I own nothing, this amazing show and characters belongs to the ABC network television show Nashville. Well I guess now that Nashville is a part of CMT, it all belongs to them. Either way I own nothing. I am just borrowing these extraordinary characters.
Before I begin this chapter I wanted to share the inspiration. There is this picture of Charles (Chip) Esten and Connie Britton that made me wish there were more Deyna performances. The picture is taken at the event Connie hosted at the Grand Ole Opry. They had just sang I Want To (Do Everything for You). The picture captures Chip hugging Connie and both of them having the biggest most genuine smiles on their faces. The pure joy and laughter made me want to imagine all the fun performance Rayna and Deacon shared in the beginning of their careers. So to fix that I decided to write this chapter. I hope you enjoy.
After Ray left my car I went home. Right as I pull in I see Beverly carrying her bags out of the front door. She looked angry and began throwing her bags into the bed of the truck. I can tell by the amount of steam coming out of Beverly's ears she some how found out about my conversation with Ray. I parked and ran to talk to her. When she whipped her head in my direction I knew I was right. She found out about them offering me a job to be her guitarist and she's lost it. I don't think I have ever seen her that angry, at least not at me. I tried to explain that they offered her a spot on the tour as well but she didn't believe me. All she kept saying was "Rayna has been eyeing. She wants to steal you away from me and you are falling for it. We don't need her Deacon." And on and on. The pure hatred projected in
Beverly's voice stunned me. How could she hate her this much? I don 't think they have ever even had a conversation.
I tried to reason with her for close to an hour but she refused to listen. She didn't even hug me goodbye. She got right in the truck when her last bag was thrown in. As they reversed out of the driveway she rolled down her window and said, "Be careful Deacon. That girl is trouble." I stood in the driveway for a ling time after they left just trying to comprehend what had just happened. If I am being honest I felt more sad then anything. Sure my sister has always been difficult but we always had each other. This is the first time I have ever truly been alone. I went into the empty and pathetic house and felt cold. I went straight for the fridge and decided to get drunk and I did exactly that maybe even a little more then that.
Knock Knock
"Deacon."
No answer.
Knock Knock
"Deacon."
No answer.
"Deacon come open the door."
I could hear her but moving was not an option at the moment. I hoped that maybe if I stayed real quiet she would just leave.
Knock Knock Knock
"Deacon I know you are in there. Your truck is out here. Ugh fine I'm just coming in."
I can hear the agitation in her voice with that last sentence. I hear the door creak open and it s the most annoying and painful noise in the history of the world. I pull the pillow over my head to shield my ears. It takes her a few minutes to find me but I'm grateful she stopped the knocking and yelling. I feel her hand touch the top of my back. Even hung over her touch sends chills.
"Deacon are you ok? It's 8 in the afternoon. I didn't hear from you and got worried."
All I could manage was a moan.
"Deacon this place is a disaster. There is no way you drank all of these empty bottles everywhere…is there?"
I try to sit up but a very intense wave of nausea hits me so I stop. Her hand leaves my back and the bed shifts as she gets off. She comes back minutes later.
"Here."
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I open my eyes and see she's holding a tall glass of water and some aspirin pills in her hand. I try the whole sitting up thing again but do it very cautious and slowly. I take the pills and water from her she watches me take them then turns and leaves my room. I close my eyes to try to control the spinning. I manage to get off of my bed and head for the bathroom. I turn the shower on and jump in. The shower wakes me up but the normal refreshing clean feeling you get after taking one didn't not happen. If anything it enhanced the feeling of alcohol coming out of my pores. I put grey sweat pants on and headed in the direction of the kitchen to get more water. I see her cleaning in the living room and shame possesses my body.
"I thought you left."
"I thought about it but I wanted to make sure you made it out of the shower. I couldn't leave until I knew you managed not to drown."
"Ray, please stop cleaning. I can do that. You can leave. I'm fine. I drank way to much and blacked out but I'm awake and fine now."
"I'll leave after we clean up. It'll go faster if I help you."
I can hear the anger but mostly I hear the sadness I her voice. I don't say anything I just start helping her. It takes us longer then I thought it would. The entire time we say nothing to one another and we also avoid looking in the other persons direction. I feel awful because I know I've disappointed her. I never wanted to disappoint her. I never wanted to cause her any pain. I never wanted to be the reason her eyes were filled with sadness. All of the empty bottles are now in trash bags and I start to take them to the curb. While I do that she managed to find the vacuum and began vacuuming. I sit outside after I drop the last bag at the curb. I stay outside partly because the vacuum is hurting my head even more but mostly because I couldn't take the distant feeling between us anymore. I needed some air. When I no longer hear the vacuum I get up and head back in. She is rolling the cord up.
"Ray."
"hmm." Is all she says with her eyes down on the vacuum.
"Ray, baby please look at me." She places the cord on the vacuum and looks up.
"Thank you." I walk towards her and see her body tighten. I am now standing directly in front of her, centimeters from her body. She stands very still and guarded. I slowly raise right hand and place it on her check and begin rubbing my thumb up and down trying to comfort her. I then move my left hand to the lower part of her back. Her demeanor changes from hard and distant to a soft longing and her eyes fill with tears.
"Ray I am so sorry. I never wanted you to see me like that." tears start rolling down her face and I brush them away.
"Baby please don't cry. I never want to be the reason you cry. Please baby I'm so sorry for scarying you. Forgive me. I will never do this to you again." I place my forehead on hers. She opens her eyes and looks into mine. I expected her to say something but instead she kisses me. It starts as a slow and gentle peck, followed by another one that lasts a little longer, and then it turns intense and filled with an insane amount of passion. She moves her hands up to the back of my head and pushes her body into mine. Here fingers pulling at the hair at the base of my head. Then suddenly she pulls her lips from mine. She pushes me away from her.
"I have to go."
She grabs her purse from the couch and frantically walks out the door. I'm left in the living room feeling confused and also trying to catch my breath. What just happened? I am frozen until I hear her car start. I sprint out of the house towards her car.
"Ray! Ray! Stop! Baby just talk to me."
She pulls out and drives down the road I chase her but she eventually accelerates leaving me in the middle of the road. I walk back to the house slowly. I walk in and the first thing I want to do is drink but decide to grab my guitar instead. I spend the rest of the night writing. I finish a little after midnight and go to bed.
I woke up around 9 and headed to the kitchen to make myself some breakfast. I had just finished the pancakes when there's a knock at the door.
"Hold on." I turn off the stove and go to the door. I open it and there she is as breathe taking as ever.
"Hi." –Ray
"Hi."
"Can I come in?"
"Yeah. Of course. I just made breakfast. Care to join me?"
"Sure. Thanks." We walk in to the kitchen and she sits at the table.
"I made pancakes is that ok?"
"Yes pancakes are great. Do you have coffee?"
"Yeah." I pour some into a coffee cup and make her a plate.
"Here you go." I place the plate in front of her.
"Thank you." I head back to make a plate for myself. I head to the table and sit on the opposite side to give her some space. We eat our food in silence. She finishes and goes to wash her dishes.
"Don't worry about that. I can do it later. Just put them in the sink."
"I don't mind." She washes her plate and pours another cup of coffee and comes back to the table.
"The pancakes were good. Thank you."
"You're welcome. I am glad you enjoyed it."
"So I came here because we need to talk." I chuckle.
"I figured. I know you didn't come for the coffee."
"I need to know if you are coming on the tour with me."
"That's what you want to talk about?"
"Yes. I need your answer. If you aren't I need to find someone else quickly because we leave for the smaller shows in three days."
"Wow three days. That's soon."
"I know. So have you thought about it?"
"I have."
"So?"
"I have a question first."
"Ok."
"Why me? There are plenty of other guitarists in this town. Why'd you choose me?"
"You're right. There are a lot of guitarists around who would want to come." She pauses and pushes her cup away from her.
"That night at The Bluebird, that night wasn't the first time I had heard you play. I was walking one night and saw you at the park. You had your guitar you were writing a song. I watched you for like an hour. You finished tweaking and finally played it all the way through. The song was beautiful but there was a verse that really stood out to me. Having a choice doesn't mean you have control. That verse you sang with so much vulnerability and pain it took you three times to get past it. I think you are a beautiful musician. I think that together we could be extraordinary rather then ordinary apart."
We sit in silence. I really didn't know what to say to that.
"Ok."
"Ok?"
"Yeah. Ok. I'm in. I'll go on tour with you."
"Ok."
More silence.
"Well I better get going. I have a lot to do before we leave. Thanks again for the breakfast."
"Wait."
"Yeah."
"Do you play the piano?"
"Yes."
"Would you mind helping me out with a song? I have the lyrics I just cant find the right melody."
"I don't know I really need to be going."
"Please?"
"Ok. I can help for a little bit."
We walk to Beverly's room because that's where the piano is. I grab my notepad from my room on the way.
"Ok. So these are the lyrics I have so far."
"Ok. Let me read them."
She reads them and plays the keys a few times messing around with it a little.
Then she turns to me and says, "Ok. I have an idea you tell me what you think."
She begins to play and I just sit and listen.
It feels like a tear in my heart
Like a part of me is missing
And I just an feel it
I've tried and I've tried
And I've tried
Tears on my face I can't take it
If lonely is a taste, this its all that I'm tasting
Do you hear my cry?
I cry, oh
Can you hold me (x2)
Can you hold me in your arms?
Just wrap me in your arms, in your arms
I don't want to be nowhere else
Take me from the dark, from the dark
I ain't gonna make it on myself
Put your arms around me
Put your arms around me
I am lost
I am lost
If I ain't got you here
If I ain't got you, I ain't got nothing at all
Can you hold me (x2)
Can you hold me in your arms?
I feel like it's just me, like its just me
I don't even know, I don't even know
But I am lonely, I'm lonely
I feel like I don't even know me
I don't even know me
Can you hold me (x2)
Can you hold me in your arms?
In your arms.
The song ends and she looks at me.
"What do you think?"
I lean in and kiss her.
"That was more than I could have ever imagined."
I kiss her again.
"How did you do that?"
"I honestly don't know. I just read the lyrics and it was like I knew the song."
"It's amazing I think our first co write is going to take people's breaths away."
"No you wrote it. I just put it to music. It's your song."
"No, it's ours"
I kiss her once again.
"Well I really need to get going."
"Ok. I'll walk you out."
"That's ok. I know the way."
And just like that she was gone.
I hadn't talked to her for three days. Bucky, her new manager called me and filled me in with all the tour details. I tried to call her, but got her voicemail every time. The day to leave finally arrived and to say I was nervous would be the biggest understatement. I knew the bus was supposed to pull out at 8 in the morning, but I showed up at 7. I wanted to make sure my guitars were taken care of. After I had settled myself I went and lay in my bunk waiting for her to get here. It was 8:30 and we still hadn't left. Everyone was confused finally Bucky came through the door.
"Hey guys I am sorry for the delay. Rayna is on her way. She should be here any minute."
Everyone just shook their heads and went back to what they were doing. 9 o'clock came and Ray finally came through the bus door. Her face is different. Her eyes are red as if she had been crying. She had so many bags and looked all kinds of flustered.
"I'm so sorry yall. I will never be this late again. I'm sorry I kept all waiting." She walked straight to her room at the back of the bus before anyone could say anything. Every fiber of my being was telling me to get up and follow her to her room, but I looked in Bucky's direction and he just subtly shook his head no.
The first five shows were beyond awkward. Ray just wasn't herself and the band played off of her tone leaving the show just not the way any of us had imagined. After our five shows we got two days off to do whatever we wanted. The last show ended and Ray did what she had always done, went straight to the bus and look herself in her room. This time I decided to follow her. I waited a little while after she went in to go into the bus. Everyone was out at the party so I new we would be alone.
Knock. Knock
"Ray."
No answer.
Knock. Knock.
"Hey Ray open the door baby."
No answer.
Knock. Knock.
"Ray baby if you don't come open this door I will have no choice but to break it down."
No answer.
"Alright. Here I go."
I step back to get a little bit of a running start and was about to start my attack when the door slowly opens. I walk in to find her in a tank top and small pajama shorts laying I her bed turned away from me curled into a ball. I lay down behind her slipping my arm around her waist. I pull her close and let her cry. I rub her hair and just let her be. Finally her cry fades and her breathing returns to normal.
"Ray, please talk to me. Baby tell me what's wrong."
She turns to face me. I wipe the tears off of her face and move the stray hairs out of her face.
"You want to take a walk?"
"You want to go take a walk in this?" I look up and down her body.
She chuckles.
"Well no. If you agree to take a walk with me I will change into something more appropriate."
"Well if it fully covers you I would be ok with a walk."
"Ok. Give me a few minutes. I'll meet you outside."
"Ok. Sounds good." I get off the bus and wait for her outside of the bus.
The door opens and she walks out.
"So is this the proper attire for a walk?" she twirls
"Yes. The jeans are not too tight and the white t-shirt shows very little cleavage. I approve. Lets go."
I take her hand and we start to walk. Of all the places we end up at a park.
"Swings?" – Ray
"Sure." She drops my hand and runs to the swings. We swing in silence until she talks.
"How old do you think I am?"
I make a confused expression in her direction.
"Um 19, 20?"
She laughs.
"What?" –Deacon
"Deacon, I'm 16."
"You're 16?!"
"Yes."
"How are you on tour right now? Where do your parents think you are?"
She turns and becomes extremely quiet. The squeaks from the swing are the only sounds.
"My mom. . . she ugh, she died when I was twelve. A car accident."
"Ray, I'm sorry. That must have been hard on you."
"Yes. It was. . . is."
"What about your dad? Do you have an siblings?"
"I have an older sister, Tandy. We use to be close, until momma died. After that she kind of just disappeared."
"I'm sure losing yalls mom was a lot for her too Ray."
"I just wish she hadn't pushed me away. I needed her. Especially now."
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing. Forget it. Maybe we should head back."
"No come on Ray, Talk to me."
She sighs heavily.
"My dad kicked me out. He said if I went on this tour I wasn't allowed to come back. If I was going to live under his rook I had to live by his rules. So I left. And now I 've just never felt so alone. I have no one. And it had really been making me miss my momma even more."
I get up from my swing and stand in front of Ray. I grab her hands and pull her up. And then I hug her. I wrap my arms around her waist and she wraps her arms around her neck.
"Ray, you're not alone."
She hugs me even tighter. After I pull away and look into her eyes.
"Come on. I got an idea." I grab her hand and lead the way. We walk until I get to the place I was thinking about, a karaoke bar. We reach the door she sees the sign and pushes away from me.
"NO! NO! NO! Deacon stop no way in hell I'm going in there."
"Come on Ray. We could both use a little fun."
I pull her into the door.
"Go grab that table. I'll get us some drinks."
I come back with four shots and two beers.
"Here you go." I place the drinks down we drink and once I know she is tipsy I grab her hand and pull us towards the stage.
"Hey yall. This right here is the beautifully talented Rayna Jaymes!"
The crowd claps and yells.
"And I am Deacon Claybourne. Well now that we that out of the way lets get this party started."
The music starts and Ray turns to me and smiles.
Ray
Love is a burning thing
And it makes a fiery ring
Bound by wild desire (she give me a flirty look)
I fell into a ring of fire
Ray and Deacon
(2x)
I fell into a burning ring of fire
I went down down down (she swayed her hips back and forth very seductively)
and the flames went higher
And it burns burns burns
The ring of fire, the ring of fire
Deacon
The taste of love is sweet
When hearts like ours meet
I fell for you like a child
Oh but the fire went wild (she brushes her back against mine)
Deacon and Ray
I fell into a burning ring of fire
I went down down down and the flames went higher
And it burns burns burns
The ring of fire, the ring of fire
Ray
And it burns burns burns
(she turns to face me and sings as if we are the only ones in the room)
The ring of fire, the ring of fire
The ring of fire, the ring of fire
The crowd claps and screams.
"Thank yall for letting us sing for yall. You were a great audience."
She grabs my hand and we leave the bar. That was unbelievable, and I had never seen Ray so happy.