Disclaimer: I do not own GW – seriously? I mean if I owned it, it would have been WAY different (obviously) and well – I'd be richer. :D

Thanks to my reviewers, Inuyashalover45 and Dioramanya – your consistent and lovely reviews really keep me writing. I won't lie – I crave that and it helps me write! Thanks!

CHAPTER 18

Duo wandered into the kitchen early that afternoon. It had felt like he had lost Heero a second time. The strange, but hopeful dream Heero had made him think, hope that Heero had returned to him. Waking up to find his room no different than it was when he fell asleep, was like a punch in the gut. He hadn't cried, simply sat there, exploring his pain – like one would probe a sore tooth. Finally, his stomach reminded him that he was hungry and he set out in search of food.

Quatre was in there. He smiled brightly and offered to make Duo french toast. Duo tried to speak, but his throat tightened, just like it always did when he tried to speak to someone other than Camille. He settled for a thin smile and a nod.

Quatre's chef looked slightly horrified when Quatre told him to take a break. Quatre just laughed and told him to take a seat. Quatre chattered as he prepared the meal, it was healthy, but Quatre graciously included some fried bacon to take the sting out of it. Duo didn't respond much to Quatre's tentatively asked questions, he didn't really notice them. He was trapped in his pain and his mind didn't seem able to process anything else.

It was the best dream Duo had had in a while and he wanted it to happen again. Duo went over and over the events, but even his hopeful mind couldn't justify his dream Heero as real. No one alive felt that cold, but that didn't matter. He was alive in the dream. That was good enough for Duo. Maybe he would come back the next night. For the first time in weeks, Duo felt he had something to look forward to. That anticipation helped clear his mind, and with a marginally lighter heart, Duo finished breakfast and went in search of his daughter.

XxXxX

"Duo."

Duo's eyes wrenched open. He swallowed convulsively. There was the voice again. He rolled over and saw Heero standing at the foot of the bed. This time Duo didn't move. He took in Heero's appearance. He still looked thin and ragged, but his clothes were less bloody. Duo gestured for Heero to join him in bed. Heero acceded to his request and slid into bed next to Duo. Duo kissed him once more. He was still cold, were dreams supposed to be warm? Duo didn't care. If he couldn't have him during the day, than at least he could have him in the dark of night.

When Heero was settled next to him, Duo slowly took off Heero's shirt. As he did, he saw the deep wound approximately where he had been shot. It was ugly, but not bleeding. This was a step up from most of his dreams. At least this time there was hope. Heero winced as Duo touched the wound tenderly.

The room was dark, so Duo couldn't see much except for Heero's silhouette. His husband was still stoically silent, speaking little. That didn't bother Duo much. Duo placed both hands on the side of Heero's face and brought his lips to Heero's. Heero didn't respond. Duo concentrated on all the memories he had of Heero's kisses and made the kiss deeper. Slowly, reluctantly, Heero responded. Eventually, his hands wrapped around Duo, pulling him closer. When the kiss ended, they were intertwined with each other.

After a long moment of silence had passed, Duo said, "Heero?" Slowly, Heero turned and looked at him, saying nothing. "Are you real?" Still no change in Heero's expression as he silently turned his head away from Duo again. Ignoring the tears in his eyes, Duo tightened his hold. "I won't leave you tonight. I will stay awake with you all night if I have too. I'll never wake up."

There was no response from Heero. Duo spent the night holding the shadow of his husband close, trying to memorize everything about him. As dawn neared, Duo's body insisted that he rest. He moved himself to a sitting position, but it wasn't enough. Once more he found himself drifting off to sleep. And when he finally opened his eyes again, panicked, hoping he hadn't slept for that long, the room was the same as it had been the day before – empty.

XxXxX

Duo decided, that on the off chance his nightly visitor was Heero – alive and well, he would stay awake that night and stake him out. He forced himself to nap that afternoon and set an alarm so that he could be awake to put Camille to bed. Then he camped out in his room with some magazines, he still had some accounts for the garage he could work on. Seeing Heero at night gave him a purpose. He felt more alive than he had in weeks.

After a few hours, his accounts were done, the magazines read and he found himself drifting off. Standing, Duo began pacing their large bedroom, wearing down the rug as he walked back and forth. After 40 minutes of pacing, Duo had to sit down. The twins were heavy, his back was aching and despite the nap he was feeling true exhaustion set in. He checked the clock. It was only one a.m. With a sigh, he moved himself to the floor, no easy task when he was this large.

With a groan, Duo gently began stretching his legs, arms and back. It was slow going, there was more of him to move around right now, but it didn't matter. It helped him get through another hour. He made an effort to get up. Moaning in dismay, he realized he couldn't. He rolled onto his side, than his back and grabbed the bed. The sheets and comforter slid off the bed in a tumble, sending him thudding back to the ground. He tried to work himself to his knees, but that wasn't happening. He cursed the high, extra padded beds of the Winner mansion. Most nights, not a problem – tonight, however, it was making his life difficult

After much maneuvering, Duo managed to get himself sitting up again. He was now sweaty and cranky. Maybe Heero was only a dream. Surely if he was seeing this he would have come to help by now.

Duo heard the door open. His heart raced. He turned and saw the dark haired figure in the door. Adrenaline shot through his body and he struggled to raise himself up again.

"Duo?" It wasn't Heero. That wasn't his voice. It was Trowa. "Is everything okay?"

Despite his massive disappointment, something about this situation struck Duo as so ridiculous that he felt irrepressible laughter bubbling up inside him. Gasping, he wheezed out, "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

Something between relief and worry crossed Trowa's face as he hurried over to help the braided man rise from the floor. Once standing, Duo grasped Trowa's shoulder, steadying himself while the laughter continued. They were small, short laughs, his diaphragm didn't have room to expand enough for the more bellowing laugh he normally invested in. Duo felt the room begin to spin as his laughter started to change into sobs of disappointment. It wasn't fair. He kept hoping, longing for the unrealistic chance that Heero would return. He would never give up that hope, no matter how unlikely it seemed. Duo's sobs turned into lamentations as he cried, "It's all my fault, I shouldn't have let him go!" Trowa led Duo to the edge of the bed and sat him down. Sitting next to him, the stoic man reached out and hugged Duo firmly. "He promised me he wouldn't die! Why did I ask that? It was like asking for trouble." And that was it, maybe, just maybe if Duo hadn't tempted fate – stuck out his tongue at her and gone "nyah, nyah, nyah-nah" Heero would still be here.

Slowly the sobs died, leaving only a steady stream of tears in their wake. As oxygen began more regularly began entering his lungs, Duo realized that he wasn't the only one crying.

Trowa's eyes were looking upward but there were tears tracing the strong angle of his jaw. Though his face was still, Duo could still see the pain etched into the lines around his eyes. With a shudder, Duo was able to get a hold of himself. He pulled away from Trowa, feeling wretched. He had been so focused on his own pain that he hadn't recognized anyone else's.

Unsure of how to console Trowa, Duo stood, "Do you think you can grab my blankets for me?" Trowa took in a deep breath and lifted them from their pile on the floor and straightened Duo's bed for him. Duo nodded at him. Trowa shrugged and headed for the door.

"Trowa?" Duo said hesitantly, "Thank you." Trowa simply nodded and shut the door on his way out.

Without much hope, Duo tried to stay awake just a little bit longer, but it was no good. As he felt himself drifting off, he cursed his own inability to stay awake.

XxXxX

Heero didn't appear that night, but he did the following. It seemed as long as Duo fell asleep, than dream Heero would visit him. Maybe this was Heero's spirit or something, making sure Duo was alright. Duo tentatively suggested they visit Camille early one morning, but dream Heero just shook his head. Duo didn't take it personally. He couldn't really. How could you be angry at a figment of your own imagination. A part of Duo thought that maybe this was Heero's spirit come back to stay with him, like a parting gift from God.

As the nights passed, dream Heero showed up most nights. Duo was sleeping more and more. Possibly a subconscious attempt to see Heero more. Duo was sure that Quatre was worried at home much time Duo spent in bed, but telling Quatre the real reason wasn't an option. Duo was aware that Quatre would even more if Duo admitted that he saw Heero every night in his dreams. If crazy meant he could see Heero, than he would gladly be committed.

During the day, Duo made an effort to be his old self. He forced himself to joke around with the others and tried his best to hold conversations with Quatre and Trowa. The relief and pain Duo had seen on Trowa's face that night pierced his own pain and made him realize that he wasn't the only one hurting. If he could help them, maybe he could help himself.

Duo didn't fool himself into believing that his pain was going anywhere, but he wore a mask everyday to let them believe it was. They still treated him carefully, as if one wrong move would shatter him, but he had such a thick set of armor on to preserve his waning sanity that they really needn't worry. Besides, at night he had the Heero substitute. It wasn't really Heero. Duo's imagination was damaged or something, Heero was distant and cold, but it was better than nothing.

After a few weeks, Duo had himself into a routine, he went to bed early, woke up a few hours later to see Heero at the foot of the bed. He would than talk to him for a little while before bringing him to bed, wrapping his arms around Heero and drifting off to sleep. When he woke up, his arms were empty, but the disappointment was less and less every morning.

One night, Duo decided to risk asking the one question that he had, up 'til now, refused to ask. "Heero? Will you stay?"

The dream Heero didn't respond. Duo sat up in the bed, wrapped his arms around his stomach and tried not to let himself cry. "I need you Heero." He felt the tears treacherously slide down his cheek, "I don't want to be alone and I don't think I could ever. . ." He paused, breathing deeply, "I mean, how can I find someone willing to put up with me? To go running with me and be a father and save the world all at the same time." Duo sniffed. "It's your fault I miss you! You made yourself perfect and then you left!" Duo stopped, he was yelling. What was the point in yelling at someone who wasn't really there.

Late that morning, when he finally woke up, he stumbled out of his bed and made it to the bathroom before even thinking about Heero. On his way back to his room to get ready, the realization of who he had forgotten stung. Therapeutically, he began rubbing the bottom of his stomach, where one child was stirring. He tried to convince himself it was okay that he forgot Heero. It was good that he didn't feel the poignant ache reminding him Heero was gone when he woke up.

When he reached his doorway, Duo realized why he hadn't noticed. One hand wrapped around his stomach, another bracing him against the door, Duo yelled, "Quatre!"

Tsutsuku

XxXxX

Not the best chapter I have ever written, but. . . . uh-oh? :D

review and I will update, have a good week!

~Annie