A/N: I had this planned out at three chapters, I really did.

"Mama! Mama!" Ben shrieked at the top of his lungs sitting up in bed and crying loudly. He was tangled up in the blankets and that scared him and the dream scared him and he couldn't see anything because his glasses were off and that scared him even more.

"Mama!" he hollered again, surprised she wasn't coming to his rescue.

"It's okay, Ben."

"My mama!"

"It's Austin, honey. You're just fine."

"Want mama!"

"I know, honey. Let me hold you."

He continued to wail but held his arms out so she could pick him up. She held him close, letting him cry against her, rubbing his back and trying to soothe him. He clung tightly to her, mumbling under his breath about something she couldn't understand.

"It's okay, Ben. You're safe."

"Want mama," he hiccupped, leaning back from her. "Want Cole."

"I know, baby. Your brother will come home, we'll find him."

"I wanna see Dunner."

"He's at home sleeping right now. He'll come back over in the morning so all you kids can be together, okay?"

"Okay."

She continued to walk the length of the room while he cried quietly, his mind too young to understand everything that was going on, but old enough to understand how bad the situation was.

The door creaked open and Adam came in, rubbing his eyes.

"He alright?"

"Getting there," Austin answered. "Have you slept yet?"

"On and off," he answered with a yawn. "Ben, you want daddy to hold you?"

Ben nodded and Austin handed him off, then sat down on Colton's bed, leaning against the wall and breathing for a few minutes while Adam walked an almost sleeping Ben around the room.

"Adam, are you doing okay?"

He shook his head slightly and moved over to the window, staring out for a few moments before he spoke.

"I know it's not my fault. And I know we'll find him. I'm just worried about what's going to happen to him between then and now."

"Adam, I don't think this has anything to do with Colton. I think it has everything to do with the fact that he needs something to control and his calls to you before have been that for him. He needs more control. He wants you to notice him and he thinks that if he shows you how desperate he is, maybe you'll give him another chance."

"I think you're right about his motivations at least in part. But I don't think the violence is something he outgrew. I think he was able to stop and get sober with the shock of us leaving him and because he found another family. But just like most other alcoholics, he went back to the bottle and I'm afraid he is now just the same as he was when I was a kid."

"You think he's going to hit Colton?"

"I hope not, but the stress he's under, the fact that there were empty beer cans in the truck, it only brings me to one conclusion."

"Maybe he won't, Adam."

"Aust, if he's bold enough to kidnap my kid when he knows it won't be hard to find him, he's not going to bother trying to have restraint."

"You can't think like that, Adam."

"If it was your father, wouldn't you be?"

"Point taken."

"You know, he almost killed me once. When I was a kid."

"What?" she asked, tipping her head to the side in confusion. She was sure that they'd both shared their worst stories long ago.

"I think I was eight. It was a really bad winter, he'd been laid off and we didn't have much money back then. In one way I can understand why it was hard on him. As a man he wanted to be the breadwinner. I get that. It had to have been embarrassing when we couldn't pay the electric bill and it got shut off and we had to figure out where to get food. It had to be embarrassing when my mom went to work and he stayed home. For a man who relies on pride to define him, that had to be the worst thing that could have ever happened. And then he's stuck at home with me. All winter break, the kid he hates more than anything in the world, 24 hours a day, he had to take care of me. I should have known by then to just stay out of his path, but there was always this little voice inside of me that said this time would be different. This time maybe he would just yell instead of hitting me. I always tried, and maybe I was stupid for that."

"You weren't stupid, Adam. I tried too. I think every kid does. You just wanted a dad. You would do anything to get that, even if it meant hurting for a while."

"I should have known that it would set him off though. I should have just not said anything at all."

"What did you say?"

Adam sighed and stood there for a moment, rubbing Ben's back and checking to make sure he was asleep before speaking.

"I told him he was a good father. I just didn't want him to be so mad anymore. He thought I was mocking him."

"What did he do?"

"He yelled for a while. He just kept getting angrier and angrier. Then he suddenly went quiet. He had this look in his eye, it was like one I'd seen before, but worse. I took one step to run away and he grabbed me. He put his hands around my throat and he squeezed. He must have known what he was doing because it seemed like forever. Everything started closing in and I thought that was it. I thought I was dead. And then it just went black. I was probably only out for a few minutes and I don't think I ever stopped breathing completely, but when I woke up he was telling my mom that I had red marks on my neck because I was allergic to something and it was a rash. I think he actually scared himself that time. But it makes me wonder if he went that far then, how far would he go now?"

He spoke so calmly, so clearly it was almost if he was reading a script for the first time. She watched him as his head bowed and he started to cry quiet tears, holding onto Ben as if his son was a lifeline back to everything good, away from all the hurt and bad memories. Austin wasn't quite sure what to do so she just stayed seated, letting him deal with it his way.

"He takes my childhood away from me and then he takes my son," he said after a moment. "He hurt Isa, the rest of the kids are scared and confused, Lindsay's falling apart. How can he do this to us? Wasn't I enough for him? Didn't he terrorize me and my mom enough to fulfill his needs? Why should he ruin even more lives now?"

"Adam-"

"I'm not as worried that Colton's going to be scarred from this, Austin. I'm scared out of my mind that he's going to do to my son what he almost did to me."

The words hung there, almost visible in the air and she wanted to reach out and shake the possibility right out of them. There was no way. It couldn't happen. Colton would be just fine, just fine, just fine.

She noticed her own tears about the same time she noticed her shaking hands and she couldn't help but think of all the times growing up that she'd closed her eyes and thought it was the end. Never before had she been forced to picture her child in that same situation. She could handle her own demons just fine, but to make any of the kids face them was too much. She would lay down and die before that happened.

"I've got to go do something," Adam said after a moment, backing away from the window. "I can't just stand here anymore."

"What are you going to do?" Austin asked, knowing that there was absolutely nothing he could do right now.

"Whatever it takes to find my son," he answered, handing Ben to her and leaving the room. She sighed and looked down at the little boy in her arms, feeling her heart swell in protectiveness and fear.

"Oh Ben," she whispered, nuzzling his cheek and trying to hold back her tears. "I don't know what to do."

"Indy? Indy? Where are you?" Isa demanded upon coming in the house later in the morning. "Jo, where's my Indy?"

"She's in the dining room, honey."

Before Jo could say another word Isa took off running into the other room, stopping in the doorway to take in the scene before her. Everyone was gathered around the table, there were papers and laptops and phones everywhere and it all looked very busy and important. She looked around the room for a moment before she found Lindsay standing back a little bit, chewing on her thumbnail.

"Indy?" she said softly, approaching her and tapping her arm.

"Hi baby," Lindsay replied, her eyes brightening just the smallest amount as she crouched down and pulled Isa into her arms.

"They find my Colt yet?"

"No sweetie, not yet."

"I thought they would find him by morning."

"I know."

"Can you hold me for a long time today too? I just need you because you make me feel better."

"You make me feel better too," Lindsay said, lifting Isa into her arms.

"Indy, I really miss Colt."

"I do too. I want him to come home really bad."

"I had a dream last night that me and him were playing in the yard. I don't remember what we were doing but when I woke up I thought it was real."

"I'm sorry it wasn't, baby."

"What are they doing in here anyway?"

"They're just working, trying to find Colton."

"Why can't we just go to every house and knock on the door and see if he's there?"

"I wish it was that easy, baby. Let's go in the other room, okay?"

Isa nodded and they went into the other room, sitting down on the couch.

"Mama?" Avery said softly. "Coley?"

"Not yet honey."

Avery sighed and sat down in the place on the floor that Junior vacated as he went into the kitchen. He wasn't sure what he was looking for in there, but he did want to see who was in the house and what they were doing. He found Adam walking back and forth between the fridge and the sink, over and over again.

"You okay uncle cupcake?" he asked, his big eyes clouded with worry.

"I will be."

"It's okay to cry. I did. I miss him too."

"Thanks bud."

"Can I help ya?"

"Yeah," Adam said, crouching down. "If you just go and be a good friend to Ben, that would help me a lot."

"I do that all the time. I could do it today extra good though."

"That would give me one less thing to worry about and I would really appreciate it."

"You got it. Here comes Sarah," he said before going back into the other room. Sarah stood there quietly in the doorway, watching Adam for a moment before she walked over and patted his face.

"My daddy is the best cop in the world. He will find Colton. I know he will."

"I think he will too, honey."

"And Papaw and uncle Flack too. And Jess. They will bring him home soon."

He smiled and pulled her into a hug. He had complete faith in his colleagues and he wouldn't trust this investigation to anyone else, but it was nice to hear such a ringing endorsement to back up his feelings.

"Uncle Adam, I don't want no one to know I am afraid."

"Why not?"

"Because. Someone has to be not afraid. Somebody has to be the hugger of the scared people."

A true smiled cracked across his face and he pulled her into his arms and stood up.

"You know, it's okay to show that you're scared, even when you want to be the hugger. So let me make you a deal."

"I like deals."

"Whenever you decide you need to be scared for a while, you come find me. You can be scared and I won't tell anyone about it, okay?"

She nodded and hugged him tightly around the neck.

"It's a deal. And you can be scared in front of me too."

He nodded and kissed her cheek.

"Thanks for bein' you, sweetie."

"You're welcome. I'm gonna go check on the rest of the kids now."

He set her back down on the ground and she went into the other room, looking around at all the other kids and figuring that since Isa was still wrapped in Lindsay's arms and Ben and Junior were having a whispered conversation, the only kid left for her to take care of was Avery.

"Averylin, do you want to talk about this?" she asked, sitting down on the floor next to her.

"Coley," was Avery's only reply.

"He will come home soon. Are you afraid?"

"No. Food?"

"You are hungry? Auntie can Averylin have food? Like those grapes we bought yesterday?"

"Yeah, I'll go get them," Lindsay replied softly. "I'll be right back, Isa."

"I wanna come with you," Isa protested, getting off the couch and sliding her good hand into Lindsay's. "You promised not to leave me."

"I know. You can help me carry things back in here, okay?"

Isa nodded and they went into the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling the grapes out to put into bowls for the kids. Lindsay set them on the counter, then turned back to get the green grapes for Ben, but stopped short when she saw the brown paper sack that had Colton's lunch in it. She'd made it the day before so he'd have it for today and she wouldn't have to rush around in the morning. She'd written him a note on the napkin and drew a little picture on the bag, unaware that he would never see those little tokens of love, he'd never eat that lunch, and he'd never come home and thank her for the extra dessert in there.

As much as she tried to stop them, the tears came full force, sobs pouring out of her as if the emotions were too much for her body to contain. She had to get out of this house, she couldn't stay here anymore, not in a place where her little boy wouldn't be. She'd promised not to leave Isa and in the back of her mind she knew there would be repercussions for this, but she didn't really care. She had to get out before she lost it completely.

Shutting the fridge, she wordlessly walked to the front door and left, despite Isa's begging for her to come back. Her feet carried her body and her mind was left to its own devices as the space between her and the house stretched further and further. Everything about this was so indescribable that she wasn't sure how she was supposed to feel. Of course there was fear and anger and sadness but everything else was a jumbled mess and she couldn't sort it all out.

There were footsteps coming behind her, familiar but slow, someone who came to watch over her, but not to force her to return. She wandered for a few more minutes before turning around and finding Mac, looking a lot older than he had yesterday. He didn't say anything and for a moment, they just regarded each other before he took the few steps to her and squeezed her shoulder.

"You need to trust me, Lindsay. I won't rest until he's home."

"I know."

He didn't say anything else, just kept his eyes on hers until he knew she was ready to go back. They walked slowly together for a few minutes until he reached over and put his arm around her shoulder.

"You have two other kids at home, Lindsay. They need their mom. I know you want to run away, but you can't do that. They need you to be here for them."

"I know. But there's no rule book for this. No one tells you how to keep your family together when part of it is missing."

"But if there was, the first rule would be that you can't do it yourself. One of the reasons that I am always glad I hired you Lindsay is that you take every case to heart. You're a team player, but you rest a lot of it on yourself too. That's good when it's not personal. But right now you need to be a mom. Not a CSI, not a cop. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

They stood for a second longer before the tears started to dribble down her cheeks and he drew her into his arms, the exact same way her father always had, for as long as she could remember. It was safety and caring but it wasn't pity or duty. It was the comfort of someone who was feeling the pain too, someone whose heart was desperately in the situation.

"I miss him, Mac."

"I know."

"What if he never comes home?"

He took a deep breath at the words, for they were so close to the ones he had thought and said about Claire on that awful fall morning so many years ago. The wondering and waiting had been in some ways even harder than finally saying goodbye. This was different, but in some ways it was very much the same, and he wasn't too stoic to admit that seeing people he loved like family going through such horrible emotional torture was almost more than he could bear.

"Today that question doesn't matter, because today you can still say that he'll be home soon. There is no other option but that right now. He'll be home soon."

He said it with such determination, such conviction, a man who never committed to anything without basis, that her heart leapt in absolute joy that her son would be home soon. It wasn't just a desperate wish. He would be home.

"Now, let's go back to the house. People need us there."

She nodded and he released her, and they fell into step together until they reached the house.

"Mac?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

He just gave a short nod and held the front door open for her. She was barely inside before Isa stomped into the entryway, her arms crossed over her chest, fresh tear-tracks on her face.

"You promised."

"I'm sorry, honey," Lindsay breathed, leaning down to take the little girl's hand. "I just needed to take a walk."

"But you promised me, Indy. You said you wouldn't leave me."

"I know I did. I made a mistake and I'm sorry."

"Okay."

"I won't leave you anymore today."

"I am just really worried about Colt. My tummy hurts."

"Wanna know something? My tummy hurts too."

Isa gave a sad smile and blinked a few times, holding back the tears.

"I just want everything back to good."

"Me too, sweetie. Me too."

Night fell, bringing with it darkness, unseasonable cold, and no new leads. Adam's father had been working under a different name, so it had taken longer to track him down, and one they had, they only learned that he hadn't shown up for work in a week, and the address the store had for him was old. There had been visits to his old neighborhood, bars near his job, but no one seemed to know anything about where he had gone. It was like he'd just disappeared off the face of the earth.

Tomorrow agents from the FBI would step in and while it was good to know that people who did this for a living would be taking over, it was also a little frightening to know that it had gotten this bad, and that people they didn't know or trust were now responsible for the safe return of their son. There had been talk of a press conference but there was some dispute on what to say and how to say it, so that was going to be left up to the FBI as well.

It was late by the time Ben and Avery were calmed down enough to be put to bed and even then they were not happy in their own beds and were now cuddled up between Lindsay and Adam. The room was silent save for their little sleep sounds and Lindsay's occasional sniffles. Adam reached over and took her hand, finding her eyes in the moonlight and letting them speak better than he could.

"I don't know how much longer I can do this," she admitted.

"You can do it until he comes home," Adam answered, his thumb rubbing over her knuckles.

"This isn't right. Us here without him. It's just not right."

"I know."

"I can't sleep," she said after a few moments of silence.

"Where are you going?"

"Downstairs… I need to do something, I can't just lay here."

He nodded and she stood from the bed, throwing her robe on and going downstairs. It was dark and quiet and she walked around slowly for a while, glancing out the windows and straightening the throw pillows on the couch. She arranged them one way, then another, then gave up and left them where they were so she could move on to cleaning off the coffee table. She stacked the kids drawings into piles, put all the crayons back in the boxes and was gathering up their empty Capri Sun pouches when something on the side table caught her eye. It was a walkie-talkie, the one Colton brought to her every morning so he could still talk to her while he was getting ready for school. She'd be making breakfast or checking over his homework and she'd hear his crackly voice through the speaker.

"Calling mama, calling mama! I love you! Over and out!"

She held onto the toy desperately wishing for his voice to come through one more time, just to let her know that he was okay. Just one word. Turning the dial carefully, she pressed the button on the side, clearing her throat, needing to speak even though she knew it would never get to him.

"Calling Colton. I love you. Please come home. Over."