The morning was cool and quiet when Adam woke up, stretching a little and trying not to disturb Lindsay. She sighed sleepily and moved closer to him, nuzzling into his chest and sliding her leg in between his. He smiled and kissed her forehead, running his fingers through her hair and getting all the tangles out. He watched her sleep for a few minutes, noticing how her eyebrows twitched from her dreams. He really wanted to stay there for a little while and just hold her but he knew he had to get up and get moving. Carefully he untangled from her, wrapping the blankets around her and kissing her back to sleep when she whined at his departure. Quietly he grabbed a t-shirt and threw it on over his boxers then walked over to check on Avery. She was happy to be back in their room, at least she seemed happy with the way she was blowing spit bubbles and waving her arms at him. Smiling, he leaned down and picked her up, listening as she burbled a story to him.

"Wanna go with me to start the coffee?"

She grinned and he kissed all over her face before taking her downstairs and starting a large pot of coffee. The only difference between having house guests and not was having to make a bathroom schedule and having to make an entire pot of coffee instead of just half. He didn't mind it though, Lindsay loved having her parents in town and the boys couldn't be more thrilled with extra attention.

"Think I should put some hot water on for mama's tea? Will that earn me some brownie points?"

She cooed at him but he could tell she was getting hungry too so he pulled a premade bottle out of the fridge and warmed it up in the saucepan they usually kept on the stove. He managed to get it warmed and into her mouth before she started fussing, then held her with one arm while his hand circled around to hold the bottle and he used his other hand to start breakfast. He could feel her staring at him and he looked down at her, popping his lips until she giggled. He was getting good at the one handed food preparation, one handed dressing the boys, pretty much everything that could possibly be done one handed. He didn't mind it, he loved holding Avery and he would rather have her snuggled in his arms than put her down to get something done faster.

"Good morning Superdad."

He turned around and found Anne standing in the doorway, one hand on her hip.

"Morning."

"Now, you can't really be this perfect," she said with a grin.

"What?"

"Making breakfast and taking care of the baby."

"Yeah, this is our thing. It's nice to have time just with her on days I have to work."

"Are you working a lot?"

"Depends on the day. When they don't need me out in the field I work a regular shift, but if I have to go to a scene it's more likely going to be a long shift."

"Lindsay hates that?"

"She's not a fan of it, but she understands. She's had to do it too. We've learned not to promise each other much on work days."

"She's really happy with you."

"I hope so, she's kind of stuck with me forever."

Anne smiled and stealthily moved him away from the stove so she could finish breakfast. He leaned against the sink and made faces at Avery while she ate, and she would give him smiles every few minutes.

"What do you think baby girl? Are your brothers going to get up early today or will they be slug-a-beds like your mama?"

She just giggled in response and soon he heard the pitter-patter of feet coming down the stairs.

"Hi daddy," Ben greeted, grabbing onto Adam's leg and yawning. "Smelled bre'fast."

"You did?"

"Mmm. Cole telled me get up."

"Yep I did. Granna, what are you makin' for breakfast?"

"Your daddy started pancakes, I'm just finishing up."

"Daddy makes good pancakes. Mama makes good waffles. And I am the best cereal maker in the whole house. Ben says so."

"Cole put enough milk on the Kix."

"And sugar, right Ben?"

"Yep. I like sugar."

Anne chuckled and shook her head, hearing so much Lindsay in that declaration she couldn't even believe it.

"So buddy did you decide who you want to go with you to grandparents day?"

"Well," Colton sighed, glancing at his grandma. "I was just thinkin' that when we had grandparents day the first time, Jo went with me. Even though she say she is not an old codger. But I think this time I will ask papa. And then next time granna can come and then after that maybe Mac will go with me and Jo will go with Isa. Is that okay, granna? You come next time?"

"That's fine with me. Papa never really got to go to grandparents day with your cousins because he always had to work."

"Oh good, it's fair. Ben, who will you take with you when you are in kindergarten?"

"Granna, Papa, Mac and Jo-Jo."

"You can't take four."

"And other grampa gramma too."

"That's six!"

Ben shrugged and took an apple out of the fruit bowl and pulled the stem off, then did it with the other three in the bowl.

"Where is mama?" he asked with a sigh.

"She's still sleeping. She was up with you last night because you had a bad dream, remember?"

"Nope. I am not scared no more."

"We heard him screaming," Anne said softly. "We were going to go in there but then we heard Lindsay come downstairs. He was really worked up."

"We think it's just a phase. The doctor says that night terrors are common for kids his age. He doesn't remember them though."

"I don't remember if Lindsay ever… I mean, I don't even know if she ever had them."

"She does now. Not very often, but she gets them."

"I've never had them. Is it scary?"

"Yeah."

They didn't say more on the subject as Dale came into the room, the latest he had slept in probably in his whole life. He wasn't used to jet lag.

"Papa, you're comin' to school with me, okay? You can sit by my desk and you will get to meet Isa. She is my best friend. Also she is my girlfriend but I can't take her on a date yet because Danny said 'No way Jose.' Also I only have five bucks."

"Yeah, five bucks won't get you far."

"I told her we could share ice-cream and she said that I need to take her to the movies too, so I need to work on losin' some more teeth."

"Colton Ross," Lindsay admonished from the doorway. "Do you really think you're going to pull all your teeth out for Isa?"

"No mama, you don't understand. I will get all my money from my teeth but I will be patient. I have my whole life to take Isa on a date. Plus I got to figure out how to make her wear a dress. That will take a while."

Lindsay snorted and shook her head, mentally writing that one down to tell Austin.

"Hey Ben, are you going to meet a girlfriend soon?"

"No. Girls icky."

"Are you sure?"

"Yup."

"Colton, why are you so concerned with everyone getting a girlfriend?"

"Because," he sighed. "You and mama always say how happy you are to love each other and I think that everybody should be happy like that. But without all the kissin', for real."

"Yeah, no kissin'," Ben agreed, wrinkling his nose.

"Wait ten years, you'll change your tune."

"Kissin' makes babies and I can't have any of those until after I am a doctor," Colton said, as if they were children. "Then I would have to change diapers and I would have no time to learn to use a stethoscope."

"Don't argue with him, Adam. In fact, let's keep reminding him of this later in life, right?"

"Yeah, that might be a good idea."

"Papa, are you so totally stoked to come to school with me?"

"I don't know what that means, but I think I am."

"I bet it's been a hundred years since you was a little boy in kindergarten."

"Well not a hundred years, but quite a few. What time do we leave?"

"Right after I eat breakfast and go potty and put my clothes on. Also I have to give the baby Aves a hug when I leave so she doesn't cry. Then we will go to the school."

"Okay, I can be ready by then. Do we get to have recess?"

"Yep! Me and Isa like the tireswing the best. Sometimes we play sharks with Oliver and Samantha."

"That sounds like fun."

"It is so fun, papa. I love kindergarten. I am worried that first grade will not be as much fun."

"I'm sure it will. You'll probably get two recesses a day in first grade."

"Two? That is super sweet!"

"Sweetheart do you need my help with anything?"

"No mom, this is your vacation," Lindsay said as she tried to dry the dog off from his romp in the mud puddles. Ben was covered with mud from head to toe but at least he was standing still. Qwerty wanted to jump all over everything and it took her several minutes to get him into the utility tub by the back door.

"Okay, I take that back. Can you go give Ben a bath?"

Anne chuckled and looked down at her grandson, who looked back up at her with innocent eyes.

"Did you have fun out there?" she asked, peeling off his rain coat and helping him to step out of his books.

"Yep. Don't wanna get floor messy."

"You won't. It was mostly on your coat anyway. Come on, I'll run you a bubble bath."

"Okay. Thank you letting me jump in puddles, mama."

"You're welcome baby," Lindsay replied, leaning down to kiss him. "Go take a bath."

He grinned and followed his grandma upstairs while Lindsay looked down at the muddy dog. He had not been given permission to play in the puddle and apparently when she hollered "Qwerty, no!" he'd taken that to mean "Run away from me and roll in the barkdust!"

He sat patiently in the sink now, giving her a smile as she tried to wash him off and keep herself clean in the process.

"I swear, you're like one of the kids," she grumped, pouring some shampoo on him and scrubbing as hard as she could. "Blah, blah, blah Ginger."

It took almost a half an hour but she finally got all the mud out of his fur and towel dried him. She left him in the utility room so he could stop smelling like a wet dog, and went upstairs to change. She peeked in on Avery who was sleeping soundly in her crib before going into her room and throwing on some different clothes. By the time she made it back down stairs Ben was running around naked while his grandma chased him down to dress him.

"Benjamin, what are the rules?"

"Gotta wear underwear," he sighed, putting on the offending material. "I like bein' free."

"I know you do, but you were free in the tub and now you need to have underwear on."

"Daddy lets us be free when you're not home."

"Yeah, well you're boys so you don't mind but us girls don't want to see that."

"Okay. Gotta wear the rest of the clothes?"

"We'll compromise, just keep your underwear on."

"Okay!"

He went back into his room and started to play while Lindsay rolled her eyes.

"Is that a normal boy thing?"

"Your brothers did it too. Boys are just weird."

Lindsay sighed as Avery started to cry, waking up from her short morning nap.

"Oh sweetie, you've got to learn to sleep longer," Lindsay said, lifting her out of the crib and kissing her. "Either that or eat until you're full instead of until you get bored."

She sat down in the rocking chair and noticed that her mom was silently standing in the doorway, wringing her hands.

"Mom? Are you okay?"

"We need to talk, honey."

Lindsay looked at her confusedly, never having seen this look on her face before. She sat down on the bed and pulled a pillow into her lap, studying the stitching on it and taking a breath before she spoke.

"Sweetheart. I have cancer."

Lindsay stopped rocking the chair, stopped breathing, stopped even seeing anything but her mother sitting just a few feet opposite her but seemingly light years away. She cleared her throat and shook her head, certain she had heard wrong, yet knowing she hadn't.

"I didn't mean to drop it on you like that. I'm not that sick, sweetie. They caught it early. I got really lucky."

"Mom…" she managed to get out, willing herself not to cry.

"Do you want me to start at the beginning?"

"Yeah."

"I thought it was hormones. Some weird post-menopausal thing. But I just didn't really believe it, something felt off. I went to the doctor and they ran so many tests, but nothing they came up with seemed right. It was on a whim that they tested for cancer. Ovarian cancer. It's not very advanced, sweetie. It hasn't spread yet and I'll be going in for surgery soon after we get back to town. It's going to be just fine honey."

"But mom," Lindsay whispered, almost finding her voice. "It's cancer."

"I know, Lindsay. I'm really scared too, but I can't dwell on that. I don't know what's going to happen to me, but I do know what I can do, and that is to spend as much time with my family as I can."

"How long have you known?"

"A little while. I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away but I needed to say it in person. I needed you to see me and see that I'm alright."

"So the plan is surgery. What about after that?"

"I'm not sure yet. The doctor wants to do the surgery and we'll see how that goes and decide from there."

"Are they taking everything?" she asked quietly.

"Yes. Just to be safe. I know it's scary sweetheart. I really do. But I'm going to be fine."

Lindsay sat silently for a long time, rocking the chair back and forth while Avery ate, oblivious to what was going on around her. Beyond the fright, Lindsay was feeling a deep guilt for all the times she'd blamed her mother for her own struggles, blamed her for the things she couldn't control. She felt guilty about the deep resentment she'd always felt, even if it had been shoved away and ignored. She felt guilty about not including her mother in everything, for pushing her away and telling herself she didn't need that.

"Honey, look at me," Anne said, moving from the bed to kneel next to the chair. "It's going to be okay."

"But what if it's not?"

Anne shook her head and ran her hand over Lindsay's cheek.

"That's not an option and we don't worry about it. Do you understand me?"

"Yes mama."

"I don't want you to worry, baby. I know it sounds bad. I know it looks bad and I know you're not going to sleep very well thinking about it. But please sweetheart, I need you to be hopeful for me. Especially you sweetie. I need you to be my sunshine, just like you've always been. I need you there to smile for me when I can't anymore. Can you do that for me?"

Lindsay bit back the tears and looked down at her own daughter, understanding now, just a little bit what her mom was needing from her, probably what she'd always needed.

"I can. I will."

"Thank you sweetheart."

"Lindsay."

She sniffled and kept her eyes closed as Adam wrapped his arms more tightly around her. Leaning back into him she took a deep breath and tried to figure out what she was feeling so she could figure out what she needed to say. Adam kissed the top of her head and took her hand, playing with her fingers while they breathed together, knowing it would calm her down.

"Talk to me honey," he whispered, running his lips gently over her shoulder. "Tell me."

"I don't know what to say. I'm scared. I've never felt this kind of fear before and I don't know how to handle it. She needs me to be there for her and to be strong and happy and I don't know how to do that. Especially for her. And there's that guilt because I don't feel like I even want to do that for her. Because as much as I love her, I am still so mad at her for what happened so many years ago. For feeling betrayed by her and abandoned and all that comes with that. And I know it's not as bad as what it could have been. I was lucky. But it still hurts when I think about that. And then I feel guilty because it shouldn't be that way."

"Honey, just because your mom is sick, that doesn't mean that the mistakes she made hurt you less. It doesn't mean that the resentment is suddenly gone. And if you act like it is, that's not being honest, is it?"

"No. I just don't think I ever forgave her. Even when I was older and understood it more, I still didn't forgive her. I should have though. I really should have."

"Sweetie, you can still do that."

"I know."

"The hurt doesn't go away, but you can forgive her. It still hurts that my mom didn't get way from my father a lot sooner, but that doesn't mean I don't forgive her."

"I know. I think I just have to accept the fact that it's going to take time to get there. I've ignored it for so long that I'm not really sure what to do with it all."

"Take your time, Linds. She'll understand. You'll work through it together. And I'll be there for you too. I can help."

"Thank you."

"No matter what happens babe, we'll get through it. I'll always love you no matter what. And really honey, it's going to be okay."

"I don't know how much more life I can take."

"Don't talk like that."

"I didn't mean it that way. I just don't know what I'm going to have to cut out to deal with all the rest. There's nothing I can let go of right now except myself and as we both know, that doesn't ever go well."

"You've got enough strength in you, love. I know you do, I've seen it time and time again. I think you don't see that in yourself, but it's time to start because your mom needs you to be strong right now."

"I can be strong for her. But I'll need you to be strong for me."

He wrapped his arms around her tightly and kissed her cheek.

"Strong enough?"

"Always."