"Babe, wake up."

Lindsay reached back and tried to pull the pillow over her head but Adam stilled her hand.

"What?"

"I think Austin's here."

"It's midnight."

"I know, but that was her knock I just heard. You'd better go down there."

She yawned and sat up, running her hand through her hair before grabbing the light thermal robe off the end of the bed and putting it on over her pajamas. She made her way downstairs, rubbing her eyes and wondering what in the world constituted a midnight visit rather than a midnight phone call. She checked through the peep hole just in case, then opened the door.

Austin was standing there in a t-shirt and yoga pants shivering near violently from the cold. Lindsay pulled her inside and looked her from head to toe, trying to figure out what was wrong. There were frozen tear tracks on her bright red face and she had goosebumps on every inch of visible skin. She was wearing socks that happened to be completely soaked from the snow and Lindsay nearly shivered just looking at her. Slowly, she guided Austin to the couch and made her sit down, then pulled her socks off, tossing them on the floor.

"Austin?"

"Linds?"

It was then that Lindsay realized that Austin was stuck in a flashback. It was rare, she'd heard about it more than she'd seen it, but she still knew exactly what it was. Austin had probably walked here automatically, not really knowing where she was going, for her mind was so, so far away.

They regarded each other for a moment in the darkness before Austin started to cry. Her body was shaking so hard that Lindsay couldn't even wrap a blanket around her shoulders.

"Austin," she started, using the voice she reserved for calming the kids down, and holding her friends ice cold hands between hers. "I need you to take a breath."

"Please," Austin whimpered, almost imperceptibly, her green eyes cloudy.

Lindsay wasn't quite sure what to do; she'd seen Austin like this before, not quite as bad, but it wasn't totally foreign.

"What do you need, Aust?"

A new round of tears started and Lindsay shook away the little voice in the back of her head that said touching her would be bad. She moved from the coffee table to the couch and was only half surprised when Austin scooted as close as she could get, pulling her legs up onto the couch and trying to make herself as small as possible. Yes, it was very clear what this was.

"Austin, you're not a little girl anymore. He can't hurt you. He's gone. He'll never hurt you again. You're with me and you're safe. I have you and nothing can happen."

Austin's tears didn't stop completely but slowed enough that Lindsay could wrap a blanket around her.

"It's alright. You're safe."

"Danny."

"You want me to call him?"

Austin shook her head vigorously and Lindsay tightened the hold she had her in just a little.

"You want to tell me what happened?"

"Cold."

"I know. You'll warm up in a bit. Want me to go get another blanket?"

"Don't leave."

"Okay. I'll stay right here," she assured, brushing the dark curls away from Austin's face. "It's gonna be okay."

"We had a fight."

"You and Danny?"

Austin nodded, leaving Lindsay still confused. Austin and Danny fought all the time. Meaningless fights mostly, but they still argued a lot. Nothing had ever reduced her best friend to tears like this.

"What happened?"

"I'm not sure. Something happened at work and he was really upset. He went out with Flack and they had a drink. Or maybe a couple, I don't know. He came home and he was still mad."

"Tell me."

"We started arguing. I don't know why. I can't remember. We were both yelling. I think he was more drunk that he thought he was. Or just more mad. I don't know. I could smell it on him. The same beer my dad used to drink. And then Sarah started crying and I must have left because I don't remember anything until I got here."

"You were back in it pretty bad."

"I was scared. I had to get somewhere safe."

"You're safe here, Austin."

"I know. I'm sorry. I woke you up, didn't I?"

"It doesn't matter. You're still shivering. Let me make you some tea."

"No, don't go."

"Okay."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Austin started to cry again, silent tears this time, but ones that tensed her entire body up. She tried even harder to curl into herself and for a moment Lindsay was afraid she was going to spiral back down to those memories.

"Austin, you need to let go."

"I can't."

"Yes you can. You've done it before. Don't let your father have that power over you."

"But he does!"

"Austin."

"He ruined my life. I'm still scared of him so I run out on my husband and my crying child. Didn't he know how that would affect me? What did I do that was so wrong that I deserved that? He had to punish me and-"

"Austin Grace you look at me right now," Lindsay said firmly, laying a hand on either side of Austin's face, absentmindedly wiping a few tears away. "You were abused. It wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. You're not anything that he said you were. You are amazing and beautiful, even though he tried to break you. He's worthless and he didn't deserve to have you for a daughter. You are too good for him. You didn't do anything wrong, Austin. Nothing. Don't you dare ever think that again."

"I'm cold."

"Let me get up, I'll get another blanket."

She nodded and Lindsay stood up, walking upstairs to the closet.

"Hey," Adam whispered from behind her. "She okay?"

"I think so."

"I called Danny to tell him she was here. Is she staying?"

"I don't know. I think I'll take her home eventually, but for right now she just needs to crash here."

He nodded and went back into their bedroom while she carried the old quilt downstairs. Austin was still curled up on the couch, her arms wrapped around her legs and her chin resting on her knees. Lindsay sat down next to her and draped the quilt over both of them, then settled her arms around Austin, giving back just a little of the comfort she'd received in the past.

"Is this the quilt you bought when we were in Montana?"

"Mm-hmm."

"It's warm."

"Yes it is. Are you feeling better?"

"A little. I was just thinking…"

"About what?"

"Why I came here. All I remember thinking is that I wanted to be safe. And then I was here."

"Is that good or bad?"

"I don't see how it would be bad. It's just… Danny was my only safe place. I've never run from him before."

"You didn't run from him, Austin. What happened just brought up the horrible memories. It's not your fault and it's not his fault and if you need a place to calm down and feel safe before you have to go back and deal with that, then I'm glad you're here and not at a bar or wandering the streets getting frostbite on your feet because as much as Danny loves you, I think that might freak him out."

Austin gave a short chuckle and buried her face in Lindsay's shoulder, the same way Isa did when she needed a little space from the world.

"Can I stay here tonight?"

"No, you can't."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not good for the kids to wake up and realize that mommy's not there. Because you and Danny need to talk. I mean really talk, Austin. And as much as I love our sleepovers, those things are more important. But I am not kicking you out for a good long while."

"Good because I don't think I could make it just yet."

They sat in silence for a long time, the minutes ticking by on the clock and no words passing between them. It was a silence they'd shared so many times before, but each time it spoke more and different volumes than the time before.

"Hey Lin?"

"Yeah?"

"Is there something wrong with me?"

"Wrong with you? Like what?"

"Just something… I can't get over it. What he did to me. I still have those reactions and those fears and I think there's something wrong with me."

"Austin, you grew up in a nightmare. Did you expect to leave that completely behind as soon as you left?"

"No."

"It's a process. Do you think there's something wrong with me because I have nightmares and flashbacks?"

"No. But your nightmares and flashbacks don't really affect anyone else. They don't make you leave, they don't make you scared of Adam, they don't make you afraid of yourself."

"Oh honey," Lindsay said, her voice dropping into a little accent to mask the emotion. "I thought you knew me better than that."

"What are you talking about?"

"Austin, I run just like you do. I take those late night walks and I take days off from my life. I get scared and I get angry and I let it get the best of me. Austin, you and I are always going to have those things to deal with. We can get control of ourselves and we can decide how to deal with it, but there is nothing we can do to keep it from coming. And that's not our fault."

"I shouldn't have left."

"Maybe, maybe not. Maybe you should have stayed and let Danny take care of you. Maybe leaving was right because you got out before you made it worse in your head. I don't have that answer for you, but I know you would never do anything the purposefully harm yourself or your family. I can deduce then, that you did the right thing."

Austin sniffled and moved a little, wrapping her arms around herself and trying to bury her feet in the couch.

"Still cold?"

"Still gonna make me go home?"

"Austin."

"What? I'm a scaredy cat."

"You're not either. You need to stop talking about yourself like that."

"Leave it to you to kick my butt."

"That's what I'm here for," Lindsay said in the most serious tone she could muster.

"I love you, Lin."

"Love you more."

They fell into silence again for a very long time, long enough that Austin started to warm up and she finally uncurled from herself a little.

"What was that noise?"

"Ben. He's having a nightmare."

"You wanna go up there?"

"Nah, we give him a minute to get out of it before we go in."

"Poor boy."

"He's getting better, unfortunately I don't think this one is going to be better."

She got up from the couch and went upstairs, finding Ben in the middle of his bed, crying softly.

"Hey baby. You're okay. Let's lay down and go back to sleep."

"No, mama hold me."

"Want to come downstairs with me for a bit?"

He nodded and she picked him up, running her fingers through his hair and guiding his head down to rest on her shoulder.

"Scary dream, mama."

"I know."

They went downstairs and she flipped on the kitchen light because it made him feel safer much faster.

"Austin?" he asked softly, mostly just making out her shape without his glasses on. "Why you here?"

"I just came over to talk to your mom."

"You crazy ladies is always talkin'," he replied, yawning as Lindsay sat down on the couch. He rested against her chest, one hand wrapped around her fingers while his other hand snaked up to play with her hair and trace over her ear.

"You had a bad dream, huh?"

"Yeah. It always happen. Mama come and get me. Save me from all the scaries."

"Your mama's good at that, huh?"

"Yep. You have a bad dream too, Austin?"

"Kind of."

"Uncle Dan not make you feel better?"

"Nah, this time I decided I needed some face time with your mama."

"Sorry my dream interrupt your talkin'."

"Oh that's okay. We were just sittin' here pickin' on each other."

"Oh. I think we need some milk an' cookies."

"That is just what your daddy would say."

"We could have some?"

"We don't have any, honey."

"Well we gots a kitchen huh?"

She smiled shook her head.

"I love you, Ben."

"I love you mama. No cookies an' milk? I will go to sleep now."

"Goodnight baby."

He was back to sleep in a few minutes, and Austin reached over to run her hand up and down his back.

"He still seems like a baby to me."

"I know. I think it's because he's still so chubby."

Austin chuckled and looked closely at the face that was so often covered with glasses. He was the perfect blend of Adam and Lindsay, both in personality and in looks and she had a special place in her heart for her sons best friend. The two of them were more like twins with the seamless way they communicated. They'd been like that since birth, before that even and she often entertained the idea that they had some kind of psychic connection.

"Can I have him?"

Lindsay nodded and shifted her son to her best friends arms, smiling because Ben didn't seem to notice a difference.

"Do you think his nightmares will ever stop?"

"I hope so, but if they don't… we'll just deal with it."

"They're getting better, aren't they?"

"A little. He goes back to sleep a lot easier."

Austin nodded and ran a finger down Ben's cheek, his simple sleep breathing making her feel so much better. She knew then that she needed to get home, cuddle her own kids and get her mind straightened back out again.

"Lin, will you take me home?"

"Yeah. Go put him in bed, I'll get coats and you can borrow some shoes."

"You're the best, do you know that?"

"Well, I try."

Austin grinned and stood up, cradling Ben against her. She loved the feeling of her arms being completely full and she walked slowly, just to make the moment last longer. He gave a little snuffling sigh as she placed him into his bed, tucking the blankets tightly around him and moving his stuffed animals into his arms.

"I love you, Benjamin," she said, leaning down to kiss his cheek. "Sleep good."

He nuzzled into his pillow and she moved away, taking a second to adjust the blankets on Colton's bed before she left the room. Just their simple existing was making everything okay again.

"Hey Linds, c'mere a minute."

Lindsay wordlessly followed Danny into the office, knowing what he was going to talk about but confused as to the look on his face.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothin'. I don't know. Is something wrong?"

"We've always been good at reading each other but you're going to have to start over because I'm completely lost here," she sighed.

"Austin talks to you."

"Um, yes."

"What did she say the other night?"

"She just told me what happened and said that she had a flashback."

"Was she mad at me?"

"No, I don't think so. Didn't the two of you talk?"

"Yeah, but I know she tells you things that she doesn't tell me."

"Oh, so you want me to betray her trust just to make you feel better?"

"I didn't say that, Montana."

"Well what do you want from me then?"

"I just want to know what I did wrong."

She sighed and rubbed her temples, taking a deep breath before she spoke.

"Do you really not get it, Danny or are you trying to make me let you off the hook?"

"You're mad at me."

"How can you not understand what you did?"

He held up his hands in confusion and she plopped into her chair, crossing her arms on the desktop and fixing him with a narrow gaze.

"You had a bad day at work. You didn't come home, you went straight out to the bar. I don't care if you were really drunk or a little tipsy, but the fact of the matter is that you used alcohol to cope with a bad day. And then you came home and the two of you got in a fight. I don't know who started it and I don't care. But you smelled like beer, and you'd been drinking and you were yelling at her all because you'd had a bad day. Now, does that sound familiar to you at all?"

He sighed and sat down in his own chair, tossing his glasses onto the desk and letting out an aggravated sigh.

"That's all that was?"

"All that was?" she echoed, nearly astounded. "Are you stupid?"

"What?"

"Don't you get it, Danny? Don't you understand what those memories do to her? It's not about you or how safe you make her feel, it's about the fact that he screwed with her mind so hard that sometimes there's nothing she can do to get control over it. You were right there when it was happening, Danny and you still don't understand her triggers? Still after all these years?"

"I… I…" he mumbled.

"What is wrong with you?" she asked, her voice raising in anger. She hadn't realized before how mad at him she actually was and while she suspected that a lot of it was protective anger she still harbored towards Austin's parents, she was going to unleash it all on him.

"Lindsay."

"Shut up, Danny. You screwed up. You went to blow off steam and you ended up coming home just like her father used to. You're supposed to be the one that protects her from stuff like that. You're supposed to catch things like that before she even sees them. And now you're acting like it's some big hassle and she should be over it by now. Well here's a newsflash, Messer. She's never going to be over it. It's a part of her and it's always going to be there. You're supposed to love her no matter what and protect her and be there for her, not make it worse and make her feel guilty about it. You left her once, Danny, don't think that doesn't play into this a little too. It's not all about you but it's not completely off your shoulders either. I know you make the excuse that you were a dumb kid and you didn't know how bad it was, but whether it was one black eye or fifty, it should have tipped you off that it wasn't right."

"You're blamin' me for what happened to her?"

"No, I'm blaming you for taking so long to grow some balls and realize what was going on. She could have died, Danny. And when someone you love is dying you do everything it takes to save them. Nothing else matters. At least it's not supposed to, but I guess your little baseball career was more important to you than she was. Did you ever think about her while you were gone? Did you ever wonder if she was alright? Do you even care now or do you just think it's something that happened so long ago that it doesn't matter? Huh?"

"I did care about her! I worried about her every night!"

"Then why didn't you help her? Why did you just figure that there was no easy solution so there was no solution at all? Why didn't she mean more to you than that? She would have done anything for you, even back then. She didn't ask you to stick around to protect her, she didn't make you feel guilty when you left. What did you give her in return? You abandoned her. What did she have to do to make herself worth it to you? Tell me that. Just tell me what would have made you love her more."

"I was a kid, Lindsay. What would you have done? Everything is stacked against you, there's nowhere to turn, what would you have done?"

"I would have taken her and run away. Nothing else would have mattered but her life and getting her out of there. Not a career, not college, not even the next meal. Keeping her safe and alive is more important. I don't know what else in the world was so vital that you could just walk away from her."

"You don't understand-"

"I don't understand? Are you a complete idiot? Stop making excuses like everyone else! Just admit the fact that you were scared and it was easier to walk away than it was to help her. Just say it, Danny."

"If you're trying to get me to say I don't love her-"

"I never said that! Obviously you're not really paying attention here."

"Lindsay-"

"Screw off, Danny!" she hollered, standing up and leaving the office, stalking down the hall and into the elevator. She was seething, raging mad, but at the same time the guilt was weighing down on her heavily. Everything she'd said was true, but she shouldn't have said it that way. She shouldn't have gotten herself involved in their problems.

As soon as she had the thought, she took it back. True, there was no reason to be a busy body, but hadn't she just lectured Danny about not getting his nose in Austin's business? Hadn't she just preached to him about standing up for the people you love? The problem was that she loved them both, and while she couldn't really understand why Danny hadn't rescued Austin a lot sooner, she knew that it never had anything to do with how much he loved her. She never should have even danced around the idea of him not loving Austin, because she knew he did. Everyone with eyes or a pulse would know it. She wasn't just exaggerating, she would have taken Austin and run away. It wouldn't have even been a question, and she couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that for all the rest of them, the hesitation had won out. Her own heart would never, ever understand.