but the sun was lowering in the sky by the time he finally started the engine back up and drove the rest of the way home. He went straight for his room, ignoring his father who was passed out on the couch with empty beer cans littering the coffee table and floor around him.

In his room, Jeff couldn't seem to focus on his homework. He found himself constantly peeking out the back window at Nick's house, wishing more than anything to erase today from his memories.

The worst part about all of this was the fact that Jeff couldn't comfort himself by thinking about Nick. Every time something went wrong, he always knew he still had Nick and that Nick was always there for him. But now…now he had no comfort. Because now he didn't have Nick.

…
Saturday morning, Jeff didn't want to get out of bed. He stared at the ceiling for nearly an hour after waking up, contemplating rolling over and sleeping the day away. It'd be easier on his emotional health if he did.

Before he could decide, however, the home phone rang. Jeff was almost surprised it was still hooked up—his father had been neglecting the bills lately so the Griffin household no longer had cable or internet—and he heaved himself out of bed to go answer it. A tiny part of him prayed it was Nick, calling to explain everything. He pressed "talk" and brought the receiver to his ear. "Hello? Jeff speaking."

"Hey, bro! It's Tyler," his brother greeted on the other line.

"Hi, Tyler," Jeff greeted, trying to sound cheerful. He was a little disappointed it wasn't Nick, which made him feel guilty. "What's up?"

"Well, I don't have class tomorrow and I was wondering if it'd be cool if I came over tomorrow?" he asked.

"Absolutely!" Jeff agreed eagerly. Hanging out with Tyler may lift his mood a little. "I have no plans."

"Great!" Tyler said. "Maybe we could do dinner or something. Vivian is tagging along, so we should double date."

"Sure, that sounds great," Jeff answered without thinking about it. Just as the words left his mouth, he remembered that he was single. He didn't have a chance to say anything, though, before Tyler spoke again.

"Alright, so I'll see you sometime tomorrow! Now I've got to go. I have a paper to write. Seeya." And the line went dead.

Jeff sighed and hung up the phone. Well, now it looked like he was going to be Tyler and Vivian's third wheel again, unless he and Nick somehow miraculously made-up before dinner tomorrow, but it didn't seem likely in the least. Every other time he'd been a third wheel back when Nick was away in Italy, it'd been awkward and he felt like a burden.

But he wanted to see Tyler again, and it'd be nice to see Vivian again too…

He suddenly got an idea. He grabbed the phone receiver once again and brought it to his room. He grabbed his school bag and dug around inside until he found the small scrap of folded paper. He unfolded it and entered the number on it into his phone.

It rang three times before the other line picked up. "Hello? Jonah speaking."

"Hey, Jonah! It's Jeff," Jeff greeted cheerfully.

"Jeff?" he echoed with surprise. "The guy from Scandals? Damn, I didn't think you were ever going to call me…"

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that," Jeff mumbled. "Your number got too smudged on my hand to read," he lied. "Sebastian gave it to me again earlier this month, but I've been really busy with school and…other things."

"Nah, it's alright," Jonah assured. "It's understandable. I was afraid I wasn't ever going to hear from you again." He laughed lightly. "So, what goes on?"

"Not much. Hey, do you have any plans for tomorrow?" Jeff asked.

"Not that I know of," Jonah answered. "Why?"

"Well, I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me?" Jeff asked. He was surprised how easy this was, asking Jonah out. He thought he would feel a lot more nervous than he did.

"Sure!" Jonah agreed readily. "That sounds great. What time and where at?"

"I'm not sure yet," Jeff answered. "Er, is it alright that it's a double date with my brother and his girlfriend?"

"That's fine, it's no problem at all," Jonah assured.

"Cool," Jeff said. "We'll pick you up at around 6 or 7," Jeff told him. "Where do you live?" He grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and scribbled down the address Jonah gave him. He clicked the pen and said, "Great! I'll see you tomorrow."

"Alright, see you then."

Jeff ended the call and placed Jonah's address on his nightstand for safekeeping so he wouldn't lose it.

What was the harm in going on just one little date with Jonah? It wasn't like Jeff had any other option. He was single now, anyways. He wasn't doing anything wrong.

He told himself this, but he wasn't really convinced of it himself. He couldn't push away the guilt he felt, knowing he had just broken up with Nick yesterday and he was already dating someone else. Jeff wasn't looking to hurt Nick, but he knew it would be upsetting for him if he found out about this.

Maybe he didn't have to find out. Jeff was still hoping deep down for Nick to come up with a good excuse for why he did what he did. Jeff didn't care if it was true or even believable; he just wanted to know Nick cared enough to try to get him back, because now it was suddenly hard to tell if Nick cared about Jeff at all.

…

Tyler arrived home at a quarter before 6 with Vivian. They came inside and greeted Jeff casually.

"It's good to see you again, Jeff," Vivian greeted kindly. "How have you been lately?"

Jeff smiled in greeting. "I've been alright," he answered. It occurred to him that the last time he saw Vivian, she had passed out in his living room. She seemed a lot livelier today, however, and he guessed she must be doing better.

"Hey, Jeff!" Tyler cut in. "Ready to go? Where's Nick?" He glanced around as if expecting Nick to appear in the room.

Jeff frowned. "Erm… Nick won't be coming," Jeff said awkwardly. "He and I sort of…broke up."

"What?" Tyler look surprised. "How? When did this happen? Why didn't you tell me?"

"We had some relationship problems we couldn't work through," Jeff explained vaguely. "And I would have told you, but it happened not that long ago." As in three days ago.

"But you seemed so happy with him," Tyler pointed out.

Oh, I was. "Don't worry about it," Jeff said. "I still have a date for tonight. Do you mind stopping by his house so we can pick him up? I told him to expect us around 6."

"Another guy?" Tyler deduced. "Is it another Warbler?"

"No. It's that guy I told you about, who I met at Scandals over summer."

"He isn't the reason why you and Nick broke up, is he?" Tyler guessed thoughtlessly.

"Of course not!" Jeff snapped. "It was nothing like that. I didn't cheat on Nick. How could you even think that?"

Tyler held up his hands in submission. "Well, sorry. But you can't blame me for asking. You're not exactly being very generous with the details, and you did say you liked this guy back when you first met him…What's his name, anyways?"

"Jonah," Jeff answered. "He's a really nice guy. You'll give him a chance, won't you?"

Tyler said, "Sure. Why wouldn't I? I just didn't think you and Nick would break up so soon, or at all, really…"

Neither did I.

They got in the car. Tyler and Vivian sat in the front and Jeff took a back seat. He gave Tyler Jonah's address and his brother had no problems finding his way there. Jeff got out of the car and made his way up to the front porch to ring the doorbell. He was somewhat surprised at what a nice neighborhood this was. The houses were easily twice the size of his home.

Jonah answered the door. He was dressed in a white button-down with a black tie, purple cardigan, and dark skinny jeans. Jeff smiled at him and said, without even thinking about it, "You look fantastic."

Jonah grinned. "Thanks. You look pretty cute yourself," he returned the compliment bashfully.

"Do I?" He'd dressed simply in a light blue collared shirt and jeans. He breathed a small laugh and said, "Thanks. Are you ready to go?"

"Yep." Jonah stepped outside and closed his front door behind him.

Jeff led the way to Tyler's car and opened the back door for him courteously. "After you." He gestured inside the car.

Jonah smiled at him once again, appearing impressed. "I didn't know you were so gentlemanly."

Neither did I, Jeff thought. He was never like this on dates with Nick, now that he thought about it. Those dates were always so much more…casual, almost unromantic in a sense.

For a split moment, Jeff thought he should try being more romantic with Nick before he reminded himself that he wasn't with Nick anymore. If he was, then this date with Jonah would be a BIG no-no.

Jonah ducked into the car and scooted across the back seat so Jeff could get in. Jeff closed the back car door and buckled his seatbelt unconsciously before introducing everyone. "So, Jonah, that there is my brother, Tyler." Jeff pointed to Tyler. "And that's his girlfriend, Vivian. Vivian, Tyler, this is Jonah." He gestured to his left where Jonah was sitting.

Vivian twisted around in her seat to face Jonah with a welcoming grin. "It's nice to meet you, Jonah."

Jonah dipped his head gratefully. "Likewise," he said.

"So he's the dude you met in the bar?" Tyler guessed, peering at Jonah through the rearview mirror.

Jeff flushed. "Yes," he mumbled.

Vivian spoke before Tyler could go on. "So, where are we going to eat?"

There was a short discussion about where to eat: Breadstix was mentioned, but Jeff quickly shot down that idea. He would hate to accidentally run into Nick or his parents while on a date with another guy. It would be… potentially awkward. Instead, they settled on eating at a Chinese buffet, ironically named 'Chopstix.'

They arrived, were seated, and got their food. Jonah sat on the inside of the booth with Jeff beside him. Vivian sat across from Jeff and Tyler across from Jonah. Once they were seated Tyler cursed. "They only gave us chopsticks!" He picked up the long wooden sticks.

"Well, this place is named after them," Jeff pointed out teasingly.

"You don't know how to use them?" Vivian guessed.

Tyler shook his head and demonstrated for everyone: holding the two little sticks awkwardly, he attempted to pick up a dumpling, and somehow, it ended up getting flicked off his plate, and flew through the air onto the floor feet away.

Jeff had always relished the fact that something so simple tripped up his genius of a brother. It was one of the few things that Jeff could do that Tyler could not.

Vivian giggled and said, "Maybe I can teach you?" she suggested.

"Good luck with that," Jeff warned. "No one has ever had any luck." If something didn't come naturally for Tyler, it didn't come at all.

So while Vivian attempted to teach Tyler the art of chopstick use, Jonah and Jeff talked quietly to one another. Jeff learned a little more about Jonah: His only sibling was his sister, April, who was a lesbian—Jeff had met her at Scandals. Jonah wanted to become an interior designer. His birthday was days away, on September 4th. He'd gone to school in North Lima, and now he was a freshman-going-on-sophomore at Ohio State University.

This was where Tyler decided to check into the conversation, having failed all of Vivian's instructions on how to use his chopsticks. "Wait, so you're a college student?"

Jonah nodded brusquely. "Yep. I'm majoring in interior design, and minoring in theatre."

"How old are you?"

"Turning twenty on the fourth," Jonah answered.

"Twenty?" Tyler echoed. He sent a look at Jeff.

"It's only a two year age gap," Jeff pointed out. "Chill out."

"Two years plus a few months," Tyler argued. "It's illegal for you guys to 'do it!' And it will be for, like, another two months!"

"Tyler!" Jeff and Vivian snapped at once. Jeff could feel his face burning with embarrassment.

He seemed to realize his mistake at once. "Er…not saying that you would…just pointing the fact out…"

"Well, don't!" Jeff ordered. "This is the first time I've even seen him since Scandals."

Tyler looked like he was going to say something, but thankfully stopped himself. He turned his attention to his food and stabbed a piece of chicken with his chopsticks to eat it.

But as Jeff turned to Jonah to apologize for Tyler's behavior, Tyler spoke again. "So, been with many other guys, Jonah…?"

Jeff groaned and covered his eyes with the palms of his hands as if that would hide the embarrassment. Jonah laughed softly. "It's alright, Jeff," he assured to Jeff before answering Tyler's question. "I've only ever been in a semi-serious relationship with one other guy, but that didn't work out."

"And that's it?"

Vivian nudged Tyler. "Can I speak to you for a moment?" She stood from the booth and motioned for Tyler to follow her, which he did reluctantly.

Jeff mouthed "Thank you!" to her, which she acknowledged with a slight smile before she walked away with Tyler in tow. He turned to Jonah. "I am so sorry about him," he said quickly.

Jonah laughed and shrugged. "It's fine," he said. "He's your older brother. He's just being protective of you."

"Protective?" Tyler wasn't the protective type. "He's never given the third degree to anyone else I've ever dated…"

"And have you dated many other guys?" Jonah asked curiously.

"No," Jeff said. "I've only been with one other guy. But I dated a handful of girls from seventh to eleventh grade that Tyler had no problems with…"

"You're bisexual?" Jonah demanded suddenly in a severe tone.

Jeff frowned worriedly to himself. "That's not a problem, is it?"

"No, no, no," Jonah said quickly. "I have no problem with it. But does Sebastian know about it…? You two go to the same school."

Jeff was suddenly confused. "Er, I don't know. Maybe. It's not like it's a secret or anything. Why does it matter if Sebastian knows?"

"Sebastian has this weird thing against bisexuals," Jonah explained quietly. "He can't stand them, especially bisexual guys. He says they're greedy, sex-addicted—excuse my language—whores who'll hook up with anyone and anything. And he says these things loudly. If he knew you were bisexual, I guarantee he'd be doing everything he could to make your life a living hell."

"Er, well, he hasn't really done anything to me as far as I know," Jeff said. Besides, his life wasn't exactly a dream right now anyways. "In fact, he seems pretty friendly to me."

"Then maybe you're safe," Jonah said. "Try not to let it slip, if you can."

Easier said than done. All the Warblers knew he was bisexual. "Why does he think so badly about bisexuals?" Jeff asked. "As a bisexual person myself, I can testify that I am none of those things you said."

Jonah sighed. "Well, Sebastian was in a really serious relationship with a bisexual guy once. His name was Aaron, and I think Seb really loved him. It was his first—and so far, only—really serious relationship with anyone. They did everything together for almost two years. But…Aaron cheated on him with a girl, and then heartlessly dumped Sebastian weeks before their two-year anniversary over email because he got the girl he was seeing behind Seb's back pregnant."

"Ouch," Jeff winced sympathetically. "That sounds awful…" He was still torn up over his breakup with Nick, and they'd only been together for a few months. Imagine two years thrown away?

"I know," Jonah said. "Sebastian hasn't been the same since. He's untrusting of everyone, and he's more controlling. He keeps people at an arm's length, and he can be conniving if it means getting what he wants. He's not a bad person on the inside. He's just been hurt worse than most people can comprehend."

"And he's out to punish every other bisexual for what that Aaron guy did?" Jeff concluded.

"It's his strange way of coping," Jonah said in Sebastian's defense.

"It's just something I should keep in mind whenever I'm around him, I guess," Jeff shrugged. If he was ever around him again, since he'd quit the Warblers.

Tyler and Vivian returned shortly, and for the rest of the night, Tyler asked no more questions. The rest of the double date went smoothly for the most part. Jonah insisted he had a good time despite everything and said he'd call Jeff. Keeping up the gentlemanly act, Jeff walked Jonah to his front door and they hugged goodnight.

Tyler hit the road again once he dropped Jeff off at home. He had to be back on campus for class tomorrow, so he had no time to lose.

The house was quiet. His father was passed out on the sofa, as usual, having wasted away his Sunday drinking store-bought beer. Jeff took a few moments to clean up the empty cans that had accumulated all over the living room and kitchen for the past week before heading to bed.

I hope you all liked it! Review, please! Tell me what you think. Constructive criticism is always welcome!

School starts for me again in a few weeks, so my updates may become more spread out... :(