"Hey mama, Mac and Jo is here," Colton reported, looking out the window. "They brunged presents! Can I open the door?"
"Yeah, go ahead," Lindsay chuckled, still trying to find a comfortable position on the couch. It wasn't so much that she preferred the hospital bed as it was her body had gotten used to it. Averylin snuffled and squawked at the movement, unhappy about being disturbed while she slept. They'd discovered that she had a slight attitude and was very cuddly but could not stand to be bothered when she slept. She was a good sleeper though, a solid four hours at a time at night. She was still having eating issues and being born at only five pounds meant that it was imperative for her to start gaining weight. Lindsay wasn't too worried, certain that as they got a routine down, Averylin would start eating better.
"Hi guys!" Colton greeted, holding the door open. "Come in and see my sister Avery."
They stepped through the door, each of them holding two gift bags, which Colton couldn't help but try and peek into.
"Come see Avery," he repeated, tugging on Jo's hand. "Come see how pretty she is."
Jo chuckled and let him pull her over to the couch while Mac hung their coats by the door.
"Are you going to hold her?"
"Well we decided that Mac would hold her first because if I held her first he would never get a turn."
Colton nodded as Mac came over and Lindsay handed Avery to him. He held her carefully, this whole infant thing being rather old hat now, but still special to him every time. Avery whimpered and fussed and he bounced her gently.
"Shh, none of that, little girl," he said quietly. She fought sleep and wakefulness at the same time, staring her blue eyes straight into his and falling silent. They kept the eye contact for a while before she sneezed and lost her focus.
"You're the prettiest thing I ever done laid eyes on," Jo said softly, holding onto Mac's arm and standing on her tiptoes to see the baby. "Yes, in all my born days darlin' girl."
Mac chuckled and exchanged a look with Lindsay who just grinned back at him while Adam came down the stairs.
"I thought someone was here," he said, closing the door that Colton had left open.
"Hey," Jo greeted, hugging him tightly. "Has it hit you yet that you have a daughter?"
"Yeah, but I think it will hit me harder in about thirteen years."
She chuckled and moved to the couch to sit next to Lindsay.
"How are you doing, mama?" she asked softly.
"I'm okay. Tired and overwhelmed and sore and a few other things that I can't put into words, but I'm happy too."
"You look it," Jo agreed, pulling her friend into a hug. They stayed that way for a minute, Lindsay needing to feel like a daughter, even for a second to feel like she had a mother taking care of her.
"You boys feel like opening some birthday presents?" Mac asked, nodding to the presents they'd brought.
"Yeah! Are those really for us?" Colton asked, surprised.
"Sure are. That blue bag is for Ben and the red one is for you."
"Red for Cole," Ben repeated. "Blue for Ben."
They each grabbed a bag and opened them Colton whooping excitedly at what he found.
"Wow, army guys!" he said, holding up the G.I. Joes. "I don't got any of these! Neato! Thanks Mac! Thanks Jo! Daddy can you open them for me?"
"Are you sure you don't want them to be collector's items?"
"Nope, I wanna play with them."
"Okay, I can open them. Ben, what did you get?"
Ben held up his new copy of The Very Hungry Caterpillar and inspected it carefully.
"Ben don't read," he started, flipping through the pages. "Ben like pictures."
"Maybe you could get Mac to read that to you," Jo suggested with a wink.
"Mac read for Ben?"
"Yeah, I can do that," Mac chuckled, handing Avery to Jo and sitting down in the chair. Ben climbed into his lap and opened the book, pointing at the first page.
"Go."
Mac began to read while Adam and Colton inspected the action figures, checking out the moving and removable parts.
"I knew you needed a girl," Jo said, stroking the baby's cheeks. "She's just so tiny, she looks like a doll."
"I know, she really does. I'm afraid to change her clothes or her diaper because I'm afraid of hurting her."
"She's probably pretty tough. Although look how small her fingers are."
"I know. I don't think she's going to be able to braid rawhides."
"Probably not. She's going to be your wild flower pickin' daisy chain makin' horseback ridin' girly girl."
"I hope so."
"She's so pretty. She's cute too, but she's just really, really pretty."
"I completely agree," Lindsay said, reaching over to take Avery's hand. "Isn't she just so…"
"Yeah, she is."
"Don't you just feel better when you hold her?"
Jo just smiled at how smitten Lindsay was with her daughter.
"That pink bag has a little something for her," she said, motioning to it. Lindsay picked up the bag and found a baby sized jean jacked and a pair of pink cowboy boots.
"Oh my word, I want to put her in them now," Lindsay said with a sigh. "My mom has a huge box of all my baby clothes that she's sending. Poor girl's gonna look like she up and joined the rodeo straight from the womb."
"Then everyone will know she's your daughter."
"I hope so."
"Hey there little girl," Adam said in a hushed tone as he bounce-walked Avery across the bedroom. "It's time for sleep. Mama fed you and you're nice and warm and it's so quiet in here."
"Except for your incessant prattling," Lindsay teased. He shot her a look, then continued begging his daughter to go to sleep.
"See here's the thing, you need to stop crying and fall asleep so mama can fall asleep and not just suddenly tip over out of exhaustion. And that would be bad because I'm pretty tired too and I might fall asleep too and then who is going to hold you and bounce you and cater to your every want and desire?"
Avery continued crying, almost as if to tell him that she remained unconvinced.
"Here, let me try," Lindsay said, standing up and taking the baby into her arms.
"Did the boys do this?"
"No, they didn't. Maybe I should try feeding her again. She doesn't ever eat much, maybe she's just hungry."
"Do you want to try formula? We have some downstairs."
"I really don't," she sighed, sitting down on the bed. "I really, really don't."
"Linds…"
"I know, I just want to try this a little longer."
"If you're stressed out it's not going to be good for either of you."
"Thank you Dr. Oz."
"Don't get snippy with me, I'm telling you the truth."
"I know. I'm sorry," she said, swaddling Avery a little tighter in the flannel blanket. "I just feel like I have to keep trying just in case."
"I get it. But in the end you have to do what's best for her, not what makes you the most comfortable."
She was quiet and he walked over, kissing her forehead.
"I'm going to make sure the boys are still asleep."
He walked quietly out of the room and Lindsay looked down at Avery, sighing.
"Can you try to eat again, sweetie? Please?"
The crying continued, and Lindsay shushed her, holding her upright and patting her back, hoping it was just air.
"Shh, it's okay. You're just fine. You are so tired, baby, you need to go to sleep. Daddy and mama need sleep too because we're both so cranky. Like that fight we got in earlier was because we were tired, not because I was really mad at him. Do you think you can let me sleep, baby? Please, just for a few hours?"
The crying lessened at her voice, so she stood up and paced around the room, talking about whatever she could think of.
"You were born into a kind of different family, honey. Your grandparents all live pretty far away, so we don't see them very often. I'm sorry for that sweetie. I wish they all lived closer. We have a pretty good family here though. There's always going to be someone there for you, when you don't know you need them and even when you don't think you do. You have so many people that love you so much. You have Austin and Danny who love you so much and you're not even their kid. Mac and Jo and Jess and Flack will always be around for whatever you need. And me and daddy… we love you so much I can barely even talk about it. I hope that you always know that and you always feel that too. Even when you get older and we fight, because Lord knows that's going to happen. But no matter what I will always love you."
Avery hiccupped and Lindsay sat down on the bed, propping the baby up on her legs so she could look at her.
"Hi pretty. Let me wipe off those tears, they aren't very ladylike. There, much better. Are you a little calmer now, do you want to try and eat? Or maybe we should just sit here and take advantage of the fact that you're not crying for the first time in an hour."
Avery grunted and flexed her hands and Lindsay pushed her hair back, grinning when it stood straight up.
"You like having your head rubbed honey? Yeah, you're like a cat aren't you?"
"She gets that from you," Adam said from the doorway. Lindsay looked over at him and grinned as he walked over to the bed and sat down.
"Did the boys wake up?"
"Ben dropped his elephant and he was wandering around looking for it. I think he was sleep walking though. I put him back to bed."
"And Colton meanwhile, slept through an atomic bomb."
"Basically."
She chuckled and he put his arm around her, running his fingers through her tangled hair.
"Ouch that hurt."
"Sorry babe. You got a brush or something in here?"
"I don't know," she shrugged, looking over at her messy side table, the only part of the house that was ever a mess. "Maybe."
He chuckled and leaned over her, being careful of Avery while he rooted around for a brush. He finally found one, and began running it through her hair.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome babe. Think she's going to sleep?"
"She'd better. We've got a long day tomorrow."
"Want me to put her down?"
"Yeah, sure. Good night little girl."
They both kissed her and Adam settled her into the bassinet, then climbed back into bed himself, sighing and drawing Lindsay into his arms.
"I love you," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her temple. "I'm sorry we fought earlier."
"Me too. I can't believe we got into the cliché "whose turn is it to take out the garbage" fight."
"Imagine if we'd included recyclables."
She giggled in the darkness and rolled over to face him, leaning in to kiss him deeply.
"I am even more in love with you at this moment than I ever have been in my life and I didn't think that was possible."
"Babies are like Miracle-Gro for love."
She snorted and tapped a finger against his chest.
"You're tired."
"So are you."
"Sleep?"
"Sounds awesome."
"I love you, Adam."
"I love you too Linds."
Ben and Junior ran excitedly around the house, completing the loop of the lower level over and over and over again, laughing as they went and making racecar noises. Lindsay wanted to shush them but they were having so much fun and the looks on their faces were way too happy to put an end to. Avery was sleeping quite contentedly for a change, so the boys were allowed to run as much as they wanted. Adam was upstairs, making a gigantic fort in Avery's room, as it was furnitureless at the moment, and the boys had requested a gigantic castle to play with Legos in.
"Mama?" Ben said, huffing and puffing as he came into the room. "We hungry."
"Oh you are?"
"Hungry, Lin," Junior assured her. "Tummy's growlin'."
"Okay, what would you like for a snack?"
They looked at each other for a moment, contemplating such a big decision.
"Popcorn!" they announced together.
"I am pretty sure that could be done. Do you want to hold Avery while I make it?"
"Ben to hold sissy. Dunner hold sissy too."
"Yeah, I help Binyin," Junior added, climbing onto the couch. "We hold sissy."
Lindsay chuckled and arranged throw pillows under their arms so the baby would be safe and comfortable, then tucked her into their arms. They both started cooing at her, stroking her cheeks and her hands, talking softly and holding her as if she was breakable. Lindsay made sure they wouldn't move, then went into the kitchen and threw a bag of popcorn into the microwave.
"Hey Binyin?"
"Yeah?"
"What we play next?"
Ben sighed and thought for a minute.
"In fort. Daddy be done. Legos."
"Okay. I make dragons. You make dragons, Binyin?"
"Maybe," Ben shrugged. "Ben likes cars and a home."
"I could make a home. I make my home and you make your home?"
"Yeah. You have big home," he said, referring to the big building the Messer's lived in. "Ben have house."
Junior nodded and Ben sighed.
"Dunner like sissy?"
"Yeah, I like sissy. She little."
"Sissy cries and Ben cries. Ben not like sissy cryin'," he announced with a sad shake of his head.
"No baby in my home," Junior sighed. "Ma say I the baby."
Ben laughed.
"Oh Dunner, you not baby."
"Yup, I know."
Lindsay came back into the room with the bowl of popcorn and smiled at how still they were sitting.
"Can I take your picture, boys?"
"Yep!" they chorused, smiling before she'd even retrieved the camera. She snapped a few pictures before Ben shook his head and told her it was enough. She smiled and took Avery from them and they both reached for the popcorn bowl, shoving a handful into their mouths.
"Thanks Lin. This good popcorn," Junior said, rescuing a piece off his shirt.
"Yeah Lin, it's good."
"Hey Ben, I'm your mama, not your Lin."
"Yeah," Junior agreed. "My ma is your Austin!"
"Oh yeah," Ben nodded, standing up from the couch and walking to the bottom of the stairs. "Daddy! Fort done?"
"Yeah, come on up."
Hollering with glee, the boys grabbed the plastic bowl and headed up the stairs. They had to push aside a sheet that was hanging in the doorway of the bedroom and were immediately in a cave like blanket structure, a pile of Legos waiting for them in the middle of the floor. They squealed and slid to the floor, grabbing at the small pieces of plastic and shoving them together, chattering excitedly about what they were making.
"Can I stay in the fort and play with you guys?" Adam asked, eyeing the Legos.
"Yeah," Junior decided. "You okay, Uncle Adam."
"Thanks for that dude."
"Daddy, you help us?" Ben asked tipping his head to the side. "When Cole home?"
"I'm going to pick your brother up from school in an hour or so. Then you guys have the rest of the day and all night to play as much as you want."
"Yay!"
They all played together for almost an hour, making buildings and animals and nondescript blobs of blocks until they had no Legos left.
"Daddy go get Cole?"
"Yeah, I will. When we get back maybe I'll find the Lincoln logs and we can add to our city."
They clapped their hands in delight and set to work arranging the buildings just how they wanted them while Adam left to pick Colton up at school. They were so engrossed, they didn't even notice Lindsay standing outside the door listening to them. For the last few months she had been noticing that Junior spoke so much better than Ben did, as far as the words he used and the length of his sentences. She knew every kid was different and Ben could barely get a word in edgewise when Colton was talking non stop so much, but it had still worried her slightly. But as she stood there outside the room, she realized the boys were on more level playing fields that she had thought. She knew how Ben clammed up in front of strangers, how he let the other kids talk when it was just the family, and even around the dinner table, his sentences were short and to the point. But as he talked to Junior, she was surprised to learn that he could speak in full sentences, even asking more complex questions, and not leaving out so many words. He still referred to himself as Ben rather than I or me, but she wasn't wondering where all his connecting words were. It had taken him a while to speak and he hated saying words wrong, and maybe with Junior, who was learning at the same time he was, it was less of an issue for him to make mistakes. Maybe with Junior he was just more comfortable. At any rate, it settled her heart to know that her little boy was just fine.
"Hey Colton, no headlockin'!" Junior hollered as the wrestling got a little too intense for his liking. His sisters may have been scrappy fighters but he was more able to anticipate their moves. Ben and Colton were all boy when they wrestled, throwing down moves that Junior had never seen before, and quite frankly scared him a little. He sat back against the wall and watched as Colton and Ben tossed each other onto the carpet, pushing and pulling each other while they growled. Colton pinned Ben down on the floor and cleared his throat, preparing to spit.
"NO!" Ben shrieked, knowing what was about to happen. "Mama say no loogies!"
Colton stopped his preparations, then stared down at his brother.
"Okay Ben, but I still winned you on that one. Done wrestlin'?"
"Done," Ben agreed as they both got up from the floor. "Next?"
"I don't know," Colton shrugged. "What do you guys want to do?"
They looked at each other and shrugged.
"I'll go ask daddy. He will have an idea."
Colton raced down the stairs and Ben fixed his socks so they weren't almost falling off.
"Mama will say it's time for bed," he reported with a sigh. "We sleep in the fort, okay, Dunner?"
"Okay."
"You miss your ma?"
"Yeah, but she comin' tomorrow," he yawned, rubbing his eyes.
"I'm happy it was our birthdays."
"Yep. We're three now. What do we do when we're three Binyin?"
"I don't know. Ride bikes."
"Yeah! Let's ride bikes."
"You can ride bikes later," Adam said as he came into the room with a very unhappy Colton. "For now it's time for bed."
"But daddy-"
"Colton, mama and I both said it's time for bed and you don't need to argue. We let you stay up late tonight, but you still need to get up in the morning. That means it's bedtime."
Colton sighed and opened his dresser drawer, finding some pajamas for himself and some for Ben. Junior got his out of his backpack and they all changed quickly, running into the bathroom to brush their teeth.
"Daddy, Ben say night night to sissy."
"Yeah go ahead. She's downstairs with mama."
They all went downstairs into the living room where Avery was fussing and Lindsay was getting frustrated with it.
"Night Avery. See you in the morning. Don't be sad, I love you," Colton said, kissing her cheek.
"Sleepy sissy. Ben loves sissy."
"I love sissy too," Junior said, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "Dream good ones."
They said goodnight to Lindsay as well, then went upstairs, climbing into the sleeping bags that Adam had rolled out in the blanket fort.
"Alright, no playing in here, it's time to sleep."
"We know, daddy. We're just gonna tell stories," Colton said, rolling onto his stomach. "Night."
"Goodnight boys. Sleep good."
He closed the door and they all wiggled around, yawning and finding comfortable positions on the hard floor.
"Night Ben," Colton whispered, reaching out to bump knuckles with his brother.
"Sleep night Cole. Sleep night Dunner."
"Night bye, brothers."
It was an early morning full of pancakes and shouting from the boys, and spitting up and crying from Avery. Lindsay was exhausted, refusing to look into any reflective surfaces because she knew she had bags under her eyes. Adam wasn't much better, falling asleep at the table, as he couldn't sleep when his daughter and his wife were both uncomfortable.
"Lin? More please?" Junior asked, wrapping his arms around her leg and looking up at her with round eyes.
"You look like your dad when he wants me to do his paperwork for him."
Junior giggled as Lindsay crouched down to hug him. He hugged her back tightly and she smiled, feeling a little frustration melt away.
"You can have as much more as you want, guy."
"Two more?"
"As you wish."
She put the pancakes on his plate and handed it to him, smirking at the way he walked to the table, resembling his father even in his gait, then falling off the chair he was trying to climb on, just like Austin would have.
"Daddy?" Colton asked, shaking Adam's shoulder. "Daddy, you're droolin' on your pancakes, daddy."
"Huh?"
"You're usin' your drool for syrup!"
Adam sat up and rubbed his eyes and shook his head.
"Honey, do you want coffee?" Lindsay asked, feeling sorry for him.
"I'm not having any if you can't have any."
She shook her head and handed Avery to him.
"I'm making you coffee. Hold the grump."
He gave her a half smile and took his daughter, kissing her cheeks despite her crying. She breathed deeply at the contact, opening her eyes to look at him before wailing again. He held her against his shoulder and she moved on to whimpering.
"That better?" he asked, rubbing his hand over her small back. She hiccupped and sniffled and he kissed her head.
The front door opened and Austin came in, stomping the show off her boots.
"Hi ma!" Junior shouted, waving his fork in the air in greeting. "Whuddup?"
"Not much home slice, just chillin' with my homies," she answered, leaning down to kiss his head.
"Word up," he replied with a nod.
"Did you have fun with your homies?"
"I down with it."
"That's phat, yo."
He giggled and shook his head while Adam and Lindsay just stared at her.
"What?" she asked, brushing her hand over Avery's head. "I gotta keep up with the times."
They snickered and she moved to steal a bite of Adam's pancakes, but his hand shot out to grab her wrist.
"Normally I would have let you eat those, but I am feeling nice today."
"What, are they bad?"
"Daddy drooled on 'em!" Colton reported. "He was sleepin' at the table."
"And now I am totally turned off to pancakes," she chuckled. "Need some caffeine there geek boy?"
"I'm trying to be the company that misery loves," Adam said as Lindsay put a cup of instant coffee in front of him. "But she won't let me."
"She loves you."
"Yeah, I know."
She smiled and moved into the kitchen where Lindsay was washing the dishes and yawning so hard her eyes were watering.
"You alright there Linds?"
She nodded, suppressing another yawn.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"Look at me."
Lindsay sighed and looked up, her eyes betraying the rest of her cool exterior.
"Oh come here," Austin said with a wry chuckle, pulling her friend into her arms and just holding her for a minute. "What's bugging you the most?"
"She cries so much. I don't know why. I can't fix it. I think it's just colic, but she's so little, it shouldn't have started this soon. And I can't sleep and Adam can't sleep and I have never been so tired in my life."
"It'll get better. I promise and I'm not just saying it to say it. It will. You'll figure it out, she'll outgrow it, whatever," she encouraged, pulling away to look Lindsay in the eye. "Have you called her doctor?"
"Yeah. He keeps suggesting vaccines I don't want to give her. We have an appointment tomorrow and I'm worried that she's not gaining weight but he doesn't seem to think it's an issue right now."
"Listen to your mommy instincts, Linds. If you feel there's something more wrong with her, then you need to advocate for that."
"I know. And I will. I'm just beyond exhausted right now."
"Do you want me to take the boys so you can get some rest? I don't mind."
"No, we haven't had much time together just us since she was born. We promised them a movie night. So basically I have to sit through Megamind. Again."
"At least you have an excuse for falling asleep."
"I guess."
Austin chuckled and went back into the dining room.
"Come on dude, time to go."
Junior nodded and picked up his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder, then hugging Ben.
"Bye Binyin. I had fun."
"Ben have fun too, Dunner. Again?"
"Yep."
They high fived in promise and Austin giggled before leaning down to kiss Avery's head.
"Bye bug-a-boo. Ease up on your mama and daddy a little, okay?"
She grunted in response and Adam sighed.
"I can't wait until she's a teenager."
"At least she'll cry behind her slammed door then."
"True."
She gave the baby one more kiss and zipped up Junior's coat so they could leave.
"What now?" Ben asked, as silence descended on the house.
"Why don't you two go play in your room and let me and mama get some rest."
"Okay, we can do that," Colton agreed, sliding down from his chair. "C'mon Ben."
They scampered off into their room and Lindsay sat down at the table, sighing as Avery let out another squawk.
"Oh little girl," she sighed, shaking her head. "I wish I could fix you."