The airport arrivals terminal may not have been crowded, but Lindsay was still too short to see over most people. Fortunately, her mom was aware of this and had disembarked the plane last so by the time she came around the corner, most of the people had moved on to the luggage carousel.

"Mama!"

"Oh my baby girl," Anne breathed, taking Lindsay into her arms.

They didn't say much else, just stood there together for a long time until they both realized that they looked ridiculous.

"Maybe we should-"

"Nope, still hugging," Lindsay said, not willing to let her mom go just yet.

"I don't think I'll fight it."

"Good. Just give me a few more seconds here and then I'll have it out of my system."

"Lindsay, you are my strangest child."

"I know. I'm the most like daddy."

Anne just laughed and pulled away a little, looking her daughter over carefully, trying to read her face.

"How are you doing?"

"I don't know," Lindsay admitted on a long sigh. "None of us are sleeping very well. Colton's got so many questions and we just don't know how to answer him. We knew it would be hard when he came home, but I don't think we realized it was going to be like this."

"I would offer you a piece of advice here, but I have no idea what to say."

"That's alright. I don't know if I could even understand advice right now. Let's get your bag."

They moved across the large room and retrieved the suitcase, then headed outside to the car.

"How's Adam doing with everything?" Anne asked, buckling her seatbelt as Lindsay started the car so the air conditioner could kick on.

"It's been hard for him. You know, my nightmare was Colton being gone. He's finding that the worst part for him is knowing how it felt. That's his little boy, he feels like he's supposed to always protect him and he messed up. He said that it was almost as bad as if he'd hurt Colton himself."

"No he didn't."

"Yeah. I didn't even know what to say to that, you know? I just stared at him, I couldn't believe he would feel that way because he's the best daddy in the world and I didn't understand why he felt so guilty for something that's not his fault. And now he hasn't said much about it because he doesn't think I believe in him or he thinks I blame him or something and I don't know how to assure him that I don't blame him and I feel like I'm trying to hold everything together and I can't."

"Honey, turn the car off."

Lindsay obeyed, glad she hadn't pulled out of the parking space yet, and pulled the keys out of the ignition.

"Lindsay, you have always felt like you needed to hold everything together and sometimes you do it to your own detriment. I'm not telling you not to be concerned, but it's not just you anymore, it's Adam too, and you have to lean on him a little. I have a feeling that you two are in serious need of a long talk and you've been putting it off, saying you need to worry about Colton right now. But if you want to help Colton the best that you can, you two need to do it together. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

Anne hesitated for a moment, not sure of her place, then unbuckled her seatbelt and moved a little pulling her daughter into her arms once again.

"It's going to be okay, little one. Mama's here."

Lindsay sniffled a few times and relaxed into the embrace, knowing that everything her mom had said was true. Sometimes she needed things spelled out for her, even if she already knew them. Normally Austin was the one that did that, but this time she was finding more and more that she needed her mom.

"Thank you," she said after a moment, regaining her composure. "I didn't know how badly I needed to hear that."

"You're welcome, sweetheart. Are you going to be okay to drive?"

"Yeah. We should go, the kids are dying to see you."

"Likewise. I bet they've all grown into miniature adults by now."

"At least in attitude," Lindsay said with a little chuckle, starting the car again. "Colton acts just like Adam, it's hilarious. I always catch them making the same faces. And Ben reminds me so much of daddy, he's so in tune with what people are feeling and he just has this quiet way about him."

"And Avery?"

"Avery is um… well… remember how you always used to get frustrated with me and say that you hoped I would have a kid just like me someday?"

"So she's crazy?"

"She is so weird. I won't even give you any spoilers, but suffice it to say we don't need TV anymore because she's entertainment enough."

"I can't wait."

"Ah, mama!" Avery greeted happily as they arrived home a while later.

"Hi baby. What are you doing?"

"Da woof," she explained, pointing at the dog. "Da mow-mow."

"Playing with the dog and cat, huh?"

Avery nodded and ran in place, indicating that she'd been chasing the dog again.

"Where's daddy and the boys?"

"Food."

"They're eating? I was going to make dinner."

Avery grinned and tugged on Lindsay's hand, pulling her into the dining room.

"Daddy," she announced. "Boys."

They were all at the dining room table, building pizzas on homemade crusts, piling on lots of toppings and extra sauce.

"Granna!" Colton hollered, sliding off his chair and running for his grandma. "I am so glad you are here!"

"I'm glad too. Let me look at you, honey."

He gave her a smile and she looked down at him, cupping his cheek in her hand.

"My brave boy," she whispered, amazed that he had been gone and returned, safe and sound when that was not the case for the majority of families who had to endure something similar.

"Later I will show you my cool gash," he said, pointing at the fresh gauze on his head. "It is gross and mama goes "Ew, gross!" when she has to clean it. Then I scream because it hurts and then Ben and the baby Aves cry. But it is over fast."

"Oh, I see."

"We're makin' pizzas for y'all," he continued happily. "I made this one for mama, it has a pepperoni smile. I'm gonna put on sausage eyebrows and a green pepper beard. What kind of face do you want, Granna? I could make most anything."

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe we should just come up with one together?"

"Yeah, let's do it! Here, you can sit in the chair next to me. It is Isa's chair for family dinner, but you can use it because she's not here."

"Well alright then."

"Hi Granna," Ben said, leaning across the table. "See my pizza? Dinosaur on it. Roarin'!"

"Oh my, you're like a pizza Picasso," she chuckled, looking at the random pile of ingredients on his pizza.

"Yup, that's me! Daddy make a heart pizza for sissy. See it- no! Sissy, you cannot eat it yet! Not cooked!"

Avery looked up at him with wide eyes, her hand halfway to a piece of pepperoni.
"Don't do it, sissy. Move your hand to your pocket so you not be tempted."

Sadly, she stuck her hands in her pockets and pouted, walking over to Adam and resting her head on his leg.

"Oh, did you just get told?" he chuckled, lifting her into his lap. "Poor girl."

She rested her head against him and yawned, her long day without a nap catching up to her.

"Maybe you should have dinner and then go to bed," Adam suggested.

"No."

"Yeah, I think that might be best."

"No! Mama?"

"You heard your daddy."

Defeated, Avery curled back up against Adam and let quiet tears flow. There were days when she was dramatic to get her point across, and other days when she was like this, hoping that they would see how pitiful she could be.

"Averylin, no whining," Lindsay warned. She would never tell the kids not to cry when they were sad, but she didn't tolerate tears for attention and would rather that they try to use their words. Avery may not have had a big vocabulary, but she was no exception to the rule, and she knew that very well. Taking a deep breath, she looked up and blinked a few times.

"No night-night."

"I know you don't like to go to bed, but daddy and I both said that you'll need to soon, so that is what is going to happen. You didn't take a nap today so you're going to have to go to bed early. You don't have to go to bed until we've had dinner, so you don't need to worry about it yet, alright?"

Avery didn't understand all the words, but she understood the tone of voice and she nodded solemnly in agreement.

"Now, maybe daddy should put these pizzas in the oven and you and I can go upstairs and help Granna unpack."

Avery nodded and the girls trooped up the stairs, with the boys following behind.

"Granna, you got lots of stuffs in this suitcase?" Colton asked pulling it behind him.

"Yeah, I might."

"Presents?" Ben asked hopefully.

"You think I would fly all the way here and forget the presents?"

The boys giggled as she took the suitcase from them, setting it on the bed and opening it.

"I've got Matchbox cars for Colton and some dinosaurs for Ben, and for Avery-"

"Oh!" Avery said softly, picking up the small hand mirror that had been packed on top of the clothes. "Hi, Avery."

Lindsay chuckled as she watched her daughter patting at her hair and observing herself from all angles.

"Hi Avery," she continued, giving her mirrored image a little wave. "Hi. Hi."

"Mama, sissy think it another sissy in that thing. Another sissy what is called Avery too."

Anne and Lindsay chuckled at his observation as Avery continued to admire herself in the mirror.

"Mama. Avery pitty."

"Yes, you are pretty, but we don't want you getting a big head about it," Lindsay replied, taking the mirror from her.

"Yup, a big head like Ben!" Colton chuckled.

"No Cole! Daddy say you not tease 'bout my head no more!"

"Sorry Ben. It was just too good to pass up. At least you got a handsome face on that big head."

Ben frowned, then took the mirror from Lindsay.

"I is handsome and my head is regular," he decided. "Don't you be tellin' me no different, Cole Matthew Ross."

"Okay Ben. I am really sorry. You forgive me?"

"Yeah, I forgive ya. Let's go play."

"Thanks for the new toys, Granna! Me and Ben will write you a card later."

The boys dashed off into the other room and Anne chuckled, shaking her head.

"What?"

"They're more like you than you think."

"Was I really that weird?" Lindsay asked, lifting Avery off the bed and kissing her cheek.

"Oh honey, we have lots of talking to do."

"What do you think, Averylin? Was mama silly?"

"Mama, Ahmin silly."

"Yes, I suppose that's accurate. I think you're silly."

"Avery pitty, mama."

"Oh dear."

"Mama," Avery said again, grabbing Lindsay's face in her little hands and squishing her cheeks together. "Avery pitty."

"Okay, I understand."

"Mama boofull."

"I'm beautiful?"

Avery nodded and leaned in to kiss her cheek.

"Well thank you, sweetheart."

"My mama," she said with a nod.

"Should we go back downstairs and help daddy with dinner?"

"Daddy."

"You want to let Granna hold you?"

"Ah Granna. Hi."

"Oh sweetie, you look just like your mama."

Avery grinned and tipped her head to the side, spinning one of her curls around her finger and wrinkling her nose as she often did when she was shy.

"Yep, exactly like her."

"Mama, can I see Isa tomorrow?" Colton asked, yawning as she tucked him in.

"Yeah, we're all going to have dinner."

"I wanna see her more than that."

"I'll call Austin in the morning and we'll see what we can do. Okay?"

"When we were talking on the phone, she told me that she has scary dreams about me bein' taken away again. I want to talk to her calm like you do for Ben until she doesn't have dreams anymore."

"Oh Colton."

"It's my fault she has the dreams."

"No it's not. It's not your fault that she's scared and it's not your job to make her feel better. Your job is to just be her best friend. Austin and Danny can take care of her."

"Mama, if Austin was havin' bad dreams, wouldn't you try to fix it?"

"Of course I would, but this is different."

"Why? Because I am just a little boy?" he asked, sitting up in bed. "I am not a little boy anymore, mama! I am brave and smart and I am not scared about anything anymore! I can protect myself and now I need to protect Isa from the dreams. Don't you understand what best friends do, mama?"

She took his hands in hers and looked deeply into his eyes, hoping that the words would come to her because she had no idea what to say.

"Colton, I need you to listen to me right now. I know that what happened to you was bad and I know that it's affected everyone, but that doesn't make it your fault. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, mama."

"I don't want you to feel guilty about Isa's bad dreams, alright? They happen because she loves you, but they will go away eventually. All she needs is for you to love her and be her best friend. And it's okay for you to be afraid or sad about it too."

"I'm not afraid or sad, mama. I am brave. Not a little scaredy-cat."

"Honey-"

"Mama, I am a big kid okay? Do you understand?"

She knew exactly what he was doing because she'd done the same thing herself. Be adamant that you were fine so no one would ever guess how scared you were. He was even better at it than she had been and she wanted to tell him that she knew what he was doing, but she knew he wasn't going to listen right now. He needed to feel like he was fine and brave and strong and he needed to get to the place where he realized he wasn't fine anymore. She couldn't do that for him.

"Okay son, I understand. Lay back down, it's time to go to sleep."

He was still disgruntled as she tucked him in and kissed his cheek, telling him how much she loved him and that she would see him in the morning. Quietly, she left the room, leaning against the wall and taking a deep breath.

"Someone sounds like his mama," Anne said softly, having overheard the whole thing while she was rocking Avery to sleep.

"I am so sorry, mom."

"It's okay, honey. You were hurting and confused and your dad and I didn't know what to do. No one blames you for how you coped with it."

"I don't want him to be like me. I don't want him to bury it all like I did. I was so messed up, mom, I don't want him to be like that."

"I know you don't. And he won't be because he has you to be there for him and understand a little of what he's going through."

"I don't know what to say or do for him."

"That's okay. Neither did I. Of course, I just gave up instead of trying to figure it out, but I know you, and you're not going to do that. You're so much braver than I was, I just sat there scared that I would ruin you if I tried anything, so I just backed off."

"I didn't know that. I thought it was because you didn't want to help me."

"I did want to help you, Lindsay, and I would have done anything, I just didn't know what was best, so I didn't try anything."

"I held that against you for a long time. I shouldn't have. I should have realized that you were floundering just as much as I was."

"It's okay. I think we both messed up a little, but I think we were strong enough to come out the other side still intact."

Lindsay nodded, feeling the emotion bubble up in her chest, wanting to hug her mom and never let go because she finally understood. She wanted to make up for all of it, for all the years of being distant, for all the moments they'd never shared due to her own stubbornness and selfish hurts. She couldn't spill it all this moment, here in the hallway where the kids might hear. But she wasn't going to let her mom get back on that plane without saying it all.

"Sweetie, can I go talk to him?"

"Are you sure?"

"I think he needs to hear some things."

"Yeah, okay."

Lindsay wanted to stand by the door and listen, but she needed to trust her mom in this moment, so she walked quietly downstairs, leaving them to their discussion.

"Hey Colton."

"Hi Granna. You came to say goodnight?"

"Yeah. Can we talk for a minute?"

"Yep!"

She sat down on the bed and moved his hair back from his face, taking a deep breath before she started.

"You know, when your mama was a teenager, she went through something really, really scary."

"What kind of thing, Granna?"

"I'll let her tell you that someday, but all you need to know is that it was scary for her. And after it happened, she was still scared. She had bad dreams and she was really, really sad for a very long time."

"She wasn't brave?"

"Of course she was brave. Your mama is the bravest person I know. The problem is that she didn't ask for help. She didn't tell us she was still scared. You know, she told us she was fine and brave all the time. She didn't need help. But honey, she really did need help and because she didn't ask for it, bad things happened."

"What bad things?"

"Your mama was angry all the time. She didn't want to talk to me or to your papa. She started doing dangerous things a lot because she just didn't care about herself anymore. And she thought that the bad thing that happened was all her fault."

"Why are you tellin' me about this?"

"Because sweetie, I want to tell you what I should have told your mama back then. It's okay to be afraid. It's okay to ask for help. It doesn't mean you're a baby or you're not brave. What happened is not your fault."

"But I am a big boy. Big boys don't cry. Especially about this stuff. Because that man can't get me and it's all over now."

"So do you think that your mama wasn't being brave?"

"Well… no. But that was different."

"How?"

"Well Granna I haven't exactly figured that part out yet."

"Colton, I know you're brave. All of us know that. There's nothing wrong with admitting that you're scared and you will feel much better if you're honest about it. Just think about that for now. I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay, Granna. I think you are wrong, but I will also take it into my thoughts because that is the right thing to do when you disagree."

"That's very grown up of you. Sleep good, honey."

"Night. I love you."

"I love you too."

She slipped out of the room and he sighed, turning over to lay on his stomach. He had a strange feeling in his whole body, one that had been there for the last day. It made his eyes blink a lot and it made his breathing faster and he wondered why he felt like this. Sometimes he wanted to crawl into his daddy's lap and stay there for a long time where nothing bad could ever happen. Other times he just wanted to talk to his mama, just so he could hear her voice over and over and over again. It made him feel calm and safe.

They were right. He was very brave and he could face anything now, but maybe it was okay to still have moments of being scared. He thought about it for a while, the way that daddy got upset sometimes and how he had been very quiet lately. He thought about mama and how she had nightmares and sad days. They were grown ups and they were very brave, so maybe it really was okay. But just in case they weren't, he was going to make sure he didn't cry in front of anyone.

"Adam, are you asleep?"

He mumbled something and rolled onto his back, rubbing his eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."

"Then why did you ask if I was awake?"

She sighed and shook her head.

"Sorry. Go back to sleep."

"No, you asked for a reason. What's up?"

"Can we talk?"

"Linds, I know what you want to talk about and I just don't feel like it, okay? Go to sleep."

"Adam, don't you think-"

"I said go to sleep, Lindsay."

She closed her mouth and settled back into bed for a moment, feeling anger burning in her chest. Sure, they hadn't talked yet and that was her fault just as much as his, but she hadn't banked on him shutting her down so fast. Normally she would have just waited until he was ready, but that didn't always work so well.

"No Adam, I'm not just going to go to sleep," she said finally, sitting up and crossing her arms. "We need to talk. You know we do."

"Lindsay, we're just going to talk in circles. Let's not bother."

"Okay, you don't want to talk? Fine. You just lay there and act like nothings wrong and we're not falling apart. But I'm going to talk," she said, standing up from the bed and pacing back and forth. "You act like you're the only one that's feeling anything anymore, like you're dealing with it all by yourself. You seem to think that because of what you went through as a kid, that gives you some kind of license to hide behind this one event and never speak to me about anything of importance again. Our son needs us, Adam! He needs us to work together to help him and you're just sitting there silently watching it all happen. And now he's doing the same thing. He's just like you and he knows it and he's taking his cues from you. If you won't talk then neither will he so how is this going to get any better?"

"Lindsay, you don't understand what it was like back then and you don't get it now either. You don't know what it's like to look down at your kid and see the same horror in his eyes that you saw in the mirror every day. You have no idea how that feels and you have no right to tell me how I should be handling this."

"So you're just going to sit there and lick your wounds and let him deal with it on his own? You know what it feels like to deal with it by yourself, why would you make him do that too? He's your son, Adam, he's supposed to come first."

"Don't you dare say that I don't put him first!" he hollered, standing up from the bed. "I'm a good father, I would never neglect my son."

"I didn't say you were but you're headed down that road. I don't care what your father did to you or how much it hurts or what kind of memories you still have. You've had years to deal with that and I think you can put it away for a while and be there for your son. And if you can't do that, you're not the man I thought you were."

They stood there silently for a while, breathing heavily, the air thick and full between them. They'd fought before, bad ones even, but nothing vicious like this. She wanted to take it all back and tell him she didn't really think that, but she knew that wouldn't be a good idea. He needed to realize what he was doing and how it made him look.

He was still angry and he moved towards the door, hoping to at least pace downstairs and cool off. She blocked his path, her lips set in a determined line, her hands nearly shaking with adrenaline.

"You're not walking away from this Adam. You're not walking away from me. Not right now. You need to face this because you never have. You had horrible things done to you, Adam and they weren't your fault. Colton getting taken was not your fault. You can't change any of that. What you can change is now and how you're going to deal with it. I'm not the best at this either, I have no idea what to do, and I need you to help me."

"Why would you want me to help you? If I'm such a bad father-"

"No. You are not a bad father. You're not. But you can't keep doing this. You've got to help me hold things together or we're all going to fall apart. Don't let us fall apart."

She didn't realize that tears were running down her cheeks until his started to fall too.

"I love you and I know you can do this. But I can't argue with you like this again. We can't be two separate people wandering aimlessly through it. We have to be united."

He took a deep breath and turned, walking across the room and sitting down in the window seat, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands covering his face.

"I'm sorry, Lindsay. I know you're right. I just don't know where to start."

Slowly she walked across the room and knelt down in front of him, moving his hands and meeting his eyes.

"I think we have to tell him. Everything."

"No."

"Adam, he needs to know. I don't want to take that innocence away from him either, but if we don't tell him now, he's always going to think we lied to him. He's old enough to hear it."

"How do we tell him?"

"Gently. But we tell him the truth. Just the way you told me."

He nodded and she moved closer, wrapping her arms around him and holding on as tightly as she could.

"I'm sorry I said what I said, Adam. I'm sorry that I don't understand. You are the best father in the world and you're the only one that can get him through this. You're the only person I want on my team, okay?"

"I'm sorry for not being there."

"It's okay. We just can't let it get like this again. We have to talk about it."

"I will."

"You've got to keep me in check too. You may have to teach him how to talk about it, but I have to show him it's okay to be scared or angry or whatever else he's feeling. And that scares me because I'm going to have to face the fact that I feel those things too. You can't let me chicken out, and I won't let you clam up."

"Deal," he said, giving her a little grin. He knew that the things she'd said and the ferocity with which she'd said them were not borne of hatred or anger, but out of love for her family and the desperation to keep them all together and happy. He loved her more for it, for fighting that hard even when it wasn't easy.

"We need to come up with a plan," she said quietly. "And we need to get help because we can't do it all on our own."

"I know."

"I love you, Adam. I will never stop loving you, no matter what happens. Do you believe me?"

"Yes."

"I know we have more to talk about but I don't think we're going to get much accomplished tonight."

"I don't either. Let's sleep on all of it and in the morning we'll have a coffee date on the front porch and we'll figure out our plan of attack."

She nodded and they walked back over to the bed, adjusting the blankets and sliding in beneath them, moving closer to each other and finding comfortable spots in the middle of the mattress.

"We're going to be okay, Linds. I promise."

"Just keep telling me that because I'm scared to death."

"We're going to be okay."