"If you want to wear pink today, lay there and do nothing," Lindsay said, grinning down at Avery who was giving her a look of absolutely zero amusement. "And we have a taker!"

"Mama, you're so weird," Colton sighed from the couch, shaking his head as he flipped the channels between two cartoons. "Of course the baby Aves will wear pink. She is a girl after all."

"Yes I know. I've waited a long time to have a girl because boys just don't look good in pink and frills."

"How do you know they don't look good? Mama did you dress me up in girl clothes?"

"No, I would never do that!" she said, carefully leaving out the time Danny and Adam had swapped Colton and Isa's clothes just to be funny.

"Well okay then. Can I go find a hair pretty for her to wear?"

"No, I'm going to put her in a hat because we're going outside."

"We are?"

"Well me and Avery are. You boys are staying here."

"With who? Daddy went to work."

"Faye is coming over."

"She is?" he shouted jumping off the couch and running around in an excited circle. "She is, she is, SHE IS?"

"Yes, settle down."

"We have not seen her forever!"

Lindsay chuckled and shook her head. It had only really been two weeks, but she could understand his enthusiasm.

"If me and Ben are staying here, where are you and the baby Aves going?"

"We're going to go shopping with Austin."

"Mama, Austin don't like shoppin'."

"I know, which is why we go together because if we didn't she wouldn't go."

"What kind of shopping are you doin'?"

"We're lookin' to buy a spaceship."

"Oh brother."

"Alright Pickle why don't you have some tummy time while I throw this diaper away."

"I will watch so she doesn't biff it in the face," Colton offered as Lindsay rolled Avery over onto her stomach. She squealed loudly in anger and clenched her fists up, but calmed down a little when Colton laid down on his stomach in front of her, patting her head.

"It's okay baby. Remember this is how you make your neck strong so your head don't fall all over the place no more. You are easier to hold when we don't gotta worry about your head. At least it's not as big as Ben's head though."

She grunted at him and he smiled, rubbing her hands while she kicked her legs.

"You are so cute," he said with a smile. "I like how you have chubby cheeks because they jiggle. You have the same color eyes as daddy but me and Ben have the same color as mama. I like when you smile like that too. You have the same smile as mama and you sound like her when you laugh. It makes me feel happy."

She drooled a little and he wiped it away while Ben came over and squatted down to investigate what they were doing.

"Hi guys. What up?"

"We're just hanging out. You wanna lay here too? The baby Aves don't like bein' by herself on her tummy."

"Okay. Sissy, I tell a joke. How make a tissue dance? Put boogie in it! That mean a snot booger."

Colton laughed and Avery grinned, laying her head down on the floor and yawning.

"Hey Ben, Faye is coming over to play with us."

"Yay! I love Faye."

"Me too. Remember how she tells stories of when she was a tiny girl?"

"Uh-huh. She sleeped in a log in the woods."

"Yep, when she runned away."

"Her doggy get skunk on him."

"Yeah. Maybe she will tell us a new story."

"Mm-hmm."

"Mama is gonna go with Austin. Shoppin'. Maybe she will bring us a prize."

"We be good, Cole."

"Yep."

Lindsay came back into the room and joined them on the floor. Avery shrieked in delight and her head bobbed up and down with excitement.

"She loves mama the best," Colton whispered to Ben. "But I think in secret she likes me more because I am the big brother."

"I big brother!"

"Oh yeah you are huh? Then she like us both the best. Then mama and daddy after us."

"Okay."

"But I love her the most because we are birthday buddies."

"I love sissy too! Big!"

"I know. I love her bigger because I am bigger than you."

"Well I'm bigger than both of you so I love you all bigger than you even know."

"Mama right," Ben said with a smile.

"Yup, she's always right. 'Cept when Daddy is right."

"When is daddy right?"

"Never."

"I just popped a kid out, there's no way I'm wearing skinny jeans," Lindsay grumped, sticking the jeans back on the rack. "How are these still in style?"

"I don't know," Austin chuckled, adjusting Avery in her arms and kissing her forehead.

"I think I want to give up."

"Linds."

"I know I need clothes. I just don't want to buy them. Can't someone just measure me and make something that will make me be skinny?"

"No."

"How come you always look good?"

"Because I don't care?"

"I am not happy with you right now," she said, even as she giggled.

"Linds, you've lost all the baby weight and I think even then some. You look better than you think you do."

"I know. I really do. I think I just don't feel good about myself or something."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm too tired to feel good about myself."

"Then you need to get some sleep because you look good. Maybe skinny jeans aren't a good idea for you but who are they a good idea for anyway?"

"Thank you for the perspective."

"Shopping break?"

"That would be nice. Do you want a baby break?"

"No. I would like to continue holding this child until you take me to court to sue for your custody back."

"I understand."

They made their way out of the store and down the street slowly, holding their few bags and breathing in the cool late winter air.

"Julianne's?" Austin asked after a moment, referring to their favorite coffee shop.

"Absolutely. That white hot chocolate with raspberry will cure anything."

"There's my best friend."

"Don't tell Adam I told you this…"

"Already the best story ever."

"He was in the bathroom shaving this morning and I walked by and he was half dancing and singing "White and Nerdy" into my hairbrush."

"He was not!"

"He was. He noticed me looking at him and he grinned and went back to singing."

"He is such a dork."

"I know. It's getting bad."

Austin laughed as they made their way inside the coffee shop, breathing in the scent of gourmet coffee and chocolate. They hadn't been here since before Avery was born and they'd really only discovered it a few months beforehand. It was geared towards mothers of small children and had a full toybox and baskets piled with children's books. There was just about every kind of coffee imaginable, but it wasn't pretentious or overpriced, and the pastries were well worth their weight in gold.

They both ordered their drinks and sat down on their usual couch, a giant overstuff floral number that would look ridiculous in any other place but was so fitting here. Avery was fussing so Austin handed her over before getting back up to get their drinks.

"I feel like we don't talk anymore," Austin said bluntly as she sat down again.

"I know. I hate it."

"I really miss you."

"I miss you too. I kept wanting to call you but then the boys would be fighting or she would cry or I would just fall asleep and forget."

"It's a vicious circle," Austin said, knowing all too well how her best friend was feeling.

"We have a lot of those."

They lapsed into silence, the first time in a long while or possibly ever that they didn't know what to say. It wasn't uncomfortable, just quiet. Maybe that was what they needed for the moment. Austin drew her legs up underneath her and tucked her hair behind her ear, taking a sip of coffee and watching Lindsay closely.

"Hey Lin?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"I'm not really even sure."

Austin gave her a half grin.

"When are you going back to work?"

"I don't know yet. I'm meeting with Mac this afternoon to figure that out."

"You don't want to go back at all."

"Not really. I didn't want to go back the other times either but I did it because I didn't really think there was another choice. This time… the thought of it almost makes me sick. I just don't want to leave her. For some reason it's harder this time."

"Because she's your last baby."

"Yeah."

"You've noticed that it's different with a girl than it is with boys."

She nodded, running her hand over Avery's cheek, matching her smile.

"I don't really know why, but I am more desperate to keep her little than I was with the boys. I feel like she's more fragile or something. The boys are so much like Adam, I just see little men running around. But with her, she's just a baby. She's just so precious and sweet and… I don't know how to explain it. It's like I worry about her more. When I think of the boys growing up it's all good. Not that they won't have struggles, but it's going to be easy for them. I look at Avery and I'm nearly sick with worry. Especially when I start thinking about middle school and how horrible people can be and how emotional she's going to be and I just want to keep her little forever."

"I know. Imagine if you had all girls."

"I can't."

"What would you have named Colton if he had been a girl?"

"Paisley Anne. Ben would have been Willow Grace and if we kept with the theme Avery would have been Violet Joy."

"Willow Grace sounds like Will and Grace."

"We didn't not think about that."

"Are you guys hippies?"

"Nah, we just like nature names. We also thought about Rose, Sage, River, Larkin, Winter, Rain… a couple others that I can't remember."

"Rose, River and Rain Ross. Now you're just trying to be funny."

"I swear! We really did talk about those. Adam really liked Daisy. He said it reminded him of this old picture of me with daisies in my hair. He said it was whimsical or something."

"He's wanted a girl for a long time, hasn't he?"

"Yeah, he has," she said with a sigh. "I'm scared for her."

"About what?"

"That she's going to end up like me. That I passed it on to her."

"Oh Lin."

"My mom gave it to me, you know? I just don't want her to have to go through that. I don't want her to ever have to feel the things I felt, I don't want her to ever get as close to the edge as I did. Maybe it's not even genetic, maybe it was just happenstance but I can't help feeling like I gave her a disease. I mean what if… what if she never finds her Adam or her Austin and she doesn't have anyone to help her the way I did."

"Lin, you're forgetting something really important. Our failsafe, remember? All of our kids will always have all of us. You were alone when you were a kid. You were alone in it for most of your life. You didn't understand it and you had no idea what it was. That won't happen to her. I know you, Linds, you're not going to lie to the kids about it or ignore it. They'll know what it is and they'll know that they can come to you or Adam or me and Danny and we'll help them. They won't ever have that loneliness. And it wouldn't be your fault, Lindsay. Do you blame your mom?"

"For not taking care of it, yeah."

"Well obviously, but that's not going to happen with your kids, is it?"

"No."

"I'm not saying you shouldn't worry. I'm not saying you should ignore the possibility. I just think that if it happens, to any of them, it's going to be a lot easier on them than it was on you. You are their greatest resource and their greatest comfort and they're going to be okay."

"Thank you."

"I just tell the truth."

"What do you worry about with the kids?"

Austin sighed and pulled at a strand of her dark hair, frowning at the ends of it before answering.

"I don't worry about Daniel so much. Except I worry that he will never find someone that will love him like I do. I worry he'll get his heart broken. But at the same time I know he'll be okay. He's got too much of his dad in him. The girls though… I worry that Isa will be me and Sarah will disappear. Or that Isa will spend so much time being that loud, crazy, sassy girl we all know and she'll hide the other parts of herself behind that. I worry that they'll hate me. I worry that we'll fight constantly. I worry that when the time comes for them to leave the nest I won't be able to let them go. I worry even more that they'll be too scared to leave."

"Your kids? Scared?"

"It's been known to happen."

"I think you've given them all a sense of adventure that they're going to spend the rest of their lives trying to quench. I don't think they're going to be adrenaline junkies but I do think they're all going to try a lot of things until they find their passions. And I think you're going to have the best time watching them."

"I think so too. Do you ever think back on life before the kids and wonder what in the world you did to occupy your time?"

"Every day."

Avery yawned and stretched in her sleep, then settled back down, sucking on her bottom lip the way Ben did.

"She's so pretty," Austin sighed, looking down at the baby with a smile.

"I know. I catch Adam staring at her all the time. He just sits there and looks at her. They'll spend like ten solid minutes staring at each other almost like… like they're enchanted. And when he comes home at night, the second she hears his voice she starts looking around for him."

"She does the same thing with you even if you've been gone for thirty seconds. She starts laughing and kicking her legs all over."

"I love that."

"She's a mama's girl."

"She's a pretty hardcore daddy's girl too."

"What is it about daddy's and daughters?"

Lindsay just smiled and shook her head, once again amazed at the love.

"I still remember the first time I held Colton," Austin started, looking out the window, the expression on her face far away. "He was so little and I was afraid I would hurt him. I was so scared then too because he was hooked up to all those tubes and wires and he looked like the bionic baby."

"I know."

"And you and Adam acted like it was no big deal, you were old pros at it. And then you handed him to me and… I guess I had thought that I would love him the same way I loved Dallas and Mikey but it was so different. I can't even explain it."

"I know. It was like that when I held Isa the first time too. It's like you just love them from your toes up. You can't even stop it. I'd never felt that before. Even with my nephews and my niece it always took awhile to feel connected to them or something. I can go a long time without seeing them and it's not a big deal. Your kids? Five days and I'm having withdrawals or something."

"Exactly. I tried explaining that to Danny and he looked at me like I was nuts. He tries to hide it but he loves your kids a lot too. Especially this one, I think he's smitten."

"She's like the last piece of the puzzle or something."

"Can you imagine Linds, if we'd never bothered being friends? If we just kept it to colleagues and didn't go out for that first cup of coffee or didn't find a common bond in irritating Danny or something? Can you imagine what it would be like now?"

"Really empty for all of us."

The elevator stopped with a jerk and deposited them into the lab before the doors slammed shut behind them. Lindsay turned back and looked at it, wondering if it needed to be serviced or if her mind was playing tricks on her. Shrugging, she made her way to Mac's office, adjusting the carseat in her arms, amazed that Avery was still sleeping. Usually she would wake up when she was moved, but maybe she was taking advantage of the fact that she didn't have two brothers fawning over her and begging her to wake up so they could cuddle her. Lindsay told them to leave her alone but at least twice a day she would find a big brother holding onto the bars of the crib and reaching in to touch her. She loved that they loved her so much but it was getting to be a little annoying.

She saw Adam out of the corner of her eye and she watched him work for a minute before he noticed her. He looked up and gave her a grin and she went over to his workstation, leaning down to kiss him quickly.

"You going in to talk to Mac?"

"Yeah. I thought you would be home by now."

"I'm leaving in about five minutes. I'll go home and get the boys and then head to the airport to pick up your parents, unless you think you'll be ready to go in time."

"I don't know, Mac said we're going to have to figure out how long I can be gone before I have to get recertified or… whatever, I don't know."

"Want me to take her with me?"

"Probably not. I don't know how long I'm going to be."

"Okay, well let me kiss her before you go."

She smiled and lifted up the carseat so he could lean in and kiss his daughter. She opened her eyes and gave him a sleepy smile before sighing and falling asleep again.

"You two be safe okay?"

"We will. You too."

She kissed him quickly again, then turned and went into Mac's office. He had the door halfway open and waved her in, even though he was on the phone.

"Lindsay just walked in, you want to talk to her?"

She gave him a confused look as he handed her the phone.

"It's Stella."

"Oh, thanks. Hey Stell."

"Hi Linds. How are you doing?"

"Oh, you know. Tired, stretched too thin, loving every second of it."

"Sounds about right. How's Avery? You don't send enough pictures."

"I just put some in the mail for you this morning. She's really good. Colton keeps saying that her cheeks are just too chubby to handle. I tend to agree. Right now she's half awake, half asleep because Mac took her out of her carseat and he's making fishy faces at her."

"Are you pulling my leg?"

"Not even a little. Now she's laughing at him but I'm not sure if it's amused or pity."

"I wish I was there."

"We wish you were here too. How's your man friend?"

"Ew don't call him that. And he's fine."

"Are you going to come visit soon so we can all cast our votes on him?"

"I'll be up in May I think. I'm not sure if he's coming or not. I'm sure you'll all pass judgment anyway."

"We just love you, Stell."

"I know. I appreciate it. How are the boys?"

"They're… interesting. Ben wants to grow up too fast and he's been talking a lot more lately. He has this weird circular way of thinking and sometimes I don't know where he comes up with stuff. And Colton is growing up way too fast. He wanted to grow his hair out because it's lost all its curl and we told him he could if he kept his room clean for a month and did all his homework. So now he is sporting hair that I am really, really temped to cut."

"How long is it?"

"It's in his eyes and it covers his ears a little. He has this funny cowlick in the back and whenever he combs his hair on his own he does this really exaggerated comb-over and he looks like his scalp is on sideways."

"It looks cute on him though."

"Yeah, it does. He's proud of it but Adam keeps calling him ragamuffin, and then he suddenly wants muffins and… well you can imagine what it's like."

Stella chuckled and shook her head.

"I really miss that kind of stuff. Maybe you guys should come to New Orleans sometime."

"Austin and I were actually talking about that this morning. We're trying to figure out what six kids on a plane would be like."

"Something to write home about."

"For sure."

"I've got to go. Tell Mac I'll talk to him later."

"Okay. We love you."

"Love you too. Bye Linds."

They hung up and Lindsay looked over at Mac, thinking that the spit up on his tie served him right for waking the baby up.

"Don't laugh Lindsay, it's not funny."

"I'm not laughing because it's funny."

He shot her a look and adjusted Avery in his arms.

"You don't want to come back to work, do you?"

She sighed and shook her head.

"Not really. I do, because I know once she's in school I'll have to come back or I'll go crazy. But at the same time I really don't want to leave her right now."

"So it really has nothing to do with finding a sitter or anything."

"No, as long as Adam and I can work different shifts that's fine. I just don't want to be swallowed in work and busy all the time."

"I understand. You've got a week of maternity left, do you want to take that and then come back part time, two days a week like you've done before?"

"That would be good. I was wondering how much time I could take off before I lose my licensing and certifications."

"If you were to just take a leave of absence, you would have six months. If you take longer than three months you're going to have to retest in a few areas and if you take the full six months you're going to have to do it all again."

"Okay," she sighed.

"You want to have your cake and eat it too," he chuckled, kissing Avery's forehead.

"You would too, Mac. You big softie."

He shook his head and handed her a manila folder with paperwork to fill out, then turned his attention back to the baby, who was practicing her spit bubbles and her charm.

"Yeah sweetie, it's good to see you, now let me have my granddaughter."

Lindsay raised her eyebrows at her mom's half teasing and handed Avery over anyway.

"Hi little girl," Dale greeted.

"Hi daddy."

He leaned down and hugged her, lifting her off the floor until she giggled.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm good. What about you old man?"

Dale chuckled and brushed her hair back from her face, staring into her eyes for a moment. His little girl was more grown up every time he saw her, but if he looked close enough, he could still see that giggling little thing that tried to walk as fast as him, would hold onto his belt loops when she got scared, and always managed to fall asleep in his lap so he would have to carry her to bed.

She hugged him a little tighter and was about to say something when Ben and Colton grabbed onto her legs.

"Hey mama is it dinner time yet?"

"I suppose it could be," she answered, crouching down to their level and hugging them both. It hadn't been that long since she'd seen them but she had missed them anyway. "Did you have fun with Faye this morning?"

"Yup, just like always. She maked us baked apples for a snack."

"Yeah," Ben interjected. "Baked apples an' chocolate."

"Really?"

"Yeah mama. She put the apples cut in half in the stove and then she put tiny candy bars on them and melted them good and they tasted like heaven."

"Like heaven, really?" she asked with a chuckle. They nodded together and she kissed them both, finding them absolutely irresistible.

"Yeah, can we have dinner now?"

"I'll go see if it's ready. Entertain your papa."

"Okay!"

She went into the kitchen and found Adam already taking the roast out of the crockpot.

"Stop right there, hottie."

He laughed and turned around, burying his nose in her hair when she hugged him.

"So what did Mac say?"

"I have a week of maternity left and then I would have to take a leave of absence. So I'm going back part time."

"Is that what you want to do?"

"No, but that's what I need to do. It'll be okay. Just like the other times, I have to find my rhythm."

"Okay. Just remember that if you ever want to change that, you can."

"You take such good care of me."

"I know. You deserve it."

She smiled and held onto him for a few moments while he whispered in her ear, words that no one else needed to know about. Locking her hands together behind his back, she stretched up and kissed his neck, letting her eyelashes flutter against his skin just because she knew what it did to him. The whispers stopped and he kissed her ear, then pulled back to look at her.

"It's going to be okay sweetie. I know you don't want to go back to work, but really, it will be fine."

"I know. I'm just going to try and enjoy the next week."

"Okay. We'll see how it goes and make adjustments from there if we need to."

"Thank you. I know it doesn't make it easy on you that I keep waffling on this."

"It's okay. I understand. And it's not hard sweetie. It's life and marriage and parenting and I signed up for all of it, alright?"

"Thank you for that. For being everything you promised and more."