This fic is also on my tumblr blog where my username is Kuno-chan and my blog name is Dragoness Ramblings.
Disclaimer: Legend of Korra belongs to Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko
You can run and you can hide from the entire world, but not yourself.
The Fall
Not for one second did Jinora believe what Meng Meng had been suggesting. Not for a moment did she have any doubt in her heart that she was Kai's one and only the same way he was for her. It was an earnest and sincere belief that held the same iron grip it always had. She had no doubt.
Then why did she just feel the need to ask?
It wasn't even that she needed him to confirm it, but rather... she wanted him to? The entire thing ate away at her all week. At first, her conscience screamed at her that it would have been a bad idea to bring it up in the least. Understanding her boyfriend was. Loving. Accepting, and everything else perfect under the sun. But even he wouldn't take that kind of question very lightly. They would definitely have to sit down and talk about it if she decided to say anything. With that, she refused to mention it.
For the first couple days that was her firm decision. As the days wore on, however, the thought ate at her and ate at her and continued to do so. Surely, we would understand. Surely, he would simply listen to her and, at the worst, maybe get irritated. She kept telling herself these things until that Sunday they were hanging out at his place while Mako and Bolin were at work and she just couldn't take it anymore.
They were sitting on the couch, watching television as he was busy sketching out something on his laptop. She looked over at his work.
He'll understand, she thought to herself. He always does.
"What are you drawing this time?" she asked.
"I'm fiddling around with these historical designs and this soldier is just getting away from me," he made a face at his computer screen, twirling his tablet pen in his hand.
"It looks great," she said honestly. He'd painted a soldier decked out in green and gold armor. Being the history buff she was, she could guess from the modesty, yet regalia that the soldier was a royal guard of the Earth King. "Royal guard?"
"Mm-hmm," he said, still looking at it and biting at his lip absently.
"Then I think it's really good seeing as I was able to guess what it was, don't you think?" she asked.
He turned to her with a smile. "It's a bit too feudal era Earth Kingdom for me. I think I need to make his design simpler if he's supposed to be guarding a King. He looks like a warlord."
"Maybe you should take a break from it then?"
"Mm... maybe," he said, pressing a few buttons on his keyboard and setting the laptop aside on the coffee table. "I think I will. Gives me time to just stop looking at it for a second. Besides, my eyes could use the break to be honest."
When he put it aside, she smiled and silently started moving herself on top of him, embedding her knees on the couch on either side of him. With her kneeling over him as he still sat there, she bent down to kiss him. He silently accepted, bringing his hands up to her waist.
They pulled back. He stared lovingly up at her, rubbing her up and down her sides. She brought her hands over his chest and shoulders, the look in his eyes almost making her shiver. Placing a hand on the side of his face, she leaned down for another sweet kiss.
He would definitely understand.
"You love me, don't you?" she breathed to him in between kisses.
That almost seemed to catch him off guard as he pulled back slightly. "Of course I do... why do you ask?"
"Nothing. Meng Meng was just saying some things to me earlier," she brought her forehead down to his. "And it just annoyed me."
"What type of things?" he asked, giving her another peck.
"Just things... about how she thinks you probably have someone else besides me running around with you," she said, trying to sound nonchalant and dismissive.
"Well, you don't honestly believe that do you?" he asked, his voice sounding a little clearer this time and not as breathless as before.
"Of course not," she said quietly, closing her eyes and letting out a shallow sigh of relief.
His hands on her froze and, for a moment, her heart did as well when he took his forehead away to get a good look at her.
"What?" she asked, looking down at him as something gripped the inside of her chest.
He blinked at her. Suddenly, he narrowed his eyes and whispered incredulously,"You do,"
"No, sweetheart, of course I don't. You know I don't," she shook her head fervently and tried to leaned down on him again.
He wouldn't reciprocate and, anxiously, she tried to bring his face to hers, but he turned away and put his hands on her hips to move her.
"Jinora, get off."
She slowly got off and sat looking at him, a tight knot quivering with a feeling she'd never known with him before: fear. It wasn't the fear of him hurting her. He'd never lay a hand on her. It was a fear that was reflected in the way he looked at her with anger, displeasure and, worst of all, disappointment.
"Kai... sweetheart, let me explain-"
"Explain what? The fact that you're asking me if I'm seeing someone else?" he asked her loudly. "Jinora, I cannot believe you'd even ask me that!"
"That's not it-"
"How can it not be it? You just came out and asked!"
"I didn't ask anything!" she cried, her eyes starting to sting a little. Everything she'd thought before... everything she'd rationalized was now in pieces.
"You were relieved, Jinora. I saw it on your face!"
"That doesn't mean anything!"
Why did she have to ask? If she could only turn time back a minut-
"Of course it means something! You wouldn't be relieved if you weren't thinking about it!"
Well, she couldn't deny that, but that didn't mean she actually thought that he'd been seeing someone else. On the other hand, she also really couldn't pinpoint why it had bothered her so much in the first place.
"Kai... t-that's not how it was... " she said, desperately trying to find the words, but they just weren't coming.
"Then how is it?" he demanded.
"I didn't mean it like that. I just..." she began, the words dying again in her throat and her voice starting to crack. Not knowing what else to say, she looked up at him in an almost pleading manner. She really hadn't meant to hurt him, but now that it'd come out of her mouth she knew that hadn't been the way to go about it at all.
He didn't say anything. What exactly had she expected him to say? This had gone entirely different than how she'd hoped it would and now she wasn't prepared for his reaction. They sat in silence, each one seemingly waiting for the other to say something. Anything.
Just as she felt ready to suffocate from the tension, Kai turned away and opened up his laptop again. "Just... forget it," he grunted.
"Kai..." she began, wanting to reach out for him.
He rebuffed her. "Let's just forget it, okay?"
She swallowed hard, reluctantly turning back to the television with a sick pit like feeling in her belly.
For a long time, they barely spoke to each other. She tried twice to bring up the subject again so they could get it out, but he refused to entertain the conversation both times.
After a third try, Kai snapped at her.
"Jinora, what do you want me to say? What is it that's going to please you right now?" he asked, aggravated and almost looking like he was ready to throw his laptop back onto the table.
"Anything!" she exclaimed. "Just- I don't know, say anything! I didn't mean it the way it came out! You know that!"
"I do know that what you did mean it wasn't that far off! I don't know what you expect me to say, but I just don't want to talk about this right now, okay? Can you just accept that for a minute?"
Her huffed and went back to his laptop. She frowned deeply. Why couldn't he just listen to her?
"Kai, you can't just ignore me!" she blurted. "We have to talk about this at least a little."
This time, he didn't even look at her or say anything.
Flustered, Jinora got louder. "Look, I know this is just how you handle things, but your issues can't get in the way every time we need to talk about something!"
That caught his attention.
That definitely caught his attention. He actually sat forward this time.
"I'm sorry, my what?"
He started at her, mouth agape, a mixture of disbelief and outrage on his face. She let out a little gasp, eyes wide, staring back at him and not even believing what she had said herself.
She gaped, unable to form any words at that point.
She saw his jaw tighten and could tell he was biting the inside of his cheek. He got up, placing his things on the table and walked past where she was sitting.
"Kai, I didn't- please... where are you going?" she pleaded weakly, scraping up a voice from somewhere in her throat.
"Out," he said, slamming the door in his wake.
When it was time for her to leave... she felt very cold. She didn't even wait for him to get back, figuring he probably wasn't really in the mood to see her.
If there was anything that broke her heart more it was the fact that she'd hurt him, but, for the time being, nothing she said was going to make him feel any better.
-:-:-:-
The next day showed no improvement. Kai and her spent the entire day not talking to each other. She tried to text him, but he never responded. Every time she approached him it was like he didn't know what he was supposed to be saying. Other times, it was like he found an excuse to talk to somebody else so he didn't have to talk to her. That night, when she called him like she always did, he obviously still didn't feel like talking. After three days of trying to initiate some contact, she stopped trying and chalked it up to him needing some space.
Perhaps that was what they both needed.
A break...
The idea of being on any sort of break with Kai was enough to drive her insane if she sat there and thought about it. He was hurt and she understood that. That was fair. She had approached that matter with a dialogue she really, really shouldn't have gone for, but... was it also fair that he was just avoiding her? They no longer even sat next to each other in class like they started to. He sat in his usual back corner and she went back to sitting near the front of the class like it used to be.
Jinora found that it was... rather lonely.
She tried to reason with herself that the heart couldn't grow fonder if there was no absence, but the truth was that it was only maddening. In one of her romantic novels or films some might have pegged her as being over dramatic or dependent, but it was so, so different when you were living it. Her boyfriend - the man that she considered her soul mate – wasn't talking to her and she couldn't help it if she felt ready to fall apart at the seams.
It didn't help that her family seemed to have caught on either. Her mother tried to coax it out of her, but in no way did Jinora want to talk about it. Even with her mother. Talking about it actually made it physical and not some floating limbo... thing that she and Kai were going through. Her siblings asked no questions. In fact, matters with Ikki hadn't changed at all and her issues with Kai now left her unequipped to even deal with that. Her father didn't say, well, anything. In fact, he seemed to try to act as if nothing was wrong. Part of her was grateful and another part of her wanted to be very angry with him. Was he being silent out of consideration and not trying to make things harder for once or was he being smug about her issues with Kai and trying to rub it in her face?
Between Kai's cold shoulder, her mother's worried looks, her father's irritatingly ambiguous demeanor, the work finally starting to pile up with all her honors classes and the approaching tutoring season that she would no doubt be asked to lend a hand for, Jinora finally felt herself become like an ostrich horse needing to stick it's head in the sand, but not having enough sand to do it right.
She tried to dive into her work, but staying up nearly all night studying wasn't allowing her to stay up long enough to finish her mountain of assignments. On top of that, she found herself skipping both breakfast as well as lunch just to catch up, relying on little snacks to keep her going.
She would get called down for dinner and something about her having eaten a big lunch would come out of her mouth.
She needed to study. Her mother just had to understand.
She had a big test Friday.
Dinner could wait...
Another cup of coffee would be enough...
-:-:-:-
Three days turned into seven.
Jinora didn't need sleep. She needed to finish her assignments and for Kumi and Meng Meng to stop talking to her about Kai.
"...Jinora... I just think you might want to talk to him is all..." said Kumi weakly. They sat in the local public library with all their textbooks and papers laid out on the table. She honestly preferred the school library since it was more familiar to her and now that she'd been spending her after school hours there, but it couldn't be helped that it was the weekend. Realizing Kai probably wouldn't be meeting her at the tree, Jinora hadn't even bothered showing up since Tuesday.
"He doesn't want to talk," she said simply, not looking up from her book.
"I know, but maybe if you tried-"
"I can't do anything here, Kumi. He doesn't want to talk to me right now. He's upset."
"Well, you're better off without him to be honest," chirped Meng Meng. "Especially if he's going to be a big baby about it."
Jinora scowled at Meng Meng. Why had she even given Kumi the okay to bring her along? Oh yeah, because she had some work to do and needed to go to the library anyway.
Bison Bull.
More like she had some gloating to do. Meng Meng was obviously having one of her "I'm so pleased with myself because I think I was right all along" moments and Jinora had half a mind to throw her textbook right at the girl's face. She wanted to spat at her and tell her that if it hadn't been for her and her stupid mouth then she and Kai would be just fine right now. But no, she couldn't just keep her nose out of business that wasn't hers and, of course, Jinora had been the bigger idiot for listening to her. Just thinking about it was starting to make her face heat up and it took all of her strength not to reach over and shake the girl right out of her-
"Stop it, Meng Meng. This is honestly your fault," scolded Kumi, snapping Jinora out of her unusually violent thoughts.
"My fault? You should be thanking me," sniffed Meng Meng. "Now, you know how he really is. Can you imagine if you'd been with him any longer-"
"We're not broken up," snapped Jinora, going back to her reading. The longer she looked at Meng Meng the stronger her urge to do something not very nice to the girl grew.
At least I don't think we are, she thought miserably.
"Well, if it goes on like this..."
Jinora looked up to Meng Meng sending her a smug, knowing look as the girl got up to leave the table. Before Jinora could say anything after her, Kumi intervened.
"I know you guys are in a tough spot right now," said Kumi quickly, trying to cut her way into the conversation. "But it's just... I'm kind of worried about you. You seem really, really stressed out and you haven't even been eating lunch. I only ever see you gnawing on those little granola bars like a rabbit or something. And you were falling asleep in class on Friday. I don't think I've ever seen you do that before... I know that you two had a bad fight, but that shouldn't stop you from taking care of yourself..."
Jinora sighed. "I'm fine, Kumi. Thanks, but I just really need to study."
"But studying won't help if you don't get any rest. Jinora, it's Sunday. You should be at home relaxing. Not here studying. I don't mind being out here with you, but I only came because you sounded like you really needed the company. I just think you should go home and get some sleep..." insisted Kumi.
"I'm fine with tea and coffee. Besides, I did sleep last night."
"You did? Are you sure? You really don't look like it."
She wasn't exactly lying. She did sleep.
An hour was enough.
With the coffee she'd be fine. Why sleep when she could getting through more work?
"Jinora, I know you're an overachiever. I mean, you've been as long as I've known you and probably have been your entire life, but I think you're pushing it too far this time. Maybe nobody else sees it, but I can... you really look like you're going to hurt yourself."
"Honestly, Kumi. I'm fine. I promise," said Jinora, forcing a smile. "It's just been a really hard week, but I'm totally okay. If I really wasn't okay do you think I'd even be here right now? My mom would have kept me home, don't you think?"
Not that she'd been trying to stay around her mom for more than a few minutes these past few days.
"I guess you're right... as long as you're sure..."
"I am. Really. I'm completely and totally fine."
-:-:-:-
"So, uh..."
Kai blinked, looking away from the television. Bolin was twisting his mouth and playing with his fingers somewhat nervously. Beside him, Mako had a hand on his hip. Kai frowned, knowing this particular scene well.
"What is it?" asked Kai slowly.
"Well, uh, we wanted to talk to you about something..." began Bolin, rubbing the back of his neck. Kai raised an eyebrow. Why was he so nervous?
"About what?"
"Well, you see- it's about- what I'm trying to get at is-"
Mako sighed. "Bolin."
"I'm sorry! This is kind of sensitive! Is it really our business?"
"Kai is our business. Of course it is."
"What is?" asked Kai, bewildered and almost frustrated. What was so sensitive at this point that they just couldn't come right out and say it?
Mako turned to Kai with a decisive fold of his arms. "Are you and Jinora fighting?"
For a split second, Kai froze, not having expected that. He turned back to the television. "We're fine."
"You sure, little bro?" asked Bolin tentatively.
"Yeah, I'm sure," said Kai pointedly. "Why are you asking?"
"You've been home hours early every day this week," said Mako. "Skulking around the house and just doing, well, nothing. We know you. If you're not at school or at work then you're usually with your girlfriend. Since we just found out a few weeks ago Jinora is that girlfriend I'm going to assume the problem is with her. Am I right?"
"We're just- we're-" sputtered Kai, irritated. "Look, don't worry about it, okay?"
"Kai..." said Mako, him and Bolin taking seats on the recliner and couch. "Come on. You can talk to us."
"Maybe I don't want to talk about it? If it's because I'm not doing anything at home I can ask Toza for more hours or something, alright?"
"You know I don't mind you being at home," said Mako, frowning. "But I've been to the grocery store three times this week. You being at home and being in a mood makes for a higher grocery bill than I'd like to be paying. I get that you like to cook when you're upset because it gets your mind off things, but if I see one more empty carton of eggs that I'd just put in there the morning before so help me Raava."
Kai looked away. "Sorry... I didn't realize I'd been doing so much of it."
"It's fine," Mako shook his head. "That's not the big deal."
"We're worried about you," said Bolin. "We just think you should talk about it. It's obviously really bothering you."
Kai pursed his lips. He wasn't sure he wanted to...
"Kai," said Mako gently. "Come on. It might help."
Kai sighed. He turned to face them. "Well... see, what happened was..."
He went into the story, telling them all about what happened between him and Jinora last Sunday. When he finished, Mako put a hand to his chin thoughtfully.
"So..." said Mako. "Have you guys tried to talk about it?
"Well, I haven't exactly been in the mood to. I'm not sure if she is either," shrugged Kai.
"Well, have you tried?"
"It's not something I really want to talk about to be honest," muttered Kai.
Mako frowned. "When's the last time you really talked to her? Like, in a real conversation."
"Sunday, I guess..."
Bolin furrowed his eyebrows. "Little bro, that was a week ago. Don't you think maybe you should go ahead and give it a shot now?"
"Bolin's right. That's kind of a long time for you not to be talking to her," said Mako. "She probably misses you. Maybe you two should sit down and have at it again."
"I just don't really want to talk about that with her, okay?"
"Sounds like you don't really want to talk about much of anything with her," replied Mako.
"I didn't say that."
"You didn't have to. You implied it. You said you haven't had a real conversation with her in seven days yet you see her every day at school. You've been home early every day this week, but I've barely seen you on your phone and you don't even get on your computer as much which is really weird for you. Sounds to me like you've been avoiding her."
Kai grunted, looking away. Damn Mako and monkeyfeathering annoying detective skills.
"Don't be like that, Kai," said Bolin. "It's just.. what you're doing isn't healthy. You two should talk about this. You're letting it drag-"
"We'll work it out, alright?" said Kai, moving to get up.
"C'mon, buddy... she's not exactly wrong is she?" asked Bolin.
"What do you mean?" asked Kai, narrowing his eyes.
"What Bolin is trying to say," said Mako "Is that Jinora is kind of right. You do, well, have some issues."
"Mako..."
"No, Bolin. We dance about this subject enough. He needs to hear it,"
"No, I don't. I'm going to bed."
Kai stood up.
"Sit down," ordered Mako.
Automatically, Kai froze. Slowly, reluctantly, he sat down, scowling at Mako. He refused to look either of them in the face.
"Kai... look. I'm not saying you're some nutcase, but this isn't the first time where you've gotten into an argument and you've just straight up ignored the person or shut them out."
"And what? That means I have issues?"
"For someone with your type of background, yes, it may very well mean that! In fact, I know it means that. You've done it with us."
"But those weren't big deals!" spat Kai. "I was, what? Maybe mad at you guys for a day? I got over it and we moved past it!"
"So, you're telling me that it's just completely normal for you to ignore your girlfriend for a week? You're girlfriend who you're supposedly so in love with? This girl who you seem to spend every waking minute of freedom with? All of a sudden, you just... bam," said Mako, making a gesture with his hand. "Stop talking to her for a week? That's normal?"
"Maybe for some people it is," said Kai stubbornly.
"Do you even hear yourself? You might as well put a sign over your neck that says 'I avoid people when they hurt me'."
"C'mon, Mako. That's enough," said Bolin. He turned to Kai. "But he's got a point, Kai. This isn't really all that normal. Not for you at least. It's just not healthy to shut out the people you love..."
Kai scowled at them both. "I am not going to be your one of your little cases. Don't treat me like one."
"We're not," insisted Mako. "But do you honestly believe that this is going to end well if you go on like this? That things are just going work themselves out?"
Kai said nothing.
Mako sighed and went on.
"Look... Bolin and I have tried for years to get you to go to someone and open up about... how things were for you before you came to us and about your mom," if Mako noticed Kai wincing he didn't say anything about it. "But you've always resisted us about it and I'm telling you as someone who really cares about what happens to you. I don't want to see you end up putting yourself in a hurtful situation."
Kai still remained silent.
"Here," began Mako. "Let me let you in on a little secret... I asked Korra the same thing a few years back."
Bolin and Kai both looked at Mako.
"You what?" asked Kai. "A-and she was just okay with it?"
"No," said Mako frankly. "She was pretty upset."
"Then you see where I'm coming from!"
"I do... but here's the difference," said Mako, pointing out a finger. "We talked about it. She heard me out. She listened to me and we were upset with each other for maybe an hour. Not seven days."
"But why..." Kai looked down, then back up at Mako. "...tell me something?"
"Sure, anything."
"Why did you ask her that?"
Mako half-smiled at him. "To be honest? I just wanted to hear her say it. It would have been like hearing Raava herself speak."
Kai looked down again, now slipping deep into thought.
"I know it seems like we're being on the offense here a little bit, but... we just want what's best for you," said Bolin gently. "All we're saying is that you should talk to her."
After sitting there for a moment, Kai sighed and got back up. "I'm tired... I'm going to go to bed, alright?"
Mako nodded. "Yeah, that's fine, but before you do that...?"
"Yeah?"
"You said those times back then when you argued with us weren't big deals. You were right. They weren't. But now let me ask you something," Mako stood up and walked towards Kai, arms spread out inquiringly. "How long are you going to wait until it does become a big deal?"
I really liked typing up that last scene. The story's 95% told through Jinora's point of view, but I wanted that one scene with Kai to show his relationship with Mako and Bolin and kind of to help highlight on Kai's faults. This chapter was a lot about Kai and Jinora's faults, namely Kai's. We've seen where Jinora falters in her need to people please and it gets more emphasis here, but this chapter also had a lot to do with shedding a good amount of light where Kai's not so perfect either and it took me a longer time, but I enjoyed writing it :)
On another note, if you're on tumblr, then head on over to the tumblr blogs kai-fong and gxntlewind! They're rp blogs run by me and a friend that are specifically made for the What's Done in the Dark au world and they're extensions of this fic. They'll have more stories that just won't fit into this fic and we'll be able to explore more things that, again, aren't going to fit into the fic here. You can even asks them questions via asks. Also, if you liked The Weekend, then you'll like these blogs because we also do (and have already done some) smut threads. With these blogs going I may or may not do a smut chapter in this fic anymore so that I can keep it at rated T and instead just rp the smut over at the rp blogs. Check them out!
As always, I appreciate those reviews guys as they really help keep me writing and keep the story going! Thank you for reading! Tune in for next chapter!