"No! It's mine!" Ben shrieked as the nurse tried to take his blood for the pre-op work.

"It's okay-"

"NO!" he wailed, pulling his arms close and letting the tears slide down his face. "I want my daddy!"

"Ben, I'm right here," Adam assured, moving closer to the bed and holding Ben's free hand. "It's only going to hurt for a minute, okay?"

"Daddy please."

"I'm sorry buddy. You need to be really still, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm going to hold you really tight, okay?"

"Where's mama?"

"She's right outside the door and she'll be back in after a minute," Adam explained, gathering his son in a hug and letting the nurse do her work.

"Why she out there?"

"Well, mama just hates to see you upset like this."

"I know her does. OW! Ow, daddy that hurts!"

"I know. It's almost over. You're being so brave son, I'm really proud of you."

"I make you proud, daddy. No cryin'."

"Alright kiddo, it's all over. There's only going to be one more needle stick later and then you won't have to worry about it anymore, okay?"

He nodded and sniffled as she left the room and Lindsay came back in.

"I was brave mama!"

"I know you were honey," Lindsay said, leaning down to kiss his tears away.

"You not like to see me when I am sad. It makes your heart hurt, huh?"

"Yeah, it does."

"I know. My heart hurts when your heart hurts, mama."

"It does?"

"Yeah. How long until I fall asleep?"

"Well it's going to be another hour until it's time for you to go to sleep. Do you want to see Colton and Avery for a little while before they go with Jo?"

He nodded and Adam went out of the room to get them.

"Mama?"

"Yes baby?"

"Why you scared?"

She stared at him for a minute, surprised that he knew of the fright which pounded through her entire body. She'd done so well keeping it hidden and had even told him there was nothing to be scared of.

"I'm just scared because I have to trust the doctor to keep you safe. I can't do it by myself."

She brushed his hair back as he stared into her eyes, his look one of question.

"Mama, you are very scared and sad. You think something bad to happen."

"No I don't honey. I really don't. It's just a little scary. You are going to be just fine, Benjamin. You'll go to sleep for a little while and when you wake up daddy and I will be right here."

"Did you do this when you was little?"

"Yep, I did."

"And daddy?"

"He did too."

"I be okay, you see mama."

"Hey Ben," Colton greeted. "Nice clothes."

Ben giggled and looked down at his hospital gown.

"Stylin'. Daddy said so."

Avery whimpered and reached out for her big brother, and Adam settled her onto the bed. Ben put his arm around her and she cuddled against him, sucking furiously on her pacifier.

"It okay sissy. I good."

Colton climbed up onto the bed too and all three kids sat there giggling together, and looking through the books that Ben had brought with him. Adam reached over and took Lindsay's shaking hand in his, then drew her into his arms.

"He's going to be alright honey. I promise."

"I know. I just get scared."

"Me too."

They moved over to the bed and sat down, all five of them together for a while. They read a few books and laughed together until it was time for Ben to go into surgery. He bravely bid goodbye to his siblings when Jo came to get them. Adam and Lindsay fawned over him and held him tightly while the nurse started his IV.

"It be over soon?" he asked as they wheeled him down the hall.

"Yeah honey, very soon. It will be so fast."

"I need hugs and kisses."

They both leaned down and hugged him, telling him how much they loved him and that he would be done in no time. Pretty soon he was taken into the operation room, where they couldn't get to him. Lindsay let a tear dribble down her cheek and Adam kissed it away.

"Let's go wait. It won't be long."

The next sixty minutes felt more like sixty years as Lindsay paced across the waiting room. She knew he would be fine, this was a routine surgery, his doctor had probably performed several a day in the last few years, but that didn't mean there wasn't a chance that something could happen.

"Linds, honey, come sit down."

She sighed and planted herself in his lap, closing her eyes and trying to calm her heart rate.

"When is this going to be over?"

"In a while honey."

"I'm glad this isn't a major surgery, I would be a total mess."

"He's going to be just fine. And he's not going to have to deal with sore throats and waking up in the night so much. It's going to be so much better for him."

"I know. I just don't want to see those bags under his eyes anymore because he can't sleep."

"I know. Everything will be better, you'll see."

She was about to reply when the door opened and the doctor stepped in.

"Is he okay?" Lindsay asked, before he even had a chance to greet them.

"Yes, he's doing just fine. The surgery was very fast, no complications. His tonsils were a lot worse than we thought they were so it was good that we got them now. He should be waking up any minute. He'll probably be really disoriented, so he'll need you there."

They followed him down the hall to recovery where Ben was laying on the bed, looking cozy and in a deep sleep. Lindsay went to his side and took his hand, leaning down to kiss his warm forehead.

"He has a fever."

"Yeah, just a little. It's not uncommon for kids to have a fever as they're breaking through the anesthesia. It's not very high, it should be gone in an hour or so."

Lindsay nodded and tuned out the rest of the conversation between Adam and the doctor, and just focused on Ben. He looked like a baby laying there, his round cheeks sagging and rosy. She stroked her hands over his soft skin and through his short sandy hair wanting to pick him up and hold him close to her for as long as she could.

It was several minutes before he stirred, opening his eyes and grunting as he reached for her.

"Hi baby. You're okay, it's all over."

"Dunner?"

"Junior's at home, you'll see him in a few days."

"See," he replied softly.

"You need your glasses?" she asked, sliding them onto his face. "There you go. Is that better?"

He gave a short nod and held onto her hand before going back to sleep.

"Is that normal?"

"Yeah, he's really tired now. The anesthesia is mostly worn off, but he's going to be tuckered out for a few hours. We'll discharge him as soon as he wakes up for good. There's a button on the side of his bed that you can press if you need a nurse."

He left them alone and Adam sat down on the other side of the bed, taking Ben's free hand. He kissed the tiny fingers and rubbed the chubby arm, then leaned up and kissed the full cheeks.

"See, he's just fine."

"I know."

"It's okay that you worried though," he commented softly, reaching over to hold her hand too.

"It better have been okay."

He gave her a short smile as she watched their son sleep. It was several moments of quiet contemplation about their often overlooked middle child. They'd had three years with Colton alone, endless hours to stare at him and marvel over him and come to grips with the fact that he was made up entirely of the two of them. It was easy to do that with Avery now, she was their only daughter, a nightowl who never went to sleep until shortly before they did. They spent a lot of time with her, wondering who she was going to be like, and how they were going to raise a girl.

Ben never got that kind of attention. Not that they loved him any less, or that he wasn't as special. He was just the kind of kid that didn't make much noise. There had been issues when Avery was first born, but that was just an adjustment. They had never just sat and stared at him like this, taking in all the features of his little face, learning things about him as he slept.

"I wonder how long he's going to have that baby face," Lindsay mused, running her fingers gently up and down Ben's arm.

"I hope for a long time. He's pretty cute."

"Yeah, he is. He looks so much like you."

"I think he looks like you."

"I don't know. Maybe he looks like both of us."

"Maybe so."

They fell into silence for a while, both lost in their own thoughts, in their own worlds. It was probably an hour that they sat there in quiet contemplation before Ben woke up again.

"Mama. Hold."

He had reverted back to short sentences again and she was sure it was just because his throat hurt so badly, he didn't want to say much more. Carefully she lifted him out of bed and into her arms where he nestled against her, his head on her shoulder.

"Mama."

"You're okay baby. I'm right here, you're just fine. You can go back to sleep."

He fussed for a moment and reached up to wind his fingers through the ends of her hair. It was almost like a security blanket for him when he was sick or scared. He tried to stick his thumb in his mouth but she wasn't sure he should do that, so she pulled his hand away. He didn't say a word, just rubbed his nose against her shoulder and went back to sleep.

"How's his fever?"

"A little better. Do you want to come over here and hold him?"

"I'll come over there, but I don't want to move him just yet."

They both got up and made their way to the small couch against the wall, sitting down in such a way that they could both hold their son.

"He's going to be just fine," Adam whispered again. "Just fine."

It was late in the day when they finally arrived home. Ben was too tired to walk, so Adam carried him into the house and up to his bedroom. Jo had actually taken the time to change Ben's sheets and put fresh blankets on his bed, and Adam settled him into them, making sure he had enough pillows and he would be comfortable.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah bud?"

"Ow."

"I know it hurts. Just go to sleep for now. Mama will bring you some medicine in a few hours."

"Hungry."

"You can't have anything else yet, but we have Jello for you later."

"Daddy, was din-saurs."

"There were dinosaurs?"

"Mm-hmm. Flied."

"Dinosaurs that flew, huh?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Go back to sleep. Mama will be up to check on you in a little while."

"Daddy. Kiss."

Adam chuckled and kissed his son, then pulled the blankets up a little higher and left the room.

"Daddy, I wanna see Ben!" Colton said as Adam came down the stairs.

"Shh. He needs his rest right now."

"I will go rest too! I just wanna see my brother!"

"Why don't you wait a while and you can go see him when mama goes to give him his medicine."

"Oh alright. I will just keep playing with the baby Aves."

"Thanks buddy. Is mama in the kitchen?"

"Yup. Jo just leaved. She said to give Ben a kiss for her."

"Okay, we'll make sure. Watch your sister, I'll be right back."

He went into the kitchen where Lindsay was leaning against the counter, reading over the post operative instructions one more time. He approached her quietly and she looked up at him, smiling before she stepped into his arms.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little overwhelmed, but I think we're going to be okay. Did he go to sleep?"

"Yeah right down. I told him you would bring his medicine in a little while and that he could have some Jello later."

"Okay. I think I'm going to go and take a nap for a bit. I don't think I'm going to be getting much sleep tonight."

"Okay. I'll field all the anxious grandma calls. Go rest. Maybe take Avery with you though, she's getting cranky."

"Wake me if you need me."

She went into the other room and gathered Avery from the floor where she was whimpering in frustration.

"Hey chubbles, want to go take a nap with mama?"

"Mama!" she replied happily.

"Yeah, let's go up and take a nap."

"Hey mama, can I come too?"

"You want to take a nap, Colton?"

"Yeah. Can I go in my room though? I will take a nap in there where Ben is."

"Okay, go ahead, but don't wake him, alright?"

He nodded and they trooped up the stairs quietly. Lindsay made sure Colton was settled, then checked on Ben before going up to her own bed. Avery was yawning and clingy as they laid down, and for some reason she wanted to be held but she didn't want to just rest easy. Lindsay let her go, figuring she didn't want to cuddle, but then she cried and rolled back over to her mama.

"Sweetie I don't know what you want," she said finally after several minutes of that.

"Mama," she replied with a sleepy smile before tugging on Lindsay once more.

"Do you want to nurse, is that your issue? Alright, come here."

Ben and Colton had never really wanted to nurse much after they'd had solid food. Sure, a nighttime feeding was something they both wanted until they were about a year old, but midday feedings were nonexistent. Lindsay thought Avery would be the same, but after a few days of solid food, she'd gone back to her previous schedule. She still liked solids, but Lindsay suspected she wanted time alone with her mama too. She didn't mind, it was one more baby thing that she could hold onto for a while.

"There, are you happy now honey? Oh please don't grow any bigger for a while. Mama can't take it. Will you stay my sweetie petitey forever and ever?"

Avery smiled and reached up to grab the locket Lindsay wore, which had been updated with current pictures of her kids on one half and the Messer kids on the other. Avery looked at it as she held it between her fingers, turning it one way and then the other, her face one of true curiosity, as if she had never seen it before.

"We could almost put your hair in a ponytail now baby," Lindsay mused, inspecting her daughter's curls. "Will you let mama dress you in pink and lace like a little girl, or do you want to rough and tumble with your brothers?"

Avery gave her a little smile, her eyelids drooping as she slid into a lazy afternoon nap.

"I think I'm going to join you, sleepy girl," Lindsay said, readjusting them both so they were curled up together in the middle of the bed. "I love you, Averylin Grace. All my heart."

The coughing that woke her up was loud and raspy and she bolted out of bed, rubbing her eyes and trying to see in the dark. Half stumbling, she made her way downstairs to Ben, who was laying in bed, coughing and crying.

"Mama. Hurt."

"I know honey. Sit up and have a drink of water."

He whimpered and whined between sips of water and she pulled him into her lap, rocking him gently and hoping that would soothe him at least a little.

"Benny, you okay?" Colton asked, getting out of bed and hugging his brother. "I love you."

"Love Cole."

"Oh mama, doesn't he have some medicine?" Colton asked, nearly in tears. "He is hurtin' so bad."

"He has some but I need to go downstairs and get it."

"My poor little brother."

"Will you cuddle with him while I go find his medicine?"

Colton nodded and sat down on the bed and Ben crawled into his lap.

"It be okay, Benny. Mama make you feel okay."

"Ow."

"Yeah, it hurts huh? You are a brave boy, Ben. A big brave boy."

Lindsay smiled and went downstairs to get the medicine, then came back up as quickly as she could. The boys were still cuddled up in bed and Colton was stroking Ben's hair away from his face.

"It will be alright Benny. Mama's here."

"Here's some medicine, sweetie."

"Ew mama, icky."

"No, this isn't icky. Remember the doctor made it taste like oranges?"

"Okay."

She gave the medicine to him and he sighed, reaching his arms out for her.

"Hold."

"Okay, come here sweetie."

She lifted him into her arms and he nuzzled into her while Colton watched worriedly.

"Colton, go back to bed honey. Ben will be okay. We're just going to go walk downstairs until the medicine works."

He nodded and got back into his bed, and Lindsay took Ben downstairs.

"Are you thirsty honey?"

"No."

"Are you hungry for some Jello or pudding?"

"No. Want mama. Want Dunner."

"You can see Junior tomorrow hon."

He slumped against her and she walked with him all over the house for the next twenty minutes while his pain killers took effect. Qwerty followed along after them, seemingly concerned as to why they were up so late and what was wrong with Ben.

"Mama."

"Yes sweetie?"

"No ow."

"It doesn't hurt anymore?"

"No. Bed?"

"Yeah, I'll put you to bed. Want me to snuggle you for a while?"

He nodded as they started up the stairs. She held him tightly and just breathed him in before she had to put him back to bed.

"I love you so much, Benjamin. Sleep sweet little boy. I'll see you soon."

She gave him one last kiss and watched him breathe in the moonlight, just as she had so many nights before when he woke up. This time he would be okay. This time he would be fine.