"Are you sure that you don't want to be roommates? I bet we could still get them to switch," Ty says as he and Eli pull into the parking lot of college. Ty's parents think that he chose to go to the college near their house so he could be close to his family and his extended family. Really, it was to stay near Eli.
Since they are just moving to Denver, an hour away, their parents aren't dropping them off, but coming later to help them settle in.
"I don't think you and I as roommates would end well," Eli says, blushing.
"Oh, I think it would end beautifully," Ty flirts. He's known Eli now for a number of months, and he's gotten bolder in his flirting.
Eli blushes. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure your beautiful ending and my bad one aren't too far apart."
Ty parks the car, and the two boys begin to unload their things, and take them to their perspective dorm rooms.
-0-
"Hey, I'm Ian," a kid extends his hand as soon as Ty enters the room. Ty can't exactly shake his hand until he puts down his boxes.
"Ty," he says, placing them on the bed without any bedding on it, and shaking the boy's hand.
"I'm here to study film."
Ty tries to smile like he thinks that's a real major, "Nanophysics."
"They paired me with a genius?" Ian says in shock.
"Not a genius," Ty says.
"Right, well, there is nothing wrong with being smart. Listen, I got this girl. So if I put a tie on the door, you know what that means?"
"Yeah, I'm cool," Ty assures him.
"Thank you," he says tapping him on the shoulder, "I'd be willing to give you the same chance if you've got a girl."
Just then Eli comes into the room, "Some of your hockey pucks got into my box."
"Or a boy," Ian continues.
Ty turns to him in surprise.
"I'm Ian, and you are…" Ian says to the new person in his room.
"Eli," he says, reluctant to put his hand out for a shake. So he just touches his glasses, even though they don't really need to get pushed up farther.
"I was just telling Ty that you're welcome here any time, and I can make myself scarce whenever necessary," Ian says.
Eli blushes, "I don't think this is going to be necessary."
"Ok, well, you can still come here, and hang out anytime," Ian says.
Eli nods, and heads out the room.
"You two dating?" Ian asks when the blusher is gone.
"Naw," Ty says, unpacking his box.
"'Cause I got a little vibe from the two of you. If I'm wrong, then, sorry. It's just that I have a brother who is gay."
Ty looks down, "Well, I haven't exactly come out to most people, but yeah. I hope you don't mind sharing a room with me."
"Not at all. So, you're telling me that Eli isn't? 'Cause, honestly, he gave me more a vibe than you did."
"He's trying not to be right now," Ty says.
"Oh, interesting choice," Ian says with eyebrows raised.
"Right, well, it's up to him."
"Look, if you're not seeing anyone, my brother is single."
"I'll think about it," Ty says.
One Month Later
Ty and Eli sit across from each other in the library. "I can't believe that you are taking a class on Islam. What would your church say?" Ty says, looking at the book that his friend is reading.
Eli cringes, "Well, considering the pancake breakfasts they served to give me a 'missionary scholarship' for me to major in religious studies and become pastor, they would be fine with it."
Ty goes back to his work.
"You're doing calculus again?" Eli says, obviously trying to read some of the work across the table and upside down.
"You know, this college does offer math classes. You could take one, and get your own textbook. It would be easier than upside-down calculus."
"I took more math in high school than is going to be required for my degree," Eli says.
Ty slides his chair over close to them, "You want to get a right-side-up look at it, at least?"
Eli smiles, "I should be studying my own classwork. I'm way behind on Plato."
"Plenty of time for that," Ty says.
Eli scoots his chair back, "Ty, I have something to tell you. I've joined an accountability group."
"Accounting? All they do is add and subtract, surely you can find someone who is doing harder math than that."
"Not accounting, accountability. It's a group of people who helps you be pure, thoughts and all."
"Right," Ty says working his jaw.
"I've wanted to do it for a while, but I didn't want to do it until I had some distance from my parents. This is a group specifically for those who struggle with homosexual thoughts."
"So, you're trying to pray yourself straight?"
"I wouldn't phrase it that way."
"This goes way beyond choosing not to act on your feelings, doesn't it?"
"I don't want to think these thoughts anymore. I don't want to feel them," Eli admits.
"So, are you telling me that we can't be friends anymore?" Ty asks raising his eyebrows.
"No, we can, we're just going to have to be really careful about… being close to one another, the flirting."
"Right," Ty says, moving his chair over to the other side of the table.
"I'm sorry," Eli says.
"Hey, you're allowed to do whatever you think is best."
-0-
When Ty returns to his dorm room that night, he says, "Your brother still available, Ian?"
"He sure is, man."
"I'd like to set something up with him."
"Will do, Ty."
One Week Later
Ty never would have planned the phone call for a time when Eli was in the room. He knows that it would hurt him, and he loves Eli, even if he's given up any hope of a happily ever after with the man.
Yet, fate would happen that the phone call comes in when Eli and he are studying in Eli's room.
"Hi, yeah, this is Ty," Ty says, turning away from Eli guiltily.
Ty listens for a while before giggling. It's a giggle that Eli has only heard a few times, usually after Ty has flirted with Eli.
"Friday night? Yeah, that sounds great. Where do you want me to meet you? You're going to pick me up? Yeah, that will work. Ok, see you then."
Ty clicks the phone shut, and sits for a moment in silence before turning toward his Eli once again.
"That sounded like you were setting up a date," Eli points out.
"Well, that is probably because I was. You might have decided to spend your life in celibacy. It's just not something we're all prepared to do."
"So you're dating now?" Eli says with a look of pain so pronounced that Ty can't help but look away from it.
"I'm not trying to do this to hurt you. If there was any way the two of us could be together, I would take it. That's not an option. So I'm moving on, Eli. I'm not going to feel bad about it."
"I wasn't asking you to feel bad about it."
"I want to date, Eli. I want to have a first kiss. I want to get married, and have sex, and have babies. I just want an ordinary life. The sort of life that billions of people enjoy."
"We're not normal Ty. We can't do those things."
"Sure we can."
"Marriage isn't legal for gay people," Eli points out.
"Well, not now, but even if the government doesn't marry you, there are a whole bunch of other ways to consider yourself married."
"Well, gay guys certainly can't have kids, and there is no way that you could argue with that."
"Well, having biological kids would be problematic, but that isn't the only way to have kids."
"So this is it; either I have a relationship with you, or you are going to be with someone else?" Eli says.
"This is not a threat, Eli, this is life. You chose celibacy. Great. I'm not choosing it," Ty says, trying to keep his voice even, and not let his annoyance get into it.
"Yeah, you can do whatever you like," Eli says.
"We can still be friends, right?" Ty asks, feeling as if his heart is going to break if Eli were to say no.
"Yeah, we can still be friends," Eli says as the pair of them turn back to the homework in front of them. Ty can feel that the climate of the room has completely changed, and it is chilly now.
The Next Friday
Chandler, Ian's brother, is a bit older than Ty pictured him. He's already finished college, and is working in some business job that Ty is not interested enough in to get more specifics on. When the two of them first sit down to dinner, the idea of dating is so thrilling and new that Ty is more than entertained. Bring here in public with a man, he was out in a way he'd never been before, and that was exciting.
When the butterflies in his belly begin to wear off, he starts to focus on what Chandler is actually saying. Suddenly, the whole concept of dating becomes a whole lot less interesting to Ty.
When Chandler suggests dessert, Ty makes up an early class the next morning. Chandler knows full well what he is doing, and doesn't make a single protest. He walks Ty to the door of his dorm hall like a gentleman.
Ty is pretty sure that Chandler is open to walking him all the way to the door of his dorm, and would also be open to a goodnight kiss. Ty doesn't want either of those to happen. He gives Chandler a goodnight handshake, which is even more awkward in practice than it was in his head. Then he turns and flees into his room.
When he gets off the elevator at his floor he is greeted by the sight of a distressed Eli leaning against his door. "I'm gay," Eli says.
One or two people in the hallway stop and stare. This is the first time that Eli has ever said these words old loud.
Ty blinks, "Ok," he says softly.
"Where is your date?" Eli asks, looking around, confused.
"The date is over," Ty says, coming close to his own door. Now he feels like he is towering over his friend, and he slips onto the floor.
"Did you kiss him?"
"No," Ty says firmly.
"You should go kiss him," Eli says.
"I didn't really want to kiss him."
"You wanted a kiss, you have to go get a kiss."
"Eli, you are not listening, I don't want to kiss Chandler."
"I'm not ready to kiss you yet. It's going to be a while," Eli says.
Ty smiles, "I didn't say that I needed to kiss someone tonight. I just want to kiss someone at some point before I die. I can be patient."
"I don't want you to have to wait," Eli says.
"Well, I don't want you to have to deny who you are," Ty says.
"I'm not denying who I am anymore. I said it out loud, I said that I was gay."
Ty looks away with tiny tears squeezing out of the corners of his eyes, "I think maybe you are still denying a part of who you are, it's just a different part than it used to be. I don't want you to have to choose between me and your religion."
"I'm not," Eli says.
Ty looks at him with a question on his face for a long moment.
"I don't know… I haven't got it all figured out again," Eli begins, "But I'm getting more and more sure that God wouldn't ask me to do what they do at those meetings. The God they talk about? He's not the God I know. He's not the God in the Bible."
Ty nods his head.
"God is love, you know. Not the denial of love. I'm just beginning to figure all of this out."
"I'll give you time to figure it out. We don't have to rush this."
Eli reaches over, and touches Ty's hand lightly. Ty grabs it firmly, but gently.
"Eli Swift, would you be my boyfriend?"
"Yeah, I will."