Couples had been forming and breaking apart seemingly at random, each dance bringing a new face, a new conversation, a new piece of advice. Clary could hardly keep track of who she was dancing with at that particular moment in time, the transitions came so quickly. Jonathan, Simon, Luke, Robert Lightwood, and even Patrick Penhallow had all claimed her for a dance, to say nothing of Jace, who somehow managed to swing it so that he found her at the end of every song for one of his own. Magnus had somehow convinced Alec to dance, and they were swaying in the corner of the floor, in a world of their own.

Jace appeared again, as if by magic, just as a new song began. Shaking her head, she waved her hand in the vague direction of the seats arranged at the edge of the dance floor. He caught her meaning instantly, and slipped an arm around her waist, a silent reassurance that he was there. Clary collapsed onto a chair with a big sigh as the pressure on her feet was relieved. Jace pulled her closer and her head fell onto his shoulder, her eyelids drifting shut. The music washed over them, reminding the newlyweds of where they were, even as they took a break from the intensity and excitement of the party.

'You know what I really need right now?' Clary mumbled.

'What?' Jace replied, the amusement in his voice clear as glass.

'A drink.' Jace laughed. 'I'm serious. I need a drink to take the edge off – it's been a long day, and although it's obviously been a good one, this many people focussing on us for this long is a lot to deal with.'

'Are you sure that it would be a good idea?' Jace asked. 'I don't know much about pregnancy, but I'm pretty sure drinking is a big no-no.'

'Please? It doesn't have to be strong. Anything. I don't care. But I think I have a right to drink on my own wedding day, don't you?' Jace's eyes lit up with a mischievous light as Clary tilted her head to look at him hopefully.

'Fine. But don't blame me if you react badly – you aren't all that great with alcohol on a good day. And after this much excitement, the end result may not be pretty. Especially with all the added hormones.' Jace grinned and headed for the bar at the far end of the marquis. Clary sat back with a small smile. Jace could never resist helping her with anything – and the Angel only knows she didn't ask often.

'Hey, Clary?'

Clary sat up straight, looking around until she found the source of the voice calling her name. Julian Blackthorn was carefully making his way towards her, meticulously avoiding every guest in his path. He gestured to the seat next to hers, eyebrows rising questioningly. Clary smiled in assent and Julian sat down, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

'What's up?'

Julian winced, realising that whatever confession he had to make, the time for it had arrived. He swallowed, then took a deep breath, screwing up his courage. 'It's Emma.'

A small smile started to spread across Clary's face. 'Of course it is.'

Julian shot her a look. Then he sighed and continued, 'She asked me if I wanted to be parabatai.'

Clary's eyes widened in surprise and she sucked in a breath. Julian barely noticed as he carried on. 'What do I do? If we're parabatai, I know she'll never leave me. I want her to be there for me, all the time, to have my back when we go out on a mission, for her to stay with me when I'm hurt, to help me with the kids when my parents are away… But she does that already. We don't need to be parabatai for that.'

Julian stopped himself abruptly and stared out over the dance floor, searching the crowd. His gaze stopped on a couple dancing at the edge of the chaos. His face closed off and the light seemed to fade from his eyes. Clary followed his line of sight and registered who he was watching Emma dance with.

Mark Blackthorn. Julian's older brother.

His time in the Seelie Court until his recent release meant he hadn't aged in the four years between his kidnapping and his return to Los Angeles. Although the war against Hodge Starkweather and his son, Sebastian, had lasted less than a year, the Clave had only managed to secure his release the previous year, so while technically he was 23, he looked barely older than he had five years ago. Since his return, Mark had spent a few months with his family, completed his training, and had chosen to go to Australia to help rebuild the Sydney Institute, which Sebastian Starkweather had destroyed in one of his raids.

Emma was laughing at something Mark had said. He was holding her hand tightly, and spun her round quickly, resulting in another round of laughter. He pulled her close, whispering in her ear, and something changed in his gaze, the mirth leaving his features, morphing into something far more serious.

'Oh, Julian,' Clary breathed. A muscle feathered in the younger boy's jaw as he watched the boy who was now both family and foe dip his partner, her long blonde hair almost brushing the floor.

'Yeah.' Julian confirmed. 'I don't know what to do. If she falls for him, I don't know if I could take it. Not him. It could have been anyone else, but it had to be him. And being her parabatai while that happens? I don't need a front row seat to that.' Julian pinched the bridge of his nose. 'But at the same time, I can't leave. I can't stop.' His hand dropped to his lap, and his shoulders slumped, his head dropping to stare at his hands, now clenched so tightly that Clary wondered if they would ever come apart again. 'Who am I kidding? She is a part of me. And although being parabatai is supposed to make us stronger, closer, better –' at this point Julian's voice dropped to barely a whisper – 'I think it would kill me.'

He looked up at Clary for the first time since he'd sat down, his eyes far too full of anguish and heartbreak for one so young. All at once, Clary worked out why he had come to her with this, rather than anyone else – Alec had loved Jace, his parabatai; Simon had loved Isabelle but couldn't tell her, not least because he had lost his memories; Magnus had lost hundreds of people he'd loved, who hadn't loved him back, or had loved him and then broken his heart. Julian could have gone to any of them, but he had come to her. Because she understood.

Because when she was his age, she had had the exact same look in her eyes. Because she had lost Jace when Hodge Starkweather stabbed him with the Mortal Sword. Because she still woke up screaming from nightmares where she relived that night, where she had to watch him die, over and over again as she was paralysed. Because nothing she ever did – not even bringing him back to life – could ever erase the fact that she had lost him, that he had been dead, that it had been her fault. Jace had come to save her when she had been kidnapped by Hodge, as he needed Morgenstern blood – blood of the fallen angel – to raise the Angel, and he had been killed in the process.

If Julian lost Emma to Mark, she would still live, still breathe, still laugh and dance and hope and dream and love– but he wouldn't. Even if they were parabatai, it wouldn't be enough. It could never be enough. She tethered him to the Earth, her warrior mind grounding his artist's heart. As parabatai, without that potential for more, always more, Julian might physically be on Earth, but his mind and his soul would never return. They would be a million miles away, with no hope of returning, as he dreamed of a time, a place, anything, where things would have been different, where he could be happy.

Already Clary could sense he was drifting. Something in his eyes was different, slightly out of focus, slightly too far off. She reached out and took his hand, willing him to come back, even for a moment. He looked at her again, his gaze refocusing on her face.

'What do I do?' he repeated, his voice breaking fractionally in way that broke Clary's heart for him.

'The way I see it, you have two options,' Clary began gently. 'There are probably more, but this is the main decision. Either you let it run its course and do nothing, knowing that something could come of it, or not,' Clary added hastily, seeing Julian's eyes widen in fear and hearing his sharp gasp, even over the hubbub of the crowd and the music that was starting to thump through her head. 'Or you tell her.'

'But what can I tell her? That I've loved her every day since we were twelve years old? That I refused to leave my father's study for the four days it took for him to agree to let her live with us when her parents died, because I couldn't bear the thought of her being any further away than the other end of the LA Institute when she went through that kind of grief? That I want to rip my own heart out every time I see her even look at Mark?' Julian ran his hands through his dark curls in distress. 'And what if I do? She doesn't care for me like that. I'll have ruined everything we have, and I won't ever get it back.'

'See, the thing is, Julian,' Clary said conversationally, 'I think she does.'

'Think she does what?' Julian mumbled, his face in his hands.

'Care for you like that. The same way you do. But I think the only way you can be sure is to ask her. Besides,' she continued as Julian lifted his head, a spark igniting somewhere deep inside him, the embers of which were visible in his eyes, 'who ever got what they wanted by concentrating on the worst-case scenario?' Clary stood and extended her hand towards him. He took it and got to his feet, suddenly towering over her. Clary smiled and added thoughtfully, 'Humanity has a very special gift, I think. The ability to hope.'

'Thanks, Clary.' She squeezed his hand once, then gave him a nudge in Emma's direction.

'Go. Talk to her.' Julian took a step towards his friend, away from Clary, then turned back to look at her beseechingly. She covered the short distance between them and whispered threateningly, 'Tell her, or I will give you a Fearless rune, at which point your rational judgement may become seriously impaired when it comes to how much you want to tell her at once.' Julian half smiled, even as his eyes gave away his terror.

'I'm going,' Julian said determinedly. His jaw set, shoulders back, thumbnail biting painfully into the pad of his forefinger, giving him a look of fierce focus, he looked every inch the warrior the majority of the Clave believed him to be. The artist, the dreamer, the protector – all of that seemed to disappear in the few seconds it took to cross the floor, cut in to Mark and Emma's dance, and ask Emma if he could talk to her. She nodded as Clary watched the pair, the younger girl's eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

'Your drink, my lady.' Clary turned to see Jace standing beside her, a glass of ginger beer in his hand. Clary raised an eyebrow before accepting his offering. 'It has hardly any alcohol but still counts – you did say anything!' he defended himself, noticing the dark look on Clary's face. 'If you don't want it I can –'

'Jace.' Clary cut him off.

'What?'

'Shut up.'

'Shutting.'

Jace was quiet for all of ten seconds as Clary sipped her ice-cold ginger beer.

'What happened with Blackthorn?'

Clary rolled her eyes. 'Is that really the limit of your silence?'

Jace waved off her attempt at changing the subject. 'Yeah, pretty much. What happened with Blackthorn?'

Clary was quiet for a minute, trying to decide how to explain the situation succinctly without betraying Julian's trust. 'Emma asked Julian if he wanted to be parabatai.'

Jace brightened visibly. 'That's amazing! But what about –'. The full implications about what it would mean for Julian suddenly hit him and his face fell. Even he could see what his friend was feeling. 'Right. I see the problem. And he came to you because…?'

'Because Mark is now involved. And because I get it. What it's like to lose someone forever.' Jace grew serious. They rarely spoke about what had happened that day on Lake Lyn, but he knew what she had gone through, from bits and pieces of conversations they'd had since.

'Shit.'

'Pretty much.'

'So what'd you say?'

'I told him to talk to Emma. And that I think she cares for him the way he does for her. And when he almost decided to put it off another day, I threatened to do what Alec almost did.' Jace laughed, as she did, remembering what a disaster had almost occurred when she'd given the Fearless rune to Alec for the first time. His parents had walked in, and he had almost announced (in front of the Inquisitor, no less) that he was dating Magnus. Although the way he had eventually come out was even more public, at the time the Fearless rune had been of no practical use whatsoever.

Jace stopped laughing and rapidly turned serious. 'You think he'll be ok?'

Clary faced her new husband, her eyebrows drawn together in thought. 'They're smart kids. They'll figure it out. And,' she continued in a lighter voice, 'if I'm right, he has nothing to worry about.'