Self harm warning

Severus. You're such an amazing friend of mine and I really appreciate you as a person. Merry Christmas!

At this point, Severus was angry. If only Lily had been his friend- or girlfriend for that matter- he wouldn't have joined He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.

Holding out the ornament in the shape of a fox, Severus held it carefully in his potion-stained hands. Making potions these days was the only thing that would bring him solace. He had no job due to his reputation as a Death Eater and wanted some source of income. After all, when he was a student, it was well-known that he was one of the best Potioneers.

Holding out the fox, dangling limply on a string, he solemnly walked up to the fireplace and placed it gently on the mantle, next to a picture of his mother which was near a picture of Lily as a child. He had inherited the solemn Spinner's End home after his abusive father had passed away and he hadn't made any improvements. No stockings had ever been hung on the fireplace, no "Santa" had ever come. His father had never been home during Christmas, choosing to drink with friends instead. And his mother, with whatever money she could afford, would buy him a beautiful Christmas present every year. Yet she had to keep it secret from Tobias. He pretty much demanded that no Christmas would ever be celebrated in his house, at least that's what Severus could remember. In fact, the only things he ever heard about Christmas were in the schoolyard when the kids that came from richer families would talk about a strange man called Santa. When Severus asked his father about this, he had been beaten so badly that he could nearly see the bone through his shins. If someone looked close enough, they could still see the scars.

The ornament from Lily had been a surprise.

One day in the playground, a nine year-old Lily Evans handed Severus Snape a box, wrapped up in snowman wrapping paper with a red background. "Open it," She giggled, handing it to the small boy.

Severus took it in his hands delicately, and begun gently unwrapping the gift. It was nice. Usually around this time of year, his mother would give him a present and he'd savour it. Sometimes it would be a candy bar while other times it would be a pair of mittens. But it didn't matter, he always appreciated it. While he unwrapped it, he smiled at Lily, her green eyes lighting up.

When he finished, it revealed a fox with a string around it. At school, they sometimes talked about Christmas ornaments, but Severus tuned out, not wanting to get beaten for knowing about the sacred holiday. "What's this?" He asked

"A Christmas ornament, silly. I had a feeling that you would like this one. It reminded me of you."

When they had finished playing together for the day, Severus had taken extra care with the fox and made sure no one in his family had seen it. He hid it in a drawer, alone with his threadbare underwear.

Once again, tears begun to perk at the end of his eyelids, rolling down his cheeks. All Severus Snape seemed to do these days was cry. Cry, make potions, barely eat, and repeat. He grabbed the picture of Lily and clutched it in his hands while falling to his kneees. All the memories made everything hurt even more, knowing that with the good ones, there were a mix of bad ones that made Severus regret living.

Severus had no control over what he did next. He took the picture of Lily and threw it at the wall. The glass frame shattered into thousands of pieces, satisfying Severus.

Using his wand, he summoned over a bottle of Brandy, drinking a quarter of it in one sip. He loved the way it burned his throat and made him feel all warm inside. He stopped crying long enough to finish the rest of the bottle and smashed it against the wall, letting the glass shard of the bottle mix with the shards of the picture frame.

Drinking all that Brandy hadn't taken all of the pain away. Nor had shattering the picture. Both of them had relieved some pain, but not enough. There was a pain deep inside his bones, clawing on his insides and begging for a way out. He needed to release it somehow.

Taking one of the glass shards, Severus dug it deep into his left arm, where the dark mark had been. On this forearm, there were already a multitude of scars, caused by other sessions of the same activity. Ignoring those, Severus continued, digging the shards deeper and deeper into his arm, the pain simmering out of his skin. By the time he stopped, there were at least thirty new scars.

Yet the pain wasn't relieved. He stumbled around the wreckage and found the picture of Lily, seemingly unharmed. He prepared to rip it into half when he heard a whimpering outside his window.

Severus, quickly bandaging up his arm with his robe, ran outside the front door, straight into the daytime and found a red fox who appeared to have been shot by a muggle object multiple times. Her two hind legs also appeare to be broken. The animal looked up at him with hopeful eyes and Severus found himself unable to resist them. It looked too much like the ornament. Carefully picking up the creature, he took it into his house.

To be continued...

Hey everyone! I hope you had a great Christmas. I know this was uploaded on Boxing Day, but I was too tired to finish it yesterday. Please review and I hope you all enjoyed!