It was very quiet in the boarding house; everyone was sleeping after the long night and the loud party, everyone but her.
She spent a long while staring at the ceiling, her hands resting on her stomach. She suddenly felt so empty, as if she was the last person on the planet, all alone, by herself.
She realized that this is what it feels like when you fight what you need, while you have it right there, next to you, but yet you keep pushing it away. You start to lose yourself with it.
She closed her eyes for the millionth time in an hour, trying to fall asleep and shut all the voices in her mind.
And then she gave up, the night seemed so long and lonely, that she gave up, she just wanted to touch it, to be close to her redeem, to her salvation.
She walked slowly on her tiptoes, the hallway was so dark and quiet. It's a good thing that his room was close to hers.
His door was half open, and she stood there for a moment before getting in, thinking whether this was the right thing or not, it's dangerous, and with one move, can shatter all the walls she's been building for so long.
She could end up exposed, with nothing to cover her bare heart which is dying for him.
She swallowed hard before she took a step into the room.
She stood in front of his sleepy body and tilted her head; a smile pulled up on her lips as she watched him sleeping peacefully.
She's never in her short life, seen someone more peaceful than that, his messy hair still perfect, his eyes closed, he looked like an angel.
Although the fact that she's seen his dark side, that she had seen the ripper in his glory, killing and manipulating, this one seemed everything but.
She still couldn't understand how someone like him could fall for her.
It was true that she always denied his words for the last month, that she always thought to herself that he's wrong, that those words coming out of his mouth were delusion, that he just needed his friend in his life that he misunderstood it and called it something else.
But deep down, she knew that he wasn't lying, that his feelings were true, perhaps that's what scared her, she felt like she doesn't deserve that, she doesn't deserve him to forgive her for everything that she put him through, for being anther failure.
She doesn't deserve to be loved, by him.
And that what lead them to the goodbye, last dance, last kiss, last "I love you", even thou it was the first.
It was their last page in that chapter; after she decided that they needed to be friends, only friends. Because it turned out, that they can't be more, her words, not his.
But yet, there she was, after a month from what was supposed to be the end, she was unable to forget what it felt like, to have a thing with him. She found herself going back to those moments, their last dance, last kiss; it was her little world that she escaped to, every time she was alone.
And then she realized that she can do this, she can be his friend, and mourn what they could've been at the same time.
Her plan was going so well, he couldn't even tell for sure if she was still having feelings for him or not, sometimes he would see that look on her eyes, when he's supposed to be looking away, and he would feel like she needs him like he does. But sometimes, he hears her talking with Bonnie about how she's happy to be friends with him again.
So yeah, her plan was going well, except for the fact that she was at his bedroom at midnight, only few steps away from him.
She suddenly felt as if her heart was down in her stomach, she needed to remind herself that this was her choice, to stay away from him, that she also deserved this, after everything she'd done, it was the least punishment she could have.
But she couldn't stop it, that feeling that made her hand move to reach his face, she just needed to feel him, just for once, she needed something to keep her going.
Her vision became blur as her eyes were already watering. Her hands were few inches away from his cheek, her fingers slowly opening to touch him.
"I'll always be there, just remember that."
His words echoed in her head, when he made it clear that he'll wait for her to change her mind.
Her fingers pulled back into fest, and her hand was back to her side, she let out a sigh, that only she could hear.
She smiled at him with bitterness, and then turned around and started to walk away.
Only then his eyes opened, so wide and awake, as he was clearly not a sleep for the whole night.
He looked at her from behind as she walked to the door. His eyebrows got furrowed.
He clinched his teeth and swallowed hard, he didn't know if he should be happy to know that she still felt something for him, or heartbroken that she was trying to hide it.
He just needed one sign, to know if she still needs him, if she still wants him, and he would fight the world for her.
He didn't give it much thought, as he got out of bed and walked to her room, she was already under her sheets, defiantly awake.
He walked to the bed and slid next to her; she turned around and looked at him, confused.
"Stefan, what are you doing here?" she asked in a low voice.
"I couldn't sleep." He said with his eyes closed, as he was already lying next to her, and reaching to hug her with his arms.
She remained silent, a sad smile on her face. She gave in to him and let him pull her to his chest.
Her face was buried in his neck, her hands resting against his chest, as one of his hands was under her and the other was hugging her waist.
"It's also cold." He whispered.
She smiled again.
"I couldn't sleep either." She said after a while.
"I know." He said in his mind.
She could finally be close to him, she could finally touch him.
The feeling of his chest against her hands made her warm from the inside. His hand playing with her hair took all her emptiness away.
She wondered if he felt her in his room, and that what brought him here. And he wondered if she knew that she doesn't have to hide from him.
"Stefan?" she whispered into the dark.
"Yeah?" He answers with his eyes closed.
"Thank you." She said after a moment.
And they fell asleep, for the first time in a long time, they didn't feel alone.