Chapter 34
So you speak to me of sadness
And the coming of the winter,
The fear that is within you now
That seems to never end.
And the dreams that have escaped you,
And the hope that you've forgotten,
And you tell me that you need me now
And you want to be my friend.
And you wonder where we're going
Where's the rhyme and where's the reason,
And it's you cannot accept
It is here we must begin,
To seek the wisdom of the children
And the graceful way of flowers in the wind…
- John Denver
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When the morning whistle shrieked the start of the next day, Dylan rolled over slowly, opened his tired eyes, and stared right into the face of a corpse.
He swore harshly and jerked backwards, shuddering.
"What?" Harper asked quickly, sitting up next to him.
Dylan forcefully controlled his breathing. There was no reason for this to get to him so badly; he'd seen dead bodies before. He was soldier; he was trained to deal with this. But he'd never woken up next to a corpse that he'd been talking to just the night before.
"Dylan, what is it?" Harper asked again.
"Our neighbor didn't make it through the night," Dylan told him sadly, grimacing as he reached out and closed the poor man's eyes. "He's dead."
"Oh, is that all?" Harper asked. "I thought it was an Uber or you were hurt or something."
Dylan stared in shock at the boy, surprised by his calloused response. "This man just died and all you can say is 'oh'?"
"Boss, he's probably a lot happier right now than we are," Harper said, getting to his feet. "You get used to it, Dylan."
"Used to it? You mean you've woken up next to dead people before?"
"Yes."
And thus ended their morning conversation. Dylan took the dead man's legs and Simon came over and grabbed his arms and they carried him out to join the small line of other slaves who gave up the fight in the night.
It took all of five minutes; they weren't even late for breakfast.
And no one shed even one tear. Life, such as it was, went on.
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By mid-afternoon, Dylan was really feeling the effects of the half-rations. He was dizzy and lightheaded and having a hard time focusing on the rocks he was supposed to be shoveling into buckets. Unable to move as fast as usual, his own back was burning from the whip before too long, but that wasn't as painful as the ache in his gut. He was hungrier than he'd ever thought it was possible to be. He realized, to his shame, that he was so hungry he would cheerfully beg for or steal food, if the opportunity arose, and not think twice about it. It scared him.
To keep his mind off the empty pit in his stomach, he went back over the conversation from the day before. Harper had given him a lot to think about and left him with quite a few questions he still wanted answers to. Why was Felix mining the mineral? What did he plan to do with it? What was on the file Harper had stolen?
More importantly, what did all this mean for them? Surely there had to be some way this could work to their advantage? Some way this knowledge could help them in an escape?
Too bad he just couldn't see how…
00000
"How's Twig doing?" Dylan asked as he settled wearily on their straw for the evening. Harper had just finished the latest installment of Jack and the Beanstalk and sent the kid back to his own bunk.
"Rather listless and quiet tonight," the engineer answered. "I think he still feels bad, even though I've told him a thousand times not to. Poor little runt."
Dylan shifted so he was leaning against the wall, side-by-side with his young friend, and let his tired hands dangle from the tops of his knees.
"Here," Harper said, holding something out to the captain on his good hand, "I saved this for you."
Dylan looked at the offered roll and pushed Harper's hand back. "Harper, I can't take your food! You need it just as much or more than I do!"
"Boss, let me give you a little lesson in mass and energy. Large mass needs more energy. Small mass needs less energy. Me equals small mass, you equals – no offence – large mass. Therefore, conclusion: you need it more than I do. Now take it or I'll let Templeton the Rat have it just for fun."
Dylan took it, and felt disgusted for wanting it so badly.
Harper tactfully waited for Dylan to devour the hard roll before he spoke again. "So, where were we yesterday, before we were so rudely interrupted?"
"I think I was about to ask you why the heck Felix has us mining this junk when it's worse than Trance for machinery."
With his head tilted slightly to better hear Dylan in the noisy barrack, Harper actually grinned at the comment. "I'm gonna tell her you said that."
"You do that," Dylan agreed. "So, why does Felix want this stuff?"
"Well, think about it. Let's say there's a bunch of people, bugs, chin-heads, fish-dudes out there that you really don't like. And then let's say you happened to find something that could completely mess up everything from their toasters to their slip-drives. What would you do with it?"
"Weapons?" Dylan asked, looking at the engineer in alarm.
"Yup."
"Are you sure?"
"Well, no, I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure I'm right."
"But, how could he use them? How would he even make them, or transport them? Wouldn't that be like shooting yourself in the behind to even bring them onboard?"
"Yes, unless you have a way to contain the mineral or shield yourself from it," Harper said pointedly.
Dylan caught on immediately, "Which we know he does because of the docking town…"
"Uh huh," Harper said gloomily.
"Do you know how to block it?"
"No."
"But you could figure it out, right?"
"Well, yeah, maybe… If things were, you know, different…"
Dylan changed the subject slightly. "So what was on the file you nicked?"
"Oh, that." Harper smirked. "That would be Felix's equivalent of a little black book. Or, a more appropriate term might be, his hit list. The Commonwealth sits at a nice, easy number two."
"So, unless we get out of here and back to the Andromeda to warn them, the Commonwealth is not only going to be facing the arrival of the World-ship, but attack from Felix as well? An attack they'll never see coming, not be able to prepare for, and have no way of fighting?"
"Yeah, that pretty much sums it up."
"Lovely," Dylan sighed, slouching back against the logs of the barrack wall. "It's never easy."
"Sorry, Boss," Harper said quietly, turning to face him even though his blue eyes drifted away.
"Not your fault, Mr. Harper," Dylan assured softly. "I just hate being so helpless and unable to do anything."
"You're not the only one. I shudder to think of this junk coming within five clicks of my Rom-Doll!"
"There has to be a way we can use this to our advantage?" Dylan said, desperation creeping into his voice. "Couldn't the lack of technology give us an edge in escaping somehow?"
Harper turned away. "I've been thinking of that, too, Boss. The answer's probably both yes and no. Yes in the fact that it would be easier to get through barbed-wire than electric fencing or a force-shield. And if we did get out, they would have no way to track us other then the good, old-fashioned way. But no in that we're both completely out of our element here. That and the Nietzscheans are fully aware of their lack of tech and as a result they have this place locked down tighter than a Nightsider's bank account."
"Well, don't give up yet, Harper," Dylan said, patting the boy on the shoulder. "We will get out of here. We've got more than just our own survival to think of now."
Harper just shrugged.
The first curfew whistle sounded but since Dylan and Harper were already inside, they didn't have anywhere to go.
"Incidentally," Dylan asked suddenly, "who's number one on Felix's list?"
Harper smirked again. "Oh, that's the really interesting part; the part I'm sure Felix doesn't want anyone else to know about. Sitting securely at number one on the "People and Places to Blow Up" list is the Drago-Kazov homeworld."
Dylan's head whipped around to stare at his engineer, not sure he'd heard that correctly. Harper seemed to anticipate the captain's move and smiled. "Yes, you heard me right."
Dylan sucked in a low whistle through his teeth. "Our little Gaius Felix wants to single-handedly rule the universe, doesn't he?"
"Bingo."
"And before he can do that, he has to eliminate the competition in his own back yard… Smart guy, for a freak."
"Can't say I'd cry over the loss of a few Dragans," Harper admitted. "But," he stressed, holding up a hand to stop the captain's lecture, "there's no way on earth I want Felix top-dog in the galaxy either, so I'm with you on the stopping of the plan plan, even step one."
They fell silent for a while, each reviewing and digesting the conversation. Around them, the sounds of the barrack gradually quieted with sleep and the stillness created a rather solemn atmosphere.
Harper drew his knees stiffly to his chest and wrapped his chained hands around them, his gaze staring straight ahead into nothingness. Dylan glanced at him and noticed his features were sad and weary.
"Harper, what's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Harper, we're in this too deep for you to start claming up on me now. What's wrong?"
Harper sighed and pulled his knees in tighter. "You keep saying we're gonna get out of here, it's gonna be okay, hang in there until we escape," Harper said softly. "Let's say you're right, and we do get out of here. Then what?"
"Then we go back to Andromeda and show Felix why he shouldn't mess with us," Dylan said firmly.
"Both of us?"
Dylan looked at his friend carefully. "Of course both of us. You're my engineer, Harper."
"Some engineer I'll make, blind with a busted hunk of metal in my neck instead of a dataport and hands that I can barely use," he said, his voice catching. "Honestly, what good am I gonna be?"
"Harper, don't talk like that!"
"Why not? Dylan, I can't see!"
Dylan scooted around so he was directly in front of the young man, his empty stomach forgotten. "Harper, listen to me," he ordered, putting his hands on the boy's arms as he sat holding his knees. "We will figure something out. I promise you."
"You sure you won't just dump me on the first drift you pass?" Harper asked in a tiny voice, real fear showing through.
"Never! I would never, ever do that, okay! You're still a part of my crew, no matter what's happened or what's changed. And more than that, you're my friend."
"But it would probably be better for all of us," Harper said brokenly. "I'm just gonna get in the way…"
"Harper, what Felix did to you was horrible. I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like for you, blind and hurting, here in this place. But you have to remember the rest of the universe is not like this cesspit, or even like Earth. There are doctors and hospitals and medical facilities. I promise you we'll try each and every one of them to see if they can fix your eyes and your hands. I don't care if we have to mortgage the whole planet of Tarazed to do it!"
Harper said nothing as he took in the captain's words. He didn't know how to describe the tumult of emotions and despair inside of him. Engineering was his life, his passion. To him it was more than fixing things, or building things, or playing with tools and wires and formulas; it was art, beauty, something that gave his life meaning. When Felix burned out eyes, he also burned a hole in his heart and everyday the darkness continued the hole grew a little larger, encroaching on that place where his love of life and engineering was. The longer they were stuck here, the more he got used to existing in the dark, the more he was afraid he'd lose it for good, forget how. He was starting to believe that even if they did get out, he would never see again, and what good was a blind engineer? He loved his work too much to do it half-way. Finally, he ducked his head and whispered to his friend the fear that haunted him the most. "What if they can't be fixed?"
The captain's first instinct was to forcefully deny that possibility, assure the boy that everything could be fixed and life would go back to normal, but he found he couldn't. Harper was the one person he could never sugarcoat things with, especially not after what they'd been through together. It was obvious the kid had been dwelling on this, even if this was the first time he had voiced his thoughts out loud. Harper deserved more then a quick brush off.
"If, for some reason, they can't be fixed then we find a way to work around it. And we do it together. Me, you, and the rest of the crew. We're more than just a motley crew; we've been through too much together. We're a family now and you're a part of this family, Harper. Families stick together, no matter what. If Beka were here, she wouldn't put up with you saying things like that, she wouldn't let you give up. Well, neither will I," Dylan said firmly, squeezing the boy's arms gently.
Harper sucked in a breath that sounded more like a sob, and he turned his face away but no tears came. "I'm just so tired of the dark!" he cried. "I'm so tired of being afraid and of feeling helpless and lost! I wish he would have cut off my feet, or my hands, or my ears! Anything besides take my sight!"
Dylan didn't know what to say to such obvious anguish so he just sat there, hoping Harper could find some comfort in the presence of a friend.
"Did you ever watch someone you loved get killed?" Harper asked abruptly, turning his face back to the captain, an earnest expression covering it.
The sudden change of topics and the grimness of the question threw Dylan for a minute. He struggled to answer. "Well, I've seen people die before. And I've had people I loved – family members – die before, but no, I've never seen anyone murder a person I loved. Why?"
"I have," Harper answered simply. "When I was thirteen I watched the Nietzschean slavers murder my parents. Watched them laugh as they slit my dad's throat, make sport as they had their fun with my mom and then beat her to death." Harper's voice was small, like a child's, and Dylan listened in shocked sadness. "I was hiding like they told me and I saw it all. But the worst part is I could have stopped it. The slavers, Felix's men I found out later, had come for me. If I would have gone with them, my parents might still be alive. It was all my fault. But they wouldn't let me; they made me hide and so I watched as Felix took my family from me."
The boy paused and turned his blind eyes right at Dylan. "Dylan, I miss Beka so much!" he cried. "I never thought I would get a family again. Never thought I'd find someone who could actually love a skinny, dirty mudfoot from Earth, but Beka did! She took me in and treated my like a little brother. Then I meet Rev and Trance and you guys and it just felt so good, so nice and right." His voice caught. "Felix may not have slit anyone's throat this time, but he still took my family away again."
He stopped and gulped in some air to continue. "I'm afraid, Boss. Nothing good in my life ever lasts for long and I'm afraid they're gone forever. What if I never see Beka again? I'll never get to tell her how much she meant to me."
The despair was thick in the air between them. For the first time, Dylan realized exactly how depressed and discouraged his young friend was. His worry skyrocketed. His engineer was in a very dark place right now, and not just because he was blind, and the captain wasn't sure he could say anything that would bring him out of it. The only thing that would ever fix that was to get out of this awful place and back to the world of the living.
Finally, he just said the only thing he could think of, keeping his hands on Harper's arms so the boy wouldn't feel so alone in the dark. "He didn't take everyone, Harper. I'm still here and I'm not going anywhere. Whatever happens, we're in it together, okay?"
After a moment, Harper nodded slightly. Then he shook the captain's hands off and lay down, arranging his chains to try and sleep. Dylan sighed and followed suit, knowing he'd need his energy to get through another day of practically no food.
But as he lay there, he couldn't help thinking they were running out of time.