Sometimes they both fall, but neither one knows it
Eleanor sighed and pulled at her dress again, gazing over the rim of her champagne glass at the glittering ballroom in front of her. It was week six of her time in the Good Place, and she once again found herself leaning against the bar – one of the many bars – in her neighbor Tahani's palatial mansion, drinking more than she probably should and sizing up the other party guests.
Tonight was a celebration for Chef Patricia's new dessert delivery service. Or no, maybe it was for Glenn's recently opened dentist's office (although why anyone needed dental work in the afterlife was beyond her). She wasn't really sure; honestly, at this point all the awkward small talk and cocktail shrimp had blended together into one big mess. But if there was something happening in the neighborhood, you could trust Tahani to throw a party for it, and you could also trust that everyone else was "requested" – AKA expected – to attend. And so here she was.
Eleanor chewed on her bottom lip as she considered her options. Tahani seemed nice enough, but they didn't know each other very well and Eleanor couldn't be sure her hostess wouldn't give her up to Michael if it meant she'd be protecting herself. Her soulmate, Jianyu, seemed like a safer choice; vow of silence meant no talking, and no talking meant no blabbing. And Eleanor definitely needed someone to talk to soon, or she really thought she might burst. On the other hand, what good would it do to confess to someone who couldn't talk back?
And then of course, there was Chris. Chris, her perfect, wonderful, made-for-her soulmate should have been her first choice. He should have made her feel comforted, and safe, and eager to open up. But he didn't. Despite being a tanned mailman with abs you could do laundry on, Chris still made her feel like she had to be careful; on her guard. No, she thought as she took one last swig of champagne and started to move away from the bar to try for an early exit, the only person she had really felt like herself around since she got here was – oof!
She turned a little too fast and collided suddenly with a stranger's surprisingly broad chest. A pair of large hands skimmed over her back then settled somewhere near her hips to steady her slightly tipsy wobble. Eleanor reeled her head back to find deep brown eyes peering worriedly down at her from behind a thick pair of glasses. "Hey Chedster," she grinned crookedly up at him, "I was just thinking about you".
Chidi couldn't seem to relax. Which, if he stopped to think about it, didn't really make sense, since his six weeks in the Good Place had been the smoothest and most peaceful time of his life. Or afterlife. Ever since he had arrived, he had been surrounded by intelligent, kind people who were always open to enthusiastic discussions on the many tenants of moral absolutism or any other ethical topic he could think of. And of course he had Angelique, his wonderful soulmate, who was so similar to himself that he thought they could have actually been made for each other.
So why, he kept asking himself, did something always feel slightly off? Much as he tried to convince himself otherwise, things were starting to feel….too smooth. The days seemed to blend into each other as they followed the same routine; the people were almost too agreeable. He had heard "you are so right Chidi" or "what an insightful point Chidi" so many times he was beginning to feel as if no one was really listening to him. Even now - at the latest of Tahani's parties, celebrating the opening of Gunnar's animal shelter (who knew?) - he found himself ducking out of a debate over Kant vs. Mills to seek sanctuary by the closest bar.
When he really thought about it, as he wove his way through the other guests, the first time anyone had really challenged him here at all had been when he met Eleanor. It hadn't exactly been the happiest of meetings; the frozen yogurt shop closest to his apartment had gotten a multitude of new flavors, and yes, maybe he had taken a little more time than usual to make his decision, but that was no reason for her to groan "you're holding up the line, specs" the way she did. He had spun around and found her standing there, hip cocked, arms crossed, and bright blue eyes narrowed in his direction. They had debated flavor profiles for the next twenty minutes, and it was – bizarrely - the first time everything really felt right.
He turned a corner a little too sharply, and then suddenly there she was; in his arms, grinning up at him, seeming perfectly comfortable and perhaps a little bit tipsy. "Eleanor!" he exclaimed in what he really hoped didn't sound like a yelp, "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine, shi'm fine" she slurred slightly – definitely a little tipsy then. Her hands, which had been balled up against his front, relaxed and he felt her warm, very warm fingers splay across his chest. He was suddenly very aware of his hands, resting low on her hips. Too low. He shouldn't be holding her like this; he should let go; why wasn't he letting go?
"Listen Chidi," she began, lowering her voice and leaning closer, her fingers playing with his midnight blue tie (which, inexplicably, matched her satiny dress perfectly), "I need to talk to you. Privately. Come with me?". His mind shouted at him not to go, that this was going to be trouble, but he found himself stuck on her eyes, and she smelled like jasmine, and it was overwhelming, and so instead his traitorous body just nodded dumbly. Not that his response really seemed to make too much of a difference to her, as she pulled herself back and out of his arms, grabbing him by the wrist and walking quickly towards a secluded alcove on the side of the room, with him trailing clumsily after her.
Oh fork oh fork oh fork. This was such a bad idea; she should not be doing this. She was tipsy and not thinking clearly, and while historically that had led to some of her most memorable nights, what she had in mind now was most definitely not on the same page as hooking up with the hot bouncer or getting an unusual body piercing. What she was planning on doing was a whole new kind of risky for her. Especially considering who she was planning on doing it with. God, she could still feel the heat of his hands on her hips, and her grip on his wrist was maybe a little too tight, but she was afraid to let go; afraid that if she lost that sense of connection with him she might wuss out before even opening her mouth.
Once they reached the privacy of the alcove, she led him to the nearest overly-plush couch and let his wrist drop back to his side as she turned away from him, pacing back and forth in the confined space. "Eleanor, wha-" he began, but she shushed him and continued her pacing, trying to figure out the best way to start.
"Ok. Um….ok. Chidi," she stammered, stumbling over her words as she stopped her pacing and spun towards him, catching a full glimpse of him for the first time all night. Motherforker he could fill out a suit. She didn't think she had ever seen him in a full suit, but now that she had, she had to admit that he was way past pulling it off…and that was so not what she needed to be thinking about right now. "Chidi," she tried again, "would you consider us….friends?"
His eyebrows creased together in thought, and he took a lot longer to think it over than she had thought he would. There was a weird expression on his face as looked her up and down, but at least the "Yes" he replied with sounded sure. "Ok cool." she sighed, standing in front of him and twisting her fingers together. "So, one friend to another, can you keep a secret?"
He sank down onto the couch cushion and tried to calm his spinning mind. He wanted to say no; probably should say no; his track record with secret keeping was short and not at all positive. No matter how good his intentions were, he nearly always ended up feeling pressured to be honest and blurting everything out. But Eleanor looked….scared, and he didn't think he'd ever seen her scared before. He didn't think he ever wanted to see her scared again. "Of course I can".
She breathed out a sigh of relief and dropped down onto the couch next to him. "I shouldn't be telling you this". He must have looked confused, because she continued on at a rapidly increasing pace. "I mean, not just you. I shouldn't tell anyone this. I should just keep it to myself; I have been for six weeks and it's worked out and I don't know why I can't just keep my big mouth shut". Her hands had finally come to rest in her lap, but in their place her leg had started to bounce rapidly up and down. "But I need to tell someone or I think I might actually explode, and you're pretty much the best person I know" – he fought down a strange surge of pride at hearing those words; this was not the time – "and I trust you, I do. I just don't know how to-"
"Eleanor," he interrupted, reaching out on instinct to steady her bouncing knee with his hand. She started; looking down at it, then back up at his face with such a startled expression he immediately started to pull it back. But before he could, her own hand quickly moved to cover his. "You can trust me, I promise. Now tell me what's going on".
"Okay, right, just get it out in the open." she took in a deep breath, let it out, and then looked right into his eyes. "I don't belong here."
He hadn't immediately pulled away, which she took as a good sign. "Should probably explain that a little more," she continued sheepishly. And she did; she told him how none of the achievements others were applauding her for were actually hers; how she didn't recognize any of the memories in her file; how her name matched up but nothing else did. And all that time Chidi sat silent and still, listening intently with a unreadable expression. Although, she couldn't help but notice, he also hadn't taken his hand off her knee.
She finished her explanation and fell silent, chewing on her lip as she watched him process. "Ok," he began, lifting his free hand and rubbing his eyes behind his glasses, "Ok, so maybe it's all a mistake. We'll go to Michael and explain-"
"No, I can't!" she burst out, leaning forward in alarm as she continued in a hushed voice. "Listen, I wasn't…..a great person on Earth. If I tell Michael the truth….I think I'll be sent downstairs" she pointed at the floor by their feet for emphasis that wasn't really needed. They both knew what being sent "downstairs" would mean.
He sighed deeply and dropped his head back against the back of the couch while he thought. "Right, well, we don't have to figure everything out tonight. We can start tomorrow; I'll come by your place and we can go from there". When she didn't reply, he lifted his head and shot her a quizzical look. "Eleanor?"
She couldn't seem to speak. "You're…you're gonna help me?" she heard herself whisper, soft and scared and so unlike her.
A warm smile came over his face and he leaned in closer as he reached his other hand out to cover hers, holding it between both of his in such a tender way that whatever words she was going to say disappeared again from her mind. "Yes, I'm going to help you." he said, his voice suddenly deep and low and soft in a way she was sure it hadn't been seconds ago. "Because I think that deep down, you are a good person. And I want to help you see that too. We're friends, after all".
She was…well she didn't know what she was. At a complete loss for words, which did not happen to her very often. She felt like she might burst, but unlike before, she didn't think she would mind. She wanted to tell him how much that meant to her. She wanted to tell him that no one had ever said something like that to her. She wanted to tell him how this – sitting in the low light of the alcove, soft string music fading in from the main party, her hand enveloped in his, and the soft, warm light shining in his deep brown eyes – felt anything but friendly. But she didn't.
Instead, she pulled her hand from between his and threw her arms around him. He sat stunned for a moment, then she felt his arms wrap around her, gentle and warm. She pressed her face into his neck, squeezing him tightly, then pulled back a tiny bit and whispered an unintentionally husky "thank you" into his ear. She couldn't see him, but she could swear she felt him smiling, and as she felt his arms tighten around her she had a wild thought; that, despite everything that might go wrong tomorrow, this was the first time the Good Place actually felt…..good.
Chidi wasn't really sure how long they sat like that, wrapped in each other's arms. All he knew is how badly he didn't want to be the one to pull away first. For the first time since he had arrived to the Good Place, everything felt right. Which was completely insane, considering how royally forked everything in his life had suddenly become. Completely crazy, but somehow still 100% true.
He tried again to rationalize his way through what he had just agreed to. He had no idea what he was signing up for; no clue what Eleanor meant by "not great"; what she could have done on Earth to make her so spooked to admit it here. He tried once more to tell himself he should back out now, save himself all the worry and trouble, but then she sighed softly, her breath against his neck sending shivers down his spine, and he knew he couldn't.
Even with everything that could go wrong – and there was a lot that could; he'd already thought of about 37 possible ways it could blow up in their faces – he'd meant what he said. Sure, maybe Eleanor was rude, and selfish, and swore more than he'd ever thought any one person could. But he still truly believed that she was a good person, and he cared about her. Maybe he cared about her more than he should.
A sudden booming chime rang out in the main ballroom, and the two jumped apart, chuckling awkwardly and avoiding each other's glances. "Well, I guess we should probably be getting back; Tahani usually shoos everyone out by midnight." he pointed out, standing and reaching out a hand to her.
"Yeah," she replied, taking his hand and letting him pull her up off the couch, a bemused sort of smile on her face. "We should get going". She gave his hand a light squeeze and tilted her face up to look him straight in the eye. "Thank you Chidi. Really".
He felt a warm smile stretch across his face as he nodded "See you tomorrow". She smiled back and, letting go of his hand, started heading out towards the party.
She had nearly left the sanctuary of their alcove when, on impulse, he called out; "Eleanor? Why me?" She turned back towards him, her expression confused. "Why, out of everyone, would you tell me your secret?"
Her face broke into a fond grin, and she shrugged. "I don't know really. There's something about you. Something that feels….familiar".
He snorted "So I'm boring then." he teased, and she rolled her eyes with a soft laugh.
"No, you're…." she paused, seeming to argue with herself for a moment, before she strode back across the space between them, lifted herself up on her toes, and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. Her lips were soft, and warm, and god, she completely knocked the wind out of him. "Safe." she finished, a tiny smirk on her face as she took in his reaction. "Good night Chidi". And then she was gone.
For a while, Chidi stood frozen, staring at the spot where Eleanor had just been. Then he dropped his head with a soft "Good night Eleanor" and a chuckle. One thing was for sure; things were definitely going to be a lot more exciting from here on out.