"The kids all asleep?" Adam asked, setting his book down on the coffee table.

"Yep, all three of them, snoring like their daddy."

He ignored the comment and grabbed her wrist, pulling her down into his lap.

"Is Avery in our room or hers?"

"I just put her in ours. I don't want to have to move her later."

She yawned and rested her head on his shoulder, her eyelashes fluttering against his neck. Her fingers traced over the tattoo on his shoulder and she closed her eyes for a moment, very aware of how safe and secure she was feeling.

"I've been thinking," he started, running his hand over her knee.

"About what?"

"What you said. About my father."

She sat up a little, not sure if she was preparing for an argument or not.

"What have you been thinking?"

"I was thinking that you might be right," he sighed, leaning back against the couch and keeping her tightly wrapped in his arms. "Maybe I should just get it over with. And maybe he has changed."

"But?"

"But I don't know if I'm ready to find out just yet."

"Okay," she said, closing her eyes and wrapping her arms around him.

"Are you okay with that?"

"If you're okay with it, I'm okay."

He tucked her hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead while she breathed him in deeply.

"Can you tell me something?" she asked, running her fingers up and down his arm.

"What?"

"When he calls you… what does he say?"

Adam sighed and shook his head.

"Linds, I don't really want to talk about it."

"Not talking about it is what gets us into this mess, isn't it?"

He was quiet for a while and she scooted out of his lap to give him some space.

"He says he wants to see me. He says he misses me. He always asks how the kids are. Asks about you. If I didn't know better, I would say he's just trying to connect, but that's not who he is."

He stood up from the couch and began to pace slowly, his hands on his hips as if he was trying to work through a problem rather than let loose a little more of what happened in his head.

"I hate hearing his voice. I hate it. Sometimes I just hang up on him, sometimes I can't do anything at all. And then I feel like a wimp, like a loser, just like he said I was."

It was her normal inclination to rebut him then and there, not let him get any further, but for some reason she just sat silently, giving him space to speak.

"The way he says my name and how he calls me son, it brings it all back. Even when he's speaking normally, his voice still has that little slur, like he's just taken a shot of whiskey. You know sometimes he would hit me first. That wasn't so bad. If he hit me before he yelled I knew it wasn't going to be much. But if he was yelling first, I knew it was going to be a bad one."

She wanted to leap off the couch and wrap him in a hug and make it all go away. He'd told her things before, told her about the very last beating, but he never really told her how it made him feel in the moment or how he survived day to day. She wanted to hear it, wanted him to pour it all out for her, but at the same time she didn't want him to have to feel all that again.

"I used to go inside my head," he continued valiantly, not shedding a tear or letting his voice betray him. "I called it the control booth. I would move away from it and watch it from another place. Somewhere that I could control it. I could move a lever here, push a button there and he would stop or I wouldn't feel it, couldn't hear it."

He kept pacing, his speech becoming faster and she knew he wasn't nearly done.

"The first time I remember it really well, I must have been about Ben's age. I was playing with some toys on the floor when he came home. I don't know what he was mad about, but I remember scrambling to pick things up and get out of his way. I knew what was coming. He cuffed me on the back of the head and I fell onto the floor. I bit my tongue and there was blood everywhere. I remember looking down at it and knowing that is was going to make it worse. I knew he was going to get angrier. I couldn't help screaming at the blood and I tried to cover it up, but he grabbed me off the floor and he started yelling at me to look at what I'd done. Like it was my fault. And I wanted to yell back but every time I got in a deep enough breath he'd shake me or hit me again. I know my mom was there, she was begging him to stop. And then he finally did. He finally dropped me onto the floor and walked away. I don't remember being scared, I remember knowing that was what was going to happen. At three years old. I was already used to it."

Her stomach was in knots as she sat there, hardly able to breathe as the tears poured down her cheeks. She couldn't help but think of Adam as small as Ben was receiving a beating that some grown men couldn't withstand.

"I fought back once. I'm still proud of myself for that. I was six or seven I think. He was yelling at my mom, calling her all sorts of names. And I was sitting there listening to him and I couldn't take it anymore. I just started hitting him and screaming. I was so mad I couldn't stop. He threw me on the ground and hit me back, over and over until I couldn't move. I curled into a ball and kept my hands over my head and I told myself a story until he was done. I knew then that I couldn't ever fight back. Next time he would kill me."

He fell quiet then suddenly turned to look at her, their eyes meeting hesitantly. She didn't know what he wanted or what he needed, but she jumped off the couch anyway, crashing her body into his, holding him as tightly as she could.

"I love you. I love you. I love you."

She felt as if she couldn't say the words enough and they tumbled out several more times as they held each other.

"I love you, Adam. You are so much stronger than he is. So much stronger. He is nothing, Adam. Nothing."

No tears broke from his eyes, at least not as many as the ones that broke from hers. She tried not to cry, she needed to be strong for him, but at the same time he needed to see his own value in her sadness, for someone not worthy would surely not cause so many tears.

Slowly they made their way back to the couch where they sunk into the cushions and held each other for several minutes. Neither of them knew what to do or where to go from here.

Carefully, she sat up and framed his face with her hands, staring deep into his eyes for a moment before she leaned up and pressed a kiss to the scar on his scalp.

"You are the most wonderful man in the world," she whispered, making sure her lips were right near his ear. She ran her hands gently over his shoulders and arms, over the skin that had been grabbed and bruised so many times. Her hands met his and held on, her thumbs gliding over the knuckles that had been battered and bloodied. She continued her soft ministrations, making sure to touch everywhere that had been harmed, pull the lingering pains away with just her hands. Her words were gentle as she counteracted the ones his father had made him believe, whispering them with more conviction than he had ever heard. They'd done this before of course, but tonight he needed it more than he ever had.

It was several minutes before she returned her attention to his head, kissing it and pulling all the memories of the words out. She stopped for a moment to look him in the eye again, then stooped down to kiss his chest, right over his heart.

"You're mine," she said finally, cuddling into him. "I love you more than he hurt you. I'm never letting you go, Adam. I will always want you. Always. Forever."

He held her tight and kissed her forehead, grateful that she let him speak and that she had listened so intently. He hadn't planned on telling her all that, but now that it was out he couldn't believe he'd waited so long.

He could feel a smile spreading across her lips and he tucked his finger under her chin and guided her eyes to his.

"What are you smilin' about?"

"Nothin'. Just that I get you and no one else does. I'm pretty happy about that."

He smiled back and they stretched out along the couch, listening to the last of the fire crackling in the fireplace and the soft creaks of their home.

"We need to make some new rules," she said finally with a heavy sigh.

"What kind of rules?"

"Colton heard us fighting the other day. You left to get some air and he thought we were getting a divorce and that you were never coming back."

"He said that?"

"Yeah. He's six, he has friends at school who have divorced parents. It made sense to him. I just hate that he thought that, for even a second."

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him it would never happen. I don't think he really understands it. You know, he and Ben fight and they have to apologize right away. With us he didn't see that. He knows we love each other but he didn't see us apologize or anything."

"Walking away worked before they could see it."

"It still works for us, but I think we need to figure something else out. I don't want to hide disagreements from them, I think they need to learn that it's okay to argue about things, but we need to show them how to deal with it too. We need to be more complete with that."

"You're probably right. Any suggestions?"

"Maybe we can walk away but we can't leave the house. Maybe we need to tell the boys when we've apologized instead of just assuming they know."

He nodded and brushed her hair back behind her ear.

"It's a good thing we only fight every few years."

"Not to jinx us, but we are pretty good at this marriage thing."

"I'm enjoying it," he agreed with a chuckle.

"You're the only person in the world that has the patience to be married to me."

"It's not patience babe. You're just really hot."

She snorted a laugh and wrapped her arms around him.

"Thank you for being you, Adam. You're the best."

"So are you."

"And me and Isa are boy and girl of the week!" Colton said happily, showing Lindsay the badge he got to wear.

"Yep, that means we get to be the line leaders and the paper passer-outers and we get to take 'tendence in the mornin' and so many other things!" Isa added happily, spinning around the kitchen.

Lindsay and Austin looked at each other and snickered, amused at how the kids were so excited about something seemingly so small.

"We get lots of 'sponsibilities," Colton said seriously, climbing up on a stool to look in his backpack. "We got extra homework and you have to help us. We have to write about what we want to be when we grow up. I already know what I am going to be. I've knowed that since I was born I think. Isa, what are you gonna be when you grow up?"

"A grown up. Duh Colt."

"No, I mean what is your job going to be?"

"No job. I will just be rich."

"How will you get money, Isa?"

"I will marry you and take yours."

Austin busted into laughter.

"You think Colton's going to just let you take his money like that Isabeth?"

"Yep. He lets me do whatever I want."

"It's true," Colton sighed. "If everything was mine I would give it to her."

"You be careful about makin' promises like that son," Lindsay chuckled. "Girls will take you for all you've got."

"Yeah, but then she would have to be my friend forever. She would owe me."

"Yeah, that would be the deal," Isa explained.

"You guys have talked about this?"

"We talk about everything."

Austin chuckled and shook her head.

"Well baby girl, if Colton gives you all his money, don't forget about your dear old mom, okay?"

"Okay. Can we go play now?"

"Yes, go play. We'll call you when it's time for dinner."

They sped happily out of the kitchen and Lindsay shook her head in amusement.

"I kind of hope they never mature in their thinking."

"They keep thinking love is perfect?"

"Yes."

Austin nodded and pulled the salad bowl out of the cupboard.

"How's Adam doing?"

"Better. We've been talking about it a lot."

"Has his father still been calling?"

"Yeah. I answered once."

"How was that?"

"I wanted to jump through the phone and kill him."

"Sounds right. What did you say?"

"I used a few choice words when I told him to never call back again."

"Good girl."

"It's just bad and I wish Adam didn't have to deal with it."

"He has you though. You support him and love him and that's really all he needs."

"Thanks for being there for both of us. I don't know what we would do without you."

"Aww."

Lindsay chuckled and pulled the roast out of the oven while Adam came into the kitchen with Avery.

"Someone wants her mama."

"Sweetie are you givin' your daddy a hard time? I thought we had a talk about this."

Avery calmed down in Lindsay's arms, blinking hard as she looked around.

"Hey bug-a-boo," Austin said, leaning over to kiss the tear tracked cheeks. "Usin' those lungs mama gave you. I love that you have her in a headband by the way Linds. I thought you swore you wouldn't be a headband mom."

"I said that and then I had a girl and I've been looking online for petticoats because how cute would that be?"

Avery grunted and waved her hand in Austin's face.

"Can I hold you so mama can finish dinner because if I try to do it I'll ruin it and she'll be mad?"

Lindsay chuckled and handed her daughter over.

"So do you have the child that just refuses to gain weight or what?"

"She's dainty. She did fine at her appointment yesterday, she's healthy and gaining weight, but she's just delicate or something."

"She loves to be held doesn't she?"

"Yes she does. And we all love to hold her so it works out pretty well."

"Are you going to be spoiled rotten? Are we all just going to hold and cuddle you your whole life? Will you do us a solid and stay a baby forever? Are you going to smile for me? Because you look like you're going to smile."

"If she does it would be the first," Lindsay said, leaning over to look.

"You're so close, kiddo."

Avery stared at her for another second, then let a huge smile crack across her face.

"She looks just like you when she does that. I mean, she looks just like you all the time, but especially with that smile on her face."

"You think so?"

"Look at her, she's a clone!"

Lindsay chuckled and shook her head, watching as Avery kept smiling at the faces Austin was making at her. She'd been getting much more interactive lately and besides being held, her other favorite thing to do was lay on the floor and watch her brothers play. It didn't always last very long and she would scream at the top of her lungs until someone picked her up. She was very definite about what she wanted, but once she had it, she was content. She was the perfect addition to their family and Lindsay and Adam couldn't help but feel that she was the last one.

"She's getting that look on her face," Austin said after a while. "Do you have a binkie in here?"

Lindsay produced one out of the drawer and Avery sighed deeply once she had it, now completely relaxed and happy.

"There, much better. Are you going to take a snooze?"

"She probably will, it's about that time."

Austin leaned against the counter and held the baby close, stooping down to kiss her cheeks. It had been a long time since she'd held a baby uninterrupted. She remembered those days with Isa, but she'd forgotten them with Sarah and Junior as she had other kids to tend to at the time. She would never admit it, but she always felt a little gypped by that, like she didn't get to revel in time with her younger children. Not that she hadn't spent time with them, she just hadn't been able to spend hours staring into their eyes or watching them sleep.

She reached up with her free hand and stroked Avery's hair back, then kissed her forehead softly, amazed at how quickly she'd fallen asleep.

"You're magic," Lindsay commented. "Normally she needs to be walked all over the place."

"I've got the touch," Austin grinned. "Don't you just want to hold her all the time?"

"She's pretty irresistible isn't she?"

"It always kind of amazes me how we can love each other's kids so much."

"Me too. Wouldn't trade it."

"Not for the world. By the way, what is that noise upstairs?"

"Blanket sleds."

"One more time."

"Blanket sleds," she repeated. "The ultimate in "mama doesn't want to take us outside to play in the real snow" winter time activity."

"Or the ultimate in "leave mama alone because you're too loud right now" game you made up in a desperate moment?"

"Maybe a little of both. The only time they fight is when Colton realizes he's tired of pulling the blanket so he sits on it and makes Ben pull and Ben can't pull him and then they're both upset."

"You have eventful days."

"Something like that."

Another round of squeals sounded above them and they chuckled.

"Nothing better is there?"

It was late and what was most likely the last real snowfall of the year was lazily falling outside. The boys had been completely wound up from having the other kids over so late and it had taken almost an hour to get them calm enough to even consider putting them to bed. Even after that it had been three whole chapters of The Indian in the Cupboard before they finally started to drift off.

Exhausted but nearing the point of "I could make it another two hours" she went upstairs slowly, stopping to yawn twice before she made it into the bedroom. Adam was laying on the bed half asleep with Avery cuddled up on his chest and even though it was an almost nightly occurrence, it still made her stop and stare. After a moment she joined them, rolling onto her side and yawning again. Avery smiled and kicked her legs in happiness when she recognized her mama and Lindsay reached over to rub her back.

"You like layin' on daddy like that, huh? Yeah, it's my favorite place too."

Adam gave her a smirk and she leaned over to kiss him, running her fingers through his hair.

"You know what I think?"

"Usually I do, but specifically at this moment… what do you think?"

She smiled and grabbed his hand, sliding their fingers together.

"I think that we have the luckiest kids in the world because they have you, and you love them more than they'll ever know."

He smiled and she moved so she could look down at him.

"You know what else?"

"What?"

"I have never been more proud of a person in my life than I am of you every single day."

He finally opened his eyes and looked at her, reaching up to stroke his fingers down her cheek.

"Thank you babe. I love you."

"I love you too."