It's new feeling, new concept. To have someone waiting for her. She tries not to think about it a lot, but whenever she's alone she does.
Not just when she's alone to be honest. Sometimes she thinks about it when she's with Bonnie at their dorm. Or when she's at the grill with Matt. Or when she's staring blankly at the professor while he rambles about something she no longer cares about it. Okay, so she might be thinking about it quite a lot.
But be it. It's her sweet torture.
She acknowledges the fact that the thought of him is slowly eating her mind. And she knows that she should think about other things more often. Because she's not the kind of girl whose life spin around some boy.
But he's not just a boy. He's Stefan Salvatore. Just his name makes her mind go dizzy. He's the one who was always there for her, who believed in her when everyone doubted her. He's the one who saved her life. He's her friend.
But most importantly, he's the one she loves.
She realizes that the more she knows him, the more she falls for him. She reached a point where the idea of loving him is the most normal thing in her life. It's no longer a surprise, in fact she can't remember a time when she didn't love him.
But that doesn't mean that she's ready. She's anything but.
It's quite confusing, that little twist in her gut. It's the idea that's growing in her mind. That the more she loves him, the more she's not ready for him.
She fell in love more than once in her short life, but she can't recall a time when she felt this way. Having this one person in the world whome she'd do anything for. Someone that she'd go through hell for. Someone that she's willing to give anything away, just to be next to him everyday of her immortal life. Someone that she loves in every meaning of the word. Not that she think he's flawless. Not at all, she's aware of his flaws, of his history, of his darkness. And She never thought less of him. And it scares her.
She fell in love before, yes. But she could always control it. But now with those feelings for him overwhelming her and controlling every bone of her. She doesn't like it.
And for a control freak, that's a nightmare.
So she pushes it away. Tries to shut all her feelings down, even thou she's failing. But she won't give in.
She won't lose control.
She suddenly feels determinate as she gulps down another shot.Yes, I won't give in. she thinks to herself.
It feels good,having control.
But it's all gone when he walks through the door of the grill and walks to her. Hands in his pockets, wearing that v-neck T-shirt underneath the jeans jacket. Damn, he's good looking. She thinks.
She looks down to her glass, trying to hide her red cheeks. Andseriously?! I'm blushing because he looks good?!
He takes a seat next to her and smiles to Matt as he puts a glass in front of him. He can share Caroline's bottle anyway.
"Hey." He says.
"Hey." She says, her voice is over-excited, trying to sound casual.
"What are you doing here?" He says with a smile. And why is he giving her his full attention? The least he could do is to sit properly on his stool instead of shooting heart eyes in her direction.
"I thought I can hang out with Matt a little." She smiles, "What are you doing here?"
"I went to your dorm and Bonnie told me you're here, so…" He trails off as he holds his glass in a cheers gesture. Never breaking the eye contact as he swallows down the liquid. And there's that stupid dreamy smile on his face. But it's been there a lot lately.
She drinks with him. And tries to focus on something else other than his eyes. There's that ugly yellow bag that hangs on a chair pass his shoulder. She focuses on that.
Two hours later, they're already through their third bottle. The place is louder, and now full with high school kids hanging around.
She laughs Hysterically about something stupid while he just smiles. When she looks at him through her giggles, she thinks that his smile is too steady to be drunk. And then she realizes that maybe he's not even drunk, not like at her at least.
Perhaps because he's older, or maybe because he didn't drink half what she did.
She stares into his eyes little longer than she should. She can blame the alcohol for that. And yes, even when she's drunk to dead, she can't shake him off.
It's that look on his face that takes her off guard. Because yes she got used to loving him, but she's not used to him loving her.
He looks at her as if she's the stars in a dark night, like she's the first person he sees on a deserted island.
And then there's that little curve of his lips as he gets lost in her eyes. Not that she minds, she's lost too.
Her drunk mind stops her from noticing who leans in first, and it doesn't matter. All what matters is that they're few inches apart and she doesn't want to pull back. She knows that this, right here is losing control. But she doesn't care. She's too tired to care. She's getting impatient with herself actually. Because staying away from him, is pointless. And stupid. And completely mental.
She's sober by now. And she can see that he's nervous. The way he clinches his jaw, eyebrows furrowing. The way his mouth open and close in instant. Or the way his eyes drift to her lips.
She knows that it's not right, not like this. But she's been waiting for so long that she just wants to taste it for once.
He closes his eyes long before she does. He doesn't move nor flinch.
He waits for her.
It's slow but fast, their lips barely touching. He's not even sure if it is kiss. But the way his throat tighten and his heart races, he knows it's.
She pulls back, and sits straight in her seat. Hands on her legs and eyes wandering around.
It takes him a moment to open his eyes, and another one to breath again. He swallows as he switches in his stool to face the bar. Fingers playing with the glass as he looks away.
If someone was watching them from a distant, he'd be completely startled.
Two people drinking together, then laughing together. Then kissing for less than a minute, then avoiding each other's gaze.
But it's not confusing at all. It's waiting.