Hey guys! Sorry for the wait, if anyone is actually still with me. If you are, THANK YOU for your dedication to my fanfiction! I appreciate you all immensely!

I hope you enjoy this chapter! I've got a new fanfic in the works, and I'm working on updating my existing ones a little faster. Feel free to pester me about it on my twitter/tumblr if I take too long.

A few weeks dragged by and life went on despite everything. The Griffin household was dysfunctional, yet they were (just barely) getting by. Jeff's father wasn't even attempting to get a new job since he was fired from him last one for BEING DRUNK ON THE JOB.

And still, he swore he didn't have a drinking problem. No one dared question him, either, because he became violent when anyone tried to even imply that he was an alcoholic. Just the word "alcoholic" blew his lid off some days.

Needless to say, money was really tight. Jeff's mother was working overtime several days a week just to pay the electricity and phone bills and buy food for her children. The cable and internet was shut off weeks ago.

Jeff took up a part-time job at a local pizza place as a delivery boy. It didn't pay well, but it was enough that he could help around the house a little while also keeping himself busy after school. Some days, he even got to take home the occasional free pizza when it was made incorrectly and sent back by the customer. He fed his sisters once or twice a week, at least, and that meant a little less work on his poor mother.

She was so overwhelmed lately that Jeff worried she might end up working herself to death.

With everything else going on, Jeff's grades at Dalton began slipping. Normally, he maintained straight A's with an occasional B, but lately, he could hardly manage a C. His midterm came back with two A's—in Calculus and Statistical Analysis, of course—one C, three D's, and an F. Almost all of his teachers asked him if he was feeling alright, and his counselor suggested that he speak to her.

He did a very good job at pretending everything was fine.

Before when he struggled with something in school, he got help from Nick. In turn, he helped Nick with mathematics, something the brunette could never really fully grasp a lot of the time.

Jeff wondered if Nick was having trouble, too.

Next to everything else wrong in his life, Jeff's argument with Nick seemed ridiculous. He wanted more than anything to forget all about it and tell Nick that he'd been wrong and stupid and that his life was a living nightmare without him…but his stupid pride and overwhelming schedule got in the way.

And so he kept himself preoccupied. He spent his rare free time with Jonah either at Scandals, the Lima Bean, or at Jonah's apartment. He told himself that the college student made his life easier to deal with, which was mostly true, but he couldn't escape the thought that he just couldn't compare to Nick.

Tyler visited every other weekend, but he never stayed longer than a few hours. Jeff missed having his older brother around. He was stronger, like a rock to lean on when things got really bad. He was never afraid of their father even at his worst, and although it was childish to think, Jeff felt a little safer with him around.

And since he couldn't deal with his dog-murdering, homophobic, alcoholic, failure of a father alone, he ran away. Jeff spent as little time at home as possible, knowing he was neglecting his baby sisters in the act. But he wasn't as brave as Tyler. He couldn't protect them either way. Most of the time, he wasthe cause of his father's rage just by being around, so in a way, he was helping his entire family by staying away.

Some nights, he seriously considered leaving forever. What if he just packed up and ran away? He was eighteen now, so he had every legal right to do so. Maybe he could start a new and better life and leave this one behind him.

Jeff came home one night after working to a living room littered with an assortment of empty and half-empty beer cans and bottles. Since he had a lot of homework to do tonight, he decided to clean up a bit to make room for himself.

He threw away the last three cans in the kitchen and turned back to the living room to see his dad standing in the entry between the two rooms. He looked angry—but when didn't he?

Jeff backed away unconsciously with surprise. He had assumed his father was sleeping in his room by now, like he usually was.

"What do you think you're doing, boy?" he demanded.

"I was just cleaning up," Jeff explained quickly.

"You threw away all of my booze."

"No, I just threw away the empty cans."

"I wasn't done with some of them," he snapped.

"If they had anything left in them, I put them in the refrigerator," Jeff told him, for once grateful that he hadn't simply thrown them away. "The living room was just getting really cluttered, so—"

"Are you trying to say something about me?" his father barked suddenly. "I don't drink that much! You act like the whole room was covered in beer cans."

"I never said that," Jeff said quietly. He didn't dare raise his voice to his father.

"Sure as hell sounded like that was where you were going!" His voice rose to a raspy shout. "Don't lie to me, boy. I know exactly what you were thinking."

"I was only tidying up!" Jeff protested. "All I was thinking about was making space on the coffee table for my homework."

His father glared for a moment in silence. It was as if he was trying to think of something else to blame on Jeff. This time, though, there was absolutely nothing he could blame him for.

So, grumbling, he slouched over to the refrigerator and took out the two half-empty cans of alcohol and drained them both in a few moments. He belched loudly and tossed the cans in the garbage with the other twenty cans and he turned back to Jeff. "You just got off work, right? I need like forty dollars," he demanded suddenly. He held out a hand as if he expected Jeff to just fork over forty bucks.

"What? Why?" Jeff protested.

"I'm out of cash," he said simply, "and that was my last six-pack. I need to go buy more."

"My paycheck goes to the bank," Jeff told him.

"Then give me your card."

"No," Jeff objected. "I need that money so mom can get groceries tomorrow." I don't work all night just so I can waste it all on your alcohol addiction!

His father's eyes became stony. "Give me the goddamn card!" he snapped. "I won't say it again. I fed and clothed your greedy-ass for eighteen years. The least you owe me is a couple fucking dollars!"

Even with the sirens going off in his head, Jeff felt a wave of indignity come over him. "Why don't you get a job and waste your own money on twelve cases of beer?" He regretted voicing this aloud before the last word even left his mouth.

His father rushed at him suddenly and clasped sweaty fingers around his neck. Jeff staggered backwards until his back hit the wall. "Don't you dare speak to me in that tone of voice!" he spat uncomfortably close to Jeff's face. "You wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for me, you ungrateful bastard!"

Jeff closed his eyes tightly and tried to shrink away from his father, but because he was pressed up against the wall, it was physically impossible. He instinctively reached up to grab at his father's hands around his neck, just in case he decided to constrict those slimy fingers too tight. Jeff said nothing, but he was sure his father could hear his heart pounding against his chest.

"I'm ashamed to even call you my son," he muttered. "Faggots go to Hell."

His father, appearing suddenly drained of energy, let go. Just like that. He grabbed a can of beer—an unopened one—from the refrigerator and slouched out of the kitchen. Jeff was left pressed against the wall, bewildered and wide-eyed like an injured animal.

With homework out of the question, Jeff locked himself away in his own room, still shaking slightly. His father had gone out of his way to come up with the tiniest of excuses to punish him. Most times, he got angry for almost legitimate reasons. But now he was searching for excuses to be angry?

And Jeff was the target, as usual.

Without any forethought, Jeff went for his closet and pulled out an old suitcase…

…

Even as a high school senior, Nick still shied to his bedroom when there was a knock at the front door. His parents, by now, didn't expect their son to open the door to anyone unless it was a friend from school. And now that he and Jeff weren't exactly speaking, Nick didn't expect any company most days. So, naturally, when there was a knock at the door that evening after school, Nick retreated up the stairs immediately.

He lingered in the upstairs hallway, far enough away from the loft railing that no one could see him from downstairs. He heard the door open.

"Ellen?" he heard his mother's greeting. "What's the matter? Come inside, let's sit down."

Ellen? Ellen as in Ellen Griffin, Jeff's mother Ellen? What in the world could she be doing here? Nick approached the wooden railing that enclosed the loft and knelt down to try and listen. Individual words were impossible to pick up from here, but he could swear that Ellen was crying.

Oh, God. Nick bit his lip as if to bite back the panic that suddenly rose in his throat. What was wrong? Had something happened to Jeff? Why else would Ellen be here?

Nick nearly had a heart attack when his mother suddenly called his name. "Nick! Come here for a moment!"

Nick took a moment to catch his breath. "C-coming!" he called back weakly. He pulled himself to his feet and walked stiffly down the stairs, counting each individual step on the way.

In the dining room, his mother sat beside Ellen at the table with her hands on her shoulders comfortingly. Ellen was crying into a tissue quite hysterically and didn't seem to notice Nick when he stopped at the entrance to the dining room. "Yes, mom? You called for me?" he greeted warily. He didn't dare look at Ellen.

"We need to ask you if you know where Jeff is," his mother said seriously.

"He's missing?" For a moment, Nick was overwhelmed with relief. Jeff was only missing. Not…not something worse.

"He ran away!" Ellen cried. "I didn't even notice he was gone. Not until Lily brought me the note he left."

"Do you know where he went, Nick?" Nick's mother demanded. "Or where he may have gone?"

Nick shook his head. "No. I-I don't even know why he would run away in the first place," he said quickly. "We haven't spoken in days."

Ellen looked confused. "You haven't?"

"No. We broke up like a week ago," he told her. "Jeff didn't tell you?"

Nick's mother sent him a look of surprise. Oh, right. He hadn't told his own parents about the breakup either.

Ellen blinked and suddenly looked even more distraught. "I don't know," she whimpered. "I've been so busy lately…he might've told me. I don't remember."

"It wasn't that long ago," Nick said quickly. "It wasn't official until a few days ago."

"Nick didn't even tell me about it," his mother told Ellen. "You know how teenagers can be."

Who better to comfort a distraught parent than Nick's mother? She went through quite a bit of drama with her own son, from expensive therapy to depression to an almost-lethal suicide attempt.

"Can I see the letter?" Nick asked suddenly. He even took himself off-guard with the question. How insensitive could he get?

Ellen didn't seem fazed, however. Sniffling, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a creased and badly folded piece of notebook paper and handed it to Nick.

Ignoring the disapproving look from his mother, Nick unfolded the paper. There was no addressee; he just jumped right into the note:

I can't take it living here anymore. I cause nothing but trouble for everyone, so I'm leaving. Since I'm 18, just think of it like I'm moving out a little earlier than planned. Maybe once I'm gone, things can go back to normal at home. Maybe dad will stop drinking and get a job again. I know he's only like this because of me. So it'll be good for everyone when I'm gone.

I'm sorry for everything.

-Jeff

Nick felt a growing ache in his chest as he read the note. He had no idea that Jeff had felt this way… He had no idea his father had been drinking. Jeff had never told him.

But shouldn't he have known? Nick had ignored all of the signs. Had his father been abusing him, too?

Nick wanted to ask more questions, but he was afraid that Ellen wouldn't be able to handle it. She seemed so broken.

Quietly, he asked, "Do you think Tyler might know where he went…?"

"I called him first," Ellen whimpered. "He said Jeff hasn't called him in over a week. He's coming home to help find him."

Nick nodded, feeling almost numb. Why wasn't he freaking out or, at the very least, breaking down in tears like Ellen? Jeff was his best friend and the love of his life. And he was missing. Shouldn't he be having a panic attack right about now?

Once Ellen had calmed down, she and Nick's mother made a few phone calls. They couldn't report Jeff as missing since he was legally an adult, so they decided to report his car as stolen.

Nick wasn't sure that was fair, but Ellen was clearly desperate to get her son home soon. She called everyone Jeff knew using contact numbers on Nick's cell phone.

Not even Jeff's new "boyfriend," Jonah, knew where he was.

It wasn't too long before Tyler arrived. He caught himself up on the situation with his mother, appearing much calmer about the whole thing.

He didn't doubt that Jeff was okay. In fact, he didn't even seem upset about his disappearance, although he did promise to help look for him.

When Ellen sent Tyler home to check on Lily and Kandy, Nick followed him out the door.

"Aren't you worried about Jeff?" Nick asked him.

"Sure," Tyler answered. "But, if I'm going to be perfectly honest, I was more worried about him when he was still home."

Nick furrowed his eyebrows. "Why?" He hesitated, and added, "Is it because of your dad…?"

Tyler stopped and looked at Nick. "You know about that?" He sounded surprised. "Jeff said he wasn't going to tell anyone."

"It was in his letter," Nick told him. "It said something about him drinking a lot." Nick noticed the dark look in Tyler's eyes and said, "There's more to it, isn't there?"

Tyler sighed. "Yes. A lot more."

"Was he abusive towards Jeff?" Nick guessed warily.

Tyler nodded solemnly. "He wasn't nice to any of us, but he really took his anger out on Jeff. Jeff tried to cover it up and he made me swear not to tell anyone, too. But…do you remember when he broke his wrist?"

A feeling of dread came over Nick. "That was your dad…?"

"Yep," Tyler answered darkly. "He got pissed off and threw a dining room chair at him."

"What?" Nick gasped. "Why didn't he tell me?"

"He didn't want you to worry," Tyler said. "That's not the only thing he was covering up, either. Want to take any guesses?"

Nick felt sick to his stomach. "Zeus…?" he suggested.

"Exactly. Dad killed him in our kitchen, right in front of Jeff. He smashed his head in with a beer bottle—"

"I don't want to know the details!" Nick protested quickly. He already felt sick. If Tyler went on, he might puke on his shoes.

"Sorry," Tyler said. "I forgot that you were squeamish."

Nick said nothing and they walked on to the Griffin house in silence.

Kandy was sleeping when they checked on her, and Lily was exhausted enough that it didn't take too much coaxing to get her to bed. She was worried about "Jeffy" but Tyler managed to convince her that he was okay and would be home soon.

While they were here, Tyler took Nick through Jeff's room to look through his things. It was unlikely that there was anything left here to tell them where he'd gone, but it didn't hurt to look.

"Are you sure it's alright for me to be here?" Nick asked warily as Tyler shut the door to Jeff's bedroom.

"Jeff isn't exactly here to tell us otherwise," Tyler pointed out matter-of-factly.

"No, not that," Nick said. "I mean your dad… I'm going to assume he doesn't like me very much."

"He's not home," Tyler assured Nick. He began rummaging through the drawers of Jeff's dresser. "You should check the nightstand."

Nick sighed and moved across the room to where Jeff's bed was. It was unmade and the pillows were lying on the floor. Nick took his time picking them up; he wasn't comfortable going through Jeff's things. He didn't feel like he had the right.

When he picked up one of the pillows, a piece of paper slipped out of the pillowcase and fluttered to the floor.

Great. He was trying to avoid finding something.

Nick picked up the paper. It was a Dalton report card. The most recent once they'd gotten, it seemed. It was littered with D's and F's. The notes by his teachers were all the same: missing homework, skipping classes, poor performance, and failure to stay awake in class… Many of them seemed concerned and outlined dates for parent-teacher conferences.

He had no idea that Jeff was struggling this much. What kind of friend was he? Jeff always knew when something was wrong with Nick. And here Jeff had been suffering for weeks on end, and Nick had been blind to everything.

His tough act dissolved in an instant. He suddenly couldn't breathe or see straight. He collapsed to his knees, gasping for breath as he clutched to the nightstand with uncontrollably trembling fingers.

Well, here was that panic attack he'd been expecting.

Tyler seemed startled. "No, no, no, Nick, you can't fall apart in front of me!" he protested. "I can't handle these kinds of things!"

"I'm sorry," Nick blubbered. His throat felt like it was getting tighter with every breath and no oxygen was getting to his lungs. He felt like he was underwater and the surface was just out of reach. He wanted to cry for help, but he knew somewhere in his mind he wasn't really in danger.

He felt Tyler kneel down next to him. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

Didn't Tyler know he suffered from panic attacks? Nick tried to gather his voice back. "I'm okay," he wheezed. He pressed his forehead against his arm. "I'm okay." He was trying to tell himself as much as he was trying to tell Tyler.

"You sound like you can't breathe," Tyler pointed out. "You don't have asthma, do you?"

"No," Nick answered sharply. Desperation clouded his mind and he grabbed at his chest as if it might help him breathe. He could feel his heart pounding with his own hands.

He couldn't pull himself together. It was all his fault that Jeff was gone. If only he had noticed sooner! If only he hadn't been so selfish. If only he'd cared a little more. If only he hadn't been so wrapped up in himself.

He couldn't stop gasping for breath. He knew he was hyperventilating, but he still couldn't calm himself down enough to realize he wasn't dying of oxygen deprivation. The room spun around him even though he wasn't even standing. Everything seemed to be getting darker and darker and darker…and suddenly, the world went black.

Nick reopened his eyes what felt like only moments later. His heart was still pounding, but he could breathe again.

"Awake?" he heard Tyler's voice nearby.

Nick sat up with a soft groan. Tyler was sitting on his knees beside him. "I passed out?" he guessed. It wasn't the first time that had happened to him. It was just the first time it had happened in years, since he went to therapy and learned how to handle his panic attacks.

"Yeah," Tyler answered. "What the hell happened?"

"I have panic disorder," Nick told him weakly. "I thought you knew. Sorry if I freaked you out."

"Nah, its fine," Tyler assured. "I just had no idea what to do."

"Most people don't," Nick said. "I can usually handle them myself, anyways. They're not deadly for most people. They just feel like it."

"You came around pretty quick," Tyler told him. "I was afraid I was going to have to drag you home, but you were only unconscious for a minute or so."

"I've never been out for too long," Nick said. "Fainting is pretty much my body's final method of calming me down. It works better and faster than therapy." He looked at Tyler. "You seem really calm all of the sudden," he pointed out.

Tyler heaved a small sigh. "I deal better with someone fainting than I do with… consoling someone," he admitted.

"That's alright," Nick said. "If I couldn't handle it, I doubt someone else could help." The report card was a trigger, sure, but fainting over it? He felt ridiculous.

"I think you should go home and get some rest," Tyler said. "All of this might be a little too much for you right now…"

"No," Nick protested quickly. "I'm fine, honest. It used to happen to me all the time; it's not a big deal."

Tyler seemed uncertain. "Are you sure?"

"I'm positive," Nick said. "I want to help find Jeff." And I need to set things right!

Thanks for reading! Please review and tell me what you think!